Where Am I Now?

Well, I'd say it's about time for an update on life. In particular, my life, especially since that's the only one I really have a qualified knowledge on. I'm now 23 years old and still alive. That's about it, I'll catch up with you next time here on Sycophantic Laughter. Feel free to stop reading at this point because it's probably not going to get any more interesting for you. I've been out of college for over a year now and I've been working full time since July 17th of the year two-thousand and twelve. I still live at home and I'm below average social status. I live one day to the next and most days seem like the last. Mix that in with a little bit of nothing and you've basically found the recipe for my life.

Apparently I still look young, I was asked last Friday if I was still in high school and one of my coworkers said she had shoes older than me. My youngness is only accentuated when I shave, getting rid of that facial hair makes me look a week or two younger. I haven't committed a felony, but I have been given a twenty dollar speeding ticket. I don't do drugs and I drink more alcohol than I did in college. I eat vegetables but I'm not fond of tomatoes. Potatoes are better than sweet potatoes and I like pop music but I dislike pop culture.

I still work out, but my days as an athlete are most likely numbered. I usually don't remember dreams, but at least I'm not getting chased by giant rats anymore. I don't have a girlfriend, but that seems to be a what lots of people are interested in. My love for the game of soccer has regrown exponentially since sophomore year of college; I'm super excited to see Jose Mourinho back in Premier League next year, right where he wants to be! I really like comedy and many things in life have become one overlapping giant joke to me. I tend to belittle anything I accomplish, but it's all in good humor.

Now I'm going to take a step back and reflect more on one of the things I've said about myself. Often when I see someone I haven't seen for a long time or I'm getting acquainted to new people, such as new coworkers, I'm asked if I have a girlfriend. I don't, but I don't blame any females I've met. Trust me, I probably wouldn't want to date anyone that would want to date a guy like me. I don't know what that means, but it sounds interesting. I also stole that idea from Woody Allen who said he wouldn't want to belong to a club who had a member like him. The same coworker that told me she had shoes older than me asked if I had a girlfriend because she has some daughters she said she would introduce me to. I thought that comment was really funny. Even earlier today when one of our interns came in, she introduced me and said I was available. But if I really wanted that kind of help, I'd just tweet at Kim from the band Matt & Kim. Apparently this is the time of life when people kind of expect you to be involved in some kind of relationship. I'm below average social status, though, so I wouldn't expect anything different from myself. I've given up on a few girls that have given up on me. I'm not keeping my options open or any bullshit like that. It simply hasn't worked out yet. As I see it, I don't know what I'm missing, and they don't know what they're missing, so I'd say it's even.

Kim is a wild woman

And now for something completely different. Can I first point out that I can no longer watch any news broadcast anymore without thinking about Monty Python? The news really is a bunch of randomly put together stories of varying severity and interest that can only be transitioned from one to another with the phrase "and now for something completely different." In this case, the completely different thing is planning a trip to Brazil next summer to go see some of the World Cup! I'm looking to make it happen, so I'll wish myself good luck because no one else should give a damn!

Polypeptide Isn't a Toothpaste

When I first pulled up the "enter your shit blog here" screen, I had no idea how I was going to start. Then I went to Goal.com, a website I check usually on a daily basis. One of the headline articles right now is "Italian Police Raid 18 Serie A Clubs." I find this quite comical because at this point I bank on there being some type of scandal after each season in the Serie A. Normally I would bet on a match-fixing scandal, but this one is about money laundering. The article points out that 18 first division teams are being investigated. There are 20 teams in the first division. I've said enough. It's too bad, really. When I was first getting into soccer in the late 90s, the Italian Serie A was my favorite league. This was mainly because Ronaldo, R9, was playing for Inter at the time. But the league used to be very good back then. It has kind of gone to shit since then. Oh well, I won't lose any sleep over it, and I'll continue banking on a scandal each summer. I'd even bet on it if I were a betting man.

Anyways, a word which is my favorite transition since I don't usually have a coherent blog structure, I can't believe it has been over eleven months since I've been working full time now. By sometime in mid July I'll have been working for an entire year. I think I've mentioned this before, but everything seems backwards to me.When I was young and had all the time in the world to do anything I didn't have money or mode of transportation. Now that I'm older and have money I barely have any time to do anything. Of course this is probably true for most people, but it really sucks. I want to go places and enjoy different cultures. That's what I'd like to do. And I think I will, once I have some vacation time built up. That way I'll have something to look forward to!

It's going to suck! And Ibra isn't in it anymore.

You know what I've noticed? As I've gotten older, I can't really say there are any people that I hate. All the things that have happened in my life have culminated to make me a bit apathetic. I could take it or leave it in most cases. I'm still fascinated by other personalities, too. There are some people who are just straight up bitches. It's not even their fault, it's just the way they are. Their tone is bitchy, they're always complaining, and they make it sound like everything is so much of a damn inconvenience on them. This kind of personality used to bother me, but I don't really give a shit any more. I don't even give a shit when angry customers are yelling at me on the phone at work. I understand where they're coming from and most of the time I can do very little to alleviate their frustration, so f*ck it, let them yell at me. When I was younger I used to get out of control when I got angry at things, but I've calmed down considerably. Only a few of my very good, closest friends have seen me get truly angry, and at those times I used to break things, put holes in my wall, and sometimes hurt myself. I've since patched all the holes in my wall and I haven't made another one since! Mostly because I don't give a shit anymore.

