Halloween is Almost Here!

If I were running for any type of political office I would realize nothing but absolute failure. Why? Well, because my political platform would be based on eliminating jobs. My completely unrealistic means of day-to-day living doing whatever you please without the hassles and limitation of money and an economic policy would surely get shot down and get the label "rubbish" within moments of announcement. The mere fact that one of the most sought after statistics for elected officials is job creation proves what Huxley spoke of in Brave New World (a fantastically written book), people are bred to love their servitude. Also, everyone should know that Ra's al Ghul and the League of Shadows created economics to destroy cities.

As I have mentioned before, I pay very little attention for politics and I don't understand why everyone wants to create more work. Should not the goal be less work? If you're doing a math problem and you could either add 4 seventeen times or multiply 4 by seventeen, which would you choose? I surely hope you would choose the latter and multiply the two numbers, because that creates less work. And I'm sorry for calling you Shirley. Apply that principle to a larger scale operation and it makes more sense to limit the number of jobs because it will cut down on payroll costs and most likely be more efficient. Would you rather employ a bunch of people at minimum wage when a machine could do the same job? A machine that will always be on time and never ask for a raise or child support and will only include servicing from time to time. Plus who the f**k wants to work? If I had my choice, I'd rather kill kittens than work.

I was there ten thousand years ago, when man failed. Wait, that's not my line.

So clearly people would laugh at me and call me insulting names because I want to eliminate jobs. On to other matters, like Halloween! Ever closer does this magical time of the year creep. I'm going to comment more times than necessary how this is the time of year when it's okay for everyone to dress like a whore/slut/skank. I just can't get over this concept, it's just so entertaining. So in recognition of whore/slut/whorefest let's look at some more pictures!

Well, hopefully you enjoyed at least one of those pictures. Kudos for the Multi Pass in the penultimate Halloween picture! After reviewing these photos again, I think it's clear that these ladies need to show more skin. Men are generally accused of objectifying women, but don't women play a role in it themselves? Anyway, you know what's a great idea for a song? A song titled Bitches Just Wanna Have Stitches. I would put it to the tune of that song Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Imagine that song with bitches just wanna have stitches in place of girls just want to have fun. Yeah, absolutely amazing. In fact, there should be two versions, the pop version I just modeled in your head and a rap version. I know that bitches rhymes with stitches, witches, pitches, ditches, niches, and hitches, so I am qualified to write the rap version of the song. Also, there would only be one music video, the music/beat would just change depending on which version of the song the video is for. That way you have two kick-ass songs and you save money by making only one video. That's called minimizing your expenses. Can't you tell I went to a business school?

Bitches Just Wanna Have Stitches, you heard it here first. If I have enough money maybe one day I will produce a full-length song and video. But let's be honest, that's not going to happen. I might have money, but there is no chance in hell I'm making that song or video. Or is there? I've also come to the conclusion that people named Neal are strange. That's just my personal experience, but it might be true.

I have another stellar idea! You know those Build-a-Bear stores? Well, I think that brand of store should be expanded. The same company that does Build-a-Bear doesn't have to create these stores, but someone should. The expansion I'm talking about is introducing Roll-a-Joint and Mix-a-Drink. The target audience for these stores would be roughly the same as for Build-a-Bear, just a bit older, for high schoolers. So, it's actually a different target audience. However, we all know that when our little ass-clown children go off to college they're going to smoke weed and drink alcohol. In the wise words of Ali G, you shouldn't deny your children edumacation. So before your little ass-clowns go off to college make sure they know how to roll a joint and for Joe sake make sure they know how to mix a drink. These valuable life lessons will help your little ass-clowns get the full college experience from the first day their undeserving asses set foot on campus. Again, you heard it here first. I know, I'm kind of a genius. If anyone with a ton of money, like venture capitalists or something, want to help me out, I'm down. Just throw some money my way and we can start talking business.

Hey, that's my line

Well, I hope everyone enjoys their slut/skank/whorefest this year! I hope everyone gets some "candy!"

Time for Some "Candy"

Politics is one thing that I sure as hell don't pay much attention to, if any at all. Therefore anything I have to say about politics can immediately be discredited and labeled as absolute garbage, unless I happen to make a good point. I tend to agree with the people who just think that all politicians are straight up scumbags. There probably are exceptions, but for the most part I would agree that they are major scumbags. Despite my severely limited knowledge of anything political, I would have my day and possibly much more made if during a campaign speech Obama declared that he was counting on white guilt to get the edge over his opponent, Mitt Romney. Or if Mitt Romney said that if he was elected President our country would no longer be led by a negro. That's about all I have to say about politicians and politics. Pardon my ignorance as well, I just find the idea amusing.

