Good Friday: Super Bowl Commentary and Other Stuff

I couldn't do it, I caved and watched the Super Bowl this past weekend. Damn it, I'm just like every other brainwashed person in this country I guess. You have to watch the Super Bowl or else you're like un-American or something. It's complete horseshit. Anyways, I did watch, and despite the scenario that I laid out in a previous post not coming true to any extent, I was surprisingly satisfied with the game... for the most part at least. I don't know why, but I just could not root for the 49ers. There's just something I really do not like about that team. Mainly Jim Harbough, the coach, and that fudge packer Kaepernick. I don't like Harbough because he's always yelling and screaming, especially when anything doesn't go his way. Some one should tell him to shut the f**k up, it's not like there's ever going to be a game where nothing goes against your team. Also, they should allow the punter on the opposing team to run up to him and give him a nice, powerful kick to the nuts every time he doesn't like a call. Or the refs should throw him out of the game as soon as he gives them shit. And Kaepernick, I hate that guy not because of who he is or what he does. I hate the guy because everyone is on his nuts. He was sucking huge assholes in the beginning of the Super Bowl, and pretty much for the entire first half, but the commentators were still going on his nuts hard. I know it's stupid to not like someone because of all the praise they get, but it's really annoying when they keep stroking his dick when he's sucking big time. Oh yeah, and there's the whole thing where I despise running quarterbacks, too. Those dickless f**otts take all the skill out of the game. I imagine this is what goes on in their heads: Well, I suck huge ball sacks and can't make a throw, so I guess I'll be a huge f*g and run until someone is going to touch me, at which point I will slide like a huge turd or run out of bounds like a huge turd.

I'm also disgusted because I can't find a picture making fun of Kaepernick. That's how much everyone is on his nuts. In lieu of that photo, because apparently it does not exist, you get the one shown above. Back to the actual Super Bowl, though. I was thoroughly enjoying the game when the Ravens were romping the 49ers. Partly because I like domination and blowouts, but also because as I said before, I just could not bring myself to root for a team that is coached by Jim Harbough because the man disgusts me. I might not have mentioned that part before, but I really couldn't root for the 49ers. That's saying a lot, too, because I am not a fan of many of the people on the Ravens, insert Ray Lewis. But I don't want to talk about that guy. So I was enjoying the game until the "blackout" occurred. Since I'm a conspiracy kind of dude, I think that this blackout was an NFL conspiracy. I think the commissioner of the league, Roger Goodell, saw that the Ravens were going to rape the 49ers too hard after the second half kickoff was returned by a black dude for a touchdown. I'm going to revisit this kickoff return a little later, too. Goodell had to find some way to disrupt the rhythm of the game, attempt to change the momentum. So let's cut the power and everyone will be too concerned with making jokes about Bane entering the stadium and such to think that it was in fact the doing of the National Football League itself. Goodell knows that the broadcast of this game was in danger of losing viewers if the margin between the two sides was too great, and it's all about ratings. So f**k it, let's change the game because we have the power to do so. And thus the blackout was born and the 49ers got back into the game. I'm really glad they lost after that bullshit.

This is not true

This is more accurate

Back to that kickoff return. The return was a very captivating and exciting play, one certainly hard to do for sure. But let's not kid ourselves, the guy traveled 108 yards (after an initial ruling of 109) in 11 and some odd seconds. That's not as fast as most people believe. 108 yards is not even 100 meters, it's 98.7552 meters. Granted he did not run straight and had to avoid people, but Usain Bolt has run 100 meters in 9.58 seconds. That's fast as shit. I've seen people in high school run sub 11 second 100 meter races. Yes, the guy who returned the kickoff for a touchdown probably could too, but I don't believe that he has Olympic speed, otherwise why the hell wouldn't he be in the Olympics? Again, I'm not saying what he did wasn't impressive, but don't get overhyped on the speed.

Now I'm going to completely switch gears. No more Super Bowl talk, it's still the winter, so the weather still sucks. One thing I've noticed quite a bit lately is people leaving their cars running while they go into the post office or something. I've been thinking about what kind of car I should just get into and drive away with. You can't take that kind of risk with a piece of shit car, so what kind of car would be worth it? I'm open to suggestions. I'm just amazed at how many people I've seen doing it. Seriously though, I know it's cold, but it's not cold enough for me to leave my car in a public lot with the keys in the ignition. Maybe I'm wrong... I wonder how many people's cars get stolen each year in this situation. That's a statistic I would enjoy seeing, even if it's probably made up.

