Something Amiss

For the better part of the past twelve months I've been attempting to make sense of a world that makes no sense. I left the job I had for over two years because I was incredibly unhappy. I left the region of the country I'd spent the past 15 years of my life in because the climate is hell to me. I have a bachelors degree in business from a legitimate university. I thought I could leave a place I dislike and find a decent job, but all I've found is disappointment and failure. Not enough experience, long gap of unemployment, no advanced certification or degree, all reasons no one will hire me. After over one hundred job applications and many interviews culminating at best in an email about going in a different direction, and at worst no response whatsoever, I find myself losing interest in the search, wondering why I even bother, and not understanding.

The only conclusion I draw is quite simple: I don't fit in. And honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Beware the Resume Police

Every person and every generation has different burdens to trudge through. Now I don't claim to know what the world, or more specifically the United States, was like before my time, but I do have observations on today's USA. I'm 26 years old, I've graduated from college with a bachelor's degree, I worked for three years, and now I'm unemployed with issues finding a new job. Now, I did leave my last job intentionally because I did not like the job and I don't believe in compromising my own sanity for a job. All it takes is one bad day. I left the job at the end of May of 2015, right around ten months ago. Since then I've been looking for a position that fits me better, which I'm still on the hunt for. Just last week I had a conversation with a job recruiter about why I left my last job and what I'm looking for now. She asked me about my interest in accounts payable, which I have no interest in doing long term because honestly I feel like that kind of job is far below my intellect and I don't see any useful career path in accounts payable. Where do you go from there? In my estimation, the recruiter's tone changed when I told her that accounts payable isn't really what I want to do with my life. Her tone went from friendly to low key attacking me about how I've been out of work for almost a year and how I need to get something on my resume or else I'll never work again or something. I have a problem with this. I understand the importance of work experience, but I have a problem with my personal situation. I easily could have avoided this long gap of employment by not leaving my previous job, but staying in that position for another year doing the same exact things I had been doing for almost two years doesn't have much value to me except on a resume. Albert Einstein did say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. This quote sums up how I felt about the job I had. Should I keep going to this job every week, doing the same work that drives me crazy and keep expecting the situation to improve? I waited for two years to see if the job would change for the better and the job didn't get better and from conversations with my boss it wasn't going to get any better any time soon. When I gave notice of my departure, my boss told me he didn't blame me for leaving.

So what does this all mean? Well, I think some archaic "rules" exist in our country, for example the gap in employment on my resume. A resume shows potential employers the qualifications of potential job candidates. The resume says "hey hiring person, this is what I've done for work and this is where I went to college." Why does it matter if I haven't had a professional job for ten months? I haven't forgotten everything I've learned or done at my previous jobs. To me, the gap in employment serves only as another device companies can use to say "no, we don't want to interview you." Looking at the interaction I had with the recruiter last week, I don't believe she gives a damn about me and how hard getting a job might be for me if I've been unemployed for a full year. I think she only cares because her job would be more difficult if she was trying to "sell me" to a potential employer. I do want to work and I don't want to make it hard for someone like this recruiter to help me find a job. My issue lies in how I got here. If I thought the best job I could obtain after college was paying bills, then I probably wouldn't have gone to college. I do believe an economic issue exists for Generation Y/Millennials with the increase in college attendees and graduates.

Sure, lots of people who go to college get great jobs and set down a very good career path. However, let us not forget about the people who, despite earning college degrees, don't find a great job right out of the gate. Unless you're a genius, someone like Bill Gates who doesn't need college to find success, the United States and I believe many other countries have adopted the ideology of college, an extended learning experience intended to foster a more intelligent work force. Here's the problem, earning a bachelor's degree now does not guarantee the same advantage it did even a generation ago. An increasing number of people with bachelor's degrees means more "qualified" candidates for positions deemed only for college degree holders. The types of jobs that have been presented to me over the past few months I believe are below my intellect, meaning I'm getting undervalued, and I think many more are in similar position. How do we as a country combat that? Go to grad school! I wonder if years from now graduate school will be the norm. Four years of undergrad, then one to four years of graduate school, and then you might be able to get a job paying bills! I mean, I know about synergy and vertical integration, what else do I really need to know?

