"Roller Coaster Rides" Are Cliche

The past six months have been like nothing I have ever experienced before. Such a random, interesting, yet sometimes boring, ride. In the course of those six months I have graduated from college, garnered a temporary job, been told by two girls that they are seeing someone, thought I had a chance to land a sweet job, considered daily continuing my track career, and have been ignored by most of the job postings I've applied to. I can't say that I'll have many chances to have a run like that again in just six months time! Oh yeah, I also penned my favorite article to this point for PRP, go check it out here!

However, before I get into any of the aforementioned things, I have come to another realization that most likely matters only to me. For some reason there have been a plethora of assassin bugs around and in my house since I came back from school. I find assassin bugs comical because of their lethargic movement. These guys/gals/don't really know how to classify them by gender, but I guess I use the word guy as a generic term for both anyway so it doesn't really matter, take their time moving anywhere despite having wings. They could fly, but they choose to walk what seems like less than a millimeter per second to wherever it is that they are headed. Anyways, the realization that occurred to me is that assassin bugs, if insect/arachnids/critters did drugs, would definitely be the stoners of the insect/arachnid/critter world. They already tackle everyday life like they're stoned out of their little minds now.

I'll just take my time

Well that was fun, not really though. Back to what I opened with, a strange half of a year. Honestly I don't really know what to make of it. Some good things have happened, some not so good things have happened, and some things that I'm rather indifferent about have happened. The job search has been a bit tedious. I am ready to move on to a role with more responsibility, but the issue is that I am currently locked up in what I cal the Fat Bastard Dilemma. If you have not seen Austin Powers, or you have just forgotten, Fat Bastard eats because he is sad, and he is sad because he eats. In my situation I can't get a good job because I lack experience, and I can't get experience because I can't get a better job. That is the essence of the Fat Bastard Dilemma. I'm sure that most people who read this can relate to this dilemma personally. So in searching for a job, all the people hiring are looking for people who have years of experience, but I'm nor sure where I fit in since I have recently graduated and have very little experience. I can't complain too much about where I am because at least I have a job and have a steady income, for now at least. But I really am at the point where I need something with more substance and more responsibility. I'm ready to move on.

On to the other more random thing that happened earlier today. I had plans to hang with a lady friend later on this week. Not a big deal, just a friendly thing. However, today she told me she could no longer hangout because she was seeing someone. My thought/response to this is simple: ok. Simple and enough said. I see where she's coming from, but it was so random and abrupt. This is the second time something like this has happened in the past six months, but this one doesn't really bother me much. I actually feel a bit relieved, although that might sound bad, it certainly is true. The randomness of the whole situation caught me by surprise, and I really enjoy/like random! Apathy has one in this instance though, so don't expect any bitching from me! Not now at least, you can go back and read my post from the other time that happened if you want sentimental shit. I'm actually kind of excited. All this thinking about how life is going to shape up hasn't really gone anywhere yet. There's so much room for experimenting and new beginnings!

I kind of like not knowing what's going to happen next in the grand scheme of things. I could be working below my means for a really long time! Or maybe I'll finally get a job that is both challenging and joyful. Who knows! I'm even considering voting for this election. I'll probably have to flip a coin for each vote I cast though, but I'll be serving my country diligently while doing so. I don't really have anything else to say right now. So I'll keep this short, but I did want to give my faithful readers an update, so you are very welcome. Until next time... also be champions, it's been far too long since I've tried instilling that everyone's mind.

Halloween is Almost Here!

If I were running for any type of political office I would realize nothing but absolute failure. Why? Well, because my political platform would be based on eliminating jobs. My completely unrealistic means of day-to-day living doing whatever you please without the hassles and limitation of money and an economic policy would surely get shot down and get the label "rubbish" within moments of announcement. The mere fact that one of the most sought after statistics for elected officials is job creation proves what Huxley spoke of in Brave New World (a fantastically written book), people are bred to love their servitude. Also, everyone should know that Ra's al Ghul and the League of Shadows created economics to destroy cities.