Another thing that has recently perplexed me are these emails that Facebook sends me every once in a while. I get these emails from Facebook telling me that people have posted statuses, pictures, or some other shit. Then at the bottom it tells me stuff like that the person that posted a status commented on their status. Basically the email is attempting to tell me that I am missing all of this. If I cared I would look at these statuses and pictures on Facebook. But the truth is that I don't. I just think this whole thing is funny. Does anyone else get these emails? Or is Facebook actually monitored to the extent that it knows I don't look at it practically ever. I do look at Facebook, but not to see what other people are doing. I don't like the "I saw it on Facebook effect," and I'm not interested in seeing what most of the people I'm allegedly friends with on it are doing. For the most part the people I care about knowing what's going on in their lives I speak to or have some sort of regular communication, so I don't need to stalk them on Facebook. While I'm talking about Facebook I might as well mention that the whole experience of Facebook is getting very stale in my opinion. This has nothing to do with my past bitchings about the site. I am genuinely bored with it. Facebook, in my opinion, does not have the friendly atmosphere it used to. It doesn't strike me as the place to go to keep in touch with friends anymore. Hell, they even changed it to a "timeline." That's all it is now. I don't want Facebook to keep track of my life in a timeline. I liked it better to stay in touch with my friends, but I really think it's moving away from that.

Of course I do absolutely nothing to change this, I hardly ever use the thing anymore. I pretty much just respond to the one post or fewer that is posted on my timeline each month. That's about it. Twitter to some extent is also getting stale for me, mainly because of the people I follow that I actually know. I think most of them use it just to stroke themselves. Believe me, they are so out there. That's a joke because I see a lot of this #weouthere shit. You're out where? You put me in a quandary, social media, a quandary.

Finally, I've started Dead Space 3. I've been excited about this game since I heard it was in the making about a year ago because I really enjoyed the first two games. I've only finished the prologue and the first few chapters, but it's really different so far. It's not bad, but different. I don't really like that there are lots of automatic weapons, I think it makes the game less about dismemberment, which is what makes these games so totally awesome! There are also these new necromorphs that have pick axes and come at you flailing them. That's cool and all, especially because a lot of the game is supposed to take place on some frozen planet, but I don't understand why you fight some of these guys in the first chapter that takes place in a human city. Were people mining in the city? I haven't played enough of the game yet to have a real opinion on it. I just hope it's fun. My addiction for Fifa Ultimate team is really distracting me too.

Have to love these games

One thing that has really jumped out at me that is different in Dead Space 3 is the amount of ammo you get. You have tons more ammo than in either of the first two games. That right there shows you that this game is more action oriented than ammo conservation and strategy. I really liked strategically dismembering enemies to kill them with their own body parts, too... You can still do that, but it's much harder, at least I think so, because the enemies get on you so quick.

I have just one more incredibly random interjection before signing off on this post. When I was at work the other day I stumbled across this invoice that I have pictured below. Go ahead, take a look.

Yes, that's correct, those are brass nipples. I've heard of brass knuckles before, but never brass nipples. I can only imagine what those are used for. Brass knuckles are used to kick someones ass with your hands. Does this mean that brass nipples are to kick someones ass with your nipples? That wasn't all, though. There was also one for black nipples.

I'll leave you with that. As always, be champions.

Toninho or Mark?

Today marks the passing of another monotonous day filled with mundane tasks, some which are quite menial. Thus is my life at my temporary assignment. I get really bored at work all the time which prompts me to think some very strange thoughts and conduct some social experiments that are probably only amusing to myself. I have been at this job for about five months, but it was originally only supposed to be an assignment lasting a few weeks. The main point is that I have been there for almost half of a year now. The reason that I am bringing this up is because one of the people that works at my place of employment calls me Mark. I realize that sounds a lot like my actual first name, but there is a sign outside my office that says you have to check in with Toninho (it doesn't say Toninho, it has my real name, but it would be funny if it said Toninho) if you are a visitor or you're delivering some shit. So I'm not going to say anything. I'm going to let this continue until she either realizes that my name is not Mark or I move on to another job, whichever comes first. I'll take bets now on which will come first.

During the hours of the day when I lack much to do I get to thinking ludicrous thoughts. I've been contemplating penning a book titled There and Black Again, a title playing off good old Bilbo Baggins' There and Back Again. My tale would not concern a Hobbit, though, rather it would be about the adventures of a black man in the wonderful United States of America. This story would paint an astonishingly bright picture of a black male in our current world dealing with economics, successes, failures, triumphs and downfalls, but mostly stereotypes and racism. I'll give a brief synopsis here of this tale that I will never actually write, but I'll certainly think about it very hard. The main character would be named Lamichael, who was raised in hood with his younger sister Shaniqua by their single mother, Lafonda. After a rough childhood, Lamichael excels on the football field and manages to get a free ride to Arizona State University where he neglects attending class and leaves for the NFL after his second year (but he was still at freshman standing). He makes it in the NFL garnering a lucrative contract with the Oakland Raiders (welcome to Oakland, bitch!). However, this is when tragedy strikes, Lamichael's career is ended after four years when he tears his ACL.