White guilt, to me, has always been an interesting concept since I first learned of it junior year of high school in one incredible man's class. Shout out to Vocabro, too (consider this me hollaring at you, bro) #insidejoke. #PeopleDoKnowHowToUseTwitterEvenIfTheyDoNotUtilizeHashTags. I don't think white guilt exists over white people as a whole, but rather over certain white people. Those who are racists I don't believe have any white guilt and would therefore not give an advantage to anyone just because their skin color is black. I don't even know why I'm discussing this right now, so I'm going to stop instead of debating with myself. I'll let the experts debate topics like white guilt. What I want to talk about is much more fun and interesting to me: October! But before I delve into the terribly interesting month that is October, one more thing about politics. As I have already stated I hardly pay much attention to politics in general. An excruciatingly large contributor to my apathetic viewpoint on politics is the way candidates go about election runs. Practically all election runs are negative and aimed at bashing the opponent.

Negative campaign ads are sickening. Basically what they say is this: Look at all this bad shit this person has done that I have not done nor ever will. I'm so and so and I approve this message so vote for me or you'll be living in hell for the next four years. Maybe the other candidate did those things because it's fun to do bad things and they just want to do hoodrat things with their friends (their fellow party members or whoever they work with). Maybe they take the Latarian Milton path. I don't think I could ever be a politician because I don't like talking shit to people or calling them out right in front of their faces. I'd much rather just talk shit about them behind their back, it creates less problems. If I told people what I really thought of them, then I would have a lot less friends. Actually, that's not true, I would still have the same amount of friends, rather I would have less of those on the bubble acquaintance people. Those people that you have conversation with but don't really hang out with much or at all. I would have a lot less of those people on good terms with me, and maybe a few less friends on second thoughts. Politicians, at least to me, just come off as fairly large scumbags who are really just suck-ups, and whoever can suck-up to the most people will win.

Now let's talk about October! I wrote a post about one year ago, in the midst of a very strange last year of undergraduate college, about October which you can read, if you would like, by clicking here. I don't know if you can tell, but part about Halloween that I wrote in that post was completely sarcastic and joke, but take it any way you want. First, let's talk about the baseball playoffs though! They're back! While I'm not a fan of the playoff system used in American sports, I do really enjoy the baseball playoffs and most of the excitement, to me, lies within the same team as last year, the Detroit Tigers. However this time it's not Doug Fister, though I really hope he can turn it around and have a dominant post season. I'm uber-excited about Miguel Cabrera winning the Triple Crown! That might not happen again in my lifetime and it is a truly awesome achievement! I think Chase was correct when he pointed out that Miguel Cabrera is kind of like Manny, and I really like Manny (Ramirez)! I'm hoping that Cincinnati, Detroit, or Washington wins the World Series, that would be a nice change. For some reason I'm not liking the teams from the AL this year, but I don't hate the Yankees despite calling myself a Red Sox fan. That reminds me, I'm working on a post about my sports fanhood because I think I have a truly unique fanhood, one not seen very often.

Postseason baseball sure makes October a thrilling month, the only other good thing about October is Halloween. Halloween is actually a nice name for slut-fest and it's almost time for slut-fest '12! I don't know why the vast majority of girls like to dress up like sluts during Halloween, but who am I to stop them. It might only be for a couple nights during the year (only for some of them), but it's that magical weekend when they all wear clothing exposing bellies, showing lots of leg, and lots of cleavage. It's a prevert's heaven! You'll be able to find me out in the bushes somewhere on Halloween weekend killing kittens. I don't know if people get my sarcasm, but I could care less #IWillNotBeInTheBushesOnHalloweenNight.

Just because we dress this way does not mean we act that way

Halloween isn't even anything. It's not a holiday, it's just some random day that people have grown accustomed to dressing up on and has amazingly evolved into a slut/whore-fest. At least it certainly looks like one. I find that thought absolutely entertaining. It's not easy to instill the "I have to look like a sexy slut tonight" mindset in millions of girls spanning what I would imagine is the globe. It's an interesting phenomenon. I haven't dressed up for Halloween in years, but I'm not going to say that it will never happen again. The only question is what to dress up as? This year it might be time to go trick-or-treating for some "candy."

Princess lay her?

At this point you probably think I'm a disgusting pig and I will do nothing to change your mind if you think so. Rather I'll leave you with this picture commemorating the passing of yet another #Classico.

But did your team win, Ibra? No, they didn't.

Ups and Downs: The Month of October

Usually the only thing I look forward to in October is playoff baseball, playoff baseball, and playoff baseball. I can't be disappointed, I'm watching playoff baseball right now! I've recently come to like the current Detroit Tigers team. Verlander is an absolute beast who won 24 games this year and had a 2.40 ERA. That's just dirty and he should win the Cy Young award. Not to mention that the guy throws harder as he gets deeper into the game, hitting speeds of 100 miles per hour in the late innings. I'm also amazed at how well Miguel Cabrera can hit despite his suspect off-field antics. Cabrera hit around .560 the last ten days of the season! However, the biggest draw I see to the Tigers right now is Doug Fister.

