You're Addictied to Facebook if You Have "Liking" Syndrome

Before work today, well I guess it was technically yesterday now. Oh Ford! I need to stop blogging so late all the time, but I'm stupid so I'm going to do it anyways. I think I write best at late hours, after I've endured the day and I'm alone with all my thoughts that have been running through my head all day long. Back to the point of this post, though. Before I went into work today I made the absolutely, inexcusable, boneheaded decision to check Facebook. That statement alone lets you know I was instapissed (I'm claiming ownership of this word because it happens to me all the time, and for those too stupid to understand, it stands for instantly pissed). I fuck**g hate Facebook like nothing else, there is no metaphor or simile that compares for my hatred of Facebook. The one good thing about Facebook is that it gives me a topic to complain and rant about practically endlessly. I am also currently in the process of a Facebook series for Sycophantic Laughter about Facebook addicts. Even though I have already started this series, I have not published any of the posts yet, and this has big potential to be the first of many. I know you're all going to LIKE this series, so throw your emotions away or I'm rather sure you could be offended. If you know me, then I'm sorry because you might recognize something stupid you did on Facebook mentioned because you guys are the reason I hate it, you assholes.

This particular installment is about "liking" on Facebook. If you didn't know that, Ford save you, it's right in the title, but I guess that's not a status, so you probably don't give a shit. So for the third time, before work today (technically yesterday now) I decided to torture myself. I logged onto Facebook and the result: instapissed. I cannot stand when people "like" things on Facebook. I kind of understand if you "like" a business (such as Apple) or an athlete or restaurant, something of that nature because that's at least somewhat related to who you are. Your friends probably know what celebrities you are a fan of and what restaurants you like to eat at, therefore I find this type of "liking" somewhat acceptable, but I still don't give a shit. If you were really my friend, there's a good chance I would already know that, or if I wanted to know, I would ask. What really pisses me off is when people "like" statuses or photos, things like that. Mostly it irks me when people "like" statuses, but I'll get into that shortly. First, why do I dislike "liking" so much? Maybe because it doesn't mean shit. Think about it, what does it mean? All I can really think of is that "liking" something is equivalent to saying "I saw that." "Liking" things is completely useless and it pisses me off. It's like people have this voice in their head saying "I HAVE TO "LIKE" THIS STATUS NOW!!" I understand that you can't help it, but that doesn't make me any less pissed off.

So when I logged on for some torture, I found myself clicking on my "friends" profiles in an attempt to see what they have been up to recently. I do this because I rarely ever see anyone in real life anymore, fuck you Facebook! I hate it when people tell you they're busy and then you see them active on Facebook during that time. I see how it is, you're busy with Facebook, you piece of shit! I understand that Social Interview and "liking" people's dumb ass statuses is fun, but come on, remember when you used to speak with me face to face? Anyways, in my vain effort to see how my "friends" are fairing these days, I came across the page belonging to someone who I used to see quite regularly in high school, but not much anymore. He had some status about a friend of his and of course it had some "likes." This doesn't sound like anything major, and it isn't, but it pisses me off. I don't want to know things because Facebook told me, that's stupid. And the "likes," what the hell do they mean, "hey, I saw this." "Likes" are so pointless and annoying, I don't give a shit if you "like" someone's status, good for you. Why don't you try reading something of substance, like a book? Would you read a book if it was hundreds of pages of statuses? Don't lie, you know you would.

I can't say the same for my "friends"

I'm not only blaming the "liker" of the status, they couldn't do their part without the asshole who posted the status update. Statuses could possibly be the thing I hate most on Facebook, and that's saying something considering my hatred for all that is Facebook. Anyone who posts a status update is a whore for attention. I don't see anyone anymore because they're all too busy "liking" each others stupid, pointless statuses. That brings me to another point. Sometimes, and when I say sometimes, I mean all the fucking time, people like to post unhappy statuses. Of course, just like any other status, people "like" it. Then that stupid piece of shit comments on their own status something like "why would you "like" that." Who gives a shit why they would "like" it, they're probably just being an asshole, but who's really the asshole. You, the status updater, are the asshole! YOU decided to post the unhappy status, you deserve it. Maybe next time you'll keep that shit to yourself. Oh yeah, a side note to women: when you get tons of "likes" on statuses, it is absolutely not because guys think you're funny or clever, or agree with what you say, they think you're hot and want to get with you. How many "likes" do you see ugly girls getting from guys? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Holy shit, I really hate Facebook. I hope Google+ rakes Facebook over coals. One feature I already LIKE about Google+ is something called "circles." You can divide your "friends" into different circles and share things with only people in certain circles. That is such a great idea, and you can bet I'm going to have a HUMONGOUS circle called "Assholes." Maybe you'll be able to "like" my circle, I bet you'd LIKE that. I'm trying my hardest, but I still cannot think of a good reason to "like" things, especially statuses. "Liking" statuses irks me to no end. I hope Mark Zuckerberg knows how many people he has successfully tortured and makes miserable everyday, you asshole! You know what else pisses me off about "liking?" Ever since "liking" became part of Facebook people have petitioned for a "dislike" button. What a bunch of morons, let's make the "liking" shit even deeper! I can't help but laugh every time I see someone comment on something with "dislike." HAHAHAHAH that's so clever! Commenting "dislike" definitely isn't an extremely overused, not to mention absolutely not funny, response. Someone get these people to start performing stand-up, I think I'm going to shit myself if they keep going.

This guy kiddin'?

I should expose my thoughts to my "friends" by posting this on Facebook, maybe I could get a few "likes!" I would like to thank my anonymous "friends" that brought back my fury after a long spell of peace. You know who you are, or do you? I also realize that this might be offensive to some, but I don't give a shit because I'm never going to see you anyways, that's right, go back to "liking" statuses, you attention whore. You'll get no attention from me, I can thankfully say that I have never once "liked" any of my "friend's" statuses or photos or any of their shit. I'm done for now, but I'll be insulting my "friends" again sometime soon with the next installment of Facebook addicts!