Words of a Living Legend

Despite his retirement from professional soccer this past February, Ronaldo continues to amuse me off the field. Not only is Ronaldo my favorite athlete, but I absolutely love the way he carries himself. He's taken a lot of heat in his most recent years for his weight gain, but he still carries with him an extremely happy demeanor. Earlier this year Ronaldo weighed himself on television during some ceremony or gathering of some sort. The scale read that he weighed 73 kg (160 lbs.), which is 4 kg less than he weighed at the 1998 World Cup. The scale was rigged! He manages to have fun with with all the criticism.

Ronaldo no longer tears up the competition on the field, but he's still making headlines. Yesterday I found an article regarding the legend: Brazil Legend Ronaldo: Sex before matches does not affect performance. I have absolutely no idea how sex became the subject of conversation during an interview with a retired soccer player, but imagine what his life was like. He dominated in soccer and had sex. Those activities happened in the reverse order I wrote them, though. I remember hearing that Ronaldo first revealed this lifestyle during his playing days at Real Madrid. He believes that as long as he doesn't have to do all the work, then he doesn't lose energy for the game. He attributes his success to this lifestyle because it keeps him happy. Now that's an honest man.

If any other professional athlete were asked about how they prepare for games, I am willing to be that no one else would give an answer anything like R9's. They would probably speak about dedicated practice and focus to perform at top athletic levels. Ronaldo's answer: sex. The best part about the whole thing, you can't argue with him. All the goals he scored, awards he won, and scintillating play speak what words cannot. I think Ronaldo's personality is the most overlooked aspect of him as a person. He, unlike many other sports superstars in my opinion, really respects the sport of soccer. This past World Cup Miroslav Klose of Germany had a great chance to break Ronaldo's record of 15 goals scored in the competition. When Ronaldo was asked what he thought of the prospect of the German overtaking him he replied that he (Ronaldo) had his time and it would be great for Klose to set a new mark. He had no intentions of sending Klose a video of all his World Cup goals, Pele. He also never declares anyone else as his successor, Maradona. I think you get my point, who cares?

You know what this means

I first became a Ronaldo fan for his play on the soccer field, but he is much more than a soccer player. After a competition in which Ronaldo received a money bonus for, he decided to donate the extra earning to children with cancer because he did not need it. He chose cancer patients because they were bald like him. He might have got in a bad situation with some male prostitutes pretending to be women, but I'm over that. He certainly has put on weight, but I bet most people have way more body fat than he does, especially those that make fun of his weight issues.

Simply, Ronaldo will always be my favorite athlete of all time.

Ups and Downs: The Month of October

Usually the only thing I look forward to in October is playoff baseball, playoff baseball, and playoff baseball. I can't be disappointed, I'm watching playoff baseball right now! I've recently come to like the current Detroit Tigers team. Verlander is an absolute beast who won 24 games this year and had a 2.40 ERA. That's just dirty and he should win the Cy Young award. Not to mention that the guy throws harder as he gets deeper into the game, hitting speeds of 100 miles per hour in the late innings. I'm also amazed at how well Miguel Cabrera can hit despite his suspect off-field antics. Cabrera hit around .560 the last ten days of the season! However, the biggest draw I see to the Tigers right now is Doug Fister.

Doug Fister started the year with the Seattle Mariners, a franchise that has seen much better days. His ERA with the Mariners was 3.33, not bad, but his record was 3-12! I don't know how he managed to not get upset at his teammates for not scoring any runs for him, but he must have been expecting a lack of run support from the Mariners less than stellar offense. Fortunately for Fister, he was traded away to the Detroit Tigers where he absolutely dominated. Fister straight up fisted (if you will) the competition with the Tigers posting an 8-1 record with a miniscule ERA of 1.79. That's Pedro Martinez in his prime shit! If you can't appreciate that turnaround, then screw you. Not only is Fister dominating with the Tigers, but I really like/enjoy his name. Names don't get much better than Doug Fister. He's mister Fister! He shows up to work and puts a shirt on that says "Fister" on the back. I'm even tempted to get a Doug Fister shirt.

In the Mariners hat, double fist!

So Doug Fister is making October great! What's not cool about October: change of season. I don't like the fall or any season where the weather becomes cold or is cold. In fact, I don't really like the change of the seasons at all. I would prefer to live somewhere the weather is always warm. I don't need to see snow and I don't need to see leaves change color and fall all over the ground. Now that I'm thinking of the seasons, I realize that all the seasons I don't like not only are cold and uncomfortable, but also create more work for everyone. In the fall the leaves fall all over the place creating a giant mess that I would rather not deal with. Right now it is that time of year that I look up at the trees and think "you assholes better stay up there," but they never do and I have to drag my ass out and comb the ground with a rake. Sounds like paradise. And if that didn't suck, then winter comes in and throws white, cold shit at us. Now I have to wear forty layers of clothes so I don't get hypothermia and shovel. Then the plows come by and create the Great Wall of China in front of the driveway. Thanks, assholes.

