Mission: Out with a Bang

This past weekend we had our first indoor track meet of the season, and after two plus months of nothing but training, I was very happy to compete. I'm only 5' 8'' or 5' 9'', maybe somewhere between, but I've competed in the high hurdles since I was a freshman in high school. However, each time I have a new coach, well the two sprint coaches I've had in college, they have thought I am exclusively an intermediate hurdler when I tell them I hurdle. My coach, at first, wasn't going to let me run the hurdles at this meet and I really wanted to, so I guess I harassed him enough to the point where he let me compete in the event. I ended up running my personal best in the 55m hurdles this past Saturday, 7.88 seconds, .03 seconds off the school record. One of my teammates, without my knowledge, captured the race on his iPad! I am very thankful and have probably watched the video over one hundred times by now, and you can, too!


 

I know the video appears in a strange format, but that's probably because it was taken on an iPad, but you can see the race, and that's all that matters. I had some success in high school competing in the high hurdles, so I'm hoping that I am finding my way back to that form. I'm cutting the gap down at least, my best time in the same event in high school (high school high hurdles are 3 inches lower than college high hurdles) was 7.70 seconds, so I'm only .18 off of that now. I haven't discussed track much, if at all on this blog. I think I have only occasionally mentioned that I run track. So let me reveal some track secrets! Except that they aren't really secrets. In general I run track because of the hurdle event. I have come to really enjoy hurdling over the years, and have now been doing it for almost eight years. I did not realize how long I've been doing this now.

In high school I got progressively better each year, building up to the thrilling climax of senior year. I reside in Massachusetts, which also happens to produce relatively good hurdlers comparatively to the rest of New England. In fact, my year, the 2008 graduates produced a good crop of hurdlers. That year I was lucky enough to be the fifth best hurdler in the state, only four people in Massachusetts posted faster times than me. I also placed second in the New England Championship meet that year. On the way to this exciting finish I set many school records, a Central Massachusetts high hurdle record (that still stands!), and two league meet records, in the two hurdle events. All of these records still stand, so I guess I did a decent job. I told myself and my teammates senior year that I just wanted to go out with a bang, and I think I accomplished that. I want to do the same thing this year, go out of collegiate track with a bang. So I'm doing my best to return to my best form!

Besides track, I had an interesting idea last Tuesday night that I am in the process of developing a post about. I think that this post will be marginally entertaining, and also unique. The idea I had is something about how society in the United States functions. That is all I am going to say on that subject for now, so if you want, get excited!

The school doesn't care about hurdles very much... sad face

I also forgot about the disrespect the hurdles are treated with. I guess I should apologize to facilities for leaving some hurdles on the track. Apparently they hit this hurdle, didn't notice, and proceeded to rip up part of the track by dragging it for some time. On a brighter note, one of my roommates and I finished an auditing project that had been looming over us for a few weeks before Thanksgiving break (turned in November 17). After we handed it in, I decided to not go to class on Tuesday, the last class before break, because honestly, I had had enough. I didn't feel like answering auditing questions one bit. The next Thursday, after break, I was in auditing class early and I discussed a case with my professor for a few minutes. After the brief discussion was over, the dialogue went like this:

Professor: "Did you have a good Thanksgiving break?"
Me:          "Yeah, I did, I had lots of great food"

Then I was about to start going into more detail when he dropped this on me:

Professor: "Did you take the whole week off, or did you just cut my class?"

I laughed at this question because I really did just cut his class. The class is at 9:30, but it wasn't like I slept in to skip it. I went to yoga that same morning at 7 a.m. And then I went to 11:00, so yes, I did just cut his class, but he doesn't need to know that.

This sums up how much we enjoyed the project

At some point I know I mentioned that barely anyone reads any of the crap I write about on this blog, but now I think the count is up to three people! I'm heading in the right direction. Also, I pointed out that the only reason the view count goes up, besides from the three people that actually read the blog, is because the blog shows up from keyword searches in search engines, particularly Google. From time to time, and when I say this, I really mean everyday, I check to see how people come to "find" the Sycophantic Laughter via keyword searches. I actually laughed one day when "dirty jew bags" came up as a keyword that led people to my blog. And I had multiple hits from "dirty jew bags." I don't really have anything else to say on this subject, but I found it hilarious. I don't hate on Jews or anything, I just mentioned in one post that I have a Jewish roommate and he ran away when it was time to pay at the grocery store once. I only have one explanation for this, and it's simple, he's Jewish. I attached a comical drawing of a Jew to this post and there you have it, "dirty jew bags."

Evidence

And now for something completely different, again. If you read Retentive Gibberish, the blog work of Chase, me, and friends, then you know that I enjoy video games and hate them simultaneously. Recently I got the new Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 3. I've played it for a decent amount of time, the online multiplayer that is. Sometimes playing is fun, sometimes it sucks ass. I like to experiment in these games, try different game modes and a bunch of different weapons. I'm always running around like a jackass and get killed so many times from running out in the open. I don't throw out a tepee and camp by it racking up kills, in fact I can't, because I'm not patient enough nor do I have the skill to do camp. I never enrolled in boy scouts, so I lack the necessary skills. My preferred play style is, without a doubt, running and gunning. My kill:death ratio is also substantially lower than my G.P.A. All of these qualities about my playing of Call of Duty result in me not being very good at the game. I just want to have a good time.

I bring this up because the other day I was playing online, minding my own business, getting owned by most of the other people playing online. After a few games, I decided to switch to FIFA 12 since I have been neglecting it as of late. While playing FIFA I received a message from some random gamertag. Occasionally I get random messages from people about clan tryouts and stuff like that. Basically people are looking for people interested in proving themselves worthy of a clan. I never join the "party" because I don't care to play like that. I was entertained when I received this message, though:

 

I'm not completely sure, but I think this guy was offering me a spot in his clan. I can't imagine why he would want me, I'm not outstanding by any means and I don't remember doing anything particularly great. I didn't respond to this either, but I thought it was amusing. Sign me up! While on the subject of video games, I recently saw that a study conducted by a university showed that video games increased creativity. That's what I'm saying. If you don't like video games, that's fine, don't bother with them. But I don't think there's any reason to bash them. Playing video games is far more interactive than watching television and more stimulating than reading, two other highly sedentary activities. While I don't doubt that you can learn more from reading, video games are just fun. Although, I'm not surprised that Americans are concerned about how much time is spent playing video games. The lists grows longer all the time, possibly daily. Is the massive amount of time spent sitting at a desk detrimental to health, too? I guess it's not a risk if it makes someone money.

Well, I've blabbered on about a lot of nothing for long enough. I'm going to get back to analyzing Glengarry Glen Ross and Death of a Salesman. At least I now know that it takes brass balls to sell real estate, thank you Alec Baldwin. So, I run track to hurdle, I have a new piece in the making, and the semester is almost over!

One Year Anniversary!

