The Many Names of Toninho

Reading Chase's Interactions with People post made me remember how much I didn't like him when I first met him, but not really. Having known him for the past five and a half years or so, I enjoyed reading about some of his awkward interactions, after all, awkwardness makes for some good stories. What I really found entertaining was the mention of his former place of employment, Market Basket (The MB). When I was looking for a summer job a few years ago, the MB was the place that all my friends told me to avoid at all costs. So I did and it worked out well for me because the MB is a silly place. I was in the MB with JQ and Clydesdale Johannis (another good friend of mine who is currently employed by the MB, though he was not working at this particular instance) at the beginning of the summer. We went in to purchase a gallon of water at the tantalizing low MB price of one half dollar, or fifty cents, or $0.50. Still in the aisle, JQ and Clydesdale began tossing the gallon of water back and forth. I stood and watched. Clydesdale dropped one of the return tosses and the container hit the floor and broke open, thus getting the gallon of water all over the aisle. Some random kid was walking by the aisle when it happened and assured us he would get help, but the way he said it you would think a somewhat severe emergency need taking care of.

We weren't about to wait for that random kid, so we summoned a nearby MB employee who told us he would take care of the spill. So we walked back down the aisle and picked up another gallon of water to replace the now broken and empty one. What happened next I thought, and still think, was very funny. The MB employee who told us he would take care of the incident came to the aisle with a mop and bucket. He proceeded to clean up the water spill with more water. Maybe it's just me, but isn't that exacerbating the problem? There's a water spill on the floor, so let's put more water there and increase the slipping hazard! He probably put one of those "piso mojado" signs in the aisle afterward, too, but I didn't think to check. Couldn't they have just put one of those signs there in the first place? But that's the MB, I'm glad I took the advice all those years ago.

Mention of the MB just reminded me of the wet floor debacle. Chase's post focused on the awkward interactions he has had with various people and I'm going to play off of that idea. I'm not going to take his idea and reflect on my awkward situations, rather I will discuss my ability to keep a straight face. Generally I can keep a straight face even if I'm saying something that is either completely untrue or partially untrue. If you know me too well then I probably won't be able to get away with it, but I like to have a little fun sometimes. To present my point I will take you back to the summer between freshman and sophomore year of college, one of my all time favorite summers! At this point my whole direct family, with the exception of me, were living in California. My friends knew this, but only the friends I hung out with and talked to all the time knew my living situation for the summer. One day we went down to a local field to have some sporting fun. One of my friends, I'll call him Jimbo, was there. Jimbo was a friend of mine, but I only saw/spoke with him on occasion. He asked me where I was living for the summer. I guess I was in the mood to have a little fun so I lied about it. Now here's the key, I told him something absolutely unbelievable, that I was living in a cardboard box. Now obviously that's not true. So I shook it off and told him smoothly that I was just kidding, I'm living in my car. He just looked at me, I don't remember exactly what he said, but the whole situation greatly amused me. I don't know if he really believed me, but eventually I told him that I was living at my grandma's house for the summer. I actually lived there for that summer and the majority of the next, what an experience that was. Maybe another potential blogging topic, but who knows. I should have seen how long I could keep the "I'm living in my car" joke going. I call it a joke, but I guess some people would call it a lie.

Actually, when I come to think of it, I probably pulled off an even better one senior year of high school when I told two of my friends that I was gay. I already recounted that story on our largely unsuccessful conjoined friend blog, Retentive Gibberish (I didn't think I would ever mention that again), but feel free to read the story by clicking here. The short version goes like this. Senior year of high school I had gym class with two friends, Chase was one of them, and the rest of the class was vastly Puerto Ricans. So the three of us usually had sweet conversations during class. One gym class we were talking about girlfriends, actually it was mainly the other two, I was mostly listening at the time. Then they asked me if I had ever had a girlfriend to which I replied, "Nah, I'm pretty gay." The presentation was flawless, Chase can back me up on this, too. I let it sink in for a few moments before I laughed and told them I was just kidding. I really should see what happens if I carry out something like this, see how far I can go with it. I'll have to get presented with the right opportunity, but maybe one day. Sometimes when I tell people the truth, but the answer wasn't what they expected, they aren't sure if I'm joking or not. I've had extensive experience with those types of situations.