One of the jobs pitched to me by a recruiter a couple weeks ago paid $35,000 annually. That's more than $10,000 per year less than what my previous job paid. Not to mention that the cost of living where I am now is generally higher than where I was living. I'm dumbfounded that one year of college costs more than many annual salaries of entry level jobs out there. Granted I did go to a private college, but the idea remains absurd to me. The aforementioned recruiter that began low key attacking me about getting something on my resume before a full year of unemployment asked me what I wanted to do. After the conversation ended, I kept thinking about that question. What do I want to do? Well, I know I don't want to pay bills or call people about money owed for the rest of my life. The real answer is I don't know. Really all I know right now is what I don't want to do because I've been there. I quit my job because I didn't like it and I realize not everyone can understand that or afford to take that type of action. But, given my position, I can leave my job and not end up on the street, for now at least. So you damn know I took that opportunity, not risk, but opportunity. Yes, there is risk in leaving a full time job at a stable company, but I also possess the freedom to explore other opportunities that have the very real potential to be better than what I was doing. And always remember, freedom is only a possibility if you're able to say no. I have said no to potential jobs over the past year because I'm holding out for something better. I don't see any value in going from one job I don't like to another job I won't like. Then the resume police would get on my case for job hopping, another resume sin to go along with employment gaps. What a load of shit.

Well, only time will tell if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm a huge moron. I'm not ruling out the moron part yet, but I'm definitely going to try to find the right job/lifestyle for me. I will not settle for a $35k per year job just yet. Lastly, if you've never read The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller, please do, that story gets my full endorsement.

Unemployment: How I Pass Time

Two weeks ago I was sitting in a forty degree house in Massachusetts and today I find myself sitting in the warm climate of Southern California. I spent two and a half months in Southern California at the end of last summer, now I'm back and I still have no idea what I'm doing. This past weekend my Dad and I were out on leisurely drive. While waiting for a stoplight to permit us advancement down the street, I peered out the widow to the street corner where I saw some dude. In typical big city fashion this dude was standing at the street corner begging for money, rather standard. What caught my eye was the sign this guy had propped up next to him, which read "Need Money for Weed Please." I love the brutal honesty. No bullshitting, just straight up I need money so I can purchase some marijuana. I would be willing to bet that a lot of the dudes begging for money most likely use any money donated to them for drugs and/or alcohol, but this was the first time I've seen someone openly ask for weed money via a handwritten sign. I think this dude should get extra credit points for honesty.

Now when I was in California last summer, while walking down the street, some other dude was walking down the street in the opposite direction coming toward me. Clearly this man was deranged, he was talking to himself some kind of gibberish. When we got to the point where we were passing each other, he looked over to me and said "like this ugly faced mother f**ker." I don't know how many people this disturbed guy calls an ugly faced mother f**ker a day, but I'll take it as a compliment and pretend he doesn't call people that all that often. Not to mention the guy in downtown LA who told me he was known as Batman and has been roaming the streets of LA for 27 years, longer than I've been alive at this point. There are a lot of strange people in big cities.

This is my second stint in LA within the last six months. The first stint ended with little progress and not much to speak about. Just some general disappointment and anger that I believe I wrote about months ago. This stint has picked up where the last one left off, so far useless with not much indication that I'm going to make anything of it. However, I don't want to discuss any of this east coast, west coast crap right now, I think I've done plenty of that over the past year. Specifically, I want to focus on what I do to not go insane during unemployment. I mentioned in my last post that I had to leave my last job to preserve my mental sanity and happiness. I was in a bad spot mentally a year ago driven by the hate for my job and supplemented by the insanely horrible winter the northeast had in 2014/2015. Since leaving that job, going on a whole bunch of interviews, working at a temp job for a month, and still not having a full time job about ten months later, I've managed to keep myself happy by tapping into the things that things I enjoy.

Let's begin with comedy. I love comedy. Without work, I spend countless hours each day listening to stand up routines and watching comedians on YouTube. I enjoy the work of comedians such as Dave Chappelle, George Carlin, Rodney Dangerfield, Stephen Wright, Jim Breur, Dan Cummins, and Daniel Tosh. However, currently my two favorite comedians to listen to are Bill Burr and Anthony Jeselnik. I listen to these two guys almost daily right now, their stand up routines, podcasts, roasts, anything they're involved in and damn they are hilarious. If I had to pick a spokesman for men, without a doubt I would pick Bill Burr. I like Bill Burr because he speaks the truth about everyday topics with a major shade of comedy. I think Bill is quite smart, even though he often says he doesn't read or research anything, but his observations are spot on.

Anthony Jeselnik is my favorite, though. I love that he tells offensive jokes and doesn't give a damn what anyone thinks. He enjoys when people get offended by his jokes and the he's an intelligent guy. I'm a huge fan of how he ended his show, The Jeselnik Offensive, by telling viewers to go read a book. And I love how he shits on people who don't read and aren't familiar with well know literary and historical facts in his stand up routines. If you think Anthony Jeselnik is funny, then you understand my sense of humor perfectly.

Another thing I do is play video games and I finally have a reason/understanding why. I'm reading a book titled Reality is Broken, check this out if you like playing games or if you just want to read something interesting about today's culture, which explains why people enjoy playing games. My short abbreviated synopsis type thing about the first couple chapters of Reality is Broken argues that people play games because the everyday grind of life is not satisfying for people. Many people have jobs that don't have clear cut end goals or a feedback system that shows progress toward your goal. Games, whether video games, mobile games, card games, board games, etc. all have clear cut objectives, a goal to accomplish, and indications on your progress in accomplishing the objective. That's why I play video games. I enjoy both single player games and online multiplayer games because I feel like I'm working toward a defined end goal and I can actually track my progress. Games are fun and allow us to continuously accomplish objectives unlike everyday life.