As I have mentioned before, I pay very little attention for politics and I don't understand why everyone wants to create more work. Should not the goal be less work? If you're doing a math problem and you could either add 4 seventeen times or multiply 4 by seventeen, which would you choose? I surely hope you would choose the latter and multiply the two numbers, because that creates less work. And I'm sorry for calling you Shirley. Apply that principle to a larger scale operation and it makes more sense to limit the number of jobs because it will cut down on payroll costs and most likely be more efficient. Would you rather employ a bunch of people at minimum wage when a machine could do the same job? A machine that will always be on time and never ask for a raise or child support and will only include servicing from time to time. Plus who the f**k wants to work? If I had my choice, I'd rather kill kittens than work.

I was there ten thousand years ago, when man failed. Wait, that's not my line.

So clearly people would laugh at me and call me insulting names because I want to eliminate jobs. On to other matters, like Halloween! Ever closer does this magical time of the year creep. I'm going to comment more times than necessary how this is the time of year when it's okay for everyone to dress like a whore/slut/skank. I just can't get over this concept, it's just so entertaining. So in recognition of whore/slut/whorefest let's look at some more pictures!

Well, hopefully you enjoyed at least one of those pictures. Kudos for the Multi Pass in the penultimate Halloween picture! After reviewing these photos again, I think it's clear that these ladies need to show more skin. Men are generally accused of objectifying women, but don't women play a role in it themselves? Anyway, you know what's a great idea for a song? A song titled Bitches Just Wanna Have Stitches. I would put it to the tune of that song Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Imagine that song with bitches just wanna have stitches in place of girls just want to have fun. Yeah, absolutely amazing. In fact, there should be two versions, the pop version I just modeled in your head and a rap version. I know that bitches rhymes with stitches, witches, pitches, ditches, niches, and hitches, so I am qualified to write the rap version of the song. Also, there would only be one music video, the music/beat would just change depending on which version of the song the video is for. That way you have two kick-ass songs and you save money by making only one video. That's called minimizing your expenses. Can't you tell I went to a business school?

Bitches Just Wanna Have Stitches, you heard it here first. If I have enough money maybe one day I will produce a full-length song and video. But let's be honest, that's not going to happen. I might have money, but there is no chance in hell I'm making that song or video. Or is there? I've also come to the conclusion that people named Neal are strange. That's just my personal experience, but it might be true.

I have another stellar idea! You know those Build-a-Bear stores? Well, I think that brand of store should be expanded. The same company that does Build-a-Bear doesn't have to create these stores, but someone should. The expansion I'm talking about is introducing Roll-a-Joint and Mix-a-Drink. The target audience for these stores would be roughly the same as for Build-a-Bear, just a bit older, for high schoolers. So, it's actually a different target audience. However, we all know that when our little ass-clown children go off to college they're going to smoke weed and drink alcohol. In the wise words of Ali G, you shouldn't deny your children edumacation. So before your little ass-clowns go off to college make sure they know how to roll a joint and for Joe sake make sure they know how to mix a drink. These valuable life lessons will help your little ass-clowns get the full college experience from the first day their undeserving asses set foot on campus. Again, you heard it here first. I know, I'm kind of a genius. If anyone with a ton of money, like venture capitalists or something, want to help me out, I'm down. Just throw some money my way and we can start talking business.

Hey, that's my line

Well, I hope everyone enjoys their slut/skank/whorefest this year! I hope everyone gets some "candy!"

Time for Some "Candy"

Politics is one thing that I sure as hell don't pay much attention to, if any at all. Therefore anything I have to say about politics can immediately be discredited and labeled as absolute garbage, unless I happen to make a good point. I tend to agree with the people who just think that all politicians are straight up scumbags. There probably are exceptions, but for the most part I would agree that they are major scumbags. Despite my severely limited knowledge of anything political, I would have my day and possibly much more made if during a campaign speech Obama declared that he was counting on white guilt to get the edge over his opponent, Mitt Romney. Or if Mitt Romney said that if he was elected President our country would no longer be led by a negro. That's about all I have to say about politicians and politics. Pardon my ignorance as well, I just find the idea amusing.