Exactly one year ago to the day I created Sycophantic Laughter. Little did I know at the time that I would document so much shit on this blog, and I can say in honesty that it has been a joy. I have a good time looking back at the beginning of this blog. My first few posts are very raw and if you actually read the posts, you can see how the blog has transformed. I am happy with the direction I have taken with the blog. When I started, the posts were somewhat disjointed and are quite random. I do enjoy randomness quite a bit, but I have altered the randomness to fit into the events that occur in my life. The largest change I have made is blogging almost exclusively about my life and my thoughts. I enjoy doing this and I think it makes for a better comprehensive blog than the disjointed group of posts I was creating in the very beginning.

Sycophantic Laughter has been a wonderful learning experience and I hope that it continues to function as a memoir of the events in my life and a place where I can freely display my thoughts, ideas, and opinions. I remember starting this blog. I had just got back to college after Thanksgiving break and for some reason I wanted to blog. What a wonderful idea that turned out to be! Blogging is by far my favorite social networking medium. I like blogging so much because there is way more to it than any other social networking site. You don't have 140 characters to say what's on your mind and you don't have to constantly see stupid updates about your friends that you could give less than a shit about. With blogging you get to express your thoughts and ideas to the full extent. If you want to bash on something relentlessly, blogging is for you. If you want to share the events of your life, blogging is for you. If you want to express your opinion on society, blogging is for you. All of these reasons are why I blog. The substance involved in blogging is far greater than any other social networking site. If you don't enjoy writing and thoroughly expressing how you feel, blogging is not for you. I love blogging because you can expand upon your thoughts to whatever extent you desire.

Speaking of my thoughts and ideas, I'm ecstatic that my sister recently introduced me to the genius that is George Carlin! My sister suggested that I check out the stand up comedy performed by George Carlin and I can assure you that he is hilarious! He questions and pokes fun at society in a way that I wish I could. If I was a comedian I would want to be just like him because I think I view the world in a similar fashion. He, along with Dave Chappelle, are my favorite comedians. I could listen to both of them hour after hour and still find myself laughing. Chappelle is great because I don't think I've heard a joke in any of his stand up routines that I have not laughed at. Carlin is great because he shows how stupid many things in our society are. I enjoy laughing, in fact, laughing is my favorite thing to do. I spend many hours on YouTube watching comedians and funny videos. I think a lot of people need to lighten up and look on the bright side of life and I practice that every single time I blog. I like to blog, therefore I do.



There are way too many negative vibes thrown around all day, everyday. I hear it when I go to class: "now's a terrible time to be graduating." I hear it when I'm at my townhouse: "I'm so busy I don't have time to take off my suit." I hear it when I go to practice: "If you want to do that, then you can find a different coach." Maybe if everyone didn't act as such depressing fucks we could enjoy ourselves a bit. I try to enjoy myself as much as I can. Take this very moment for instance. I should probably be working on a memo and analyzing a case for auditing class, but both of those things suck ass and blogging is way more fun, so fuck them for now. I'll do that shit, but I don't want to do it right now because I want to enjoy myself. I think people are far too constrained by the bullshit rules and ideologies instilled on us from a very young age.

Bullshit, now there's a word that I very much like. I think "bullshit" might actually be my favorite word in the English language. I like "bullshit" so much because it accurately describes so much of life. Work is bullshit, education (to a certain extent) is bullshit, business is bullshit, and the list goes on and on and on. Tests, exams, quizzes, they're all bullshit, too. I am so sick and tired of taking tests. I don't think tests prove anything except how well you can take the test. Tests are bullshit because you have no resources, I need say no more. There's even a degree named after the wonderful word, the BS. Instead of bitching about what is bullshit, I would rather look at the beautiful word and think about how useful it is in communication. Everyone who is reading this, go on and say "bullshit" out loud right now, you'll feel better.



You know what bothered me today, on the fucking one year anniversary of Sycophantic Laughter (the audacity, another one of my favorite words!), one of my professors shit on video gaming. He said something about how playing video games is a waste of time that could be spent doing something else. Well, speak for yourself. I can't stand the amount of shit that video games take. Here's some more bullshit, who would have guessed. Video games get blamed for violence, obesity, and are considered a waste of time. So instead of playing a video game I should read my accounting book. I'll SIT around (obesity risk!), learn nothing because the book is as interesting as a blank wall (waste of time risk!), and proceed to get outrageously angry at how bullshit all the information is (violence risk!). I am probably alone on this, but I get significantly more angry at many academic books than I do at anything else. It might be strange, but it is absolutely true. Video games are not as bad as the media and some people make them out to be. I like to have fun, that's probably why I like video games. All the things that are fun are the same things that I'm always told are a waste of time. I would rather blog than do my homework. I would rather play video games than study. I would rather read the books I want to read than the books I'm told to read. I have to say, I feel rather oppressed sometimes. There are too many customary standards. I don't think I'm a retard just because I get Cs in my accounting classes. I hate accounting, it's bullshit because it's all completely made up. If for some reason there was a revolution because all the blind people realized what bullshit they are subject to on a daily basis, then all these business experts would be screwed. Business, the way it works, is completely arbitrary. Science, language, mathematics, and communication, you can't change them. The real experts reside in these fields.

This turned out to be a much longer post than I had originally planned. I only wanted to pay my respects to the one year anniversary of Sycophantic Laughter and I ended up going off on a few tangents. However, this post shows how Sycophantic Laughter has evolved and matured over the year period. The randomness of this particular entry is what I was referring to at the beginning. My posts are random, but only due to the randomness of my thoughts. I love random! I also love happiness, which I am experiencing currently. I've watched a lot of comedy today, including George Carlin, Rodney Dangerfield, and Yakov Smirnoff (who Chase just introduced me to today!), while getting some bullshit school work done as well. I'm happy that I got to see a few of my friends over Thanksgiving break and that I've reestablished communication with some friends who I've not spoken to in quite some time. What a great day for Sycophantic Laughter, thank you all for reading!

I Can't Get Enough of this Guy!

The sheer brilliance that is Dr. K never ceases to amaze me. I have to acknowledge this guy's greatness before doing anything else. I'm putting the post I was working on for the study I performed a month ago on hold just to give Dr. K the attention he deserves. I love this guy! Dr. K fires on all cylinders all day, every day. He was speaking about unemployment today, more specifically on how the way the government reports unemployment statistics is bullshit. He has a point, too. He handed us an article from October 24, 2011 titled What Is the Real Unemployment Rate? Turns out the government leaves many people who don't have jobs out of the equation, in the words of Dr. K, bullshit!

Dr. K in all his glory!

He also told us a personal story about when he was diagnosed with cancer. This is a sad subject, but he found a way to make it absolutely hysterical. The way he introduced it was even comical. He was talking about how some years ago he had a doctor's appointment and the results yielded that he had testicular cancer, or as he referred to it, "cancer in the balls." Then Dr. K went on to tell us how he went to many different doctors to discuss treatment of the cancer before it got too late. While I cannot remember the specific names he gave to the procedures, I remember very well how he described each process. One of the doctors told him he could remove the cancerous area by cutting it off. "Snip snip" as Dr. K referred to the process, I think you know what this means (cut IT off, it referring to the "sack"). The doctor also told Dr. K that this would cause incontinence. Dr. K told him he could not have that because he's a teacher, "I can't be walking around all day peeing myself." The doctor's response to this was that he could wear a diaper. Dr. K: "Yeah, I'll wear a diaper" (as he proceeded to raise his middle finger and perform the "fuck you" arm motion, for lack of a better word. I wonder if that motion has a name. I'll have to find out.). I can say with absolute certainty that I have never witnessed another teacher/professor do this, though. I cannot stress how much I wish I was related to this guy in some way! I could listen to him day after day, the hilarity is like nothing I have experienced before.

