Misdirection

Every day I when I wake up my first thought is "f*ck." Then I lay in my bad for a few minutes and think "f*ck." Why are my my first thoughts this wonderful obscenity? Well, I've about had it with my job at this point and to make matters worse from a personal standpoint, the damn weather is beginning to change for the worse. I f*cking hate the winter and its cold weather and shitty snow. That's beside the point, for now at least. Over the past year I've become increasingly unhappy with my job and all the shit that doesn't work, most of which I'm beginning to think will never work correctly. I think my boss summed it up best when he said that we were the funnel for all the bad things. He couldn't be more correct

Part of my problem is that I don't really know what I want to do. Eventually I would like to find a new job, but I'm almost certain I do not want to live in the area I currently live. As a young, stupid adult, I think I'd like to experience living in a new place with what I consider nice weather. Also, who the heck is Derek Jeter?

I often do this thing where I like to change the subject of what I'm writing about with little warning. So how lame is it that Netflix has delayed the release of season 2 of Arrow until October (was originally scheduled to be released in September)? Now they're forcing me to watch it on streams that might be frowned upon, but honestly, what am I supposed to do?

Stephen Amell, he's so hot right now. If you haven't watched Arrow yet, the picture above should give you plenty of reason to... whether you're a girl or a guy. In honor of Stephen Amell and the return of Arrow, I'm considering watching the premiere without my shirt. I feel that would only be fitting and encourage you to do the same, again, whether you're a girl or a guy. And of course you're welcome to come watch it with me... without your shirt of course.

Speaking of shirts, one of my favorite posts of all time is about loose-leaf books, go look it up if you haven't seen this email I got from some dude on eBay. The week I was on vacation to the very beautiful Hilton Head, South Carolina, I received a strange email, this time at work and not to my personal email. I'm contemplating posting that email here, but I'm not sure how appropriate that is, but then again I don't really give a shit. It's bad when I would be happy if I was fired from my job. So, here it is:

While I was reading this, I was wondering which grade this person dropped out of school (feel free to offer your best guess) because they do not know how to form a complete sentence. The lack of punctuation and run on sentences is down right appalling. My brain hurt attempting to read this utter piece of garbage. Needless to say, these people hate me, along with a whole bunch of out other customers because I'm apparently responsible for managing the finances for every single customer of a multi-million dollar company. That's ok, though, if they don't want to speak to me that's fine. They can just go speak to nobody. Of course I haven't responded, but if I did, I think the only appropriate response would be "what?"

Well, my bed time is rapidly approaching so I'll abruptly end right about... here?

What the Hell have I seen?

This past Tuesday I watched the great debacle that was the World Cup semifinal between Brazil and Germany, a game in which the Germans absolutely butt-plunged Brazil by an outrageous score of 7-1. I'm a Brazil fan since the Brazilian nation team is the team of my childhood, the first team I ever followed beginning with the 1998 World Cup. And of course, my favorite athlete, Ronald, R9, Il Fenomeno, was a major component of that '98 team. While I agree without hesitation that Brazil's squad is nothing compared to what it 15 to 20 years ago, I still did not expect the ridiculous shellacking in this 2014 World Cup semifinal in Brazil! This might be the strangest game I've ever seen and it was sloppy as shit. And in my opinion, despite the score, Germany did not look all that good.

However, the most ridiculous thing about this game did not actually occur in the game. What I'm utterly flabbergasted about is the resulting Miroslav Klose's man of the match card in Fifa 14's Ultimate Team.

 

Please take a good hard look at the Klose card. 90 pace and 94 dribbling and 99 heading! What is this guy, Superman? Even Rooney has never been that overrated. I think I could smoke Klose in a foot race. Hell he was never fast enough at any point in his career to warrant that pace. And 94 dribbling? Pair that with the 90 pace and this guy is like Messi with an unstoppable header. As shocked as I was with the 7-1 mauling of Brazil, this man of the match card shocked me more.

I had Klose in Ultimate Team on Fifa 13 and he was either an 82 or 83 overall, which also shows how obscene his jump in quality is. I don't care if he's now the all time leading World Cup goal scorer now, that rating is completely ridiculous. If Klose is a 90 overall given what he's accomplished, then Messi should a 167 overall because of all the goals he's put past helpless goalies over the past few years.

Going back to real life, let us look ahead to the final between Argentina and Germany. The two semifinals leading up to this final have really deflated my interest in the tournament this year. Mostly the Germany and Brazil game accounted for the decimation of my interest, and this doesn't stem from Brazil losing the game. Germany has an extremely talented team so I knew that they were entirely capable of beating this installment of Brazil. It's just the way that the game played out, it's like the game was some ill fantasy. After the Germans scored a few scrappy, crappy goals the game turned into one big shit storm that saw the Germans score ugly goal after ugly goal. Kroos' goal and much later on Schurrle's goal were nice, but the rest were scrappy crappy from what I remember. Please forgive me if I am mistaken, but regardless, the game was complete shit.