I'll admit I'm beginning to get a little restless, most days tend to feel relatively the same. I think I know what Trent Reznor meant when he penned the song "Everyday is Exactly the Same," for his band, Nine Inch Nails. I know there's more out there, I just need to do my time to make it to that point. Just like I did my time at a temporary job before getting a real one. Random interjection, I found out how much money the company I work for paid the temporary agency I used to work for to obtain my services. However, I will not disclose the amount here, but I know!

Well, it's about that time again. Time for me to cease this limited nonsense. Maybe I'll spark the motivation to write a longer post sometime, but that time is not now.

First Post in May This Is

Somehow there has never been a post on Sycophantic Laughter in the month of May since its birth in 2011. Probably due to the nature of the month which for the past few years has consisted of finals and the end of the school year. So here's to another first, a post in May! I'll start with a thought on Monster.com, not the site in general, but in my personal position on the site. I'll focus on myself since I'm a self-centered clown. I made a profile on Monster.com in an attempt to find a job. Since I've found a job I have neglected to update my profile on Monster to reflect my employment. Rather than updating it now, I'll just sit back and blog instead. Since I neglect to change my employment status on Monster.com I continue to receive emails from people about job opportunities that I don't want because my current position is better. Not only do I fail to update my profile, I also don't respond to any of the messages I have been sent. Basically I leave all these people hanging. I could just update my Monster.com profile, but I just don't really feel like it.

Also what's up with "looking springy?" I've heard multiple people at work comment on how other people's clothing looking "springy." No one has ever said that to me, should I be offended? I take it that looking "springy" simply equates to wearing colors and shades one would associate with the spring season. If you have any suggestions on "springy," please feel free to let me know. Another thing I need clarification on is the use of Instagram on Twitter. Twitter already has a picture function, but people feel the need to tweet pictures from Instagram. The Instagram pictures take way longer to open than twitpics, so just use twitpics for Joe's sake. The only reason I can think of to use Instagram pictures in Twitter is to get more people to look at your Instagram account. It's stupid.

You know what else is bullshit? The belief that the customer is always right. I call bullshit. If the customer tells the cashier to empty out the cash register and give all the money to them, then they're a robber. I've been told that stealing isn't right. Therefore the customer is not right. What if the customer told you to piss in the aisle or kill your coworkers? I guess we'd have to do it if we lived by "the customer is always right code." What are you going to tell your boss when you gave away all your inventory for free because a customer told you to? I guess the boss would be wrong because he or she isn't a customer anyway. There's some super sound logic right there!

Have you ever noticed that there are some pants that no matter what you do, whenever you sit down they make you look like you have a raging hard on? Mostly this happens with dress pants. But seriously, what's with that? People might start getting the wrong idea about you. Of course this doesn't pertain to women, but they have their own clothing problems which I am not privy to, at least for the most part.

I'm going to wrap up this completely disjointed post with something that really bothers me: people who are intolerant of soccer. Now that I commute to work I find myself listening to some sports talk radio because I like sports. One of the guys on the afternoon show is intolerant of soccer and even said he likes Nascar better. Thankfully one of the other guys in the booth correctly told him that Nascar wasn't even a sport. I thank this man. While I don't have the time now to discuss how much the intolerance of soccer in this country bothers me, I can at least point this out. Actually, that's about all I'm going to do right now because I am going to bed soon. And by bed I mean going to watch Netflix or something. So that's what I'm going to do. But first listen to this song by Marina and the Diamonds:

And look at this picture to go with something I was talking about before.

Binge Thinking?

Over the past two weeks or so I have been burning through the show Heroes on Netflix. I just finished the first season yesterday and began watching season two later that night. The first season brought me much enjoyment and I'm hoping the second will do the same. I'm not completely sure, but in my estimation, I would say that this is the fastest I've made it through any season of any show. This got me thinking about the word "binge." Binge is a word defined as "a period or bout, usually brief, of excessive indulgence, as in eating, drinking alcoholic beverages, etc.; spree." by dictionary.com. Or you could use the #1 definition from urban dictionary: a period of time that you do alot (should be two words) drugs in and/or drink a lot (got it right the second time) of booze. Must be more than one day. I'm also going to point out that dictionary.com's wonderful usage of the word "bout." Anyway, I think "binge" is a word used too much, and why is it only used for indulgences? I think that's complete bullshit. Why? Because there are plenty of other things that people do in a binge manner, mainly work, that doesn't get a bad name for it. Yes, I understand that's probably part of capitalism, but wouldn't everyone like some more time for themselves spent away from work?

I'm not overwhelmed or overworked at work, at least not yet, but I would certainly like some more time to do whatever it is that I feel like doing. I could have finished the entire first season of Heroes in about 3 work days, but I couldn't because I was at work... sitting in my cubicle... looking at a computer screen... I'm sure doing that five days each week is wonderful for my health. And even though I did watch a whole season in about two weeks, I bet I still had way more physical activity than many people did in the same time period. Imagine if people drank alcohol for eight hours straight each day for five days a week? I don't want to know the answer to that question, but I do know what happens to people when they go to work and sit around for eight hours a day, five days a week. A lot of these people gain weight and become fat, especially in the United States. You know what I call that? Binge working.