This is very similar to the gesture I reference , does it have a name?

Another doctor told Dr. K that he could perform a procedure where he could "shoot" the cancer with radiation. The only problem is that he wouldn't hit it every time. His reaction spoken in my lingo: "yeah, I'm definitely doing that." Or even better yet, "go pound sand," (inside joke alert). Keep in mind that this is a story Dr. K is telling us during class. He goes on to tell us that another doctor tells him he can freeze the cancer, or in Dr. K's words, "they put your nuggets in a freezer." Once he said this, I was laughing hard enough that I felt some tears gathering in my eyes. Once again, something I have never experienced in a classroom before, and during a class. There was another doctor who had yet another procedure, but I cannot remember it, probably because I was too busy laughing. He finally found a doctor who could help him out with a more precise way of hitting the cancer with radiation or something like that. The process was more careful and took longer, but it saved his life, completely worth it.

Frozen Nuggets!

I am very grateful that he was able to find a good doctor, but the story does not end there. Dr. K told us he got a bill from the hospital for $2,500 to speak with the doctors about the possible treatments. To make matters worse, his insurance was not going to cover any of it. Of course Dr. K found this complete bullshit, he had only been in the doctors' offices for a few brief minutes to discuss treatment possibilities. He called the hospital to tell them that he thought this bill was absurd. They told him that they had a "white knight (night?)" for him to speak to. Dr. K called this "white knight" and said he sounded like one of the guys from the Godfather on the phone, like a mobster. Dr. K explained his situation to this guy. The "white knight" told him "he would take care of it." Later on Dr. K received a call from his insurance company and the person on the line apologized to him and said his insurance would cover the costs of the doctors visits. Just take a moment to let this all sink in.

And one last thing about Dr. K's class today. Back on the subject of unemployment and money. Dr. K told us he knew someone who made $11 million last year and his job was J.O. He asked if anyone knew what J.O. was and someone in the back of the class said jacking off. This was the correct answer!

The Results are In!

I don't know how, but I almost forgot about the study I was conducting. I conducted a survey on my Facebook "friends" on October 5, 2011, and I've had the results folded up and concealed in my room somewhere for about a month now. I guess it's about time that show my findings. I am aware that you all know how much I dislike Facebook, but this survey actually has nothing to do with my hatred for the site. The survey shows how much my life has changed over the past four years, basically since I entered college. So take a moment to rejoice over the fact that I am not going negative Nancy on social networking, and you should all thank Chase Robertson for this because he is helping me cease to post as such a negative prick so often. Also you should go check out his blog and his latest article because both kick ass. But don't forget your shark repellent.

Do not leave home without it

The reason I started this study was because of my curiosity in how much interaction I actually have with my "friends." One of the good things I found is that I have never spoken with only three people on my friends list. I think that is an impressive number and I am willing to bet that most people have way more than three "friends" that they have never said one word to. I must add that this is out of 343 people, too. I know that's nothing compared to everyone else's 4,393,454 "friends," but don't try to tell me you haven't spoken with less than 1% of those people ( I used math here, 3/343 is 0.87463557%). I had to conduct the actual number generation for this study in one day (I can assure you it was as long as my.... index finger!) because of the changes in "friends" total. No I'm not popular and have an increasing total daily, I usually have less "friends" each time I log in. This doesn't bother me because I probably would not consider myself a friend of those people anyway. What I find comical is the actual process. In my case, I just don't care enough to even do that. Sure I have people on my friends list that I don't really consider to be my friend, but I sure as hell don't take the time to go remove them. I have better shit to do, like blogging for instance. I am currently sitting here, at my computer, imagining people going through their friends list deleting people. What an interesting process: here's so-and-so, they're cool so they can stay. He's cool, she's cool... wait a minute, so-and-so. Fuck them! It's such a deliberate process that I find amusing.

I held off making a Facebook profile until May of my senior year of high school. Once I got my college e-mail address I decided to create it. Upon creating the profile I friended one person: my sister. She was already attending her second year of college across the country and I thought Facebook would be a good way to stay in touch with her. If only I knew then what I was getting into (cue flashes of Holden Caulfield thoughts... if you don't get it, I feel like everyone is superficial/fake on Facebook... and if you still don't get it, then never mind). I had a good group of friends in high school and they began to add me and I added some of them. Again, I thought this was great because I would have a medium of communication with people I wasn't going to see on the regular basis that I was used to. I actually enjoyed Facebook at this point in time because it was serving the purpose I was looking for. Freshman year of college and a bit into sophomore year, Facebook was great. I did keep in touch with my friends while adding new ones I met in college and our friendships remained relatively good and strong. Sometime during sophomore year and quickly escalating during junior year, Facebook's good use evaporated for me. I attribute this to the lack of time I actually spend hanging out with my friends anymore. Actually, never mind hanging out, I don't even see my friends anymore.

As of October 5, 2011, I had 343 "friends" on Facebook. I conducted a study to discover just how much interaction I have with these "friends" currently and what I think about these "friends." The results I found backed up my thoughts. I really do feel like I don't see people anymore and that's what I found. Actually, it's not only that I don't see many of my friends anymore, I rarely even communicate with them at all. I guess I should describe the different facets of the study conducted. The study consists of four areas of focus and a subgroup of answers for each particular person involved in the study. The four areas and subgroups:

1. Last time I have spoken with (insert "friend")

• Today
• Within a week
• Within a month
• This year
• More than a year
• Never

2. How often I hangout with (insert "friend")

• Often
• Sometimes
• Rarely
• Never

3.Friend Label (who doesn't like labels?)

• Close friends (notice the lack of quotations surrounding the word friends here)
• Teammate
• Family
• Coworker
• Don't know why we're "friends" (quotations!)
• Friend
• Acquaintance

4. How I feel about (insert "friend")

• I like you
• Neutral
• I don't like you
• I hate you
• Depends
• I don't know

The simplicity of the study combined with the stunning realizations it brings about make it a study I think we should all perform. So on October 5, I embarked on the data collection! On October 5, I spoke with 21 of my "friends" at some point during that day and spoke with 15 more within that week, for a total of 36 (21+15) throughout the whole week. That number isn't too bad, at least I don't think so, given that I'm at college and people have stuff to do. What I found very alarming is that I have not spoken to 169 of my "friends" in over a year! That's very nearly half of the list of people. While at first that number is alarming, after further consideration I realized that I don't care. Out of those 169 people, only about two or three would actually have any impact on me. In other words, there are only about two or three of those people that I would like to still have communication with. Also, as I stated previously, there are only three people that I have never spoken with. I really believe that many people cannot say the same about their "friends."