Depressed about losing his athlete status and ability to support his little sister and mother, Lamichael tweets nonstop, thinking people care about what he has to say. Lamichael gets into recreational drugs and begins drinking in an effort to drown out the pain of his lost career and his sister turning into a whore. The recreational drugs and alcohol lead Lamichael into harder drugs and he's addicted. Lamichael uses all his money on drugs, alcohol, and helping Tyler Perry create more shit until one day Lamichael is back to the hood with nothing. Nothing to show for his once wonderful football career. There and black again.

In other news, I was proposed to today. I brought a Sobe beverage to work today for consumption during lunch. When I opened the plastic bottle and glanced at the cap, it read "MARRY ME?" I pondered the question for a little while before coming to the conclusion that this could never work. I respect the bottle cap's straight forward question and enthusiasm, but I think we are two incompatible pieces of this world. I declined respectfully and will remember the day for all of eternity. In the end I took my happiness into account as the largest factor in this matter, and I think I can do much better. Speaking of love (well, sort of), a few posts ago I shit on Green Day for the release of their song "Oh Love." I ripped the song and said that it sounds like modern Green Day so I wasn't really surprised. I am happy to say that most of Green Day's new music from the albums Uno! and Dos! is actually pretty good and reminiscent of what Green Day used to sound like. Hooray for Green Day for making fun, catchy music again! I like this type of Green Day much better than the Green Day that produced very political music during the 2000s. The explicit, unedited versions of both albums are the way to go, I don't like edited music, f**k that shit.

While I'm on the subject of music, how about Fifa soundtracks? I think they are fabulous and Fifa is my favorite way to discover new music. Go listen to The Naked and Famous and Youngblood Hawke now, both brought to my attention by Fifa 13, which is a great game by the way. I'm still struggling to decide if I should purchase Black Ops 2 or not, but I must say there have been some very good games coming out lately.

I am aware that Halloween has passed, but going off what I have mentioned about Halloween over the past year, I found a video that backs up my thoughts. How fitting that this video should come to me courtesy of 30 Rock, a truly spectacular show which I consider my favorite at the moment. Feel free to view the video below.

You know what's coming up that I find exciting? Sycophantic Laughter will turn two years old in less than two weeks! I can't believe that I've had this blog going for that long and managed to garner so many readers! Get it because not many people actually read any of this? Just got to keep sucking until you suckceed. Maybe one day one person will stumble on this blog and get some marginal entertainment, but probably not. Now that I think about it, this blog is basically what I've gone through in my "adult" life since I created it shortly after my 21st birthday. A birthday that we can agree marks adulthood since by this age you can drive, vote, buy cigarettes, buy porn, gamble, and drink legally. I would like to thank all my friends that are still with me at this point, they are all important to me. Recently I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to take a Dennis Eckersley approach to people that fail to add any value to my life, "f**k 'em."

One last random interjection that has nothing to do with anything else I've written of in this post. Let's talk about Twitter. Twitter is a social media site that doesn't really bother me because the whole thing is basically bullshit. By that I mean that it's just a status update machine, because we really needed one of those. I like Twitter though because it limits the amount of pointless stupid status updates on Facebook, something that seriously needed combating. Also, most of the accounts I follow are run by people I don't know, so I don't see as much useless shit that I don't understand or care about. What I do notice about Twitter, in regards to people that I follow that I actually know, is that most of the communication on Twitter goes back and forth between people that see each other every day. Most of the people I know on Twitter tweet things that pertain almost exclusively to the people they live with at school or see all the time, and then the people that these tweets pertain to are usually the only ones who respond, favorite, or retweet the tweet. So, in my opinion, I think that's useless. Why not just talk to them or text them? Just an observation of mine. I think Twitter makes people feel like they have a voice, so hopefully that helps them sleep at night. I know it helps me sleep.

Yeah, f**k 'em

Lucky you, I'm done now. Thank you for spending, maybe even wasting, a few moments reading. Be champions.

Damn, Grandma was Hot!

Online social networking currently holds my generation, and many others now, in an extremely tight brace. Most have a profile on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Google+, Tumblr, and Pinterest (whatever that is), or some combination of the aforementioned. There's even a social networking site for "professionals," LinkedIn. With all these different mediums of social networking, I sometimes wonder how people decide which on to update. Do you update your status or post a tweet? Some people solve this problem by linking their Twitter account to their Facebook, so their tweet is essentially a status update. Ever since high school I have been growing up in the online social networking world and there are some interesting aspects to the development of social networks over that time period and what the future holds for them.

The first subject I want to address is Twitter. I don't like when people say that Twitter is stupid and unnecessary ( I don't like the word necessary either, why is it so hard to type?). I would actually go as far to say that Twitter was a brilliant idea. Twitter took one of the most popular features of online social networking, Facebook's status update, and built another social networking site out of it. Twitter is basically a series of status updates, no bullshit, just updates. Twitter can also be used as a great source for information about topics of personal interest, which is mainly what I use it for.