Binge working is a result of the insatiable desire to make money, turn profits, and make money. I recently spent four years at a college geared toward business. I've heard more than my fair share of acronyms and other bullshit, but I've learned so much about business from Jack Donaghy, a Harvard business school graduate for the mere cost of Netflix, $7.99 per month. Before I go any further, I would like to point out that I am not an anarchist. What I would really like is some more free time. Do we really need to work for eight hours a day, five days a week? I think not. We could probably work a few hours less per day and a a day or two less each week and get about the same amount of work accomplished. I know that not all 40 hours in my work week are incredibly productive and I think we could all use some more time for fun!

People like to watch television, people like to play games, people like to do drugs, people like to drink alcohol, and people like to eat. I don't care how much or how long people do these activities, but the word "binge" should be all inclusive. Binge working is a part of mostly every person's life. I don't really know where I'm going with this anymore, but I'll be sure to crush this problem with my A.S.S.

With all this said, I must be one of the very small minority of people that enjoys life after college more than life in college. Sure I had more free time and got to run track in college, but I didn't like it all that much. There were some good times, but now I don't have to be surrounded by people that I would not choose to surround myself with. That right there is the biggest difference. Now I feel like I can choose who I see and avoid all the retards, something I could not control in school. I still speak with my friends who are in school and I've been back three times to visit this year. Each time I used my old ID, so that was worth keeping. I might be a part of the machine that is our workforce, but I like it better than at an institution where they want everyone to think alike, and I thank Mr. George Carlin for that one. Man was a genius.

Love this guy

Well, I'm done for now, but I will provide some foreshadowing for the next post. I've had a bunch of people ask me if I have a girlfriend in the past two months, what's with that? I might take on this topic in the next post, and maybe I'll even put it up in less than two weeks!

Let's Talk Some Dead Space 3

First off, I want to make it clear that I dislike silverfish. I really do like most creatures, insects, arachnids, lizards, those types of creatures. But I really don't like silverfish. Those sly bastards walk around your bathroom like they pay you rent or something. I've got news for you, Walter Cronkite, (insert pause here) they don't. More to the point that I have yet to make, I'm losing faith rapidly in reviews of any kind. The only reason I still consult reviews on things, such as video games, movies, electronic products, music, etc. is simply because I don't have a bunch of money to burn to try them all myself. Regardless of reviews I knew I was buying Dead Space 3 because I love that video game series, it's probably my favorite granted I haven't played all that many series, though. Dead Space 3 has not received bad reviews, but the scores it is receiving are lower than the first two games for the most part. I enjoyed the game and thought it was fun. That's all I really care about.

My review of the game would say that Dead Space 3 was good. Dead Space and Dead Space 2 were also good games. I don't like rating scores because they are completely arbitrary. What really is the difference between 7.8, 8.4, and 9.6? Or why does one game get an 8.6 and another a 8.7? What accounts for a difference of 0.1? Who the hell knows, I just say it's good, it was ok, I didn't like it, or it sucked. That's an easy scale to understand. The first review I watched of Dead Space 3 was IGN's video review, which gave it a 7 point something. I'm not going to bother to look at the video again to get the exact score. I have since then lost all faith in the reviewer and the credibility of that review because the reviewer was puzzled why Ellie's eye was back. Yes, Ellie's eye was gauged out by Stross in Dead Space 2, but right after the 5 minute prologue of Dead Space 3, i.e. not very deep into the game, there is a text log in Isaac's apartment that tells you that Ellie got an eye replacement. No wonder this clown reviewer had a hard time following the story. Therefore I don't trust it.

Many reviews of the game said that Dead Space 3's story was dumb and was hard to follow. I don't agree with this. The story was no more ridiculous than the other two games. How can you even criticize how realistic the Dead Space story is? The whole thing is science fiction, that means it's made up. It's like saying that Star Wars isn't good because the story is unbelievable. So which part's of Dead Space 3, or any Dead Space for that matter, did you think were unrealistic? Probably just the part at the beginning of Dead Space 3 when f*ckin' Eskimo-like necromorphs are attacking you in the city before you get to the ice planet, right? Or maybe Kendra's babylons in the first Dead Space, those things were way too big to be real.

What? You don't think these are real?

 Maybe I just like the story because I'm a sick f*ck and I like weird, strange, demented things. Yes, I admit that I'm a bit of a sick f*ck when it comes to entertainment. But only in that strange, sick things such as the whole Dead Space atmosphere is very interesting to me. I like science fiction settings such as what is portrayed in Dead Space and I didn't think the Dead Space 3 story was any worse or better than the previous two. The only thing I can say is that Dead Space as a series might suffer from "Star Wars Syndrome." In my own strange mind I have created another way to describe things, just like a good psychologist would do! The Star Wars Syndrome is hard for me to explain but I'll do my best. Many people consider the second Star Wars movie of the original series, the Empire Strikes Back, to be the best, and one of the all-time great films. This of course is the film with the famous "Luke, I am your father" quote comes from. The first Star Wars film started the trilogy and got people interested. The second film was a masterpiece, a classic. Then the third film was alright, no Empire Strikes Back, but a decent film to wrap up the trilogy. I think that this is the same pattern that Dead Space followed in it's current trilogy state. I say that because there is definitely a possibility for another game. The first Dead Space game got people interested, the second was a masterpiece, a classic. The third game, the one to wrap up the trilogy was solid, but it wasn't the second game, it wasn't a masterpiece and it wasn't in the exact same vein as the original. So let's all bitch and moan about it.