I should have made this a category

One thing that's great is that I have a few of the greatest friends that I could ask for. I like this part, too, because I get to label people! I have come to the conclusion that I have seven close friends, which I think is a good amount. These are the people I have very frequent communication with over various medians. For instance, Chase Robertson goes to school the furthest away from me out of all my friends (notice the lack of quotations again), but I actually communicate with him the most without a doubt. In fact, over the last month or so I've had communication with him just about everyday and it's great! This is possible because we don't always use the same mode of communication. First off, we both still use AIM. I really like AIM because it works very well. AIM lets you instant message your friends without any lag and I have never experienced one issue with the service. I really think it's too bad that so few people use it anymore. Chase and I also speak with one another while at school from time to time via Xbox Live. This is really fun because we can game and have sweet conversations at the same time! And of course, we use text each other and that works very well, too.

As you can tell by acquainting yourself with the design of this study, I did not make any differentiation between males and females. However, I can tell you that out of the seven close friends I have, six are guys and one is a girl. This result also did not surprise me, and really it shouldn't because anyone should know who their close friends are. Also, I must add that I did not include any family members as close friends. Personally, I have historically spent way more time hanging out with other guys. I don't really have a precise reason for this, but I think it is just because of the way I am wired. I know a lot of guys, including a few of my roommates that try to get all the girls they can. I just don't think that way. I only want one girl, not a different one every night. I don't know why I am like that, but I've just always been that way and I think that is why I only have one female friend that I consider a close friend. I also have no problem with this because I am happy with the seven people who are always there to speak to about practically anything. I've tried to include more people in this closer circle of friends, but it has only really worked out with a very small group. It makes for one hell of a group, though! The funny thing is that of these seven people, I only hangout with four of them on a regular basis. The four of you know who you are. As for the other three, there are certain circumstances that prohibit hanging out to some extent, but I can see the number of often hangouts increasing by at least one in a relatively short amount of time. I won't tell you why, though, life's no fun without mystery.

Chase and I should add this to our communication devices 

I'm always hanging out with the same people though. The nice thing is that I have that one core group that I hangout with often. This group is mainly comprised of the great friendships I developed before and during high school and with a couple people at college. What I found interesting is that the study says that I only hangout with 23 people with some regularity. That means that the other 320 people I barely ever hangout with. This brings up a funny point that I only recently have come to realize. One thing about me is I really enjoy running around like a lunatic. This is why I run track and like to play pickup games of ultimate Frisbee and soccer. All of these things involve running around and I love it! The realization that I came to is that I have a group of friends back home that I only see when we play Frisbee. There is nothing wrong with that, but it's just funny that I practically have no other interaction with these people unless we are playing Frisbee. And now that we are all getting older, people are becoming lazier and we don't play as much. So now we only play very sparingly and that is probably why I find myself very rarely hanging out with a more diverse crowd.

 For some reason I usually find myself getting along quite well with people that are older than me. For instance, in college I always hung out with people one grade above me. I use the past tense here, because I am still in college, but they are not. This year has been strange for me because all these people that I used to hangout with are just simply not here anymore. The hangout number is also very low because it is so hard to get people to do anything. I struggle all summer, or I used to because I don't really try anymore, to get people together to hangout. The excuses are just unbearable. I can understand if you can't hangout all the time, but some people have an excuse everyday. How is everyday someone in your family's birthday? You study every second that you're not in class? Why are you always busy? The busy excuse, so classic in every sense of the word, makes me laugh. Whether I'm trying to hangout with people or just talk to them, the busy excuse always gets me. Who isn't busy? I go to college, too, and I run track, but look at this, I still find time to do shit like blog! People who constantly tell me they're busy are the same people that I stop inviting to do things. It's not that I don't like these people, I just stop doing it because it's a waste of my time. There are people I know/used to know that I would absolutely enjoy hanging out with/talking to from time to time, but they have just pushed me away (intentionally or unintentionally, it doesn't really matter) to the point where I just don't bother anymore.

One thing that I am very happy to report after conducting this study is that there is no one on my friends list that I hate. I did not make one single tally in that section. In fact I reported that I like 155 of my "friends." I do realize that only comes out to 45.189504%, but I found myself answering "I don't know" for many people, either because I don't know them all that well or because I haven's seen them in such a long time that I really don't know. People can change, so for all I know someone could have become a complete jackass. Of course the opposite could have happened, too.

Basically what I found confirmed my beliefs. I've thought for quite some time now that I always see and hangout with the same people. I don't mind because I like the people I associate with, but it does show a transition in my life. As I get older, lots of bonds have broken, but the ones that remain have grown even stronger and I believe they will last. I don't bother to add people on Facebook anymore because I find it rather worthless and pointless. It's not like I communicate with anyone on there anyways. I haven't sent out a friend request in over a year now and I'm not Facebook friends with some people that I see and interact with on a daily basis. I know this might be confusing to some people, but yes I am friends with  people who are not my Facebook friends.

I think that if I had conducted this study sometime during freshman year of college, the results would have been very different. I used to stay in touch with many more of my friends back then, but they are not only to blame for the lack of communication lately. I'll be honest here, I make very little effort to communicate. I text about four of my friends with some regularity, AIM with two almost daily, and no longer use Facebook as a communication device. I no longer use Facebook as a communication tool because I don't like the lack of privacy. With each "update" (I would call it a downdate because it gets worse each time), Facebook becomes less private. I do realize that people could see what you had "written on someone's wall" before, but now there is a stream on the right side of the homepage that tells all your "friends" when you do anything. I look at and this is what it looks like:

So-and-so commented on so-and-so's picture
So-and-so commented on so-and-so's wall post on so-and-so's wall
So-and-so likes some stupid shit
So-and-so commented on so-and-so's wall post on so-and-so's wall
So-and-so likes some stupid shit
So-and-so likes so-and-so's pointless status
So-and-so commented on so-and-so's pointless status
So-and-so commented on so-and-so's pointless status
So-and-so added 2,394,902 pictures to the album "What happened last night?"
So-and-so liked so-and-so's picture
So-and-so posted on so-and-so's wall
So-and-so likes some stupid shit
So-and-so commented on so-and-so's post on so-and-so's wall
So-and-so commented on so-and-so's picture
So-and-so updated their status to song lyrics
So-and-so commented on so-and-so's picture
So-and so likes some stupid shit
So-and-so added 4,328 pictures to the album "Who put those handcuffs on?"
So-and-so commented on so-and-so's status (by adding the next line in the song)
So-and-so likes some stupid shit
So-and-so is now friends with so-and-so
So-and-so likes some stupid shit
So-and-so commented on so-and-so's wall post on so-and-so's wall
So-and-so commented on so-and-so's status (added another line to the song)
So-and-so is attending some stupid shit
So-and-so liked so-and-so's status
So-and-so commented on so-and-so's wall post on so-and-so's wall
So-and-so likes some stupid shit

If you don't get it, Facebook broadcasts everything to everyone. Not only do I not care about a single one of these events, but I would also not like my "friends" to be aware of everything I do. I also believe I state at the beginning of this post that I would not bash Facebook right now, but I think you can see where I'm coming from. I rarely ever write on anyone's wall anymore because Facebook broadcasts to everyone that you did so. If I really want to get in touch with someone I message them. I will also add that I don't do this with many people, so these people are in a special category and they know who they are.

