Good Friday!

I've decided upon proactive action instead of procrastination, which I usually choose, but alas, my dreams of creating a new, and most likely boring, segment for the critically acclaimed blog I have created that barely anyone reads begins to flow from my most creative fingertips through to your brain. I cannot promise the frequency of updates for this new segment, "Good Friday," but I can promise that it is very real, in a legal and binding way. Fridays, better than good in my estimation, reign high among the other days of the week since it marks the end of the work week. However, I will not name the segment "Great Friday" because that name does not sound like the Friday that Christians have named "Good Friday," a day which has the power to make meat forbidden. What a bunch of loonies if you ask me. Go ahead, eat your meat laddies, and read Sycophantic Laughter to support a strange f**k!

Honestly I have yet to put in much thought for "Good Friday," but I do think that I will keep tabs of things that bother me, no matter how much or how little. I don't feel like bullshitting you, so let's dive right in. Most things I have found bothersome lately revolve around work. My "work," or as I like to call it, "the somewhat degrading shit that I'm asked to do," forces me to notice all the little things that bother me. Why? Simply because I'm rather certain I could perform most of my tasks even if I were brain dead. I've been attempting to get estimates for fixing some damage that has been sustained by one of our trucks, but apparently I'd have better luck talking Satan into letting me out of hell when I die. One of the collision repair people I was speaking with on the phone sounded very nice and pleasant. Now that we have been communicating via email, I must say I cannot stand the way this woman converses via electronic mail. All the emails she sends me are one to three sentences and always end with like seventeen question marks. Is that necessary??????????????? Lady, I get it, you have a question. One question mark would suffice. This did not happen in one email, but each and every one that this woman sent me. I know it's f**king stupid, but it bothers me.

With the recent sale of the company that I work with to one that is 3,000 miles away, I've also felt like my role has been reduced to that of the copy room worker in the high school. I make copies of things and then scan them. Given my extensive use of the copy/scanning machine, that thing bothers me, too. Sometimes I have to scan like 1,923,329,854,387,493 documents and of course they are not all the size of normal paper. So instead of just feeding them through the top of the machine so it can do all the work itself, I have to put each one in one at a time. Put the paper in, shut the lid, pres the scan/copy button, take the paper out, don't mix up the paper so shit gets f**ked, and then repeat another 12,439,476,809,914 times. I find myself hating staples because they make my life harder and you don't even want to know how many paper clips I've put through intense labor. And I thought Mexicans got paid shit for the work they performed. Also, remember, I'm not racist, I'm funny. But, yeah, some companies use the strangest size paper for invoices/statements that I have to keep rotating pages and practically make a puzzle to fit the damn things on the correct part of the screen. Damn, I need a new job.

I'm also deeply unsettled by the thought that every time we need something in the office people come tell me about it. I don't want to be an "office manager." I did not go to college, and graduate, so I could order shit from Office Depot. I could have done that when I was eight. F**k my asshole. And don't even get me started on the number of piles of paper I have building up everywhere in my office. Good Joe, my office, inundated with paper, makes it hard for me to find space to actually do anything. I understand why so many companies want to go paperless, I wouldn't even be surprised if the real reason had nothing to do with saving the environment by saving paper, but rather to keep from creating mile high piles of paper. Whenever I need anything I have to go looking through the various piles I have on my desk. Wrong pile, wrong pile, wrong pile, oh here it is!

At least it is Friday though! I'm done bitching about work for now. Basically I want/need a new job as soon as possible. I'm not cut out for this type of job, I need something more stimulating with room for growth and advancement. Hopefully one day. Instead I will turn my attention over to a little social experiment I inadvertently started the other day. I noticed sometime this past Tuesday that I had not sent or received a text message for a while. I looked back in my text log and my last text conversation was from Sunday night. So I decided to see how long I could go without texting anyone or getting a text from anyone. I made it all the way until Wednesday afternoon. I went from sometime Sunday night to sometime Wednesday afternoon without a single text sent or received. I am fairly certain that is my longest stretch in quite some time. I felt like I was back in the nineties or early 2000s when I had to call my friends, or just not speak to them at all. Two plus days with texting though, I don't think most people my age could do that. Go ahead, give it a shot. Speaking of texting, what's up with people not responding to texts? Notice I used one question mark there. Actually, let me clarify. I understand not getting a text back if I send out a general message or something that is not a question. However, if I text a question I expect a response, even if the response is "f**k off asshole." That's a valid response. Sometimes I text my friends a question and they don't respond. What the f**k is that? I think that's like asking someone face-to-face a question and them just blatantly ignoring them. I've never asked anyone to go on a suicide bombing mission or suck my d or anything like that. Tell me to f**k off if you don't want to talk to me, I'm down with that.

Another note on texting, for those who have iPhones at least. I've noticed that iPhones grant users to turn on this setting that allows people who have sent you texts to see that the text they have sent you has been read. I  would never turn that setting on. What if I was ignoring someone? I would read their text and I wouldn't want them to know about it. I'm waiting for that moment when I ask someone a question in a text message, see they have read it, and not get a response. I can't understand why anyone would want that function on, but there sure as hell are people who use it. I guess iMessage already tells you when a message is delivered to other iMessage users, so you can already tell when some people are ignoring you anyway. So why not go one step further and let them know that you've read it and you still don't give a shit. You know what, burning bridges actually brings up a lot things that I never would have thought of before, so maybe I should be glad that this happens. Though I do find it quite strange because there a few people I used to have very good friendships with that have become very flaky, for lack of a better term. Dodgy or no response to text messages, hanging out with a completely different crowd and simply not really being my friend anymore. What can I really expect, though. I've graduated from high school, I've graduated from college, I should expect I would meet a decent amount of fickle people in my time. How the hell did I get here from discussing texting?

In other news, I think I'm finally going to tackle it. What is it? Hardcore mode on Dead Space 2! Dead Space and Dead Space 2 are two of my favorite video games of all time and I think I want to attempt beating Dead Space 2 on Hardcore mode! What is hardcore mode? Well, hardcore mode is a difficulty setting in Dead Space 2 that grants the player 0 checkpoints and only 3 f**king saves! You die and you go back to your last save, or the beginning of the game if you haven't saved yet. How excruciatingly daunting and cruel! Can I also add that the marketing campaign for Dead Space 2 was fantastic. I loved the trailer with Smashing Pumpkins' "Bullet with Butterfly Wings!" So good! Watch it below!




Who knows if I'll ever actually complete the task, but I know that the reward for doing so, the hand cannon, is so worth it! So I'm sure as hell going to try! I don't know why I enjoy the Dead Space series so much, but I do know that I like f**ked up stuff, and if there is one thing that is certain, Dead Space is f**ked up. I like things that are f**ked up in two different senses. There's Dead Space f**ked up where mauled people for some reason amuses me, and then there's f**ked up in the sense of making fun of people to the extent where it's considered f**ked up. Those are the senses of the phrase that tend to interest me. Dismembering necromorphs and then killing them with their own body parts is just amazingly fun!

Happy Friday everyone and have a great weekend! Be champions, my friends.