This game is so unrealistic

Lots of people complain that Dead Space 3 lacks the horror of the first game. They complain that Dead Space 2 was much better. Well if these people want the horror of Dead Space, then go play Dead Space. If you think Dead Space 2 is that much better, then go play Dead Space 2. I think these people would be bitching if Visceral Games put out a Dead Space 2 clone. Then they would be claiming that EA are money whores and just put out the same game. Well, they do still complain that EA are money whores. At this point there's nothing EA can do about that. Any game that EA puts out is obviously a money grab. This reminds me of the Star Wars trilogy again. Some Star Wars fans got mad about what George Lucas did with the Star Wars films. Well f*ck them, those movies belong to George Lucas, he f*cking created it. The same goes for Dead Space. The Visceral team created the series, the can do whatever the hell they want with it.

My personal opinion on the game is that it is good. The combat is well polished and fun. I really like weapon crafting, I get a lot of enjoyment creating weapons that fit my play style. After I beat Dead Space 3 I started playing it again the next time I video gamed. I've only done that with one other game, Dead Space 2. I really enjoy this series. The criticism of Dead Space 3, in my opinion, is unwarranted. The game is good and I think the vast majority of the complaints are f*cking stupid. The only thing that bothers me is that often the enemies don't seem to react to getting shot like in the first two games. Mostly when using a weapon like the ripper.

One more thing, definitely get Dead Space 3: Awakened, the DLC once you complete the game. The DLC is not very long, but it's highly entertaining and interesting. It is also the reason I think there might be a Dead Space 4. Once again, I think Dead Space 3 is a good game, and no, I will not give it an arbitrary score.

Staff Infection

No, I don't have one. I contemplated ending this post with that sentence, but I shall go on. Before I go on, though, I would first like to make a distinction between Staffing Agency Alpha and Staffing Agency Wewannatakeyourclient. I have been working with Staffing Agency Alpha since I graduated from college last May. Staffing Agency Alpha placed me with the temporary position that I have been working at over the past six or seven months and ultimately brought this wonderful permanent opportunity to me. Now I can continue with the story. About a day or two before Staffing Agency Alpha introduced to the job that I am taking, some dude from this other staffing agency called me, this is Staffing Agency Wewannatakeyourclient. And, yes, I am listening to David Bowie as I write this. So this dude from Wewannatakeyourclient calls, emails, and texts me. I think I got the message. Eventually I got back to this guy and I listened to what he had to say. The opportunity he had lined up was a solid one, so I pursued it and went to the interview. Despite this interview taking place before the one set up for me by Staffing Agency Alpha, I got an offer from the other job first. The offer was actually from the job that was at the top of my list to obtain, so of course I accepted it. Then today happened and what an afternoon I had.

I got contacted today by Wewannatakeyourclient about going in for a second interview. I politely told them I have already been offered and accepted a different job. That was not good enough, I was continuously pestered with phone calls and text messages. I know I accepted a job with a longer commute and all, but how many times do you want me to tell you no? I told Wewannatakeyourclient I had already made my decision via text and then on the phone. Maybe I should send them an email, too, just to complete the trifecta. Seriously, though, these guys would not quit.

When I was on the phone with them, I told this dude that I already signed a contract with the company who's position I accepted. This guy told me that the signed document was not legally binding or something and I could still change my mind if I wanted to go after the opportunity through their agency. Yeah man, I'll see you there. If I had any doubt, then I would not have accepted the offer I received. Just the thought of calling the people I just told I would take the position that I was going to take another one instead makes me sick. Thinking about it aggravates me. Eventually I got this text message, which upon lots of consideration I did not even respond to.

This text kind of amused and pissed me off at the same time. I had many different not so nice responses lined up in my head because I'm an asshole when people bother me, and just in general to be fair. I'm really tempted to text this guy in three week about how I wish I had explored this opportunity and I'm thinking about what could have been. Waiting for his response and then texting back "SYKE!" regardless of what his response is. The temptation is amazingly high, but I think I can control myself.

I just cannot believe how inconsiderate these two guys I was talking to at Wewannatakeyourclient were regarding my decision. They wouldn't accept that I had made up my mind. The other thing they neglected to take into account is the actual job itself. The job that they had lined up for me is not the same as the one I accepted. The one I accepted is a more advanced role from the start with better potential for growth and advancement with a much larger and still growing company. It's not like I was choosing between two exact same jobs, one which is about 15 minutes away and one which is about 45 minutes away. I chose the job that's further away because it's simply better. Those clowns at Wewannatakeyourclient just wanted the commission from me taking the job that they set me up with. Damn, it pisses me off thinking about this, but at the same time I'm really glad this all happened because it's also extremely amusing.