With all this said, I would be more than happy to reconnect with any of my lost friends. I think I will at some point, too. I can' say why, but I have a feeling. The end of the semester is approaching, it's almost Thanksgiving and not long after that is winter break. I hope to see some old friends over this period of time, especially this year because I don't know what my life will be like a year from now. I might have a job, and if I do, where I will be located I know not. My friends might have jobs, too! There is a good possibility that I will not be on the same school schedule that I've grown accustomed to over the past sixteen years, I guess. As for the people I know I am going to see over the break, I think we will have some fun. Chase and I have some good ideas about possible mini-movies to make and put up on YouTube. I really hope these come to fruition, it might be a way to get Retentive Gibberish out of it's current recession.

Well, here are the complete results of the study, and you should conduct it yourself!


Last Time Spoke With

• Today                                                             21 (6.122%)
• Within a week                                                 15 (4.373%)
• Within a month                                                43 (12.536%)
• This year                                                         90 (26.239%)
• More than a year                                           169 (49.271%)
• Never                                                               3 (0.874%)

Hangout with

• Often                                                                4 (1.166%)
• Sometimes                                                      19 (5.539%)
• Rarely                                                             61 (17.784%)
• Never                                                           259 (75.510%)

Friends Label

• Close friends                                                    7 (2.041%)
• Teammate                                                      17 (4.956%)
• Family                                                            14 (4.081%)
• Coworker                                                      11 (3.206%)
• Don't know why we're "friends"                      72 (20.991%)
• Friend                                                            55 (16.034%)
• Acquaintance                                                167 (48.688%)

How I feel about you:

• I like you                                                       155 (45.189%)
• Neutral                                                            57 (16.618%)
• I don't like you                                                 12 (3.498%)
• I hate you                                                          0 (0.000%)
• Depends                                                          33 (9.621%)
• I don't know                                                    86 (25.072%)

I think it is only fitting to end this post with a quote from a literary legend, Bilbo Baggins:

"I don't know half of you as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

College Living: The Townhouse

Senior year in college has been much different simply because I no longer live in a typical dorm. I'm still on campus, but I live an area a bit removed from the rest of the school in a townhouse. I really like this style, no more meal plan, I cook for myself and I have a single. I live with four friends from school (there are five of us total in case you can't count/are confused) and it's quite hilarious given everyone's different lifestyles. Getting along with them isn't hard, but I find myself so different than them that it really is comical, especially from my perspective. One of my roommates is very messy, in the kitchen and just in general. It's annoying and funny how he just leaves his dishes and dirty utensils and cups in the sink. I will wash them or put them in the dishwasher, but only because I might need to use them. I think he's just used to not washing anything at home that he doesn't realize we, his roommates, are the ones who have to clean his shit. That's just the kitchen, though. Get a look at these pictures of the bathroom.

 Yes, all those towels are his. I think there are four in the picture, but I am rather certain that I have seen more. And yes, those are the tops of fast food cups on the counter top next to his male fitness magazines. I didn't get a picture of it, but his clothes were also scattered about the floor. I'll be able to get a good shot of that soon. The bathroom was recently cleaned by one of my other roommates, but the toilet is clogged now (again) and I'm sure that the clothing and towels will begin to build yet again. What I find amazing about this is how he can just leave his towels and clothing on the bathroom floor... for weeks. Guess he's not too worried about them getting dirty. I wonder if he uses the towels off the floor? He was also my roommate freshman year and I remember one of my towels going missing. I think I know where it ended up now, the floor. I'll have to get a picture of the sink sometime, but that won't be hard. I usually find myself fuming in the kitchen more than once each week, so I can bet on that happening again very, very soon. The more I think about it, the more I think that I'll probably be in that situation tomorrow. Regardless of when I actually post this, I will probably find myself in that situation tomorrow. In case you don't get it, the sink is full of dirty shit all the time.

I am quite happy to prepare my own meals, though. I have certainly taken a liking to cooking. My cooking expertise lacks depth right now, I only know how to prepare a few different dishes, but I think they sure are coming out well. Learning by doing and experimenting is how I've been operating. My roommate, the messy one I was talking about before, actually told me that he thinks I am by far the best cook in the townhouse. I'll take the compliment, but I'm also willing to actually prepare my meals. Often my roommates have frozen meals or meals that do not require much preparation at all. I don't think the meals I make are complicated, but they do take a little bit of time to prepare sometimes, but it is always worth it. Even when I haven't done it completely correct, the end result still tastes good so I could care less because the next time it will be even better!

Must be hard to screw this up

I'm a huge fan of stir fry, which also isn't very hard to prepare. I just like the idea of cooking a bunch of vegetable and some type of meat and dumping it on top of rice. Always tastes so good! Last year I ate stir fry practically everyday in the dining hall, but now I get to chose what kind I have and I don't need to hope that the lunch serves don't completely flood the whole thing with sauce. Sometimes they put so much sauce on the meal that it looked kind of like soup. Best of all, though, no more waiting in the tremendously long, slow line for stir fry. Along with cooking/preparing meals is getting the ingredients. I do grocery shopping now! I actually like grocery shopping because I'm in total control over what I want to buy. I have fun buying food with the knowledge that I'm going to cook it and eat it! And that it will be delicious of course. In my estimation, my cooking skills have grown significantly since I moved in to the townhouse in September. I also might have mentioned before that one of my friends from school is studying abroad this semester, but she told me that she wants me to cook her some meals when she gets back so it's a good thing I'm getting in some practice now!

While going through the random pictures I have from this year, I came across one from the first full weekend of school. That weekend there is an event that has become known as "Around the World." Basically townhouses prepare different shots and the rest of the school comes down to the townhouses to take a shot at each house. This isn't my thing at all, but it sure is hilarious to watch. What I found really funny was my townhouse's shot. My roommate, the messy one again (he's quite a character), and his friend from back home were talking up how awesome the shot they were going to have was going to be so great. They called it PMV, but I will not say what that stands for because it is somewhat vulgar. You might be able to guess yourself, so go ahead! Come the night of Around the World, all the people coming into our townhouse would take a shot of our stuff and continually say how they didn't like it. After all the hype and talk about how good the drink was, it turned out to be a huge bust. Who would have guessed?!

The picture above shows all the alcohol that my housemates gathered for the weekend. Quite a variety, but Busch light, come on, everyone knows that beer sucks.That weekend was certainly interesting. For some reason we have a bunch of sand outside the back door of our townhouse and during Around the World there was some precipitation. This led to one hell of a mess in our common area. There was mud and dirt all over the floor. I should have taken a picture of that, but we were all too concerned with getting the place cleaned first. I don't think the floor has fully recovered from that weekend yet. It's still somewhat dirty, but we barely use the common area for anything, which I find comical. We basically only go down there to use the kitchen to prepare meals. We barely ever eat down there, I eat most of my meals in my room. I attribute this to the fact that we rarely eat at the same times. I'd rather eat in my room than sit at our table in the common area and eat by my lonesome. We go down there to use the other bathroom, too, now that the upstairs toilet is clogged, again, one or two days after we just unclogged it.

