More Like Super Crap

The end of January/the beginning of February is upon us, meaning that a horrid event is upon us: the Super Bowl. Over the past few years I have really developed a dislike for the Super Bowl. This dislike started during the first Super Bowl between the Patriots and the Giants, after the 2007/2008 season. That year the Patriots had won 18 of 18 games going into the Super Bowl to play a Giants team that I don't think deserved to be in the "Super Bowl." That team was anything but super. Of course they won, then were crowned "world champions" because that makes so much sense. Since that moment I've developed my doubts about the American structure of sports leagues. For the most part I dislike postseason play and the championship game/series structure. I think this structure only gives the illusion of fairness because it allows for more variety of champions. The team that wins the most does not always win the championship. I just think that's stupid, but hey, I'm stupid too.

I haven't made up my mind yet, but I am certainly leaning toward not watching the Super Bowl this year. Why? I think the match up sucks. I would not watch a San Francisco 49ers versus Baltimore Ravens game on a regular Sunday, so I've decided that Super Bowl Sunday is no different. I don't care if it's the Super Bowl. The only reason that game means more than a regular season game is because some ass clowns decided it is. I also just see it as a match up between two of the dirtiest defenses in the league.

This image should be enough to dislike the Super Bowl and what it stands for

When thinking about this year's Super Bowl match up, there is only one highly improbable, and probably impossible, scenario that I would enjoy to see unfold. I will describe that scenario here:

On the 49ers first offensive play, Colin Kaepernick drops back to throw a pass. He doesn't see any throw he can make, so he decides to be a piece of shit and run. However, he's forgotten that he's playing against a bunch of criminals, mainly Ray Lewis. Ray Lewis gets to Kaepernick and does something that I cannot describe, but it's absolutely horrible. The hit/tackle/stab or whatever you want to call it on Kaepernick is so horrible that Kaepernick cannot continue to play in the game, which means Alex Smith must come in. But before that happens, 49ers coach, Jim Harbaugh, gets so mad about the hit that he raises his blood pressure so high that his insides explode, something that asshole deserves.

Meanwhile, while Kaepernick is writhing on the ground in pain as punishment for being a punk-ass running QB and Jim Harbaugh is dying, Ray Lewis is getting arrested by the police for his extremely illegal hit on the pansy. Ray Lewis goes to jail, Kaepernick is out of the game, and Harbaugh suffers the consequences for all his yelling and assholeness. Everyone gets what they deserve, in my estimation at least. Then Alex Smith comes into the game and the 49ers blowout the Ravens.

Of course none of this will happen, and yes, it does sound a bit mean. But I would very much like to see a mockery made of this game. Or hear that it turned into a mockery because I'm most likely not going to watch it. I was just beginning to come around on football, too, but as I started to watch the game again, I just find myself finding more reasons to dislike the game of football. I'm going to stick with baseball and soccer, two sports that I can respect. And it's not just football, I don't like basketball either. I have no opinion on hockey other than it is a rip off of soccer played on ice.




I also realize that my scenario for the Super Bowl is mean and obscene, but so is the sport. I also find it comical that a sport based on hitting and tackling people has rules. They should just get rid of the rules and let them all injure each other. And I haven't even mentioned all the great personalities and figures in football that make outstanding role models for young people. Hint, that was sarcasm. Go ahead and call me whatever you want because I like soccer. At least in the foreign soccer leagues if you were to win every game on your schedule you would be league champions...

The Super Bowl sucks, but the temperatures aren't in the 40s in my house anymore! Man, the beginning of last week was miserable with no heat, but that problem is taken care of and Dead Space 3 comes out a week from Tuesday! If was rich and had lots of excess money I would buy one of those machines that lets you record game play footage and make videos of my first play through of Dead Space 3, but I don't so I won't. Just thought I would let you know, though.

I wonder if anyone else feels the same way about football and the structure of American sports.