Those clowns at Wewannatakeyourclient also pulled the "I'm their number one choice for the job" card. Well guess what, ass clown, I'm also the number one choice for the job I accepted. I'm honored to have a choice in all this matter, but I made a decision and these guys apparently just could not accept it. I was also tempted to tell these guys that me getting this job was more beneficial to them than me because they would get whatever commission type payout for it while I would find myself at a job that is not my first choice in a role that is not nearly as interesting as the one I'm going to have.

What about my commission?!

Going back to that last text message I received from one of the guys at Wewannatakeyourclient, look at that last line again. "Thinking about what could have been..." Really, dude? Really? What is this job, my girlfriend? Wow, I'm so tempted to text this guy three months from now just to be a huge dick. Here's a sample of the things I wanted to respond to that text with:

Yeah, I'll see you there (which would have been funny because this guy is unaware of my type of humor)
Sign me up! (again, he doesn't know my humor)
How much money would you/your staffing agency get out of this?
That's pathetic
Really?
How many times do you want me to say no?
Where all da white women at?
I can clearly see you care about my decision
Have you ever heard of fluoridation?

I haven't felt so compelled to write about a certain situation in my life since the loose-leaf book post. Good memories right there. Can't believe that was two summers ago now. Anyway, I'm excited for this new chapter in my life. I've got one big thing to cross of my to do list, get a good job. I'm excited for this new job and what lies next in life.

Good Friday: A New Beginning

Wow, this has been a hectic week, a week in which much progress has been made. And by progress, I mean that I have finally obtained a legitimate job. I officially accepted a job yesterday, a salary job, too. No more hourly wages for me, thankfully. I think I've done my time, so now it's about time to flourish. I believe I mentioned it before, but I'm a late bloomer. I didn't have any internships during college, I worked at a movie theater, which you would probably know if you read this blog. If not, then go check out the "Summer Job Chronicles" in which I give a little insight into what that job at the movies was like. I do have to admit that I did have some fun at that place. But anyways, I've been a late bloomer in my estimation in multiple aspects of life. But I'd rather bloom late than rot, so I'm not complaining.

This past week I've spent a large quantity of time preparing and going for interviews. I have to say that it's actually been a good experience. I was actually getting to the point where I was enjoying getting interviewed. It was kind of fun. All of this culminated with a job offer last night, which I have accepted. Hooray for salaried employment! I won't be starting this job for another two weeks, but I am so happy that the search is finally over and I can focus on some other aspects of life/just chill out a bit.

Sir Alex Ferguson?

Now that I come to think about it, I don't really have that much to say right now besides what I've already told you. So let's talk about Dead Space 3 then. While I have yet to complete the game, I don't see anything wrong with it. I think it's fun and that's really what I want out of a video game. The only thing I don't like is that the death scenes have been toned down to a very boring level. The death scenes in Dead Space, especially the first one, were very entertaining, and Isaac's head usually fell off. In Dead Space 3 you merely see Isaac's body get smacked around until it lies motionless on the ground. Not very interesting. And for those people shitting on the story, I don't think it's much different from those told in the first two games. Of course the story is bizarre, it's a video game based in a fictional universe with fictional characters battling against a fictional marker that has some fictional religious group fixated on its powers. As for Isaac's ability to understand things about the marker that no one else understands, I'm rather certain that at some point in the second game players are notified that the marker from the first game like imprinted something on his brain. That's how he was able to unknowingly construct the marker on the Sprawl. I think that pretty much sums up why he can figure out/read some things that other people cannot that pertain to the marker.

Another big plus to this game is you can use a shotgun. In Dead Space almost all of the enemies run at you and get in your face. What better weapon to defend yourself from this type of attack than a shotgun? Is it a frickin' 12 gauge? I don't know, but it sure does pack one hell of a punch. And who doesn't like shotgunning baddies in a video game? I honestly do not understand the complaints about this game. Some people say that it's not scary anymore. While it is definitely not as scary as the first game for sure, what do you expect the game makers to do, make the same game again? I think that if they stuck to the exact same style as the first game people would complain that it's just the same game. It's one of those situations where there are always going to be angry people. Well, that actually sums up every situation, so I'll just go fist myself.

Heskey?

Since I don't have much more to say, I'll keep this short. I'm happy to finally have found a job that looks like it will be a good fit for me and a good start for my career. I'll do my best to come up with something to write about soon. Until then I hope you enjoyed the two random pictures.

Good Friday: Super Bowl Commentary and Other Stuff

I couldn't do it, I caved and watched the Super Bowl this past weekend. Damn it, I'm just like every other brainwashed person in this country I guess. You have to watch the Super Bowl or else you're like un-American or something. It's complete horseshit. Anyways, I did watch, and despite the scenario that I laid out in a previous post not coming true to any extent, I was surprisingly satisfied with the game... for the most part at least. I don't know why, but I just could not root for the 49ers. There's just something I really do not like about that team. Mainly Jim Harbough, the coach, and that fudge packer Kaepernick. I don't like Harbough because he's always yelling and screaming, especially when anything doesn't go his way. Some one should tell him to shut the f**k up, it's not like there's ever going to be a game where nothing goes against your team. Also, they should allow the punter on the opposing team to run up to him and give him a nice, powerful kick to the nuts every time he doesn't like a call. Or the refs should throw him out of the game as soon as he gives them shit. And Kaepernick, I hate that guy not because of who he is or what he does. I hate the guy because everyone is on his nuts. He was sucking huge assholes in the beginning of the Super Bowl, and pretty much for the entire first half, but the commentators were still going on his nuts hard. I know it's stupid to not like someone because of all the praise they get, but it's really annoying when they keep stroking his dick when he's sucking big time. Oh yeah, and there's the whole thing where I despise running quarterbacks, too. Those dickless f**otts take all the skill out of the game. I imagine this is what goes on in their heads: Well, I suck huge ball sacks and can't make a throw, so I guess I'll be a huge f*g and run until someone is going to touch me, at which point I will slide like a huge turd or run out of bounds like a huge turd.