Check this book out!

Mention of Reality is Broken brings me to books, the final thing getting me through this strange time in life. At the beginning of the new year I decided I want to always have something to read. Once I finish a book, I want to begin another. I don't have a specific number of books I want to read in a given year, but I want to constantly read with no gaps. Right now I'm simultaneously reading Watchmen, 1984, and Reality is Broken. I'm going to finish Watchmen very soon, I'm at the later stages of the story, then I'll bring more focus back to Reality is Broken. Reality is Broken is more of an academic book, still great though, but I need to read something with a story which Watchmen and 1984 sufficiently provide. If you haven't read either of those titles, please check them out, both equal very good so far.

Back in high school, and even college, I didn't appreciate the power of literature. Now that I'm discovering how interesting books are and how much knowledge you can gain from them, I strongly encourage everyone to go pick up a book and give reading a chance. So there you have it, my recipe for enjoying myself: comedy, games, and reading. I'd like to leave you with this:

Unemployment: What Happens Next? Who Cares?

Many months have passed since I held a full time job creating an abundance of free time. Free time dedicated to finding new work, but more importantly, free time to reflect. The past tells the story of a young man following the path created and manufactured by the generations of people before him. Go to school, go to college, earn a degree, obtain a job. Simple in design, yet complex in completion. What happens when the path ends in failure? Does blame fall on the individual or the system?

I left my last full time position because of the dreadful nature of the work. I knew every day I didn't quit meant at least two more weeks of misery. Eventually I snapped and gave notice of departure with no further plan. Call me shortsighted, stupid, whatever adjective you'd like, but I'd rather not torture myself given the choice to willingly stop the abuse. I didn't dedicate four years to college to take verbal abuse over the phone daily. Even without income for months, I'm happier now than under previous dreadful employment.

Hours spent scouring job postings and sending out resumes yielding less than desirable results leaves me wondering how did I get here? The largest issue lies in the actual work. I cannot find any work pertaining to my degree or work experience that I find marginally interesting. Apparently issue two involves my work experience. Job interviews I thought went well returned negative results with the hiring party choosing another candidate with more experience. The work experience monster and I met before..... just after graduation when my professional job experience rounded up to zero. Meeting the work experience monster again makes me feel like the past 3 years of my life spent working equals worthless.

One job interview stands out above the rest. While speaking with the CFO, which stands for certified f**king ordure in this special case, I got THE QUESTION: why did you leave your last job? I told him why. We spoke about the answer a bit, but he kept going back to that question: why did you leave your last job? This CFO, famous in my memory for at least a bit longer, asked me if looking back at that decision now, would I have made a different decision because of the job market and how long I'd been unemployed, if the decision was shortsighted. I looked him in the eye and told him I'd make the same decision again given the knowledge I have now. Needless to say, the job was offered to another candidate. Fine by me, I couldn't work for someone who presumes to know a thing about me after less than an hour of speaking with me. Maybe the person they did hire will shoot the place up one day, but who cares, they had good work experience and no long gaps of unemployment.




Unfortunately, telling the whole truth in interviews remains a non-option. Tales of unhappiness and feeling undervalued won't land a job. Before I quit, I hated myself every day I didn't quit. I hated commuting to work knowing my final destination was torture for next eight or nine hours. In the beginning I ate lunch at work, but in time I had to leave because the place made me sick. I broke two telephone receivers out of rage from the constant nagging and verbal abuse I received from customers. Also note that I have never worked in customer service or at a help desk, my function has always been in accounting, and at this particular job that meant dealing with any type of money issue a customer for the multi-million dollar company could have.

Do I need a career change? Do I need more schooling? Should I settle for a less than ideal job? Am I so damn strange that I don't fit into "system of life" instilled in our modern world? I don't know the answer to any of these questions. I don't need to know the answer to any of these questions. If I'm happy, that's all I care about. Right now, definitely not happy. Life feels constricted and contrived. Do this, then do this so you can have this and do that. The older I get the more I believe George Carlin:




I highly doubt the discovery of the meaning of life, hell, the movie Prometheus remains highly debatable, but I want to go through life laughing. I've been unemployed for several months and endured a whole bunch of rejection, I find all of it hilarious despite remaining in a constant state of predicament. Ultimately my contribution to society and the world equals meaningless. I want to spend time with friends, play games, and laugh at offensive jokes, that's my happiness equation. Friends+ games + offensive jokes = happiness. My send off message to everyone, lighten the f**k up, damn it.