This should have been my next play

I even got to put my straight-facing skill to use in school! Sophomore year of college my marketing group and I were making a commercial for a project we were doing on AT&T. For some reason when we wrote the script for it we decided to make it one huge sexual innuendo. I have no idea why we stuck with that idea either. I cannot recall exactly the content of the commercial, but there we had two roles, one was an AT&T person, or at least someone who was an AT&T customer who was recommending signing up with AT&T. The other was the person who had the issue, which was related to phones in some way, but we made it seem like this guy had erectile dysfunction. I was nominated to play the latter role because the group thought I could keep a straight face saying the lines. So I accepted and we made that commercial. I really wish I had a copy of it for viewing pleasure. I still remember when we showed the commercial in class, the class and the professor definitely recognized what we did there, and the professor was smirking. What a great year sophomore year was.

Going back to Retentive Gibberish to find the post I wrote about a great day in gym class back in high school made me curious. I haven't looked at Retentive Gibberish since last December when I finished the article about getting to know me, Toninho, better. That was an excellent post idea, all credit given to Chase who had the idea and penned the questions for me to answer. I went on to peruse Retentive Gibberish since it has been months and I came across Chase's article about his name. Now it's my turn, why I use the name Toninho on blogger. My name is Anthony and I've typically gone by this name throughout the course of my life. When I was a little guy growing up I still went by Anthony because of my dad. My father's name is Antonio, so he was always Tony. Two Tonys in the same house all the time could cause some confusion (Is your name not Tony? That's going to cause some confusion). But as I have gotten older I have come to know people from different activities, situations, etc. I find it interesting and amusing that you can probably accurately guess how people know me just by the name they use for me.

I almost always introduce myself as Anthony, but not everyone calls me that. The people that call me Anthony are people I know from the collegiate track team I was on, coworkers, and adults for the most part. High school was when some of my closer friends started calling me Tony, which I have no problem with. Junior year of high school, my English teacher (another of my favorite teachers of all time), gave me the nickname A-Train. He came up with the name because he didn't like the nickname of T-Bone that one of my other friends in the class gave to me. Only an exclusive group of people refer to me as the A-Train, including the man who came up with it and a very small group of other people. Or you could be like Chase and call me the Gay-Train. I liked making the horrible joke that the nickname A-Train made sense because I was on track (get it, on the track team!).




Through the high school track team, our upper class teammates began calling me by my last name. This stuck and to this day people who I ran track with in high school, or that I met through people I knew on the track team, call me by my last name. I distinctly remember one day at work a few years ago when one of my former teammates came in and called me by my last name. After they continued on with their business my coworker looked at me and said "what did they just call you?" So if someone calls me by my last name, you would probably be right if you guessed that I ran track with them in high school. Most of my friends from college, except for my track team friends, call me Tony. So depending on where I am and/or who I'm with I get called Anthony, Tony, or A-Train. I have gotten accustomed to responding to all three. I think it's kind of funny that you can usually accurately tell how I know someone just by the name they use for me.

I chose the name Toninho as an alias for this blog mainly thanks to Seanahue. When Seanahue was signing our intramural soccer team up Sophomore year of college, he entered my name on the roster as Tondinho. My favorite soccer player of all time is Ronaldo, formerly known as Ronaldinho (before the Ronaldinho that played for Barcelona in the mid 2000s), which stands for little Ronaldo because he was very young when he was coming up the ranks in soccer. I took out the "d" since there is no "d" in Tony like there is in Ronaldo, but I did like the name and it also makes sense for me. I'm technically "Little Tony" and I really like Brazilian soccer players. So intramural soccer and Seanahue deserve the credit for the name Toninho. Maybe people will start calling me that, making four different names for me. Only time will tell.