Judging from the articles online and the user comments on them, it looks like a great deal of people wanted Brazil to lose. So good for them, they got what they wanted. What I don't understand is that these people were calling Brazil thugs and stuff like that for playing rough. I don't get that because in my estimation Columbia played just as dirty. And I'm not saying that just because that ass clown Zuniga almost paralyzed Neymar. I'll give Zuniga a little credit though, he didn't bite Neymar because he knew that would get him a suspension. Cracking vertebra, well, that's ok with Fifa. Luis Suarez, please take note. And f**k James Rodriguez. Or as I'm going to refer to that guy, Hummus Rodriguez. F**k him. I've never heard of the guy before this World Cup and the attention around him has already pissed me off, so f**k him.

I'm not done yet, f**k Hummus Rodriguez. I almost hope that someone breaks his leg, but that might be too harsh. I don't know what it is, but that guy kind of pisses me off, but I'll digress... for now. But seriously, f**k him.

Anyways, back to the final between Argentina and Germany. I can't decide who to root for, so I'm not going to waste my time trying to think of reasons to vote for one or the other. What I can do for sure is enjoy the misery of whichever of these two teams loses and I guess I can make that worth my while. With that I bid you a good night. Until next time...

Super Bowl Thoughts

Like most of the Super Bowl viewing audience, I was disappointed by the Super Bowl this year. That part where the Broncos scored one touchdown really put a damper on what was otherwise a terrific game. I would have been elated if the Seattle Seahawks won the game 60-0, but I guess I'll take the 43-7 walloping they rained down on Peyton Manning and company. Couldn't the Seahawks at least have reached 50 points? Is that too much to ask?

I'm not a typical sports fan when it comes to the definition of a "good" game, or race, or whatever kind of competition you're watching. Personally, I think it's unfair to call last weekend's Super Bowl game bad or boring, or whatever other negative adjective you'd like to use to describe it. Why, Toninho, why shouldn't we be upset the championship game of our beloved National Football League was a blowout? Well, I don't think it's right to call a game of athletic competition bad just because one team pounds the other. If one team is decisively better than another on a given day, then the score should reflect that. Athletic competition should not exist to entertain the masses, though it might in some cases. Not every game or race is going to be close, and just because the championship game is one of those does not make it "bad." If the game had ended 2-0 with no scoring after the safety on the first play of the game, it must have been "good," right? Because it was a close game, right? No, that's just f*cking stupid.

From my point of view, if you are on the team that is dominating a game, there is no reason to let up. While I was just a mediocre track runner, if I was way ahead in a race I would never slow down, I always wanted to beat my competition by the biggest margin that I could muster. Never once did I think of slowing down to make it a closer race, that's against everything that is athletic competition.

I'm cut from a different cloth, I love blowouts. I don't mind close, intense games, but I love blowouts, especially if I'm rooting for one team in particular. I love looking at a team that has the life sucked out of them and then seeing their dejected fans in the stands. It's amazing. Domination is king for me as far as athletics are concerned. There can definitely be "bad" games, but a blowout is not the definition of a bad game and just because a game is close does not mean that it's good.

I really am bummed out that Denver scored, I was pulling hard for that shutout. Also, Denver only scored because of a lame penalty called on an unsuccessful third down play. I'm sure most people will disagree with me, but that's fine. I'm only saying that I can enjoy a sporting event that is lopsided and in many instances I prefer it, especially when I want a particular team to win.

The Super Bowl was very entertaining and I had a great time watching it. I miss the 2007 season when the Patriots were constantly shitting on people and everyone was accusing them of running up the score. If the opposing defenses could stop them, they wouldn't have lost by so much. It's not their fault if the other teams couldn't stop them. I enjoyed listening to those ass clowns complain about the Patriots going for it on fourth down when they already had an insurmountable lead. Wouldn't it be more automatic to kick a field goal? If the Patriots beat up on a team they're running up the score, but if Peyton manning beats up on a team, he's a national hero. It's just plain f*cking stupid and another reason why it sucks that the Broncos scored.

I miss these days

The Ideal Super Bowl - Volume 2

Last year I proved what a sick f*ck I am while describing what I would like to see happen in the Super Bowl between the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens. I am very happy to announce that regardless of what happens this year in the Super Bowl, that ass-turd Colin Kaepernick and that detestable shit-f*ck Jim Harbaugh will not host the trophy and declare themselves "world champions" of the United States' National Football League. Without beating around the bush, I declare that I would like to see the Seattle Seahawks humiliate the Denver Broncos. I don't want that goober Peyton Manning winning another Super Bowl. Further more, I hope that Richard Sherman has a monster game just to piss off all the recent people that are hating on him for what is an early leader for my favorite moment in sports for 2014.

I wish more players did interviews like the one Sherman did after the NFC Championship game. All the people who didn't like it can go pound sand. That's the pure emotion that Sherman was feeling and he gets fined for it. What a bunch of bullshit. I hope Sherman gets multiple interceptions and throws up the choke sign to Manning just like he did to Kaepernick. Then next week we can listen to a bunch of analysts, experts, and talk show host bitch about it. If they don't like this kind of stuff, they shouldn't even watch the games. If they think that's wrong, I wonder what they think of all the shit talking going on during the game.