Doug Fister started the year with the Seattle Mariners, a franchise that has seen much better days. His ERA with the Mariners was 3.33, not bad, but his record was 3-12! I don't know how he managed to not get upset at his teammates for not scoring any runs for him, but he must have been expecting a lack of run support from the Mariners less than stellar offense. Fortunately for Fister, he was traded away to the Detroit Tigers where he absolutely dominated. Fister straight up fisted (if you will) the competition with the Tigers posting an 8-1 record with a miniscule ERA of 1.79. That's Pedro Martinez in his prime shit! If you can't appreciate that turnaround, then screw you. Not only is Fister dominating with the Tigers, but I really like/enjoy his name. Names don't get much better than Doug Fister. He's mister Fister! He shows up to work and puts a shirt on that says "Fister" on the back. I'm even tempted to get a Doug Fister shirt.

In the Mariners hat, double fist!

So Doug Fister is making October great! What's not cool about October: change of season. I don't like the fall or any season where the weather becomes cold or is cold. In fact, I don't really like the change of the seasons at all. I would prefer to live somewhere the weather is always warm. I don't need to see snow and I don't need to see leaves change color and fall all over the ground. Now that I'm thinking of the seasons, I realize that all the seasons I don't like not only are cold and uncomfortable, but also create more work for everyone. In the fall the leaves fall all over the place creating a giant mess that I would rather not deal with. Right now it is that time of year that I look up at the trees and think "you assholes better stay up there," but they never do and I have to drag my ass out and comb the ground with a rake. Sounds like paradise. And if that didn't suck, then winter comes in and throws white, cold shit at us. Now I have to wear forty layers of clothes so I don't get hypothermia and shovel. Then the plows come by and create the Great Wall of China in front of the driveway. Thanks, assholes.

The amazing thing about this particular October is the release of Batman Arkham City! The game comes out in six days! I absolutely (in the words of Barry Feinstein) cannot wait for this game. Fifa 12 came out last month, great game, and now Batman Arkham City is about to come out this month. How am I going to have time to do anything? I'm going to have to do some severe time management so I can learn "strategic terms," reasonably assure that I have completed my work, and write blog entries for school credit and play sweet video games. Or I could just tell all my professors to "go pound sand." #InsideJoke

The big event that occurs in October is Halloween. I remember Halloween as a little, blissful child. Halloween was great, I got to dress up like Batman and Spiderman, but I did that on a regular basis anyways. I never got any candy with razor blades in them either, which is a plus. Overall, Halloween was generally a good night. I remember celebrating Halloween in Brazil. We lived in an apartment complex, a nice one though. It was a gated-in community. My sister and I walked up tons of stairs in buildings to get candy, what a good workout before downing a bunch of candy. The whole event really evened out. Now I'm older and Halloween has a very different feel. Halloween is no longer an innocent trick-or-treat journey. Halloween is all about getting hammered in costume, well at least for most people. Costumes are a big draw here. I think it is hilarious that some people actually get multiple costumes so they can dress up differently each night. Just take a moment to think about that, it's funny.

From my experiences of Halloween, guys try to find costumes that are comical. Guys like to have funny costumes because we tend to look at most things as a joke and want to have a good time. But in reality, no one gives a shit what the guys are wearing. Halloween, for the older crowd, is all about what the girls are wearing. This point is what brings me to my question about Halloween. Here's the thing (#InsideJoke or you know someone that I live with at school), girls get the sluttiest costumes to wear on Halloween. I don't need to explain why this is more important than what guys wear, and if you need it explained to you, I'm not telling. Girls find Halloween costumes that expose their belly, show lots of cleavage, and just show a lot of skin in general. Guys love Halloween because girls dress up like sluts, girls love Halloween because of all the attention they get.

Just because I dress this way, does NOT mean I act that way

So, guys tend to like when girls dress slutty, like they do on Halloween. This is not a reason to commend and celebrate Halloween. Halloween is one weekend every year. That's two, maybe three, and four nights at the most that you get slutty apparel. That's four out of three-hundred and sixty five days on a good year! There are 365 days in the year, and you're only dressing slutty for 1% of them!

Now a bunch of people are going to say some stupid shit like "no way man, some girls dress up like sluts all the time." Yes, some girls do, but those are the ones that have been around the block and have lots of sexually transmitted diseases. Basically, they ARE sluts. I'm talking about the "good girls," the ones who are good students/citizens/suck-ups/a long list of other things. They go out on Halloween with their bellies and tits hanging out, too, with shorts that are shorter than my pencil. Why do you choose Halloween?

While on the subject, everyone should check out Dave Chappelle's take on how women dress. I need not elaborate on the point, watch the video below. Dave Chappelle, in the words of Chase Robertson, "is better at what he does than anyone will ever be at doing what they do." I agree with this statement, but I would include Ronaldo at the top of the list, too. He played forward better than anyone has or ever will. I had to include that because of my undying respect for what Ronaldo accomplished. Anyways, listen to Chappelle.