Since Retentive Gibberish has, for the most part, died (it's mostly dead, I got the diagnosis), there's one more thing I'm going to share from that blog: my two rules of success.

Two Rules of Success

1. Never tell everything you know
2. 
   

More Crap My Roommate Says

Here it is, the second installment of the things that come out of my roommates mouth! Another classic assortment of phrases. This list has been building up since the first post documenting his dialogue, about two months of material is in here. But you must remember, this is only a sample of what I have heard. I'm sure I've missed some gems, but this is still an entertaining collection. I really wish I had this idea way earlier. This could have been a great series, but I was too stupid to recognize the potential until about three months ago. Sometimes hearing this shit is funny, but sometimes it's the most annoying stuff in the world. I actually have very few conversations with two out of the three other guys I live with because I don't think anyone can have a normal conversation with the two of them. All they ever talk about is sex, drugs, and alcohol, which is technically a drug, so they really only talk about two things, two things I'm not very interested in discussing, at least with them. Their conversations lack any substance whatsoever, but it could just be that I'm strange.

When I come to think about it, there are actually a lot of days when I don't have much interaction with any of the people I live with. I'll have very brief conversations, but that's about it. I don't have the same connection with them as I do with many of my other friends. As I believe I mentioned at some point, all the people I enjoyed hanging out with at school, for the most part, graduated. But that's not the point of this post, the focus is the habits of my roommates. The roommate I'm deriving all these quotes from, code name Bozo, is the classic player. He likes to drink and have sex. I think there is more emphasis on the sex part, but drinking often goes along with that for so many different reasons. My other roommate, who I briefly referenced in the first installment, Things My Roommates Say, is kind of like his partner. He was that guy freshman year who wanted to try everything. This led him down an interesting path and he is now like Bozo, but with a very different personality. Basically the two of them want to have lots of sex. On Thursdays they often go to a local bar that is filled with people who go to the same school as us. The goal: interact with drunk girls and hope to score.

My other roommate I shared a room with sophomore and junior year, but now we each have singles. Actually, all four of us have singles now that one of our roommates moved out after the fall semester. He's the only one I ever have interesting conversations with. However, I don't really do anything with any of the people I live with. I think it sucks because I used to have fun sophomore year when I was living with people who had similar interests as me. We went to Monster Jam that year! The three of them always do thing together. Only my actual former roommate, the legend (inside joke alert), ever invites me along. Most of the time I decline because I'm not interested. They're always ordering out for food, which I sometimes take part in, but often they're picking up (if you don't know what I mean, then don't worry about it), or going out to get drunk and find girls to have sex with.

But without further rambling on about the people I live with, here are some of the things I've heard Bozo say over roughly the past two months:

Dude, I just found out I have two midterms tomorrow.

Wizzy boy, I love you so much. You're so good.

Buddy, you are getting played right now. I'm laying the pipe on your girlfriend right now.

We're thinking about hitting up Match.com to find some sluts.

I just wanna bring mad bitches back. That's my goal.

My career is gonna be f**kin' bitches. For the first couple of years. I'm gonna be the kid hittin' on all my coworkers.

Dude, I'm not gonna f**k bitches at my parents' house.

I would sleep 'til about two. Smoke some pot. Then go party. That's a stupid f**kin' question. I wouldn't work. I wouldn't do anything that constitutes a salary.

Dude, he's like f**kin' possessed. Look at him.

I wish there was a way to know if you're gonna get drug tested.

How the f**k am I supposed to trust you when you f**ked me when you had a boyfriend.

That girl who likes Anthony is sooo hot. (he will never get this)



When you see my f**kin' tan tomorrow, you are gonna be so jealous.

I've never been this addicted to being tan.

I'm gonna go another two hours tomorrow, just bronze. It's not as gay as going to a tanning booth.

She left a huge wet spot on my bed. It looked like a cum spot the size of a Frisbee.

I'm going to get a DUI. I'm gonna start a DUI fund.

I saw Alex today, walking into the gym with his f**kin' suit on. I saw his face and was just pissed off.