The Things I Say: Video Game Edition

Recently I have not played video games much with other far less important things taking over my life, mainly work. However, I have been playing console video games since I got the original Xbox back in sixth grade and the memories of gaming have certainly stacked up since then. My fondest video game memories mostly revolve around me getting pissed and swearing and wetting myself into a fit of rage over something that has no real impact on my life or anything in reality. No matter how mad I get or how many f-bombs I drop, I still come back for more. I don't know what it is about video games, but they sure piss me off. I think video games piss me off because I play them to have fun, but I don't like losing or dying. I find it extremely difficult to find the medium between winning and losing in video games. I also think that's why I enjoy them so much. As I mentioned, I don't play video games as much as I used to and as a result I haven't gone on a hell-bent rampage over a video game in quite some time. That's probably good news for my blood pressure, but I also think it is healthy to let of some steam every once in a while.

When I did spend a decently good portion of free time playing video games, the things I remember most usually revolve around me getting pissed. I have come to notice that when I get pissed at video games I tend to use select phrases to describe how I'm feeling. What I notice is that most of the expressions/phrases I use could be stuck straight into a porno, gay or straight. I have no idea why, but I'm going to share these expressions/phrases with you and describe the situations that I use them in. I whole-heartily hope you enjoy reading about my misery, because I sure as hell know I'm going to enjoy writing it.

The list and description of these horrible things I say, but mostly yell, at video games is in no particular order. Some I use more often than others, some are really offensive, I've uttered all of them multiple times, and nobody should take them seriously at all. Actually you can if you'd like, I don't really mind. I will start with one of my, if not most controversial, than certainly high ranking on the controversy list, angry video game outbursts:

This is worse than having cancer!

I'm behind the curve and below average social status (I might dedicate a post to this at some point) so it makes sense that I did not join the ranks of next-gen gamers until I was a sophomore in college when I finally purchased and Xbox 360. I got it just in time to go back to school for second semester and it was totally worth buying. My Xbox 360 was the third in our suite and now we could play Halo 3 and include everyone we lived with! Yes, it was amazingly fun, and yes, we played way more Halo 3 than we should have, but damn it was fun! This was also my first taste of playing online multiplayer games online since I played Red Faction online back in eighth grade on a computer. We played so much Halo 3 online that of course there were many, many moments that pissed me off immensely. When things weren't going my way and I was getting my ass kicked badly, for some reason I started saying "this is worse than having cancer!" I have no idea why I started saying that, but I did. That phrase was kind of a joke in itself because obviously no video game torture is worse than cancer. Or is it? That's up to you to decide.

I would typically start uttering this simply awful phrase when other shitf**ks online would start camping near elevator exits with the sword, when I would empty an entire assault rifle clip into someone just to have them continue prancing toward me and blowing my brains out with one shot from a shotgun while I was reloading, when I continuously got run over a vehicle, or when the map Valhalla was selected in matchmaking. I still hate that map to this day despite not playing Halo 3 since who the hell knows when.

Halo 3 will always have a special place with me because of the fond memories I have playing it with a such a great group of people. Well, most of them were great #insidejoke. Who was that person we said perfectly fit the term assclown? #insidejokeagain Halo 3 is also the only game that I have ever uttered the phrase "this is worse than having cancer," and I have never stopped myself from doing so in another video game. The thought of saying that has just never crossed my mind except when playing Halo 3. That means that Halo 3 pissed me off to levels before unknown to me that I have been unable to reach since then. I don't know if I'll ever play Halo 3 again, but I sure as hell will never forget it. Damn, I hated Valhalla so much. How great was the Spartan Laser, though? Really enjoyed that gun.

One last note about Halo 3 and how it will forever live on in my memory. Just to add on to the Halo 3 legacy, this one time when we were playing a game online we saw this guy on the other team with the gamertag Benedict Arnold. By the way, one of the best things about playing games online is seeing other people's gamertags. So anyway, there's this guy on the opposing team with the gamertag Benedict Arnold and he starts killing the other players on his team. So on the kill feed at the bottom of the screen I kept seeing Benedict Arnold betrayed so-and-so, Benedict Arnold betrayed so-and-so, Benedict Arnold betrayed so-and-so, until his teammates finally kicked him from the game! I need say no more, that was a classic moment in my video game history and another instance of Halo 3 that I will not forget.

And by the way, I did get Halo 4 and it is amazing! I am really enjoying the first Halo not made by Bungie. Congratulations 343 Studios, you did a great job, at least as far as I can tell right now. I have heard that there is a remake of the map Valhalla though I have not played it yet. But I have really enjoyed the online multiplayer gameplay, the Promethean weaponry is crazy! I'm nicknaming all the Promethean weapons the "raper" since that is exactly what they do to opposing players! And yes, it is amazing!

Constant Ass-rape

If you have been reading my blog for a decent amount of time, then you probably already have heard me refer to "constant ass-rape." I mainly use this combination of words when describing how I feel playing Fifa. Now let me first say that I have not felt the constant ass-rape nearly as painstaking in Fifa 13 as I have in Fifas 10-12. In Fifa 10-12 I always felt that when I had possession the computer operated team was relentlessly on a hellbent rampage after the ball carrier and constantly raping my players to win possession back. The player or position of the player did not matter, hell, I think the computer's attackers were far superior at stealing the ball from me than my defenders were at stealing the ball from them. My defenders felt like the imperial storm troopers. They were there, but they didn't do their job very well.

When I would play Fifa 10-12 I would constantly bitch and moan about how my players were always getting raped and barely ever received a foul for putting up with any of it. While Fifa 13 has certainly made defense better and my players are not always getting molested whenever in possession, I still very, very rarely get a foul call. I think all the referees in the game are racist against me.

Mainly I use "constant ass-rape" in reference to Fifa, but sometimes it's a good way to describe Call of Duty. I've been in some absolute f**k fests in Call of Duty. The games where I keep dying multiple times in a row because there is practically unlimited enemy air support lighting up the ground beneath it with heavy duty artillery really pisses me off. These situations I also call a constant ass-rape just because I can't f**king do anything. I die, respawn, get killed by some asshole using a f**king flying killing machine that is basically the harbinger of death, respawn, get killed by the harbinger of death again, and the cycle continues until the game decides that enough time has passed and the harbinger of death has to go away. The only problem is that it comes back. I trust that you are intelligent enough to know what happens when it comes back. But if not, a constant ass-rape.

Fu**ing F*gs

I yell/say this phrase in many volumes, tones, and levels of anger. First I would like to point out my use of the word f*g. I will always pen this word f*g in this blog because I'm an asshole, but I say it not in an offense way to people who swing the other way, you know, the crooked folk. I'm not a homophobe or anything, homosexual people do not bother me. I use the word f*g to describe those I do not like for an infinite amount of reasons. For video game purposes, a f*g is anyone who kills me in an online multiplayer game. I don't care if the person is better than me, if he or she started shooting me way before I shot at them, or any reason whatsoever, if they kill me, then they are a f*g. There is no reasoning with me, you'll just have to accept it. I hate dying in video games and they made me die, the f*gs. The same goes for anyone who scores a goal on me in Fifa, they are a f*g. Of course this only pertains to the unknown people I play online, occasionally a friend might score a goal on me or kill me, but they really have to piss me off in some way to make me give them the label. Whenever someone kills me or scores on me that I do not know, which is most of the time, I always tend to think of some fat kid with an increasingly expanding gut who is guzzling soda while downing Doritos and spends about 16 hours each day gaming. Damn, f*gs.

I'm Getting My Asshole Plowed!