I'm also disgusted because I can't find a picture making fun of Kaepernick. That's how much everyone is on his nuts. In lieu of that photo, because apparently it does not exist, you get the one shown above. Back to the actual Super Bowl, though. I was thoroughly enjoying the game when the Ravens were romping the 49ers. Partly because I like domination and blowouts, but also because as I said before, I just could not bring myself to root for a team that is coached by Jim Harbough because the man disgusts me. I might not have mentioned that part before, but I really couldn't root for the 49ers. That's saying a lot, too, because I am not a fan of many of the people on the Ravens, insert Ray Lewis. But I don't want to talk about that guy. So I was enjoying the game until the "blackout" occurred. Since I'm a conspiracy kind of dude, I think that this blackout was an NFL conspiracy. I think the commissioner of the league, Roger Goodell, saw that the Ravens were going to rape the 49ers too hard after the second half kickoff was returned by a black dude for a touchdown. I'm going to revisit this kickoff return a little later, too. Goodell had to find some way to disrupt the rhythm of the game, attempt to change the momentum. So let's cut the power and everyone will be too concerned with making jokes about Bane entering the stadium and such to think that it was in fact the doing of the National Football League itself. Goodell knows that the broadcast of this game was in danger of losing viewers if the margin between the two sides was too great, and it's all about ratings. So f**k it, let's change the game because we have the power to do so. And thus the blackout was born and the 49ers got back into the game. I'm really glad they lost after that bullshit.

This is not true

This is more accurate

Back to that kickoff return. The return was a very captivating and exciting play, one certainly hard to do for sure. But let's not kid ourselves, the guy traveled 108 yards (after an initial ruling of 109) in 11 and some odd seconds. That's not as fast as most people believe. 108 yards is not even 100 meters, it's 98.7552 meters. Granted he did not run straight and had to avoid people, but Usain Bolt has run 100 meters in 9.58 seconds. That's fast as shit. I've seen people in high school run sub 11 second 100 meter races. Yes, the guy who returned the kickoff for a touchdown probably could too, but I don't believe that he has Olympic speed, otherwise why the hell wouldn't he be in the Olympics? Again, I'm not saying what he did wasn't impressive, but don't get overhyped on the speed.

Now I'm going to completely switch gears. No more Super Bowl talk, it's still the winter, so the weather still sucks. One thing I've noticed quite a bit lately is people leaving their cars running while they go into the post office or something. I've been thinking about what kind of car I should just get into and drive away with. You can't take that kind of risk with a piece of shit car, so what kind of car would be worth it? I'm open to suggestions. I'm just amazed at how many people I've seen doing it. Seriously though, I know it's cold, but it's not cold enough for me to leave my car in a public lot with the keys in the ignition. Maybe I'm wrong... I wonder how many people's cars get stolen each year in this situation. That's a statistic I would enjoy seeing, even if it's probably made up.

Another thing that has recently perplexed me are these emails that Facebook sends me every once in a while. I get these emails from Facebook telling me that people have posted statuses, pictures, or some other shit. Then at the bottom it tells me stuff like that the person that posted a status commented on their status. Basically the email is attempting to tell me that I am missing all of this. If I cared I would look at these statuses and pictures on Facebook. But the truth is that I don't. I just think this whole thing is funny. Does anyone else get these emails? Or is Facebook actually monitored to the extent that it knows I don't look at it practically ever. I do look at Facebook, but not to see what other people are doing. I don't like the "I saw it on Facebook effect," and I'm not interested in seeing what most of the people I'm allegedly friends with on it are doing. For the most part the people I care about knowing what's going on in their lives I speak to or have some sort of regular communication, so I don't need to stalk them on Facebook. While I'm talking about Facebook I might as well mention that the whole experience of Facebook is getting very stale in my opinion. This has nothing to do with my past bitchings about the site. I am genuinely bored with it. Facebook, in my opinion, does not have the friendly atmosphere it used to. It doesn't strike me as the place to go to keep in touch with friends anymore. Hell, they even changed it to a "timeline." That's all it is now. I don't want Facebook to keep track of my life in a timeline. I liked it better to stay in touch with my friends, but I really think it's moving away from that.

Of course I do absolutely nothing to change this, I hardly ever use the thing anymore. I pretty much just respond to the one post or fewer that is posted on my timeline each month. That's about it. Twitter to some extent is also getting stale for me, mainly because of the people I follow that I actually know. I think most of them use it just to stroke themselves. Believe me, they are so out there. That's a joke because I see a lot of this #weouthere shit. You're out where? You put me in a quandary, social media, a quandary.