What he did is he's just the biggest vagina in the world. He just brings everyone down.

Take you and your mangina and get the f**k out of my townhouse.

Every girl we meet, we f**k, then we never talk to them again. We make it mad awkward. We burn bridges. We just f**k girls.

I think I'm gonna ask Heavy if he's gay. I would still chill with him if he was gay.

Do you think that was her first time getting it from the back? I don't think so.

She said she would try everything once.

Those kids are so excited to throw down.

Have you ever been in a situation where you're f**kin' a girl and you're just like, this is so gross.

I'm gonna text her "do you have any hot friends who wanna smoke?"

Would you have to go to California to bang girls like that?

Cops should treat criminals with more respect. Without them they would have no job.

Imagine if I had three grand, we could get three escorts in here.

If you get a girl with hot friends, you know, c'mon.

You shoulda had Juliet come up so we could have piped her.

She's either a lesbian or she loves black dick.

You wanna set the standard with your dick, no substitutes.

I've put my finger in a few girls' butts. It's like a Chinese finger trap. I would never think about putting my dick in there.

You got kicked out for punchin' a kid in the face? That's stupid.

It's ridiculous how many connects I have. One goes out, I have three others.

I'm thinkin' about just smokin' him in the face.

More bullshit, I should have expected that

So basically I have absolutely nothing in common with my roommates. I would not be the least bit surprised if I don't stay in touch with these guys at all once we graduate, even though I've lived with them for three of the past four years, and one of them for all four years. Hearing this stuff is funny, but only to an extent because I hear this everyday. I really think that Bozo and his protege are the people that all parents want their daughters staying away from. But I can't put all the blame on my roommates. Maybe they are the people that go out looking for drunk girls to have sex with, but the girls might be doing the same thing. So they deserve each other.

I also find Bozo's affection for the cat, Wiz, highly entertaining. I think he treats that cat with more respect than some of the girls he's been with. He just wants to get it in with them, but he tells Wiz what a good boy he is and how he loves him. He refers to the cat as his son. But when it comes to girls, other people, there's only one thing he wants. After he gets it, there's a good chance he'll never speak to them again. Certainly is an interesting life style, but I bet there are a lot of people in the world like him.

There's only a little more than a month left of school, but I'm sure that is plenty of time to compile more outrageous dialogue. You can count on me to continue listening, as if I had a choice, unless my ears begin internally bleeding from all this crap.

Things My Roommates Say

Unfortunately, February has marked a month of very little blogging. I have been busy with school work and I've recently become addicted to Fifa Ultimate Team on Fifa 12 and Borderlands. Basically I've spent free time playing video games instead of blogging. However, I did have an idea for a blog post or possibly even multiple posts that require very little work from me. I mentioned in a recent post that I have very little in common with the people I live with at school. The differences in our personalities and interests reach incredibly comical levels. I often find myself amused and or disgusted with a rather large portion of their dialogue. Usually I hear this crap while I'm doing homework at night, but practically every time one of them opens their mouth. I wish I had this idea earlier, but I am going to record the things they say here for our enjoyment.

Bozo

I was going to get up at eight today, but that didn't happen. The thing is, I'm still going to 2/3 of my classes, I just have so many of them.

This is our last chance, we're about to be professional business men. I think we should pull the job.

Dude, you can't drink everclear.

Dude, you can't bring your girl. Not if we're going to be planning this thing out.

Did you hear I got hit with reckless driving?

The Valentine worked. It kind of sucks because I have to buy her drinks now.

You're gonna have to hit him in the face, but I thought you would like that.

I'm just gonna feed the kid whiskey.

Dude, we need another goon.

That girl **** said she was fantasizing about me in class.

I piped some gross chick at the bar. Now I have to figure out how to handle it.

He's a ginger, a walking vagina.

This is gonna be so much easier since I'm making up my sources.

I still can't believe Jay was sleeping next to the dead body, holy shit.

Not much, I've been smoking and drinking a lot. Living the life.

