10 Minute Post

Usually I spend hour upon hour writing a blog post, as evidenced by the large number of absolute pieces of garbage displayed on this blog. Tonight, however, I'm going to see what I can slap together in ten minutes or so. At this point you should be expecting a real piece of shit! I haven't even remotely thought about what I am going to write about either. With that said, I'll let the words flow straight from the top of my dome, but not as I rock, rock, rock the microphone.

I wouldn't have blamed you if you thought microphone was going to be the last word in this post, but I would think you a bit retarded since you can clearly see that there is more content right below that word. I don't even know if I should spend time looking for pictures, which can sometimes be time consuming, but f*ck it, of course I'm going to look for pictures. I'll also add that this will probably be longer than ten minutes, but I'm not going to change the title because I'm a stubborn f*ck sometimes. Take right now for instance. Please commend me for going two paragraphs now and still not really saying anything.

Currently I'm working on my patience. I was hoping by now someone would have stumbled upon my blog thus propelling me to stardom and a random life full of doing who knows what. I didn't seriously think any one would discover me here, but you never know what's going to happen. You know how quickly things can change. At this point it has been about seven minutes since I started the post, and I can confirm that it will most definitely be more than ten minutes, but I will also confirm again that I will not change the title. Maybe I'll make this post ridiculously long and people will look at it, not read it, and think "holy shit, this guy wrote all this garbage in ten minutes? That Toninho is a real piece of shit!" I'm going to look for a picture now, be right back.

Ten minutes have already elapsed, but I'll continue using my free time to do this. I should really make a post about all the things I could be doing instead of writing a post. Maybe that would help me have a life or something, but that's a pondering for another time. You know, I got in a solid three paragraphs in ten minutes, that's not bad. I wonder how much time I've spent blogging in comparison to the amount of time I spent writing papers for school in my whole career as a student? I plan on overtaking the student paper writing mark with continued writing for this blog. It's good to have goals, and this is one that I won't know if I achieve or not, so I'll always be working toward it. Sound like a solid plan to me.

I realized something this weekend, well, actually I have been noticing for the past few years that it is getting harder and harder to find people to do things. I almost completely fail at making plans, but that doesn't stop me from continuing to try only to get the same negative responses or no response at all. Could be in a worse place though. I remember a year ago I was not very happy at all. That was when I was unemployed and I didn't have much to do. I felt like a waste of space, but luckily things have gone in my favor over the course of the year. Now I'm a cog in the great work machine of the United States of America. Last summer was not so much fun getting rejection after rejection for jobs, but I did my time and now I have an adult job! At least I think I do.

I think I mentioned this before, but my only complaint now is that I'm getting bored. Most of my friends are busy or busy ignoring me, and life has settled into one giant routine. I'll just go fist myself for now. And would you look at the time. Seems I'm out of time thanks to the aforementioned routine. I'll still go fist myself, though.

Where Am I Now?

Well, I'd say it's about time for an update on life. In particular, my life, especially since that's the only one I really have a qualified knowledge on. I'm now 23 years old and still alive. That's about it, I'll catch up with you next time here on Sycophantic Laughter. Feel free to stop reading at this point because it's probably not going to get any more interesting for you. I've been out of college for over a year now and I've been working full time since July 17th of the year two-thousand and twelve. I still live at home and I'm below average social status. I live one day to the next and most days seem like the last. Mix that in with a little bit of nothing and you've basically found the recipe for my life.

Apparently I still look young, I was asked last Friday if I was still in high school and one of my coworkers said she had shoes older than me. My youngness is only accentuated when I shave, getting rid of that facial hair makes me look a week or two younger. I haven't committed a felony, but I have been given a twenty dollar speeding ticket. I don't do drugs and I drink more alcohol than I did in college. I eat vegetables but I'm not fond of tomatoes. Potatoes are better than sweet potatoes and I like pop music but I dislike pop culture.

I still work out, but my days as an athlete are most likely numbered. I usually don't remember dreams, but at least I'm not getting chased by giant rats anymore. I don't have a girlfriend, but that seems to be a what lots of people are interested in. My love for the game of soccer has regrown exponentially since sophomore year of college; I'm super excited to see Jose Mourinho back in Premier League next year, right where he wants to be! I really like comedy and many things in life have become one overlapping giant joke to me. I tend to belittle anything I accomplish, but it's all in good humor.