When I'm getting absolute peppered by enemy opposition I describe this as "getting my asshole plowed." I think I adopted this phrase for this situation because of the endless penetration from seemingly each and every angle. This could be in an online game such as Halo or Call of Duty, or in the actual campaign of a game such as Borderlands. The enemies' relentless blasting can sometimes become unbearable, but without the struggle how can there be any fun? Of course there are instances in games such as the Dead Space series where you might actually get your asshole plowed by a necromorph that sneaks up behind you and cornholes you. So if you ever find yourself in my vicinity and here me talking about getting my asshole plowed, I can assure you there is no gay sex going on, I'm just getting peppered or cornholed in a video game. By the way, the word cornhole needs to come back, it's a great word.

I'm coming for your butt hole!

Another spin of this phrase is "this guy is raking my butt hole!" I say this when there's that one f**ker who keeps killing me over, and over, and over again. This makes me so mad! I'm not quite sure why I use the word "rake," but for some reason I like that word. I also prefer the phrase "rake over the coals" as opposed to "throw under the bus." Maybe it's because more people refer to getting "thrown under the bus" by people who rat them out or something. I prefer "so-and-so raked me over the coals." I guess I just find it more original, though it means essentially the same thing. I like the imagery, too. Getting thrown over hot coals sounds like a very slow and painful means of torture while the train would probably end you almost instantly, in most cases I would think at least.

Get F**ked!

I tend to yell "get f**ked" when I get excited because I'm going on a mini rampage in an online multiplayer game or I finally killed that f**ker who has been plowing and or raking my asshole! I use the word "mini" to describe any kind of rampage I go on in an online multiplayer game because I suck and what I think is raping the other team is nothing to those people who play 16 hours each day. I would also like to point out how great the word "rape" is in video gaming. If anyone is wondering why people say they are getting raped or are raping in video games, I think it's because no one likes to get raped. No one likes to get dominated in a video game either, therefore he or she is getting raped. On the other hand, the person enjoying it is the enjoying it, thus they are the raper. They are bringing the pain. I realize this sounds horrible, but it's the best explanation I can come up with. Anyways, when I'm killing people online I like to say or shout "get f**ked!" I know that Chase can attest to this given our conversations over Xbox Live. This is one of my favorite video game sayings because it means I have gone and done good!

I had written a few other phrases down, but I'm going to end this here. I hope you have gained some insight into why I say or yell things at my television set whilst playing video games. I'm not crazy or really angry for that matter, it's a temporary feeling of rage and nothing to worry about. Sure I've made some holes in walls over the years, but that's about it. I've only hurt myself in minor ways. Finding that medium between a challenge and fun is very difficult. It's like medicine, it's not a science. Thank you, Dr. Spaceman.

I'm considering doing a series about the things that I say in given situations under certain constraints and what not. This is the first, and possibly last, installment of the series! I'm also thinking of taking up Chase's idea in starting another series entitled "Good Friday." I wrote a post back in 2011 about Good Friday, the Christian thing, when I was in the dining hall at school and some crazy girl in front of me told her friend on chicken nugget Friday that if she ate any meat she would go to hell. Chase told me it would be funny if I had tagged it "Good Friday" and it had nothing to do with the holiday, but rather it was a series of posts with that title. I like that idea, so maybe I'll do a Good Friday series where I will discuss who knows what. So many possibilities and just one piece of crap to make it all happen.

I wish all my readers the best! I don't know where I would be without all of you. Get it? Because barely anyone reads this. The explain the joke joke! It's hilarious! And as always, be champions.

2 Year Anniversary!

Holy shit! Two years ago today I created Sycophantic Laughter! When I started this blog I had no idea what I really wanted to do with it or where it would take me. I never really thought about the longevity of the blog, so now that it is two years old, and I've updated it with some regularity over the span of those two years, there is actually some information here that might be mildly entertaining. I still find entertainment in it, and that's all that really matters to me anyway, so I'm satisfied. For as long as this blog continues, I think I will use November 28th, the anniversary, as a day to blog about the year that has passed, a reflection of some sort. I'll start with some of the larger topics. A year ago at this time I was still in undergraduate college beginning to think about final exams coming up very soon as I returned to school from Thanksgiving break. Today I'm in jail attempting to avoid dropping the soap in the shower. I have just begun to serve my five year sentence at the local pound-me-in-the-ass prison. Actually, I'm working full time for lowly wages and I'm desperately searching for another job with much more room for growth and advancement that is not located in the young adult wasteland that I currently find myself in.

This also marks the first year since eighth grade that I have not been part of a school's track team. I'm planning on running at a mini meet or two, maybe all three, in December. Then I'll evaluate where I am in terms of track shape and consider joining a track club. I would really like to continue running track for a little while longer while I'm still capable. I also miss the adrenaline rush of hearing the starter call "runners to your mark!" What a rush that is, there's nothing like it. That adrenaline rush of knowing it's time to race, let's see what all this practice has been for, rivals no other feeling I have yet had in my life. Track has had an extremely large impact on my life and I hope to continue to compete in some capacity for a bit longer. I also have the insatiable desire to perform better than I have before and beat all my personal bests.

Hooray for 2 years of bitching and nonsense!

I also recall on Thanksgiving one year ago (2011 for all you dumb asses out there) my uncle asking me if I had a girlfriend, to which I replied the negative. Then he asked me if there were any potentials, to which I said yes, because there was one. Over the course of the year that one has lowered to none. Then just the other day I saw one of my friends from high school that I've only seen sparingly since he went off to college the year before I did. One of the first things he asked me was if I was seeing anyone. I'm absolutely not! In fact, I've gone blind! He told me he wasn't having any luck either, and that all girls are crazy. I think it's funny how generalizations get thrown around when speaking about girlfriend/boyfriend relationships. Girls tend to say that all guys are the same and, in my experience, boys tend to say that girls are crazy. I disagree with both statements. I look at individuals. There are some boys and girls that I like, and there are also some boys and girls that I most certainly do not like. Of course people can change how I perceive them based on their actions toward me or just in general. This doesn't happen often though, for the most part once I get a certain reading on a person, that reading does not usually change. Even people that I like piss me off immensely from time to time, but that's no reason to completely change your feelings on them.

What I'm saying is I don't consider myself a profiler, just because I think one girl is a crazy bitch does not mean that I think all of them are. Even when I've had failed relationship stuff happen. I actually still speak occasionally to a girl that I once got close to even though I haven't physically seen her in about 3 years now. The funny part about this section of my life over the past year has to do with the girl that I had in consideration for a girl friend. During my junior year of school, mainly the second semester (2011 again if you have trouble following), I spent a great deal of time thinking about how to tell this girl that I did not want to date her without hurting her feelings. All I can say is that the tables turned a bit, but as the old, wise Rafiki said, it's all in the past.

Now I'm going to perform a complete 180 and talk about something I started almost a year ago, a blog post about how life is like Mario Party. I've mentioned this piece of work in various other posts over the past year, but still have not finished it. I have actually only sat down to contribute to this piece just once. In one sitting early last December I poured some thought into this work. Whether I finish this piece or not, I'm going to continue mentioning it just so you remember and keep the hype up (but there really is about zero hype). I think I'm going to Duke Nukem Forever it, and by that I mean I'll keep talking about it for years upon years, and maybe ten years from now I'll release it when the hype is about to boil over and everyone will be severely disappointed by the piece of shit that I took so long to put out! How do you like them apples?!