You know what the sexiest thing is about that girl? Her voice. I just wanna fuck the shit out of her.

She wanted to f**k in the woods.

I was riding it from behind the whole night.

She has like 40 condoms. She said "you gotta help me use all these."

There were pictures of her boyfriend EVERYwhere.

For all the emotional stuff she can go to her boyfriend, for all that bullshit. She can come to me for dick.

Two of the last three girls I've fucked have boyfriends. Shows how much that means.

I'm good for dick, and dick only.

Bozo's Sidekick

I don't know, that girl never even accepted my Facebook friend request.

I think that kid's pretty cool if he's bringing up three kegs this weekend.

Do you believe in love? I don't even know what I would say to that.

I used the name "Bozo" for one of my roommates because that is his code-name among some of my friends at school, so they all know what I'm talking about. And by all, I mean that three people probably know who I'm referring to. His sidekick is another one of my roommates who tends to follow Bozo around. I gathered the dialogue above over the course of roughly two weeks. I will continue to listen for the duration of the semester and most likely will post some more of the ridiculous things I hear. Sometimes its funny, and sometimes its extremely annoying, aggravating, or makes me wish I had ear plugs.

Blogging in general has been at a standstill, at least from the perspective of readers looking for more posts. Get it, because barely anyone reads this shit! However, I have been working on some pieces, I've just been real slow putting an entire post together. My last post, which is dated the first of this month, even though I started and wrote the majority of it on the last day of January, touched on the good mood I was in. I can gladly say that I have maintained this happiness over the course of this month, but it sure has been busy. This upcoming weekend is the first one in which I will not be attending a track meet since I arrived back from winter break and my some of my former roommates are supposed to be visiting this weekend. What perfect timing! Should be a great weekend!

College Living: The Townhouse

Senior year in college has been much different simply because I no longer live in a typical dorm. I'm still on campus, but I live an area a bit removed from the rest of the school in a townhouse. I really like this style, no more meal plan, I cook for myself and I have a single. I live with four friends from school (there are five of us total in case you can't count/are confused) and it's quite hilarious given everyone's different lifestyles. Getting along with them isn't hard, but I find myself so different than them that it really is comical, especially from my perspective. One of my roommates is very messy, in the kitchen and just in general. It's annoying and funny how he just leaves his dishes and dirty utensils and cups in the sink. I will wash them or put them in the dishwasher, but only because I might need to use them. I think he's just used to not washing anything at home that he doesn't realize we, his roommates, are the ones who have to clean his shit. That's just the kitchen, though. Get a look at these pictures of the bathroom.

 Yes, all those towels are his. I think there are four in the picture, but I am rather certain that I have seen more. And yes, those are the tops of fast food cups on the counter top next to his male fitness magazines. I didn't get a picture of it, but his clothes were also scattered about the floor. I'll be able to get a good shot of that soon. The bathroom was recently cleaned by one of my other roommates, but the toilet is clogged now (again) and I'm sure that the clothing and towels will begin to build yet again. What I find amazing about this is how he can just leave his towels and clothing on the bathroom floor... for weeks. Guess he's not too worried about them getting dirty. I wonder if he uses the towels off the floor? He was also my roommate freshman year and I remember one of my towels going missing. I think I know where it ended up now, the floor. I'll have to get a picture of the sink sometime, but that won't be hard. I usually find myself fuming in the kitchen more than once each week, so I can bet on that happening again very, very soon. The more I think about it, the more I think that I'll probably be in that situation tomorrow. Regardless of when I actually post this, I will probably find myself in that situation tomorrow. In case you don't get it, the sink is full of dirty shit all the time.

I am quite happy to prepare my own meals, though. I have certainly taken a liking to cooking. My cooking expertise lacks depth right now, I only know how to prepare a few different dishes, but I think they sure are coming out well. Learning by doing and experimenting is how I've been operating. My roommate, the messy one I was talking about before, actually told me that he thinks I am by far the best cook in the townhouse. I'll take the compliment, but I'm also willing to actually prepare my meals. Often my roommates have frozen meals or meals that do not require much preparation at all. I don't think the meals I make are complicated, but they do take a little bit of time to prepare sometimes, but it is always worth it. Even when I haven't done it completely correct, the end result still tastes good so I could care less because the next time it will be even better!