White guilt, to me, has always been an interesting concept since I first learned of it junior year of high school in one incredible man's class. Shout out to Vocabro, too (consider this me hollaring at you, bro) #insidejoke. #PeopleDoKnowHowToUseTwitterEvenIfTheyDoNotUtilizeHashTags. I don't think white guilt exists over white people as a whole, but rather over certain white people. Those who are racists I don't believe have any white guilt and would therefore not give an advantage to anyone just because their skin color is black. I don't even know why I'm discussing this right now, so I'm going to stop instead of debating with myself. I'll let the experts debate topics like white guilt. What I want to talk about is much more fun and interesting to me: October! But before I delve into the terribly interesting month that is October, one more thing about politics. As I have already stated I hardly pay much attention to politics in general. An excruciatingly large contributor to my apathetic viewpoint on politics is the way candidates go about election runs. Practically all election runs are negative and aimed at bashing the opponent.

Negative campaign ads are sickening. Basically what they say is this: Look at all this bad shit this person has done that I have not done nor ever will. I'm so and so and I approve this message so vote for me or you'll be living in hell for the next four years. Maybe the other candidate did those things because it's fun to do bad things and they just want to do hoodrat things with their friends (their fellow party members or whoever they work with). Maybe they take the Latarian Milton path. I don't think I could ever be a politician because I don't like talking shit to people or calling them out right in front of their faces. I'd much rather just talk shit about them behind their back, it creates less problems. If I told people what I really thought of them, then I would have a lot less friends. Actually, that's not true, I would still have the same amount of friends, rather I would have less of those on the bubble acquaintance people. Those people that you have conversation with but don't really hang out with much or at all. I would have a lot less of those people on good terms with me, and maybe a few less friends on second thoughts. Politicians, at least to me, just come off as fairly large scumbags who are really just suck-ups, and whoever can suck-up to the most people will win.

Now let's talk about October! I wrote a post about one year ago, in the midst of a very strange last year of undergraduate college, about October which you can read, if you would like, by clicking here. I don't know if you can tell, but part about Halloween that I wrote in that post was completely sarcastic and joke, but take it any way you want. First, let's talk about the baseball playoffs though! They're back! While I'm not a fan of the playoff system used in American sports, I do really enjoy the baseball playoffs and most of the excitement, to me, lies within the same team as last year, the Detroit Tigers. However this time it's not Doug Fister, though I really hope he can turn it around and have a dominant post season. I'm uber-excited about Miguel Cabrera winning the Triple Crown! That might not happen again in my lifetime and it is a truly awesome achievement! I think Chase was correct when he pointed out that Miguel Cabrera is kind of like Manny, and I really like Manny (Ramirez)! I'm hoping that Cincinnati, Detroit, or Washington wins the World Series, that would be a nice change. For some reason I'm not liking the teams from the AL this year, but I don't hate the Yankees despite calling myself a Red Sox fan. That reminds me, I'm working on a post about my sports fanhood because I think I have a truly unique fanhood, one not seen very often.

Postseason baseball sure makes October a thrilling month, the only other good thing about October is Halloween. Halloween is actually a nice name for slut-fest and it's almost time for slut-fest '12! I don't know why the vast majority of girls like to dress up like sluts during Halloween, but who am I to stop them. It might only be for a couple nights during the year (only for some of them), but it's that magical weekend when they all wear clothing exposing bellies, showing lots of leg, and lots of cleavage. It's a prevert's heaven! You'll be able to find me out in the bushes somewhere on Halloween weekend killing kittens. I don't know if people get my sarcasm, but I could care less #IWillNotBeInTheBushesOnHalloweenNight.

Just because we dress this way does not mean we act that way

Halloween isn't even anything. It's not a holiday, it's just some random day that people have grown accustomed to dressing up on and has amazingly evolved into a slut/whore-fest. At least it certainly looks like one. I find that thought absolutely entertaining. It's not easy to instill the "I have to look like a sexy slut tonight" mindset in millions of girls spanning what I would imagine is the globe. It's an interesting phenomenon. I haven't dressed up for Halloween in years, but I'm not going to say that it will never happen again. The only question is what to dress up as? This year it might be time to go trick-or-treating for some "candy."

Princess lay her?

At this point you probably think I'm a disgusting pig and I will do nothing to change your mind if you think so. Rather I'll leave you with this picture commemorating the passing of yet another #Classico.

But did your team win, Ibra? No, they didn't.