One of the biggest things that has happened recently is quite random. I believe it happened two weekends ago. I remember getting up that Sunday morning, it was a normal Sunday morning, nothing unusual. I was just chilling in my room before the rest of my roommates got up (they sleep in much later than I do). Once they finally did wake up, I could hear them speaking about how they had a cat and that they were going to raise it. My messy roommate had an apartment with some friends during the summer and one of his friends living with him had a cat. Apparently the cat got pregnant and had four kittens I believe. My roommate decided to take one of the cats with him and raise it in our townhouse. The kitten is living with us now and has been name Wiz (Whiz, I don't know how to spell it). I believe he named him after the rapper, I don't know why though. I thought the name was very appropriate at first because the cat was peeing on them and their beds. He's grown up a lot since then. He knows to use the litter to do business and he's actually very people friendly.

He looks so cute, right? Well he is, but he can be a little bastard. He scratched one of my roommates on the face already, not too bad, but he still did it. His claws are just really sharp. Wiz also likes footwear and climbing things. The best part about the whole thing is what my roommate is trying to use the cat for. He constantly shows girls Wiz. He does this because he thinks it will help him get an in with them! Absolutely hysterical!

So that's what's going down in the townhouse. Well, there is some other stuff going on, but I don't want to discuss that right now (bet you can guess). That means it's random picture time!

Cheap Machete at Walmart, only $6.88!

Spectacular Parking Job!

Counterfeit Windows!

When I Grow Up I Want to be...

We have once again reached November, there's something about this time of year regarding school. For some reason, in my experiences, from the end of October until the mini break for Thanksgiving school work just ass-rapes students. Every fall semester I have projects due right before Thanksgiving and tests galore! I also don't like the fact that practically every class now is based strictly on examinations (quizzes, tests, whatever you want to call them). I also find myself increasingly not wanting to do anything relating to my major: accounting. If I knew what a terrible profession accounting was earlier there is no way in hell I would have chosen it. Actually, there's nothing wrong with the profession, it's just not for me. At least the degree isn't strictly for accounting, business for the win!

I've been very preoccupied as of late with a bunch of tests and projects. I even forgot to study for a quiz I had today because I somehow overlooked that there even was one. At least I know I got the bonus question right. When I think about it, I really should have majored in English or communications or something of that nature. I enjoy writing (hence why I continue to post blog entries that I believe only 2 people actually read) and reading certain things. I read Huxley's Brave New World this past summer and absolutely enjoyed it! The problem is I don't like being forced to read certain things or write about things that I'm not interested in. That is why I didn't pursue English as a major, plus I also don't like it when my writing style is constricted to how someone else wants. Everyone has their own style and flow, there is no right or wrong way. I'm rather certain that if I were to produce any of Shakespeare's plays for a literature or English class, that the professor would find something "wrong" with it. Given Shakespeare hadn't written it, but my point is that there is always something "wrong" with a paper. I say bullshit.

Should have gone with this method

What don't I like about accounting is mainly that I flat out suck at it and I don't enjoy it at all. The other thing that bothers me about it is that the only reason there is a "right way" to record items for accounting is because some assholes decided on the "right way." Science is hard, too, probably even harder than accounting, but at least there are scientific facts that back it up. Accounting is governed by GAAP, Generally Accepted Accounting Principles, or as I like to call it, Genuinely Arbitrary Account Preparation. I am more interested in people. I enjoy watching people and taking note on their behavior and tendencies. This is probably why I rip on Facebook so much. Again, I don't want my areas of joy to become a burden. I would much rather suffer through bullshit business/accounting classes and watch people on my own for fun! And blog of course! Maybe at some point I will reveal this blog to some of my friends in an attempt to spread it's already incredible fame.

I attribute some of my enjoyment of literature to the man himself, Dr. K (read about him in my other posts!). I will reiterate that I wish Dr. K was my grandfather or uncle, anything in relation to me. This is the third class I have had with him, and to be honest, every class is practically the same. The names of the courses he teaches do not matter, the only thing that matters is that Dr. K teaches them. A lot of people take him because they think his class is a joke and doesn't require an obscene amount of work. While it is true that you will not have to do a ton of work, I find myself intrigued by all of his theories and his views in general. I remember the second class we had this year he was going off on a rant. I don't recall what he was angry about, but he kept saying that it was bullshit! His ideas about Hamlet are thrilling and could very well be true. I choose to believe him and I now find Hamlet my favorite play by far. There's something about English professors, they are different than all other types of professors. Two of my favorite teachers/professors of all time teach English. I can't quite say what's different about them, but they are unique. In my estimation they have much deeper thinking on a much wider range of topics. Not like an accounting professor who knows the ins and outs of tax. Knowing tax is more concrete, there are certain things you should do in particular situations. Not that a tax professor can't be interesting, but in my interactions with different teachers/professors, I have tended to like the people who teach subjects such as English, sociology, psychology, or communication classes the most.

Back to the subject of majors, the common advice that is given to students attempting to choose a major is very weak. One of my favorites is the one that goes something like this: "if you choose a field that you enjoy, then you never work a day in your life." I completely agree, but what kind of job lets you play sports, play video games, and study people/blog? That's my perfect job right there. Anyone want to pay me to do those things? I argue that this is also a far better job than most out there, aside from being a professional soccer player. The job that I would love to have has the perfect balance. Playing sports/doing athletic activity gets you exercise and keeps you in shape. I don't want to sit at a desk all day and get overweight like the rest of the nation. Now there's something I can never understand. Obesity is such a large issue today, but who has looked at the nation that we have created? The lifestyle of this country promotes doing nothing at sedentary jobs. Back to my main point though, about the perfect balance. Playing video games lets you recover and take a break from physical endeavors. Video games are so enjoyable because I think they are like interactive movies. I feel like I'm in action/horror films when playing, but I get to make all the decisions! And despite many "experts" claiming that video games don't help people think, I disagree. Video games make the player think in varying ways depending on the game. Gamers solve puzzles, develop strategy, and overcome problems on the fly. As for my final piece, studying people and blogging, just so much fun. People fascinate me and I enjoy communicating my thoughts through blogging, even if no one reads my garbage. Maybe one day I'll make it to ten followers!

The only career that comes close to my perfect career is that of a professional soccer player. I think being a professional soccer player would be a dream come true, but the prospect is even enhanced because I'm American. I say this because soccer is sadly under-appreciated in the United States. Yes, I think anti-soccer people are fools. But how great would it be to be an American professional soccer player? You could make money playing the wonderful game and during the off-season you could reside in the United States and barely anyone would know you are! Make decent money and maintain anonymity.

Well, I guess I should get some sleep so I can get up in the morning and study! Remember, studying is important. You need to know everything because when you get a "real" job in the "real" world you'll be locked away in a room with absolutely no resources and need to perform your job completely from memory.

Words of a Living Legend

Despite his retirement from professional soccer this past February, Ronaldo continues to amuse me off the field. Not only is Ronaldo my favorite athlete, but I absolutely love the way he carries himself. He's taken a lot of heat in his most recent years for his weight gain, but he still carries with him an extremely happy demeanor. Earlier this year Ronaldo weighed himself on television during some ceremony or gathering of some sort. The scale read that he weighed 73 kg (160 lbs.), which is 4 kg less than he weighed at the 1998 World Cup. The scale was rigged! He manages to have fun with with all the criticism.