Must be hard to screw this up

I'm a huge fan of stir fry, which also isn't very hard to prepare. I just like the idea of cooking a bunch of vegetable and some type of meat and dumping it on top of rice. Always tastes so good! Last year I ate stir fry practically everyday in the dining hall, but now I get to chose what kind I have and I don't need to hope that the lunch serves don't completely flood the whole thing with sauce. Sometimes they put so much sauce on the meal that it looked kind of like soup. Best of all, though, no more waiting in the tremendously long, slow line for stir fry. Along with cooking/preparing meals is getting the ingredients. I do grocery shopping now! I actually like grocery shopping because I'm in total control over what I want to buy. I have fun buying food with the knowledge that I'm going to cook it and eat it! And that it will be delicious of course. In my estimation, my cooking skills have grown significantly since I moved in to the townhouse in September. I also might have mentioned before that one of my friends from school is studying abroad this semester, but she told me that she wants me to cook her some meals when she gets back so it's a good thing I'm getting in some practice now!

While going through the random pictures I have from this year, I came across one from the first full weekend of school. That weekend there is an event that has become known as "Around the World." Basically townhouses prepare different shots and the rest of the school comes down to the townhouses to take a shot at each house. This isn't my thing at all, but it sure is hilarious to watch. What I found really funny was my townhouse's shot. My roommate, the messy one again (he's quite a character), and his friend from back home were talking up how awesome the shot they were going to have was going to be so great. They called it PMV, but I will not say what that stands for because it is somewhat vulgar. You might be able to guess yourself, so go ahead! Come the night of Around the World, all the people coming into our townhouse would take a shot of our stuff and continually say how they didn't like it. After all the hype and talk about how good the drink was, it turned out to be a huge bust. Who would have guessed?!

The picture above shows all the alcohol that my housemates gathered for the weekend. Quite a variety, but Busch light, come on, everyone knows that beer sucks.That weekend was certainly interesting. For some reason we have a bunch of sand outside the back door of our townhouse and during Around the World there was some precipitation. This led to one hell of a mess in our common area. There was mud and dirt all over the floor. I should have taken a picture of that, but we were all too concerned with getting the place cleaned first. I don't think the floor has fully recovered from that weekend yet. It's still somewhat dirty, but we barely use the common area for anything, which I find comical. We basically only go down there to use the kitchen to prepare meals. We barely ever eat down there, I eat most of my meals in my room. I attribute this to the fact that we rarely eat at the same times. I'd rather eat in my room than sit at our table in the common area and eat by my lonesome. We go down there to use the other bathroom, too, now that the upstairs toilet is clogged, again, one or two days after we just unclogged it.

One of the biggest things that has happened recently is quite random. I believe it happened two weekends ago. I remember getting up that Sunday morning, it was a normal Sunday morning, nothing unusual. I was just chilling in my room before the rest of my roommates got up (they sleep in much later than I do). Once they finally did wake up, I could hear them speaking about how they had a cat and that they were going to raise it. My messy roommate had an apartment with some friends during the summer and one of his friends living with him had a cat. Apparently the cat got pregnant and had four kittens I believe. My roommate decided to take one of the cats with him and raise it in our townhouse. The kitten is living with us now and has been name Wiz (Whiz, I don't know how to spell it). I believe he named him after the rapper, I don't know why though. I thought the name was very appropriate at first because the cat was peeing on them and their beds. He's grown up a lot since then. He knows to use the litter to do business and he's actually very people friendly.

He looks so cute, right? Well he is, but he can be a little bastard. He scratched one of my roommates on the face already, not too bad, but he still did it. His claws are just really sharp. Wiz also likes footwear and climbing things. The best part about the whole thing is what my roommate is trying to use the cat for. He constantly shows girls Wiz. He does this because he thinks it will help him get an in with them! Absolutely hysterical!