One thing I'm glad that has changed in my life over the last year is that I'm out of school. You have no idea how happy I was to graduate. I couldn't wait to get the f**k out of there. I know that I would not have felt this way had I been able to live with the same group of guys I did sophomore year, but damn the end of senior year dragged on like a cancerous tumor killing me from the inside. If there is one thing that is for certain, I was not happy at all during the last stages of senior year. I'm very happy to have peace and quiet at night for sure.

I think I'll also take this time to look into the future. I hope to get the chance to make Fagula with my friends. Fagula would be a short film about gay Dracula, who would say "I vant to suck your dick." I also want to create my own series of creative stories. The main villain, while I don't know what his name or motive would be yet, would say "suck my clock" a lot.

Honestly I don't really know what else to say now. My life has changed immensely over the past year, much of if for the better, but I can only sum it all up in the vagueness that I just told you. I guess there are multiple layers and I have presented some for your entertainment, torture, or however you feel when you read my crap. I am happy to report that the week leading up to this two year anniversary was amazingly great. I spent the weekend hanging out with some friends that I don't see with much regularity anymore and I was highly amused at how surprised these people were that I came out drinking with them. I think they were all pleasantly surprised. I had a great time, too, and I'm looking forward to what the future holds...

Toninho or Mark?

Today marks the passing of another monotonous day filled with mundane tasks, some which are quite menial. Thus is my life at my temporary assignment. I get really bored at work all the time which prompts me to think some very strange thoughts and conduct some social experiments that are probably only amusing to myself. I have been at this job for about five months, but it was originally only supposed to be an assignment lasting a few weeks. The main point is that I have been there for almost half of a year now. The reason that I am bringing this up is because one of the people that works at my place of employment calls me Mark. I realize that sounds a lot like my actual first name, but there is a sign outside my office that says you have to check in with Toninho (it doesn't say Toninho, it has my real name, but it would be funny if it said Toninho) if you are a visitor or you're delivering some shit. So I'm not going to say anything. I'm going to let this continue until she either realizes that my name is not Mark or I move on to another job, whichever comes first. I'll take bets now on which will come first.

During the hours of the day when I lack much to do I get to thinking ludicrous thoughts. I've been contemplating penning a book titled There and Black Again, a title playing off good old Bilbo Baggins' There and Back Again. My tale would not concern a Hobbit, though, rather it would be about the adventures of a black man in the wonderful United States of America. This story would paint an astonishingly bright picture of a black male in our current world dealing with economics, successes, failures, triumphs and downfalls, but mostly stereotypes and racism. I'll give a brief synopsis here of this tale that I will never actually write, but I'll certainly think about it very hard. The main character would be named Lamichael, who was raised in hood with his younger sister Shaniqua by their single mother, Lafonda. After a rough childhood, Lamichael excels on the football field and manages to get a free ride to Arizona State University where he neglects attending class and leaves for the NFL after his second year (but he was still at freshman standing). He makes it in the NFL garnering a lucrative contract with the Oakland Raiders (welcome to Oakland, bitch!). However, this is when tragedy strikes, Lamichael's career is ended after four years when he tears his ACL.

Depressed about losing his athlete status and ability to support his little sister and mother, Lamichael tweets nonstop, thinking people care about what he has to say. Lamichael gets into recreational drugs and begins drinking in an effort to drown out the pain of his lost career and his sister turning into a whore. The recreational drugs and alcohol lead Lamichael into harder drugs and he's addicted. Lamichael uses all his money on drugs, alcohol, and helping Tyler Perry create more shit until one day Lamichael is back to the hood with nothing. Nothing to show for his once wonderful football career. There and black again.

In other news, I was proposed to today. I brought a Sobe beverage to work today for consumption during lunch. When I opened the plastic bottle and glanced at the cap, it read "MARRY ME?" I pondered the question for a little while before coming to the conclusion that this could never work. I respect the bottle cap's straight forward question and enthusiasm, but I think we are two incompatible pieces of this world. I declined respectfully and will remember the day for all of eternity. In the end I took my happiness into account as the largest factor in this matter, and I think I can do much better. Speaking of love (well, sort of), a few posts ago I shit on Green Day for the release of their song "Oh Love." I ripped the song and said that it sounds like modern Green Day so I wasn't really surprised. I am happy to say that most of Green Day's new music from the albums Uno! and Dos! is actually pretty good and reminiscent of what Green Day used to sound like. Hooray for Green Day for making fun, catchy music again! I like this type of Green Day much better than the Green Day that produced very political music during the 2000s. The explicit, unedited versions of both albums are the way to go, I don't like edited music, f**k that shit.

While I'm on the subject of music, how about Fifa soundtracks? I think they are fabulous and Fifa is my favorite way to discover new music. Go listen to The Naked and Famous and Youngblood Hawke now, both brought to my attention by Fifa 13, which is a great game by the way. I'm still struggling to decide if I should purchase Black Ops 2 or not, but I must say there have been some very good games coming out lately.

I am aware that Halloween has passed, but going off what I have mentioned about Halloween over the past year, I found a video that backs up my thoughts. How fitting that this video should come to me courtesy of 30 Rock, a truly spectacular show which I consider my favorite at the moment. Feel free to view the video below.

You know what's coming up that I find exciting? Sycophantic Laughter will turn two years old in less than two weeks! I can't believe that I've had this blog going for that long and managed to garner so many readers! Get it because not many people actually read any of this? Just got to keep sucking until you suckceed. Maybe one day one person will stumble on this blog and get some marginal entertainment, but probably not. Now that I think about it, this blog is basically what I've gone through in my "adult" life since I created it shortly after my 21st birthday. A birthday that we can agree marks adulthood since by this age you can drive, vote, buy cigarettes, buy porn, gamble, and drink legally. I would like to thank all my friends that are still with me at this point, they are all important to me. Recently I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to take a Dennis Eckersley approach to people that fail to add any value to my life, "f**k 'em."

One last random interjection that has nothing to do with anything else I've written of in this post. Let's talk about Twitter. Twitter is a social media site that doesn't really bother me because the whole thing is basically bullshit. By that I mean that it's just a status update machine, because we really needed one of those. I like Twitter though because it limits the amount of pointless stupid status updates on Facebook, something that seriously needed combating. Also, most of the accounts I follow are run by people I don't know, so I don't see as much useless shit that I don't understand or care about. What I do notice about Twitter, in regards to people that I follow that I actually know, is that most of the communication on Twitter goes back and forth between people that see each other every day. Most of the people I know on Twitter tweet things that pertain almost exclusively to the people they live with at school or see all the time, and then the people that these tweets pertain to are usually the only ones who respond, favorite, or retweet the tweet. So, in my opinion, I think that's useless. Why not just talk to them or text them? Just an observation of mine. I think Twitter makes people feel like they have a voice, so hopefully that helps them sleep at night. I know it helps me sleep.

Yeah, f**k 'em

Lucky you, I'm done now. Thank you for spending, maybe even wasting, a few moments reading. Be champions.

I R Perplexed

Yesterday, just before leaving from work to enjoy the weekend, I was offered a full-time position at the business where I have been working on a temporary basis since the middle of July. When I first took this position it was strictly temporary and it was only supposed to last for 30 days I think. Now it's November and I'm still there. And now I have the option to make it a permanent thing, but the question is do I want that? I don't know right now. The position is not what I had, at any point, envisioned myself doing for a career and I'm not sure I want to commit to it at this stage in my life. What I really want to do is go work in a much more booming area for people in the young adult age range like myself. I have no problem with the area I'm working in now, except that it is a wasteland for young adults. If I was in my forties looking for a nice quiet place to live/work, I would probably be all for it. But at this point in life I want to go do things and not have to drive for an hour plus to get anywhere near a good time. I also think that accepting the position full time would make continuing to run track extremely difficult given the location of indoor tracks compared to where I live now. Also, I don't want to live in my parents' house for the rest of my life and I don't think I could afford even rent with the money I would be making.