Ronaldo no longer tears up the competition on the field, but he's still making headlines. Yesterday I found an article regarding the legend: Brazil Legend Ronaldo: Sex before matches does not affect performance. I have absolutely no idea how sex became the subject of conversation during an interview with a retired soccer player, but imagine what his life was like. He dominated in soccer and had sex. Those activities happened in the reverse order I wrote them, though. I remember hearing that Ronaldo first revealed this lifestyle during his playing days at Real Madrid. He believes that as long as he doesn't have to do all the work, then he doesn't lose energy for the game. He attributes his success to this lifestyle because it keeps him happy. Now that's an honest man.

If any other professional athlete were asked about how they prepare for games, I am willing to be that no one else would give an answer anything like R9's. They would probably speak about dedicated practice and focus to perform at top athletic levels. Ronaldo's answer: sex. The best part about the whole thing, you can't argue with him. All the goals he scored, awards he won, and scintillating play speak what words cannot. I think Ronaldo's personality is the most overlooked aspect of him as a person. He, unlike many other sports superstars in my opinion, really respects the sport of soccer. This past World Cup Miroslav Klose of Germany had a great chance to break Ronaldo's record of 15 goals scored in the competition. When Ronaldo was asked what he thought of the prospect of the German overtaking him he replied that he (Ronaldo) had his time and it would be great for Klose to set a new mark. He had no intentions of sending Klose a video of all his World Cup goals, Pele. He also never declares anyone else as his successor, Maradona. I think you get my point, who cares?

You know what this means

I first became a Ronaldo fan for his play on the soccer field, but he is much more than a soccer player. After a competition in which Ronaldo received a money bonus for, he decided to donate the extra earning to children with cancer because he did not need it. He chose cancer patients because they were bald like him. He might have got in a bad situation with some male prostitutes pretending to be women, but I'm over that. He certainly has put on weight, but I bet most people have way more body fat than he does, especially those that make fun of his weight issues.

Simply, Ronaldo will always be my favorite athlete of all time.

Ups and Downs: The Month of October

Usually the only thing I look forward to in October is playoff baseball, playoff baseball, and playoff baseball. I can't be disappointed, I'm watching playoff baseball right now! I've recently come to like the current Detroit Tigers team. Verlander is an absolute beast who won 24 games this year and had a 2.40 ERA. That's just dirty and he should win the Cy Young award. Not to mention that the guy throws harder as he gets deeper into the game, hitting speeds of 100 miles per hour in the late innings. I'm also amazed at how well Miguel Cabrera can hit despite his suspect off-field antics. Cabrera hit around .560 the last ten days of the season! However, the biggest draw I see to the Tigers right now is Doug Fister.

Doug Fister started the year with the Seattle Mariners, a franchise that has seen much better days. His ERA with the Mariners was 3.33, not bad, but his record was 3-12! I don't know how he managed to not get upset at his teammates for not scoring any runs for him, but he must have been expecting a lack of run support from the Mariners less than stellar offense. Fortunately for Fister, he was traded away to the Detroit Tigers where he absolutely dominated. Fister straight up fisted (if you will) the competition with the Tigers posting an 8-1 record with a miniscule ERA of 1.79. That's Pedro Martinez in his prime shit! If you can't appreciate that turnaround, then screw you. Not only is Fister dominating with the Tigers, but I really like/enjoy his name. Names don't get much better than Doug Fister. He's mister Fister! He shows up to work and puts a shirt on that says "Fister" on the back. I'm even tempted to get a Doug Fister shirt.

In the Mariners hat, double fist!

So Doug Fister is making October great! What's not cool about October: change of season. I don't like the fall or any season where the weather becomes cold or is cold. In fact, I don't really like the change of the seasons at all. I would prefer to live somewhere the weather is always warm. I don't need to see snow and I don't need to see leaves change color and fall all over the ground. Now that I'm thinking of the seasons, I realize that all the seasons I don't like not only are cold and uncomfortable, but also create more work for everyone. In the fall the leaves fall all over the place creating a giant mess that I would rather not deal with. Right now it is that time of year that I look up at the trees and think "you assholes better stay up there," but they never do and I have to drag my ass out and comb the ground with a rake. Sounds like paradise. And if that didn't suck, then winter comes in and throws white, cold shit at us. Now I have to wear forty layers of clothes so I don't get hypothermia and shovel. Then the plows come by and create the Great Wall of China in front of the driveway. Thanks, assholes.

The amazing thing about this particular October is the release of Batman Arkham City! The game comes out in six days! I absolutely (in the words of Barry Feinstein) cannot wait for this game. Fifa 12 came out last month, great game, and now Batman Arkham City is about to come out this month. How am I going to have time to do anything? I'm going to have to do some severe time management so I can learn "strategic terms," reasonably assure that I have completed my work, and write blog entries for school credit and play sweet video games. Or I could just tell all my professors to "go pound sand." #InsideJoke

The big event that occurs in October is Halloween. I remember Halloween as a little, blissful child. Halloween was great, I got to dress up like Batman and Spiderman, but I did that on a regular basis anyways. I never got any candy with razor blades in them either, which is a plus. Overall, Halloween was generally a good night. I remember celebrating Halloween in Brazil. We lived in an apartment complex, a nice one though. It was a gated-in community. My sister and I walked up tons of stairs in buildings to get candy, what a good workout before downing a bunch of candy. The whole event really evened out. Now I'm older and Halloween has a very different feel. Halloween is no longer an innocent trick-or-treat journey. Halloween is all about getting hammered in costume, well at least for most people. Costumes are a big draw here. I think it is hilarious that some people actually get multiple costumes so they can dress up differently each night. Just take a moment to think about that, it's funny.

From my experiences of Halloween, guys try to find costumes that are comical. Guys like to have funny costumes because we tend to look at most things as a joke and want to have a good time. But in reality, no one gives a shit what the guys are wearing. Halloween, for the older crowd, is all about what the girls are wearing. This point is what brings me to my question about Halloween. Here's the thing (#InsideJoke or you know someone that I live with at school), girls get the sluttiest costumes to wear on Halloween. I don't need to explain why this is more important than what guys wear, and if you need it explained to you, I'm not telling. Girls find Halloween costumes that expose their belly, show lots of cleavage, and just show a lot of skin in general. Guys love Halloween because girls dress up like sluts, girls love Halloween because of all the attention they get.

Just because I dress this way, does NOT mean I act that way

So, guys tend to like when girls dress slutty, like they do on Halloween. This is not a reason to commend and celebrate Halloween. Halloween is one weekend every year. That's two, maybe three, and four nights at the most that you get slutty apparel. That's four out of three-hundred and sixty five days on a good year! There are 365 days in the year, and you're only dressing slutty for 1% of them!