So that's what's going down in the townhouse. Well, there is some other stuff going on, but I don't want to discuss that right now (bet you can guess). That means it's random picture time!

Cheap Machete at Walmart, only $6.88!

Spectacular Parking Job!

Counterfeit Windows!

When I Grow Up I Want to be...

We have once again reached November, there's something about this time of year regarding school. For some reason, in my experiences, from the end of October until the mini break for Thanksgiving school work just ass-rapes students. Every fall semester I have projects due right before Thanksgiving and tests galore! I also don't like the fact that practically every class now is based strictly on examinations (quizzes, tests, whatever you want to call them). I also find myself increasingly not wanting to do anything relating to my major: accounting. If I knew what a terrible profession accounting was earlier there is no way in hell I would have chosen it. Actually, there's nothing wrong with the profession, it's just not for me. At least the degree isn't strictly for accounting, business for the win!

I've been very preoccupied as of late with a bunch of tests and projects. I even forgot to study for a quiz I had today because I somehow overlooked that there even was one. At least I know I got the bonus question right. When I think about it, I really should have majored in English or communications or something of that nature. I enjoy writing (hence why I continue to post blog entries that I believe only 2 people actually read) and reading certain things. I read Huxley's Brave New World this past summer and absolutely enjoyed it! The problem is I don't like being forced to read certain things or write about things that I'm not interested in. That is why I didn't pursue English as a major, plus I also don't like it when my writing style is constricted to how someone else wants. Everyone has their own style and flow, there is no right or wrong way. I'm rather certain that if I were to produce any of Shakespeare's plays for a literature or English class, that the professor would find something "wrong" with it. Given Shakespeare hadn't written it, but my point is that there is always something "wrong" with a paper. I say bullshit.

Should have gone with this method

What don't I like about accounting is mainly that I flat out suck at it and I don't enjoy it at all. The other thing that bothers me about it is that the only reason there is a "right way" to record items for accounting is because some assholes decided on the "right way." Science is hard, too, probably even harder than accounting, but at least there are scientific facts that back it up. Accounting is governed by GAAP, Generally Accepted Accounting Principles, or as I like to call it, Genuinely Arbitrary Account Preparation. I am more interested in people. I enjoy watching people and taking note on their behavior and tendencies. This is probably why I rip on Facebook so much. Again, I don't want my areas of joy to become a burden. I would much rather suffer through bullshit business/accounting classes and watch people on my own for fun! And blog of course! Maybe at some point I will reveal this blog to some of my friends in an attempt to spread it's already incredible fame.

I attribute some of my enjoyment of literature to the man himself, Dr. K (read about him in my other posts!). I will reiterate that I wish Dr. K was my grandfather or uncle, anything in relation to me. This is the third class I have had with him, and to be honest, every class is practically the same. The names of the courses he teaches do not matter, the only thing that matters is that Dr. K teaches them. A lot of people take him because they think his class is a joke and doesn't require an obscene amount of work. While it is true that you will not have to do a ton of work, I find myself intrigued by all of his theories and his views in general. I remember the second class we had this year he was going off on a rant. I don't recall what he was angry about, but he kept saying that it was bullshit! His ideas about Hamlet are thrilling and could very well be true. I choose to believe him and I now find Hamlet my favorite play by far. There's something about English professors, they are different than all other types of professors. Two of my favorite teachers/professors of all time teach English. I can't quite say what's different about them, but they are unique. In my estimation they have much deeper thinking on a much wider range of topics. Not like an accounting professor who knows the ins and outs of tax. Knowing tax is more concrete, there are certain things you should do in particular situations. Not that a tax professor can't be interesting, but in my interactions with different teachers/professors, I have tended to like the people who teach subjects such as English, sociology, psychology, or communication classes the most.