Sooo, I'm very perplexed right now. As of right now I plan on keeping the job on temporary terms. I just feel like I want something more, actually I know that I want something more. I'm happy, but I'm not satisfied with my life yet, at least to the point where I would basically decide to live for a decent part of my young adult life within the constraints of the aforementioned (I like that word if you haven't been able to tell from any of my other posts) wasteland. I still want to run/compete, I still want to meet new people that are around my age, I still want to be able to go into the city on weekends and not have to trek for over an hour to get there, and I still want to eventually get an apartment or some place to live with friends. That is a very vague description of what I would like my life to be like and I'm not sure accepting this offer will allow me to live out any of those things.

In conclusion, I'm a huge piece of shit because I'm most likely going to keep this a temporary thing. I'm sorry, but my hopes for life surpass what I believe I can accomplish at the job I currently hold. Like I said before, I'm happy, but I'm not satisfied. In fairness, though, I doubt I'll be satisfied until the day I die. I always want more or something better, sometimes I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. Oh well, I've put up with myself for twenty-two years, so I think I can stand myself for a bit longer.

One thing I'm absolutely not perplexed about is Halo 4. Holy crap do I really like this game on first impressions. I've only played online for about an hour and only completed one of the campaign missions, but so far I think it is ridiculously good! Maybe I'll do my own extremely opinionated review on it once I've played a bit more and finished the campaign. In other video game news, I have started working on a post dedicated to the things I yell or say in a very violent way at my television screen when I'm going on a hell-bent rampage over video games because they are pissing me off. Stay tuned for that! I hope you'll be able to visualize me wetting myself into a rage induced coma while reading it!

Poor people who haven't played Halo 4

Now I'm going to write about something completely different from the first two things I mentioned in this post that already didn't go together! Thus is the disjointed nature of the my "mind." I wanted to go back and touch, but not like a Sandusky touch, on something I mentioned in my most recent published post. The one called something about how roller coaster rides are cliche. In case you didn't get that title, what I was referring to is the phrase that something, usually life, is like a roller coaster because of all the ups and downs. I don't believe in downs, though. I choose to believe that there are different levels of ups, so in that case, there is no roller coaster life because there is no roller coaster that continuously goes up, up, up, up, and up... until it dies. Now if I've confused you, just forget about what you just read because it is absolutely meaningless, much like most of the stuff I post on this blog. So back to before I was talking about roller coasters as a means of describing life, which is actually just a word like that guy in one of the Matrix explains to us using the word "love." He was totally right, "love" is just a word, just like "roller coaster" and all the other characters I've been using to create other words in an attempt to convey to anyone who cares to read what is going through my "mind," yet another word.

Now I'll go back to before I was speaking of roller coasters and before I was speaking of words to where I said I wanted to touch on a subject from my most recently published post, before this one of course, and not a Sandusky touch. I really want to stress the point that I am not using the word "touch" in the way Sandusky touched boys. I merely want to go through a small timeline of events that recently occurred in my sometimes amazing, yet sometimes simultaneously boring life.

At the end of October I had dinner one night with a lady friend that I hadn't seen since sometime in January. So it had been about nine months since the last time I had seen her. And no, she was not pregnant you sick f**ks. So we had a fine time, but I wasn't really looking for much to come out of it. But somehow it got to the point where we were planning on watching V for Vendetta, going to see another movie in the theater, and hanging out not the next weekend, but the weekend after that. I was still not thinking much of it, because of course I would never turn down friendly hangouts. Over the next week we had frequent texting communication because that's what has happened to communication. Then when it was only a few days before the weekend we were going to hang out, I texted her a question about the upcoming weekend. A few hours later she responded that she could no longer go because she was now seeing someone. That's fine with me, but we had made those plans probably three days ago.What I'm getting at is how awesomely abrupt that was. I'm actually really glad that whole series of events went down because of how amazingly abrupt our renewal of friendship started and for the most part has ceased. I think it's actually quite impressive. In the future I hope to accomplish this in an even shorter amount of time because I'm not satisfied with three days. It could certainly be quicker, but damn was that fast. Definitely was the best thing that could have happened, hopefully for both parties, but I sure as heck know I'm perfectly content with what happened there. I can feel the inner asshole coming out again. I sure do have a lot more fun writing these posts when I write like an asshole. I usually do this by making fun of fat people and their expanding waistlines, degrading people for drinking too much alcohol, thinking less of people who smoke any kind of thing that can be smoked, and writing extremely opinionated things.

Also, why doesn't Blogger recognize the words "texting" and "texted" as actual words. Stop putting that red line that indicates a misspelled word under "texting" and "texted," two words that are heavily ingrained in the English language now. I receive/send out at least 1 texts per day because I'm so popular, enough evidence that the two words should be added to Bloggers vocabulary list. And don't tell me the red lines aren't there, I know they aren't, the red lines only show up on the composition side of posts, not the finished product. So I could misspell every word in a post and it would not have any indication of my stupidity in the finished product except to people who know how to spell. I could make an incredibly racist comment here, but I will refrain and let John Terry do that instead. And speaking of John Terry, I should be commended for writing two articles in a row for Penultimate Round Pick without mentioning John Terry. That is a very hard thing for me to accomplish because Terry has left himself in a position making him an easy target for totally unimaginative jokes about affairs with other peoples' significant others and racism.

One more thing, wtf NBC. NBC was in very high regards with me since it signed a ludicrously expensive contract to show English Premier League games starting in 2013 I believe, and it is the home of my favorite show ever: 30 Rock. What disappoints me and pisses me off to some extent is how 30 Rock, in it's final season, has been moved from it's normal airing time, Thursdays at 8:00 on NBC, because of the show The Voice! WTF NBC! While I don't watch The Voice, I don't mind if they put it on television, but don't f**k with the time slot for the best show on television! For f**k sake, 30 Rock is only half an hour long, leave it alone and put The Voice on after it.

Kindly replace "The Biggest Loser" with "The Voice"

On that note I will bid you farewell for now. Remember to be champions.

"Roller Coaster Rides" Are Cliche

The past six months have been like nothing I have ever experienced before. Such a random, interesting, yet sometimes boring, ride. In the course of those six months I have graduated from college, garnered a temporary job, been told by two girls that they are seeing someone, thought I had a chance to land a sweet job, considered daily continuing my track career, and have been ignored by most of the job postings I've applied to. I can't say that I'll have many chances to have a run like that again in just six months time! Oh yeah, I also penned my favorite article to this point for PRP, go check it out here!

However, before I get into any of the aforementioned things, I have come to another realization that most likely matters only to me. For some reason there have been a plethora of assassin bugs around and in my house since I came back from school. I find assassin bugs comical because of their lethargic movement. These guys/gals/don't really know how to classify them by gender, but I guess I use the word guy as a generic term for both anyway so it doesn't really matter, take their time moving anywhere despite having wings. They could fly, but they choose to walk what seems like less than a millimeter per second to wherever it is that they are headed. Anyways, the realization that occurred to me is that assassin bugs, if insect/arachnids/critters did drugs, would definitely be the stoners of the insect/arachnid/critter world. They already tackle everyday life like they're stoned out of their little minds now.