Ideally I want to see a huge blizzard hit the Super Bowl this year just because the Super Bowl is being played outside for the first time that I can remember in my insignificant existence. I have beef with the National Football League so it would bring me much joy if anything that could go wrong did go wrong at the big event.

The blocked out word is "nerd"

So the stage is set with a little bit of bad weather. On the Broncos first drive Manning drops back and throws one of his signature wobbly-duck passes down field which is picked off by Sherman. Peyton Manning looks on dumb founded and wonders why his gloves didn't help him throw a better pass so he tugs on them. Seahawks score and never looks back. Manning throws another pick and some people start talking about spy-gate. This Super Bowl match up does not lend itself nearly as well to making a ridiculous story as last year. Basically I want to see a bad game from Manning and a great game from Sherman resulting in a Seahawks victory. I don't really give a shit about how it happens.

Of course now that Super Bowl Sunday is here, it has to be abnormally warm, so I guess there won't be a blizzard like I hoped. Not only would the blizzard have been great for the game, it also would have been amazing if Bruno Mars had to play the halftime show in shitty, freezing weather. I would have found this immensely satisfying because I don't like halftime shows, especially Super Bowl halftime shows. Super Bowl halftime shows are way too long and are horrible. If I wanted to see a concert I would have tuned into a concert or bought tickets to a concert. I'm watching the Super Bowl for the game, which brings up another point. I don't like it when people say they only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. Again, if you want to watch commercials that's fine, but you can do that whenever the hell you want. Just turn on your t.v. anytime and you can watch commercials. You'll see the same shit as when you're watching the Super Bowl.

I'm done for now, I need to get this piece of crap posted before the Super Bowl actually happens.

Living for Recorded Messages

Well, I completely forgot to recognize the anniversary of this blog last November sometime shortly after Thanksgiving. That was high on the blog priority list, but let's be serious, this blog isn't of much importance considering how riveting my life is. You know what I did today? Well, whether you want to hear about it or not, here it is. Today I went to work, where I've been getting raped by phone calls for the past three months roughly. I haven't had an ass-pounding like this since I entered the work force. When I got back from lunch today I had either 6 or 7 voice mails. My first thought was "well this sucks big fat balls." I guess I better listen to them. So in a methodically genius fashion I began listening to a message, figuring out how I could help the message leaver, and then giving them a call back. I did this for 4 or 5 messages. I'm sitting there thinking, "yeah, I'm making a good dent in this shit." Then I look back at the total messages I have.... there are 8. How the shit did that happen? Apparently while I was listening and responding to the other 4 or 5 messages I received like 5 or 6 more.

That adequately sums up my job right now. I have all these people who all want things from me and they all want it right now.One guy even called me "ineffective." The same guy also never responded to the email I sent him roughly one month ago. My coworkers who work in the cubicles near me must think I'm psycho by now because there is no way in hell they don't hear me swearing under my breath all the time. I'm just one day closer to walking into work with a shotgun. That last part was sarcasm.

At this point my life has become one predictable cycle. I get up and go to work for the majority of the week (5 days for those who wonder), come home and go to the gym and then end the night by chilling out and playing video games/other leisurely activity, then watch Netflix and go to bed. The weekends mostly consist of going hanging out with my friends on one or two of the days/nights and more of me chilling and wishing that the weekend lasted a little longer. What I really need is an enema. That was some more sarcasm.

Remember when the world was supposed to end more than a year ago? I guess that didn't happen.There's always next year. Can you imagine if there was an apocalypse and the world actually ended? Movies have been made about huge natural disasters where some group of people go on a ridiculous journey to save the world. It's good for entertainment, but I can't help but think that a real apocalypse would be too much for any thing on earth to handle. I'd like to think that if the world was coming to an end... actually I don't care to think about that, but some days you just can't get rid of a bomb. And sometimes the bomb looks like a garbage disposal... because it is big bomb. I digress. At this point I'm going to make no effort, as usual, to segue into the next topic: football and the National Football League.

There's something about the National Football League. I don't like it, but I watch it. The league itself bothers me, and to further make fun of it, I will always refer to it as the National Football League, not the NFL. The main reason I don't like the National Football League is because it is so far up its own ass. The league thinks its the greatest thing ever, when in reality the hype is not justified for the product on the field. Football players are basically glorified gladiators of the modern time. Also, I have a hard time taking a league seriously where the majority of the players are thugs/criminals and dead beat dads. I have no problem if a person is a football fan or if a person's favorite sport is football. That's just fine, but I don't like that football and the National Football League is made out to be the pinnacle of all things in existence. The game itself is dumb. Again, there's something about it though because I still watch it despite all my complaints. Why do I say the game itself is dumb? Well, I believe that it's overly complicated for no good reason. In fact, I can't even do my bitching self justice about this right now. I'm going to have to plan this one out a bit, and by plan out, I mean that I'm going to scribble some things down in no particular fashion and put together one disjointed blog post about it in the future. That means we could see this next week or we could see it in five years. I just don't know. One more thing before I close the door on this topic for now, there is what appears to be homosexual action on every play in the National Football League.

This is clearly not homosexual

I wish I had more time to regale you with my bull shit, but it's just about bed time. Catch you later!