Now I'm going to take a step back and reflect more on one of the things I've said about myself. Often when I see someone I haven't seen for a long time or I'm getting acquainted to new people, such as new coworkers, I'm asked if I have a girlfriend. I don't, but I don't blame any females I've met. Trust me, I probably wouldn't want to date anyone that would want to date a guy like me. I don't know what that means, but it sounds interesting. I also stole that idea from Woody Allen who said he wouldn't want to belong to a club who had a member like him. The same coworker that told me she had shoes older than me asked if I had a girlfriend because she has some daughters she said she would introduce me to. I thought that comment was really funny. Even earlier today when one of our interns came in, she introduced me and said I was available. But if I really wanted that kind of help, I'd just tweet at Kim from the band Matt & Kim. Apparently this is the time of life when people kind of expect you to be involved in some kind of relationship. I'm below average social status, though, so I wouldn't expect anything different from myself. I've given up on a few girls that have given up on me. I'm not keeping my options open or any bullshit like that. It simply hasn't worked out yet. As I see it, I don't know what I'm missing, and they don't know what they're missing, so I'd say it's even.

Kim is a wild woman

And now for something completely different. Can I first point out that I can no longer watch any news broadcast anymore without thinking about Monty Python? The news really is a bunch of randomly put together stories of varying severity and interest that can only be transitioned from one to another with the phrase "and now for something completely different." In this case, the completely different thing is planning a trip to Brazil next summer to go see some of the World Cup! I'm looking to make it happen, so I'll wish myself good luck because no one else should give a damn!

First Post in May This Is

Somehow there has never been a post on Sycophantic Laughter in the month of May since its birth in 2011. Probably due to the nature of the month which for the past few years has consisted of finals and the end of the school year. So here's to another first, a post in May! I'll start with a thought on Monster.com, not the site in general, but in my personal position on the site. I'll focus on myself since I'm a self-centered clown. I made a profile on Monster.com in an attempt to find a job. Since I've found a job I have neglected to update my profile on Monster to reflect my employment. Rather than updating it now, I'll just sit back and blog instead. Since I neglect to change my employment status on Monster.com I continue to receive emails from people about job opportunities that I don't want because my current position is better. Not only do I fail to update my profile, I also don't respond to any of the messages I have been sent. Basically I leave all these people hanging. I could just update my Monster.com profile, but I just don't really feel like it.

Also what's up with "looking springy?" I've heard multiple people at work comment on how other people's clothing looking "springy." No one has ever said that to me, should I be offended? I take it that looking "springy" simply equates to wearing colors and shades one would associate with the spring season. If you have any suggestions on "springy," please feel free to let me know. Another thing I need clarification on is the use of Instagram on Twitter. Twitter already has a picture function, but people feel the need to tweet pictures from Instagram. The Instagram pictures take way longer to open than twitpics, so just use twitpics for Joe's sake. The only reason I can think of to use Instagram pictures in Twitter is to get more people to look at your Instagram account. It's stupid.

You know what else is bullshit? The belief that the customer is always right. I call bullshit. If the customer tells the cashier to empty out the cash register and give all the money to them, then they're a robber. I've been told that stealing isn't right. Therefore the customer is not right. What if the customer told you to piss in the aisle or kill your coworkers? I guess we'd have to do it if we lived by "the customer is always right code." What are you going to tell your boss when you gave away all your inventory for free because a customer told you to? I guess the boss would be wrong because he or she isn't a customer anyway. There's some super sound logic right there!

Have you ever noticed that there are some pants that no matter what you do, whenever you sit down they make you look like you have a raging hard on? Mostly this happens with dress pants. But seriously, what's with that? People might start getting the wrong idea about you. Of course this doesn't pertain to women, but they have their own clothing problems which I am not privy to, at least for the most part.

I'm going to wrap up this completely disjointed post with something that really bothers me: people who are intolerant of soccer. Now that I commute to work I find myself listening to some sports talk radio because I like sports. One of the guys on the afternoon show is intolerant of soccer and even said he likes Nascar better. Thankfully one of the other guys in the booth correctly told him that Nascar wasn't even a sport. I thank this man. While I don't have the time now to discuss how much the intolerance of soccer in this country bothers me, I can at least point this out. Actually, that's about all I'm going to do right now because I am going to bed soon. And by bed I mean going to watch Netflix or something. So that's what I'm going to do. But first listen to this song by Marina and the Diamonds:

And look at this picture to go with something I was talking about before.