I'll just take my time

Well that was fun, not really though. Back to what I opened with, a strange half of a year. Honestly I don't really know what to make of it. Some good things have happened, some not so good things have happened, and some things that I'm rather indifferent about have happened. The job search has been a bit tedious. I am ready to move on to a role with more responsibility, but the issue is that I am currently locked up in what I cal the Fat Bastard Dilemma. If you have not seen Austin Powers, or you have just forgotten, Fat Bastard eats because he is sad, and he is sad because he eats. In my situation I can't get a good job because I lack experience, and I can't get experience because I can't get a better job. That is the essence of the Fat Bastard Dilemma. I'm sure that most people who read this can relate to this dilemma personally. So in searching for a job, all the people hiring are looking for people who have years of experience, but I'm nor sure where I fit in since I have recently graduated and have very little experience. I can't complain too much about where I am because at least I have a job and have a steady income, for now at least. But I really am at the point where I need something with more substance and more responsibility. I'm ready to move on.

On to the other more random thing that happened earlier today. I had plans to hang with a lady friend later on this week. Not a big deal, just a friendly thing. However, today she told me she could no longer hangout because she was seeing someone. My thought/response to this is simple: ok. Simple and enough said. I see where she's coming from, but it was so random and abrupt. This is the second time something like this has happened in the past six months, but this one doesn't really bother me much. I actually feel a bit relieved, although that might sound bad, it certainly is true. The randomness of the whole situation caught me by surprise, and I really enjoy/like random! Apathy has one in this instance though, so don't expect any bitching from me! Not now at least, you can go back and read my post from the other time that happened if you want sentimental shit. I'm actually kind of excited. All this thinking about how life is going to shape up hasn't really gone anywhere yet. There's so much room for experimenting and new beginnings!

I kind of like not knowing what's going to happen next in the grand scheme of things. I could be working below my means for a really long time! Or maybe I'll finally get a job that is both challenging and joyful. Who knows! I'm even considering voting for this election. I'll probably have to flip a coin for each vote I cast though, but I'll be serving my country diligently while doing so. I don't really have anything else to say right now. So I'll keep this short, but I did want to give my faithful readers an update, so you are very welcome. Until next time... also be champions, it's been far too long since I've tried instilling that everyone's mind.

Halloween is Almost Here!

If I were running for any type of political office I would realize nothing but absolute failure. Why? Well, because my political platform would be based on eliminating jobs. My completely unrealistic means of day-to-day living doing whatever you please without the hassles and limitation of money and an economic policy would surely get shot down and get the label "rubbish" within moments of announcement. The mere fact that one of the most sought after statistics for elected officials is job creation proves what Huxley spoke of in Brave New World (a fantastically written book), people are bred to love their servitude. Also, everyone should know that Ra's al Ghul and the League of Shadows created economics to destroy cities.

As I have mentioned before, I pay very little attention for politics and I don't understand why everyone wants to create more work. Should not the goal be less work? If you're doing a math problem and you could either add 4 seventeen times or multiply 4 by seventeen, which would you choose? I surely hope you would choose the latter and multiply the two numbers, because that creates less work. And I'm sorry for calling you Shirley. Apply that principle to a larger scale operation and it makes more sense to limit the number of jobs because it will cut down on payroll costs and most likely be more efficient. Would you rather employ a bunch of people at minimum wage when a machine could do the same job? A machine that will always be on time and never ask for a raise or child support and will only include servicing from time to time. Plus who the f**k wants to work? If I had my choice, I'd rather kill kittens than work.

I was there ten thousand years ago, when man failed. Wait, that's not my line.

So clearly people would laugh at me and call me insulting names because I want to eliminate jobs. On to other matters, like Halloween! Ever closer does this magical time of the year creep. I'm going to comment more times than necessary how this is the time of year when it's okay for everyone to dress like a whore/slut/skank. I just can't get over this concept, it's just so entertaining. So in recognition of whore/slut/whorefest let's look at some more pictures!

Well, hopefully you enjoyed at least one of those pictures. Kudos for the Multi Pass in the penultimate Halloween picture! After reviewing these photos again, I think it's clear that these ladies need to show more skin. Men are generally accused of objectifying women, but don't women play a role in it themselves? Anyway, you know what's a great idea for a song? A song titled Bitches Just Wanna Have Stitches. I would put it to the tune of that song Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Imagine that song with bitches just wanna have stitches in place of girls just want to have fun. Yeah, absolutely amazing. In fact, there should be two versions, the pop version I just modeled in your head and a rap version. I know that bitches rhymes with stitches, witches, pitches, ditches, niches, and hitches, so I am qualified to write the rap version of the song. Also, there would only be one music video, the music/beat would just change depending on which version of the song the video is for. That way you have two kick-ass songs and you save money by making only one video. That's called minimizing your expenses. Can't you tell I went to a business school?

Bitches Just Wanna Have Stitches, you heard it here first. If I have enough money maybe one day I will produce a full-length song and video. But let's be honest, that's not going to happen. I might have money, but there is no chance in hell I'm making that song or video. Or is there? I've also come to the conclusion that people named Neal are strange. That's just my personal experience, but it might be true.

I have another stellar idea! You know those Build-a-Bear stores? Well, I think that brand of store should be expanded. The same company that does Build-a-Bear doesn't have to create these stores, but someone should. The expansion I'm talking about is introducing Roll-a-Joint and Mix-a-Drink. The target audience for these stores would be roughly the same as for Build-a-Bear, just a bit older, for high schoolers. So, it's actually a different target audience. However, we all know that when our little ass-clown children go off to college they're going to smoke weed and drink alcohol. In the wise words of Ali G, you shouldn't deny your children edumacation. So before your little ass-clowns go off to college make sure they know how to roll a joint and for Joe sake make sure they know how to mix a drink. These valuable life lessons will help your little ass-clowns get the full college experience from the first day their undeserving asses set foot on campus. Again, you heard it here first. I know, I'm kind of a genius. If anyone with a ton of money, like venture capitalists or something, want to help me out, I'm down. Just throw some money my way and we can start talking business.

Hey, that's my line

Well, I hope everyone enjoys their slut/skank/whorefest this year! I hope everyone gets some "candy!"

Time for Some "Candy"

Politics is one thing that I sure as hell don't pay much attention to, if any at all. Therefore anything I have to say about politics can immediately be discredited and labeled as absolute garbage, unless I happen to make a good point. I tend to agree with the people who just think that all politicians are straight up scumbags. There probably are exceptions, but for the most part I would agree that they are major scumbags. Despite my severely limited knowledge of anything political, I would have my day and possibly much more made if during a campaign speech Obama declared that he was counting on white guilt to get the edge over his opponent, Mitt Romney. Or if Mitt Romney said that if he was elected President our country would no longer be led by a negro. That's about all I have to say about politicians and politics. Pardon my ignorance as well, I just find the idea amusing.