Back to the subject of majors, the common advice that is given to students attempting to choose a major is very weak. One of my favorites is the one that goes something like this: "if you choose a field that you enjoy, then you never work a day in your life." I completely agree, but what kind of job lets you play sports, play video games, and study people/blog? That's my perfect job right there. Anyone want to pay me to do those things? I argue that this is also a far better job than most out there, aside from being a professional soccer player. The job that I would love to have has the perfect balance. Playing sports/doing athletic activity gets you exercise and keeps you in shape. I don't want to sit at a desk all day and get overweight like the rest of the nation. Now there's something I can never understand. Obesity is such a large issue today, but who has looked at the nation that we have created? The lifestyle of this country promotes doing nothing at sedentary jobs. Back to my main point though, about the perfect balance. Playing video games lets you recover and take a break from physical endeavors. Video games are so enjoyable because I think they are like interactive movies. I feel like I'm in action/horror films when playing, but I get to make all the decisions! And despite many "experts" claiming that video games don't help people think, I disagree. Video games make the player think in varying ways depending on the game. Gamers solve puzzles, develop strategy, and overcome problems on the fly. As for my final piece, studying people and blogging, just so much fun. People fascinate me and I enjoy communicating my thoughts through blogging, even if no one reads my garbage. Maybe one day I'll make it to ten followers!

The only career that comes close to my perfect career is that of a professional soccer player. I think being a professional soccer player would be a dream come true, but the prospect is even enhanced because I'm American. I say this because soccer is sadly under-appreciated in the United States. Yes, I think anti-soccer people are fools. But how great would it be to be an American professional soccer player? You could make money playing the wonderful game and during the off-season you could reside in the United States and barely anyone would know you are! Make decent money and maintain anonymity.

Well, I guess I should get some sleep so I can get up in the morning and study! Remember, studying is important. You need to know everything because when you get a "real" job in the "real" world you'll be locked away in a room with absolutely no resources and need to perform your job completely from memory.

Guy's a fraud

So the end of the semester is rapidly approaching now and I cannot help but perceive my cost accounting professor as one of the biggest frauds I have encountered thus far in my life. If I was aware that "teaching" was merely sitting at the front of the classroom reading off the answer sheet that is already available to students, then I would have embarked on a journey to be a teacher, let alone a college professor. I can honestly say I have learned absolutely nothing in this class and that I would have been much better off sleeping rather than getting up for this guy's sorry, pathetic excuse for a class at 8 a.m.

Instead of teaching, this guy tells us stories which I'm not sure are even true. Any time your professor claims he used to dunk from the foul line and bench upwards of 300 pounds, you have to be wondering why he isn't a professional athlete. Oh yeah, and the Big Guy (how Mr. Cost Accounting refers to himself) also taught Dr. J everything he knows....... about cost accounting.

We recently had a test in the Big Guy's class. I'm almost certain no one did well on it considering the wonderful direction he gives us in class. However, he was disappointed that only one student in one of his classes knew how to approach a particular problem. He was so disappointed that he told them they should be "shot and hung" for not knowing how to do it. I don't know about you, but I would love being told by a complete fraud that I should be killed for not knowing how to do something he never properly taught in the first place. As a matter of fact, I am positive that he would not be able to do any of the problems he assigns us without the answer sheet. The Big Guy told us the class before the test that if we had any questions we could call him because he would have the answer sheet with him. That made me feel so much better.

The Big Guy always tells us these stories about his wife and daughter, but recently I've come to the conclusion that he doesn't really have a family and he just makes up all these stories. Why, you might ask. I believe he's making up all these stories because I see him eating in the dining hall on a consistent basis everyday. He doesn't teach any classes on Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, but he's still at the dining hall. What family man would be eating dinner at the college dining hall on days he doesn't even need to be at school is beyond me.

I feel sorry for all the accounting majors here that have to suffer through the Big Guy's class. It's a complete waste of time and I can't say that I've learned much of anything in his class. About the only thing I recall him telling us is that you should sell all your operating assets before your statements are due because it will increase your ROI (return on investment) for the statements. Then you should buy the operating assets back the day after you prepare the statements. That's definitely ethical. Good thing I only have three more weeks of the Big Guy...

Be Champions