Now a bunch of people are going to say some stupid shit like "no way man, some girls dress up like sluts all the time." Yes, some girls do, but those are the ones that have been around the block and have lots of sexually transmitted diseases. Basically, they ARE sluts. I'm talking about the "good girls," the ones who are good students/citizens/suck-ups/a long list of other things. They go out on Halloween with their bellies and tits hanging out, too, with shorts that are shorter than my pencil. Why do you choose Halloween?

While on the subject, everyone should check out Dave Chappelle's take on how women dress. I need not elaborate on the point, watch the video below. Dave Chappelle, in the words of Chase Robertson, "is better at what he does than anyone will ever be at doing what they do." I agree with this statement, but I would include Ronaldo at the top of the list, too. He played forward better than anyone has or ever will. I had to include that because of my undying respect for what Ronaldo accomplished. Anyways, listen to Chappelle.

You're Addictied to Facebook if.... The Status Edition

If there is one thing that there is far too much of in the Facebook community, it is most definitely status updates. Recently I have somewhat abandoned the social networking world, most notably not signing into my Facebook account because I realized that I just don't give a shit. I have grown weary of excessive status updates, none of which give me any reason to read them. So many users of Facebook are clearly addicted to updating their statuses that it would not surprise me in the least if I discovered that some people spent hours upon hours trying to think of something witty or funny to post as their status. I guess if it helps you sleep at night, then go on and do it.

This is what I think of your "status"

If you are unsure if you are addicted to updating your Facebook status, there is an easy way to tell. There are a number of different types of updates that only addicts use. The first that comes to my mind when thinking of useless updates is the use of song lyrics. Can anyone tell me a reason for your status to be song lyrics because I can't think of any good reason. It's just simply pointless. Whenever I log in to Facebook and I see some shitty Kid Cudi or James Blunt lyrics I just want to stab myself. What is the point? Do you want to show people that you know the lyrics to the song or that you know how to look the lyrics up? Then the comments on these statuses are just as pointless: "i love this song!" Or some people fill in the next line or something, but either way it is completely pointless. I guess it's better than listening to those people try to sing the songs, though, but not by much.

It's so good! I need more now!

Status updates about random sports things also get very annoying. I don't give a shit about what you thought of the call or if you want to talk trash about Lebron James not having a ring. If I did care, I would speak to you about it. Sharing sports knowledge or opinions has become a staple for many males, and some females, on Facebook. If I really wanted to listen to shitty opinions about sports that I don't care about I'd watch ESPN more often. Everyone is a sports expert so why not share it on Facebook? I have wondered at times if some people watch sports now so they have something to update their status with. Of course I don't think anyone would actually admit to this, but I know these people are out there. Also, when I see these sports related updates, I think that person must be watching the game by themselves because why would they post their thought as a status update instead of speaking to their friends about it? Just because you have 3,454,998 Facebook friends doesn't mean you have 3,454,998 friends. I have my own opinions on sports, I share them with some people, and I take their point of view into account and totally disregard it later. I don't have a Facebook account to become a sports expert through my highly sport-intelligent "friends."

I wonder how many people I can offend in this article. I'm just getting warmed up, so if you haven't been offended yet, maybe this next status topic will get you. I know there are a lot of people guilty of this one, status updates regarding your daily schedule. Once again, I have no idea why people put their day to day schedule as their status. Does anyone really care? I see these and I think to myself "holy shit! I didn't know you went to class, too!" I don't need to know where you are going to be at certain times in the day, unless I want to key your car, rob your house, toilet paper your house, or call you (I'd definitely ever do that!). I don't care if you're going to the have class at 9:00 and 1:00 and after that you're going to the movies. If I needed to know that, I'd probably be speaking to you. You know what would be really creepy, if I just showed up everywhere you were going to be on a given day. Then you'd try to blame me, you shithead! Holy shit, you won't believe what I just found. Someone stick a sharp object up my ass. There's a webpage about how to create a successful status update. Maybe they should read my article, then they'll know how to not screw it up. Anyways, regarding the schedule thing, I don't think anyone really cares what I'm doing every waking moment of the day, so why does anyone think that I care about what they're doing? Well, maybe sometimes I want to know what you're doing because you sure as hell never do anything with me, but I still don't need a detailed schedule. I have class, too, I also eat and go to practice. Do you want to know when I'm taking a shit?

Don't make one!

I'm sure most will agree with me on this stupid and massively annoying update: the I'm going to bitch about everything in my life status update. We all have problems, I don't want to know about most people's troublesome relationships, how much their lives suck, or how they're unhappy about something. Stop trying to make me depressed, you asshole. You are definitely guilty of this one if you ever use "fml" in your status updates. Often I think of the "status bar" as the "bitch bar." I was very tempted to use actual statuses from my "friends" in this article to demonstrate my point, but I decided that was going too far. So my "friends," you are all very welcome. I have seen some good bitching status updates (as well as song lyric, schedule, and all the other stuff I'm about to complain about oriented updates) from my "friends." Maybe people like to vent all their frustrations to the online community ( I'm definitely not doing that right now), but I think on Facebook people just want others to feel bad for them. Well, I don't, I have problems and things quite frequently don't go ideally, but that doesn't mean YOU should know about it. Some people also like to make annoying hybrid status updates. That's when you bitch via song lyrics!

What's with all the quotes in statuses? Those are obnoxious, too. I bet people search for quotes to put as their status because there is no way in hell that so many people know all these different quotes. What's the point of these? I think people are trying to sound smart, but we all know you're just stealing the words of someone else, real original. You should also realize that everyone that sees these quotes are taking them completely out of context. No one knows what you're getting at all the time. I sign in and see "Why be a man when you can be success?" Yeah man, cool story. I'm going to go change the way I live now, I'm going to be success. I most definitely looked up that quote I used. I can get more! Oh wait, no one cares, and I don't care what quote you put in your status. No matter how annoying, how obnoxious, or how stupid people get on Facebook, there's always more technology based on letting people bother the hell out of me. Apparently AT&T is introducing the HTC Status Smartphone. You'd think that AT&T is trying to piss me off. Although, it's not like all the other smartphones don't have Facebook apps that let people post stupid status updates all day, every day already.

One more status update that I don't get why people do, except that they are addicted to Facebook and attention whores, is post statuses about stupid things they have done. That's the type of stuff you keep to yourself. Sometime I look at these statuses and think about how there's someone I need to sever ties with. I saw this one update a while ago where one of my "friends" said something about not being able to remember what happened in their life it wasn't for pictures. Now there's someone I want to hang out with. The list goes on and on. I cannot remember one time logging onto Facebook where I didn't see a status about some stupid shit. Don't tell me, and all your other 423.098.234.094 "friends" that you just got plowed in the ass, what kind of alcohol you're drinking, or that you just fell down the stairs or locked yourself out (i.e. something you keep to yourself).

I'm not going to elaborate on this subject anymore at this time. This post has been sitting in my drafts since sometime in July and I don't want to screw it up. I was on a serious hell-bent rampage and there is no way in hell that I will be able to recreate this state and continue to rip on Facebook users right now. That just would not be fair in the least bit to myself. However, I can and will do something. I, Toninho, announce that I am in the process of conducting a survey of my "friends" on Facebook! I am in the process of making sense of the data I have collected and it should be up soon! Hopefully...