White guilt, to me, has always been an interesting concept since I first learned of it junior year of high school in one incredible man's class. Shout out to Vocabro, too (consider this me hollaring at you, bro) #insidejoke. #PeopleDoKnowHowToUseTwitterEvenIfTheyDoNotUtilizeHashTags. I don't think white guilt exists over white people as a whole, but rather over certain white people. Those who are racists I don't believe have any white guilt and would therefore not give an advantage to anyone just because their skin color is black. I don't even know why I'm discussing this right now, so I'm going to stop instead of debating with myself. I'll let the experts debate topics like white guilt. What I want to talk about is much more fun and interesting to me: October! But before I delve into the terribly interesting month that is October, one more thing about politics. As I have already stated I hardly pay much attention to politics in general. An excruciatingly large contributor to my apathetic viewpoint on politics is the way candidates go about election runs. Practically all election runs are negative and aimed at bashing the opponent.

Negative campaign ads are sickening. Basically what they say is this: Look at all this bad shit this person has done that I have not done nor ever will. I'm so and so and I approve this message so vote for me or you'll be living in hell for the next four years. Maybe the other candidate did those things because it's fun to do bad things and they just want to do hoodrat things with their friends (their fellow party members or whoever they work with). Maybe they take the Latarian Milton path. I don't think I could ever be a politician because I don't like talking shit to people or calling them out right in front of their faces. I'd much rather just talk shit about them behind their back, it creates less problems. If I told people what I really thought of them, then I would have a lot less friends. Actually, that's not true, I would still have the same amount of friends, rather I would have less of those on the bubble acquaintance people. Those people that you have conversation with but don't really hang out with much or at all. I would have a lot less of those people on good terms with me, and maybe a few less friends on second thoughts. Politicians, at least to me, just come off as fairly large scumbags who are really just suck-ups, and whoever can suck-up to the most people will win.

Now let's talk about October! I wrote a post about one year ago, in the midst of a very strange last year of undergraduate college, about October which you can read, if you would like, by clicking here. I don't know if you can tell, but part about Halloween that I wrote in that post was completely sarcastic and joke, but take it any way you want. First, let's talk about the baseball playoffs though! They're back! While I'm not a fan of the playoff system used in American sports, I do really enjoy the baseball playoffs and most of the excitement, to me, lies within the same team as last year, the Detroit Tigers. However this time it's not Doug Fister, though I really hope he can turn it around and have a dominant post season. I'm uber-excited about Miguel Cabrera winning the Triple Crown! That might not happen again in my lifetime and it is a truly awesome achievement! I think Chase was correct when he pointed out that Miguel Cabrera is kind of like Manny, and I really like Manny (Ramirez)! I'm hoping that Cincinnati, Detroit, or Washington wins the World Series, that would be a nice change. For some reason I'm not liking the teams from the AL this year, but I don't hate the Yankees despite calling myself a Red Sox fan. That reminds me, I'm working on a post about my sports fanhood because I think I have a truly unique fanhood, one not seen very often.

Postseason baseball sure makes October a thrilling month, the only other good thing about October is Halloween. Halloween is actually a nice name for slut-fest and it's almost time for slut-fest '12! I don't know why the vast majority of girls like to dress up like sluts during Halloween, but who am I to stop them. It might only be for a couple nights during the year (only for some of them), but it's that magical weekend when they all wear clothing exposing bellies, showing lots of leg, and lots of cleavage. It's a prevert's heaven! You'll be able to find me out in the bushes somewhere on Halloween weekend killing kittens. I don't know if people get my sarcasm, but I could care less #IWillNotBeInTheBushesOnHalloweenNight.

Just because we dress this way does not mean we act that way

Halloween isn't even anything. It's not a holiday, it's just some random day that people have grown accustomed to dressing up on and has amazingly evolved into a slut/whore-fest. At least it certainly looks like one. I find that thought absolutely entertaining. It's not easy to instill the "I have to look like a sexy slut tonight" mindset in millions of girls spanning what I would imagine is the globe. It's an interesting phenomenon. I haven't dressed up for Halloween in years, but I'm not going to say that it will never happen again. The only question is what to dress up as? This year it might be time to go trick-or-treating for some "candy."

Princess lay her?

At this point you probably think I'm a disgusting pig and I will do nothing to change your mind if you think so. Rather I'll leave you with this picture commemorating the passing of yet another #Classico.

But did your team win, Ibra? No, they didn't.

Setting the Record Straight

Accidentally I have created a monstrosity that could potentially turn into a real atrocity. Allow me to set the record straight and avoid a dreadful (not really) fate. I like to have fun, especially through horrible pun, but I don't like to excessively drink, rather I prefer to incessantly think. However, what I say could get misconstrued in a confusing way. Alcohol is not so bad, though in the past it has driven me mad. I admit I was wrong, but I still wouldn't touch a bong. In fact I would rather whack my dong. A strict alcohol policy I followed left me with memories hollowed. I must say I'm beginning to come around, but you'll never find me passed out on the ground. I don't believe it's too late, I've always been on the late bloomer slate.

I can say the same for a certain book, though I don't believe it deserves the obscene amount of looks. I don't hate because I'm overly irate. I guess I'm just a little old fashioned, I'd rather get the info from the source with all the passion (or lack thereof). It's not all bad, it just feels like a terribly long lasting fad. Can't we all communicate face to face instead of in cyber space?

I'm penning this piece to set the record straight and lift the figurative massive weight. Fun is measured in many different ways, only depending on how the mind sways. No longer is alcohol something I'm against, certainly it can be a worthy expense (cost to have fun?). However, I have no intentions of getting belligerent, that would just be ignant (said like Michael Jackson in South Park). So cheers to my peers.

P.S.
I didn't intentionally make this rhyme, do you think I have that kind of time?

P.S.S.
In case you were confused by the rhyme scheme (if that's even what you would call it) in the beginning of this post, what I'm saying is that it's ok to drink some alcohol. I'm not totally against it like I was in the past. The same is true about online social networking. It's not that bad, basically it's just that the people who are annoying as f**k in real life are just as annoying online. I think that's an easy enough concept. As for the alcohol part, there's nothing wrong with having some adult beverages. What I don't understand is having so much that it negatively affects the person drinking it. That sounds terrible to me. Now that I've got all that off my chest, I'm going to go get f**ked up, so I'll catch you later!

A few hours later...

I didn't really go anywhere or drink anything. Just in case you were wondering.

This Should Not Get Posted

September is not typically the month when you think of what you're thankful for. Usually that crap happens during the holidays, like Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I can't wait that long. I get impatient sometimes. One of the things I'm most thankful for is political correctness. I'm really glad political correctness is around because I like politically incorrect things. Without political correctness, politically incorrect statements or ideas would not be funny, so I kindly thank the people who made political correctness possible. I just think it's way too much fun to see a black person in a car and say something about how he or she must have stolen it. Now I don't actually think that, at least not most of the time, but it sure is funny! I also find this joke incredibly amusing:

Q: What do you call a black transformer?
A: Optimus Crime

Political correctness just opens up a whole world of funny. Basically, I mean that anything that isn't "publicly acceptable" is hilarious. I really enjoy exploiting stereotypes for my own amusement, and sometimes for the amusement of others. I'm no racist, but seriously, this stuff is funny, and anyone who can't appreciate politically incorrect jokes should lighten up a bit and remove the stick that is embedded deep into their asshole. Just because a lot of convenient stores are run by Indians offering you a Slurpee does not mean that all Indians work at convenient stores. Nor does it mean that they all smell like curry. Well, actually, that one might be true.