The amazing thing about this particular October is the release of Batman Arkham City! The game comes out in six days! I absolutely (in the words of Barry Feinstein) cannot wait for this game. Fifa 12 came out last month, great game, and now Batman Arkham City is about to come out this month. How am I going to have time to do anything? I'm going to have to do some severe time management so I can learn "strategic terms," reasonably assure that I have completed my work, and write blog entries for school credit and play sweet video games. Or I could just tell all my professors to "go pound sand." #InsideJoke

The big event that occurs in October is Halloween. I remember Halloween as a little, blissful child. Halloween was great, I got to dress up like Batman and Spiderman, but I did that on a regular basis anyways. I never got any candy with razor blades in them either, which is a plus. Overall, Halloween was generally a good night. I remember celebrating Halloween in Brazil. We lived in an apartment complex, a nice one though. It was a gated-in community. My sister and I walked up tons of stairs in buildings to get candy, what a good workout before downing a bunch of candy. The whole event really evened out. Now I'm older and Halloween has a very different feel. Halloween is no longer an innocent trick-or-treat journey. Halloween is all about getting hammered in costume, well at least for most people. Costumes are a big draw here. I think it is hilarious that some people actually get multiple costumes so they can dress up differently each night. Just take a moment to think about that, it's funny.

From my experiences of Halloween, guys try to find costumes that are comical. Guys like to have funny costumes because we tend to look at most things as a joke and want to have a good time. But in reality, no one gives a shit what the guys are wearing. Halloween, for the older crowd, is all about what the girls are wearing. This point is what brings me to my question about Halloween. Here's the thing (#InsideJoke or you know someone that I live with at school), girls get the sluttiest costumes to wear on Halloween. I don't need to explain why this is more important than what guys wear, and if you need it explained to you, I'm not telling. Girls find Halloween costumes that expose their belly, show lots of cleavage, and just show a lot of skin in general. Guys love Halloween because girls dress up like sluts, girls love Halloween because of all the attention they get.

Just because I dress this way, does NOT mean I act that way

So, guys tend to like when girls dress slutty, like they do on Halloween. This is not a reason to commend and celebrate Halloween. Halloween is one weekend every year. That's two, maybe three, and four nights at the most that you get slutty apparel. That's four out of three-hundred and sixty five days on a good year! There are 365 days in the year, and you're only dressing slutty for 1% of them!

Now a bunch of people are going to say some stupid shit like "no way man, some girls dress up like sluts all the time." Yes, some girls do, but those are the ones that have been around the block and have lots of sexually transmitted diseases. Basically, they ARE sluts. I'm talking about the "good girls," the ones who are good students/citizens/suck-ups/a long list of other things. They go out on Halloween with their bellies and tits hanging out, too, with shorts that are shorter than my pencil. Why do you choose Halloween?

While on the subject, everyone should check out Dave Chappelle's take on how women dress. I need not elaborate on the point, watch the video below. Dave Chappelle, in the words of Chase Robertson, "is better at what he does than anyone will ever be at doing what they do." I agree with this statement, but I would include Ronaldo at the top of the list, too. He played forward better than anyone has or ever will. I had to include that because of my undying respect for what Ronaldo accomplished. Anyways, listen to Chappelle.

You're Addictied to Facebook if.... The Status Edition

If there is one thing that there is far too much of in the Facebook community, it is most definitely status updates. Recently I have somewhat abandoned the social networking world, most notably not signing into my Facebook account because I realized that I just don't give a shit. I have grown weary of excessive status updates, none of which give me any reason to read them. So many users of Facebook are clearly addicted to updating their statuses that it would not surprise me in the least if I discovered that some people spent hours upon hours trying to think of something witty or funny to post as their status. I guess if it helps you sleep at night, then go on and do it.

This is what I think of your "status"

If you are unsure if you are addicted to updating your Facebook status, there is an easy way to tell. There are a number of different types of updates that only addicts use. The first that comes to my mind when thinking of useless updates is the use of song lyrics. Can anyone tell me a reason for your status to be song lyrics because I can't think of any good reason. It's just simply pointless. Whenever I log in to Facebook and I see some shitty Kid Cudi or James Blunt lyrics I just want to stab myself. What is the point? Do you want to show people that you know the lyrics to the song or that you know how to look the lyrics up? Then the comments on these statuses are just as pointless: "i love this song!" Or some people fill in the next line or something, but either way it is completely pointless. I guess it's better than listening to those people try to sing the songs, though, but not by much.

It's so good! I need more now!

