You're Addictied to Facebook if.... The Status Edition

If there is one thing that there is far too much of in the Facebook community, it is most definitely status updates. Recently I have somewhat abandoned the social networking world, most notably not signing into my Facebook account because I realized that I just don't give a shit. I have grown weary of excessive status updates, none of which give me any reason to read them. So many users of Facebook are clearly addicted to updating their statuses that it would not surprise me in the least if I discovered that some people spent hours upon hours trying to think of something witty or funny to post as their status. I guess if it helps you sleep at night, then go on and do it.

This is what I think of your "status"

If you are unsure if you are addicted to updating your Facebook status, there is an easy way to tell. There are a number of different types of updates that only addicts use. The first that comes to my mind when thinking of useless updates is the use of song lyrics. Can anyone tell me a reason for your status to be song lyrics because I can't think of any good reason. It's just simply pointless. Whenever I log in to Facebook and I see some shitty Kid Cudi or James Blunt lyrics I just want to stab myself. What is the point? Do you want to show people that you know the lyrics to the song or that you know how to look the lyrics up? Then the comments on these statuses are just as pointless: "i love this song!" Or some people fill in the next line or something, but either way it is completely pointless. I guess it's better than listening to those people try to sing the songs, though, but not by much.

It's so good! I need more now!

Status updates about random sports things also get very annoying. I don't give a shit about what you thought of the call or if you want to talk trash about Lebron James not having a ring. If I did care, I would speak to you about it. Sharing sports knowledge or opinions has become a staple for many males, and some females, on Facebook. If I really wanted to listen to shitty opinions about sports that I don't care about I'd watch ESPN more often. Everyone is a sports expert so why not share it on Facebook? I have wondered at times if some people watch sports now so they have something to update their status with. Of course I don't think anyone would actually admit to this, but I know these people are out there. Also, when I see these sports related updates, I think that person must be watching the game by themselves because why would they post their thought as a status update instead of speaking to their friends about it? Just because you have 3,454,998 Facebook friends doesn't mean you have 3,454,998 friends. I have my own opinions on sports, I share them with some people, and I take their point of view into account and totally disregard it later. I don't have a Facebook account to become a sports expert through my highly sport-intelligent "friends."

I wonder how many people I can offend in this article. I'm just getting warmed up, so if you haven't been offended yet, maybe this next status topic will get you. I know there are a lot of people guilty of this one, status updates regarding your daily schedule. Once again, I have no idea why people put their day to day schedule as their status. Does anyone really care? I see these and I think to myself "holy shit! I didn't know you went to class, too!" I don't need to know where you are going to be at certain times in the day, unless I want to key your car, rob your house, toilet paper your house, or call you (I'd definitely ever do that!). I don't care if you're going to the have class at 9:00 and 1:00 and after that you're going to the movies. If I needed to know that, I'd probably be speaking to you. You know what would be really creepy, if I just showed up everywhere you were going to be on a given day. Then you'd try to blame me, you shithead! Holy shit, you won't believe what I just found. Someone stick a sharp object up my ass. There's a webpage about how to create a successful status update. Maybe they should read my article, then they'll know how to not screw it up. Anyways, regarding the schedule thing, I don't think anyone really cares what I'm doing every waking moment of the day, so why does anyone think that I care about what they're doing? Well, maybe sometimes I want to know what you're doing because you sure as hell never do anything with me, but I still don't need a detailed schedule. I have class, too, I also eat and go to practice. Do you want to know when I'm taking a shit?

Don't make one!

I'm sure most will agree with me on this stupid and massively annoying update: the I'm going to bitch about everything in my life status update. We all have problems, I don't want to know about most people's troublesome relationships, how much their lives suck, or how they're unhappy about something. Stop trying to make me depressed, you asshole. You are definitely guilty of this one if you ever use "fml" in your status updates. Often I think of the "status bar" as the "bitch bar." I was very tempted to use actual statuses from my "friends" in this article to demonstrate my point, but I decided that was going too far. So my "friends," you are all very welcome. I have seen some good bitching status updates (as well as song lyric, schedule, and all the other stuff I'm about to complain about oriented updates) from my "friends." Maybe people like to vent all their frustrations to the online community ( I'm definitely not doing that right now), but I think on Facebook people just want others to feel bad for them. Well, I don't, I have problems and things quite frequently don't go ideally, but that doesn't mean YOU should know about it. Some people also like to make annoying hybrid status updates. That's when you bitch via song lyrics!

What's with all the quotes in statuses? Those are obnoxious, too. I bet people search for quotes to put as their status because there is no way in hell that so many people know all these different quotes. What's the point of these? I think people are trying to sound smart, but we all know you're just stealing the words of someone else, real original. You should also realize that everyone that sees these quotes are taking them completely out of context. No one knows what you're getting at all the time. I sign in and see "Why be a man when you can be success?" Yeah man, cool story. I'm going to go change the way I live now, I'm going to be success. I most definitely looked up that quote I used. I can get more! Oh wait, no one cares, and I don't care what quote you put in your status. No matter how annoying, how obnoxious, or how stupid people get on Facebook, there's always more technology based on letting people bother the hell out of me. Apparently AT&T is introducing the HTC Status Smartphone. You'd think that AT&T is trying to piss me off. Although, it's not like all the other smartphones don't have Facebook apps that let people post stupid status updates all day, every day already.

One more status update that I don't get why people do, except that they are addicted to Facebook and attention whores, is post statuses about stupid things they have done. That's the type of stuff you keep to yourself. Sometime I look at these statuses and think about how there's someone I need to sever ties with. I saw this one update a while ago where one of my "friends" said something about not being able to remember what happened in their life it wasn't for pictures. Now there's someone I want to hang out with. The list goes on and on. I cannot remember one time logging onto Facebook where I didn't see a status about some stupid shit. Don't tell me, and all your other 423.098.234.094 "friends" that you just got plowed in the ass, what kind of alcohol you're drinking, or that you just fell down the stairs or locked yourself out (i.e. something you keep to yourself).

I'm not going to elaborate on this subject anymore at this time. This post has been sitting in my drafts since sometime in July and I don't want to screw it up. I was on a serious hell-bent rampage and there is no way in hell that I will be able to recreate this state and continue to rip on Facebook users right now. That just would not be fair in the least bit to myself. However, I can and will do something. I, Toninho, announce that I am in the process of conducting a survey of my "friends" on Facebook! I am in the process of making sense of the data I have collected and it should be up soon! Hopefully...