Not every German is a Nazi, in fact, I don't think many people still associate with that party. But c'mon, if I hear some random people speaking in German, I'm going to say that they must be forming a Nazi plan. And then they'll tell me that they are planning a hike or something. It's all in good fun, though. If you ever find yourself in a position thinking "oh, I (he or she) can't say that," then you know what I'm talking about. And what about drivers? Who's worse, old people or Asians? The stuck up assholes devoutly against this type of comedy ironically (I think this is the correct use of the word, but feel free to badger me if I'm incorrect) allow political incorrectness to exist. If no one was so offended by it, or wanted to stop it all together, then I don't see how it would still be hilarious. Also, stereotypes exist for a reason, because they are usually true. There are exceptions, as with most rules, so stereotypes have exceptions, but on a large scale are true. Women and Asians are both not very good drivers. From personal experience I can say that any time I'm driving and I have a "holy shit, what the f**k is that guy doing" reaction, the instigator of that reaction is almost always a woman. No offense intended, but you can get mad at me if you want, I might feel bad momentarily.

I can't get enough of this one

We're all aware that not everyone who wears a turban is a terrorist, and implying so is not funny. Psych! Yes, it is funny. And so is making fun of overwhelming airport security because of the whole terrorist thing. Just check anyone with a turban, right? I really like do enjoy this politically incorrect stuff. For being incorrect, it sure seems like the right answer all the time to me. I remember back in high school when I was meeting new people some of them would ask me if I'm Puerto Rican. I got a big kick out of that. Luckily I tan instead of getting red as a lobster, so when it heats up I sometimes look, well, I guess Puerto Rican. That could also be because a large number of people at my high school were Puerto Rican. I like to think of myself as looking like a mix of Portuguese and Italian, since that is what I am, but mostly Portuguese. People are always asking me what my heritage is because of my skin complexion. I always put on applications and surveys that I'm white, but I might look a tad bit like a minority. I kind of like the confusion, and I love my complexion!

The other side of political incorrectness is just as funny. I'm talking about the people I briefly mentioned before, the ones devoutly against saying these so-called "incorrect" phrases. Do these people know what a joke is? They're probably the same people that are making it illegal to buy certain size fizzy drinks in New York. That will keep the fat away! I can't imagine seriously going to the media and talking about how so-and-so crossed the line when they said something about their suspicions that their black coworker stole their wallet. That same person probably thinks Ahkmed is a terrorist because they overheard him saying "herka durka" on the phone. However, it is entirely necessary that these people continue voicing their opinions so I can laugh at allegedly racist commercials. Of course it is entirely true that there are racist commercials, or they could be poking fun at stereotypes, which as mentioned before, exist because they are usually accurate.



Sometimes I say things that sound offensive, but I'm just kidding... usually. I even used to have a black friend... until my father sold him. If you can't detect the joking nature of that last statement, then I feel sorry for you. I in fact do have black, white, and Asian friends. I might not have a lot in two of those categories, but I do have some. You can accuse me of racism and stereotyping, but I'll say it's because I is black.

I probably shouldn't publish this post because of it's "incorrectness," but where's the fun in that? Besides, most of the people that would be offended by this can't read anyway, right? As I see it, I'm golden. Why stand on a silent platform? Fight the war, f**k the norm. Yes, those are Rage Against the Machine (RATM) lyrics. But I offer Zack de la Rocha my apologies because his people's use is very limited outside of performing yard work and other menial tasks for incredibly low wages. At least in the United States of course. See how I took what I was referencing and made it politically incorrect? If anything, at least we know the Thought Police don't exist, not yet, since I was able to write this whole post and now publish it.

Did I mention I'm thankful to live in a predominantly white neighborhood?

Sarcasm: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Job Search

Almost exactly one month ago I applied for a job that I would have really liked to have. The position was for a junior accountant (I was an accounting major if you don't know) at this sweet gym/club place in the city! The place had it all, a gym, personal trainers, exercise rooms/classes, racquetball courts, a spa, a restaurant, and a bar! And it's location was conveniently near a train stop. I managed to get a phone interview for this position which went quite well, or at least I thought it went well. At the end of the conversation I was told that on site interviews would be held the following week and they would call me regarding these interviews. So I was excited about the prospect of having a chance to get a job at a company that focuses on athletics, something I am very much into. I also thought that this would be a great step toward potentially continuing my  track career since I would have access to such an excellent facility and maybe even move to a spot closer by to where all the action is.

I was looking forward to the phone call all weekend and waited with great anticipation for my phone to ring while I was at work. Monday passed and nothing happened. Then Tuesday passed and nothing happened. Then Wednesday came and I thought that surely this has to be the day, but still nothing happened. Thursday and Friday passed without any word and I thought that maybe there had been some unforeseen business that week that caused a delay, so maybe they'll get back to me the next week. Well now it's a month later and I still have heard nothing. I probably should have made an effort to get in contact with the company myself, but for some reason that thought didn't cross my mind at the time. The phone interview had gone so well that I really thought they were going to have me come down. Maybe they were just being nice to me and actually deleted all my information right after the interview. If that's the case, then I'd rather they just tell me they're not going to interview me. Or at least tell me that if I don't hear back from them by a certain date that they aren't interested.

Other than that I haven't really found or applied to any jobs that I would really like to have. The false hope from that one particular job was shitty. Since I've graduated, I've applied to 28 jobs and I've heard back from 3, so not much has changed in that department. I get random emails and phone calls every once in a while from recruiters and companies about positions that I don't want. That's right Aflac, stop sending me emails about sales positions, I don't want to do that. I still think there's something wrong with the structure of work and getting a job out of college. So many undeserving pricks get set up with good jobs out of college that in my opinion, they don't deserve. I'm going to stop right there though instead of going on a humongous rant about how much some f**kin people really piss me off.

I've been saying it for years now, either since high school or at the very least since freshman year of college, I want to be in a position where I can make people suck my dick if I want to. I'm finally out of the academic prison that is college, where it is very possible that the curriculum is a cell block (Thanks RATM! And of course Mr. de la Rocha!), and now it's time to do it the real way. Make like Jack Donaghy and work your way to the top.

Also, I would like to point out that I was wrong back in late January/early February. In that post I mentioned that senior year was trending to be the best year of college, but it was not. Far from it, actually. Besides some people I met that I really liked, senior year blew. Before you judge me for being a negative bastard, let me explain myself. I did not enjoy my living situation, actually, that almost sums it up perfectly. I don't mind the people I lived with, but I had very, very little in common with them. So going back to my house was nothing to look forward too. As a result I spent most of the time there unhappy. I was hoping that out of all that shit I would at least get a good job, but that still hasn't happened yet.

You know what I think is an interesting concept? No one needs a college degree to do anything, you only need one because that's the way society has decided to do things. What do you think came first, the doctor or education? The accountant or education? The business man or education? Go ahead and make your own (like the butt doctor and education). Maybe one day you'll have to go to school to learn how to breathe. Outside of all the education, practice, theory, and plain bull shit, I just think there is something more important. Also, who the f**ck are these people to tell me I'm not good enough to do the job? I'm going to think of them as Karim Garcia.




Don't get me wrong, I don't think that I'm better than everyone else, I know I'm better than everyone else. There's a difference. Serious: that statement was sarcastic. Sarcastic: the readers definitely knew that. End Elcor speak here. I think I'll just take this all in stride. Time for positiveness! I'm going to wait for that phone call, it's only been a month, maybe it will come tomorrow! I have far too many gripes with just about everything, but at least they're usually dealing with the same old shit. I'm just not satisfied yet...