Hi friends!

 Twitter allows users to get information quickly and read more in depth if the user desires or can be used to see what your friends are up to, that is, if you have friends. Therefore, Twitter is not a stupid or bad idea, it just has a much simpler interface with less options. Recently Facebook went through another makeover and now is a "timeline" of users' lives. I think the Facebook people did this because they recognize that if the website didn't become something that encompassed users lives as a whole then the site would eventually lose popularity and end up like MySpace, a has been in the social networking world. However, increasing the longevity of social networking sites really makes me think about the role these sites will play in the future. Right now I would find it very strange if my grandmother had a Facebook profile, but in the future, if everything goes in Facebook's favor, grandmother's will have Facebook profiles. Imagine looking at pictures of your grandmother when she was in her teens and as a college student? You might sit there and think "damn, grandma was hot!" It's f**king weird. I don't know if it's a bad thing, but it sure is weird. There's another picture of grandma taking a shot of tequila. Oh, and here's a status update about her locking her keys in her room or something, one of those things that you should keep to yourself.

Now let's change perspectives, what about your grandfather? Here's your grandfather in college, he's participating in Edward 40-hands and there's a picture of him with the girl he was banging years before he met your mother. I really wonder what role social networks will have in the future. I could be wrong, but I honestly think social networks are going to create very different upbringings for the future generations. I don't think anyone's parents tell their children as much about their youth as social networks do. I realize there are privacy settings, but I'm not sold that these measures will keep future generations from looking back on their parents' youth. As a recent graduate of college I am well aware of the pictures that people post on Facebook and the information that is disclosed in social networking sites through posts and status updates. My main question and point of interest is how will online social networks be used in the future and what impact will that have on future generations? I don't know the answer to this question, nobody does, but I am sure interested to see what happens.

I've mentioned my dislike for social networks in the past admittedly in quite harsh words. However, my main grudge with social networking is its overuse. Social networking online is actually an incredibly great idea because it allows people to stay in touch through life even if distances get greater and greater (whether physical distance or friendships going in different directions). The overuse that I'm speaking of is quite simple, it involves pointless and meaningless status updates/tweets, too many pictures, and what I would call an addiction. The status part speaks for itself, I'm sure everyone has read statuses and tweets and thought "cool story, Hansel." So, I digress. If you are taking pictures of yourself in the mirror or just holding the camera out in front of you, there is a good chance you post too many pictures. I'm not singling out girls on this one either. Guys, I don't care about your new tattoo, I don't care where it is or what it says, so I don't need to see a picture of it. I could probably go on for another hour or so about pictures, but I'm not, I think you get the point. In general, people's addiction to online social networking is the main driver for the overuse. I actually have a difficult time blaming people for this, though, because most people like to interact with friends and the internet lets you do that at not so close distances. Also, some people are very social and speak a lot anyways, so it's really just their personality coming out. 

Random interjection, I just thought of another reason why Twitter is a great invention. When situations get awkward or you're at a party and you don't know what to do, many people pretend to look at their phone like they have something to do such as answer a text. Well, Twitter makes pulling this move off so much easier and better because you can actually amuse yourself by reading tweets rather than pretend to text no one. Maybe it is just about the same thing, but at least it's another excuse to look at your phone, which brings me to anther point. Isn't it funny how much people look at their phones now? I've been in situations where the person I'm eating with or just having a conversation with spends more time looking at their phone than at me. At least in these situations you can judge how important you are. But it really is amazing how much people look at their phones now. People are looking at them walking down the street, while they're eating, while they're taking a crap, while they're driving, and the list goes on and on. I think a lot of phone looking can be attributed to social media since it can be accessed from phones now. 

One of the things I dislike most about the overuse of social media is the "I saw that on Facebook Effect," that's what I'm going to call it. The "I saw it on Facebook Effect" can be used for Twitter, too, but Facebook definitely deserves to have its name in the official label. I'm sure we've all been in the situation where someone asks you if you know about something to which you or the person you are speaking with declares that they saw it on Facebook. That is the "I saw it on Facebook Effect." I think that online social networks have created some sort of transparency on our lives. People get too much information from sites like Facebook and Twitter. When I see my friends, especially those I haven't seen for a while, I like to have things to discuss with them. But if they post everything in their life on Facebook and I've seen it, then it makes conversation boring and stale. I like gleaning information from the source, from the person who actually wants to tell me something. Personally I've gotten away from checking Facebook very often, a process that I started probably about midway through sophomore year of college, so luckily I don't have to deal with the "I saw it on Facebook Effect" very often.

Well, let's see where online social networking goes. I'll sure be watching with great interest.