Finally, I've started Dead Space 3. I've been excited about this game since I heard it was in the making about a year ago because I really enjoyed the first two games. I've only finished the prologue and the first few chapters, but it's really different so far. It's not bad, but different. I don't really like that there are lots of automatic weapons, I think it makes the game less about dismemberment, which is what makes these games so totally awesome! There are also these new necromorphs that have pick axes and come at you flailing them. That's cool and all, especially because a lot of the game is supposed to take place on some frozen planet, but I don't understand why you fight some of these guys in the first chapter that takes place in a human city. Were people mining in the city? I haven't played enough of the game yet to have a real opinion on it. I just hope it's fun. My addiction for Fifa Ultimate team is really distracting me too.

Have to love these games

One thing that has really jumped out at me that is different in Dead Space 3 is the amount of ammo you get. You have tons more ammo than in either of the first two games. That right there shows you that this game is more action oriented than ammo conservation and strategy. I really liked strategically dismembering enemies to kill them with their own body parts, too... You can still do that, but it's much harder, at least I think so, because the enemies get on you so quick.

I have just one more incredibly random interjection before signing off on this post. When I was at work the other day I stumbled across this invoice that I have pictured below. Go ahead, take a look.

Yes, that's correct, those are brass nipples. I've heard of brass knuckles before, but never brass nipples. I can only imagine what those are used for. Brass knuckles are used to kick someones ass with your hands. Does this mean that brass nipples are to kick someones ass with your nipples? That wasn't all, though. There was also one for black nipples.

I'll leave you with that. As always, be champions.

Winter, You're a Jerk

Now that I've worked through a portion of the winter, I have no idea why the hell people live in places with a real winter, places where changes of season actually occur. I really don't like it. It's only February and I'm sick of warming my car up in the morning, shoveling all the f**kin' snow out of the driveway early so I can get to work, uncovering my car from beneath the snow, and all the other shit you have to do because of the weather. I miss the days of the summer when the weather was pleasant and warm. I don't like putting on seventeen layers of clothing just to go outside and still feel cold. I also hate getting sick. And I don't think it's a coincidence that I only get sick during the winter or the transition season, fall and spring, both of which share a border with winter, that sick bastard. Basically, I don't like the winter and I have no idea why people put up with it's shit.

The last four years of my life at college I didn't have to do shit when it snowed. The school had people that took care of that and I had heat blasting into my dorm room, especially senior year, damn did that heat get pumped. I would sleep with no shirt on every night during the winter and still need only one blanket. I think at some point I would very much like to get the hell out of here and go somewhere warmer, but I don't think that is very feasible at this point in time. Someday, though, someday. Watch, I'll probably live in this shit for the rest of my life. I remember when I was in high school and I was getting some really good results in track, my sister, who was out at college in Southern California, told her friends about what I was doing in indoor track, to which they asked her what indoor track was. That sounds like a great place to live. That's also how I came to realize how I was in the top 100 in the nation in the 55m hurdles in high school, because so much of the country doesn't even participate in indoor track.

Since I'm talking about track, I did finally make a return to the sport in December. I ran the 400m at a ridiculously good track in December and surprisingly was only .42 seconds off my best time. Running this race made me come to a realization about track. After the race I felt like absolute garbage and threw up shortly after crossing the finish line. Maybe about five or six minutes later. Good thing they have garbage cans on the infield. This is not the first time I've thrown up after a race and I've done it at practice on multiple of occasions. I think I can actually relate my desire to run track to an alcoholic. On multiple occasions I've heard people claim that they were never going to drink again when they felt like shit the next day. But everyone knows that in a few days they'll be back at it just as hard. I think that track is like this. I felt like shit once the race was done and there are thoughts running through my head like "I'm never doing this again." I could easily retire now, too, since I'm not part of a team or anything. But a few days later I get that urge to run and compete again. Every weekend during the track season is pretty much like that. After racing you wonder why the hell you do this, during training, too, but if you're dedicated to it, you just can't get away from it. Just like an alcoholic can't stay away from alcohol. I think it makes perfect sense, and this way more people can relate to the life a runner, or athlete in general since if you want to have success in any sport, you have to put in the time, effort, and a certain amount of puke.

But seriously, f**k winter. It's cold all the time, it gets dark at like 4, it's cold all the time, you have to wear a ton of clothes, it's cold all the time, I always get sick, it's cold all the time. That's like twelve thousand reasons why the winter sucks right there. Did I mention that it's always cold during the winter? A week or so ago, when I was at the post office for work, I was talking to one of the people who works there that I have come to know on a very superficial basis. I was telling him how I liked last winter because it was very mild and warm compared to most others. He was telling me something about how that kind of a winter is bad for the ecosystem. I hear that, but seriously, f**k that. I'm sure the ecosystem can adapt to warmer weather. I think there's something that a guy named Darwin spoke about called survival of the fittest or something. I think the ecosystem can adapt just fine to warmer weather. Maybe the reservoirs won't have as much melted snow in them, but I think that's because of a lack of precipitation, right? It doesn't matter if it's rain or snow filling the reservoirs, does it? If there's no rain then there wouldn't have been snow, right? Right? I think I want to do that one more time... right? I'm probably wrong because I'm not a scientist or something, but I think precipitation can take more than one form. That's not important, though, what I'm saying is that warm is better, no matter what the effects of the warm weather are. Doesn't the winter have some really bad effects on living things? I know it pisses me off.