Status updates about random sports things also get very annoying. I don't give a shit about what you thought of the call or if you want to talk trash about Lebron James not having a ring. If I did care, I would speak to you about it. Sharing sports knowledge or opinions has become a staple for many males, and some females, on Facebook. If I really wanted to listen to shitty opinions about sports that I don't care about I'd watch ESPN more often. Everyone is a sports expert so why not share it on Facebook? I have wondered at times if some people watch sports now so they have something to update their status with. Of course I don't think anyone would actually admit to this, but I know these people are out there. Also, when I see these sports related updates, I think that person must be watching the game by themselves because why would they post their thought as a status update instead of speaking to their friends about it? Just because you have 3,454,998 Facebook friends doesn't mean you have 3,454,998 friends. I have my own opinions on sports, I share them with some people, and I take their point of view into account and totally disregard it later. I don't have a Facebook account to become a sports expert through my highly sport-intelligent "friends."

I wonder how many people I can offend in this article. I'm just getting warmed up, so if you haven't been offended yet, maybe this next status topic will get you. I know there are a lot of people guilty of this one, status updates regarding your daily schedule. Once again, I have no idea why people put their day to day schedule as their status. Does anyone really care? I see these and I think to myself "holy shit! I didn't know you went to class, too!" I don't need to know where you are going to be at certain times in the day, unless I want to key your car, rob your house, toilet paper your house, or call you (I'd definitely ever do that!). I don't care if you're going to the have class at 9:00 and 1:00 and after that you're going to the movies. If I needed to know that, I'd probably be speaking to you. You know what would be really creepy, if I just showed up everywhere you were going to be on a given day. Then you'd try to blame me, you shithead! Holy shit, you won't believe what I just found. Someone stick a sharp object up my ass. There's a webpage about how to create a successful status update. Maybe they should read my article, then they'll know how to not screw it up. Anyways, regarding the schedule thing, I don't think anyone really cares what I'm doing every waking moment of the day, so why does anyone think that I care about what they're doing? Well, maybe sometimes I want to know what you're doing because you sure as hell never do anything with me, but I still don't need a detailed schedule. I have class, too, I also eat and go to practice. Do you want to know when I'm taking a shit?

Don't make one!

I'm sure most will agree with me on this stupid and massively annoying update: the I'm going to bitch about everything in my life status update. We all have problems, I don't want to know about most people's troublesome relationships, how much their lives suck, or how they're unhappy about something. Stop trying to make me depressed, you asshole. You are definitely guilty of this one if you ever use "fml" in your status updates. Often I think of the "status bar" as the "bitch bar." I was very tempted to use actual statuses from my "friends" in this article to demonstrate my point, but I decided that was going too far. So my "friends," you are all very welcome. I have seen some good bitching status updates (as well as song lyric, schedule, and all the other stuff I'm about to complain about oriented updates) from my "friends." Maybe people like to vent all their frustrations to the online community ( I'm definitely not doing that right now), but I think on Facebook people just want others to feel bad for them. Well, I don't, I have problems and things quite frequently don't go ideally, but that doesn't mean YOU should know about it. Some people also like to make annoying hybrid status updates. That's when you bitch via song lyrics!

What's with all the quotes in statuses? Those are obnoxious, too. I bet people search for quotes to put as their status because there is no way in hell that so many people know all these different quotes. What's the point of these? I think people are trying to sound smart, but we all know you're just stealing the words of someone else, real original. You should also realize that everyone that sees these quotes are taking them completely out of context. No one knows what you're getting at all the time. I sign in and see "Why be a man when you can be success?" Yeah man, cool story. I'm going to go change the way I live now, I'm going to be success. I most definitely looked up that quote I used. I can get more! Oh wait, no one cares, and I don't care what quote you put in your status. No matter how annoying, how obnoxious, or how stupid people get on Facebook, there's always more technology based on letting people bother the hell out of me. Apparently AT&T is introducing the HTC Status Smartphone. You'd think that AT&T is trying to piss me off. Although, it's not like all the other smartphones don't have Facebook apps that let people post stupid status updates all day, every day already.

One more status update that I don't get why people do, except that they are addicted to Facebook and attention whores, is post statuses about stupid things they have done. That's the type of stuff you keep to yourself. Sometime I look at these statuses and think about how there's someone I need to sever ties with. I saw this one update a while ago where one of my "friends" said something about not being able to remember what happened in their life it wasn't for pictures. Now there's someone I want to hang out with. The list goes on and on. I cannot remember one time logging onto Facebook where I didn't see a status about some stupid shit. Don't tell me, and all your other 423.098.234.094 "friends" that you just got plowed in the ass, what kind of alcohol you're drinking, or that you just fell down the stairs or locked yourself out (i.e. something you keep to yourself).

I'm not going to elaborate on this subject anymore at this time. This post has been sitting in my drafts since sometime in July and I don't want to screw it up. I was on a serious hell-bent rampage and there is no way in hell that I will be able to recreate this state and continue to rip on Facebook users right now. That just would not be fair in the least bit to myself. However, I can and will do something. I, Toninho, announce that I am in the process of conducting a survey of my "friends" on Facebook! I am in the process of making sense of the data I have collected and it should be up soon! Hopefully...