Just in case you didn't notice, I don't like the winter. I've been belaboring that point for some time now, but I'll recap. I don't like the winter, it's cold, gets dark early, it's cold, I tend to get sick, it's cold, and it sucks. I'm right, right? I realize that some people like the winter because they like skiing or snowboarding or pelting snowballs at people, but I just see all these activities as cruel punishment to yourself. I don't want to do much of anything that involves staying out in the freezing cold for extended periods of time. Sounds like some type of Chinese punishment to me. Damn Chinese water torture. I apologize if that was uncalled for, maybe I should just say that it sounds like some kind of punishment to me. The most fun I had in the snow was probably that time during sophomore year of high school when two very good friends of mine and I built a snowman in the middle of the street outside my house. My dad told us we couldn't leave it there, so we proceeded to beat the snowman with a wooden baseball bat (that was more like a club) until it was no more. Now that was fun, mostly because we went inside where it was warm after.

I could probably sit here and think of more reasons why the winter sucks, such as the constant cold. I might have mentioned that before, though. Plain and simple, winter sucks.

More Like Super Crap

The end of January/the beginning of February is upon us, meaning that a horrid event is upon us: the Super Bowl. Over the past few years I have really developed a dislike for the Super Bowl. This dislike started during the first Super Bowl between the Patriots and the Giants, after the 2007/2008 season. That year the Patriots had won 18 of 18 games going into the Super Bowl to play a Giants team that I don't think deserved to be in the "Super Bowl." That team was anything but super. Of course they won, then were crowned "world champions" because that makes so much sense. Since that moment I've developed my doubts about the American structure of sports leagues. For the most part I dislike postseason play and the championship game/series structure. I think this structure only gives the illusion of fairness because it allows for more variety of champions. The team that wins the most does not always win the championship. I just think that's stupid, but hey, I'm stupid too.

I haven't made up my mind yet, but I am certainly leaning toward not watching the Super Bowl this year. Why? I think the match up sucks. I would not watch a San Francisco 49ers versus Baltimore Ravens game on a regular Sunday, so I've decided that Super Bowl Sunday is no different. I don't care if it's the Super Bowl. The only reason that game means more than a regular season game is because some ass clowns decided it is. I also just see it as a match up between two of the dirtiest defenses in the league.

This image should be enough to dislike the Super Bowl and what it stands for

When thinking about this year's Super Bowl match up, there is only one highly improbable, and probably impossible, scenario that I would enjoy to see unfold. I will describe that scenario here:

On the 49ers first offensive play, Colin Kaepernick drops back to throw a pass. He doesn't see any throw he can make, so he decides to be a piece of shit and run. However, he's forgotten that he's playing against a bunch of criminals, mainly Ray Lewis. Ray Lewis gets to Kaepernick and does something that I cannot describe, but it's absolutely horrible. The hit/tackle/stab or whatever you want to call it on Kaepernick is so horrible that Kaepernick cannot continue to play in the game, which means Alex Smith must come in. But before that happens, 49ers coach, Jim Harbaugh, gets so mad about the hit that he raises his blood pressure so high that his insides explode, something that asshole deserves.

Meanwhile, while Kaepernick is writhing on the ground in pain as punishment for being a punk-ass running QB and Jim Harbaugh is dying, Ray Lewis is getting arrested by the police for his extremely illegal hit on the pansy. Ray Lewis goes to jail, Kaepernick is out of the game, and Harbaugh suffers the consequences for all his yelling and assholeness. Everyone gets what they deserve, in my estimation at least. Then Alex Smith comes into the game and the 49ers blowout the Ravens.

Of course none of this will happen, and yes, it does sound a bit mean. But I would very much like to see a mockery made of this game. Or hear that it turned into a mockery because I'm most likely not going to watch it. I was just beginning to come around on football, too, but as I started to watch the game again, I just find myself finding more reasons to dislike the game of football. I'm going to stick with baseball and soccer, two sports that I can respect. And it's not just football, I don't like basketball either. I have no opinion on hockey other than it is a rip off of soccer played on ice.




I also realize that my scenario for the Super Bowl is mean and obscene, but so is the sport. I also find it comical that a sport based on hitting and tackling people has rules. They should just get rid of the rules and let them all injure each other. And I haven't even mentioned all the great personalities and figures in football that make outstanding role models for young people. Hint, that was sarcasm. Go ahead and call me whatever you want because I like soccer. At least in the foreign soccer leagues if you were to win every game on your schedule you would be league champions...

The Super Bowl sucks, but the temperatures aren't in the 40s in my house anymore! Man, the beginning of last week was miserable with no heat, but that problem is taken care of and Dead Space 3 comes out a week from Tuesday! If was rich and had lots of excess money I would buy one of those machines that lets you record game play footage and make videos of my first play through of Dead Space 3, but I don't so I won't. Just thought I would let you know, though.

I wonder if anyone else feels the same way about football and the structure of American sports.