Discovering the Greatness: Limericks

After recently playing the game Quelf for the first time, I discovered just how incredibly great limericks are. Limericks are a type of poem, short and quick to the point, and of a comedic nature. They don't have to be funny, but for the most part limericks are jokes. When used in serious tones they tend to suck ass. A limerick consists of five lines that follow the rhyme pattern AABBA. Sometimes they follow an anapestic or amphibrachic meter, but I looked these up and don't really understand them, nor do I care to take the time to understand them. I decided to hell with those meters, I just want to have some fun with words. Also, the fact that limericks are sometimes referred to as nonsense makes them even more appealing to me. If you have read some of my posts then you know how random my thoughts are and how often they drift. I happen to think that my random thoughts are a great source for creating limericks of wonderful variety. They probably suck, but I'll let you judge that. All that matters to me is that I had a fantastic time coming up with these. So without further ado...

I know nothing of anapestic meter
But that should not make this poem teeter.
     Rather I'd like to create entertaining content
     Like imagining myself forcing sex without consent.
I hope to accomplish this goal like a relentless wife beater.

Yo, my name is Jack Bauer,
I possess a tremendous amount of power.
     Interrogating baddies is incredibly fun
     while I neutralize terrorist threats with only my gun.
And I did it all in just 24 hours.

There one was a man from Nantuckett,
He sat down on a spiky bucket.
    Excruciating pain shot down his spine,
    All his thoughts ran out of line
So he raised his hands and said "f**k it"

Zack de la Rocha sat smiling like the Joker
Contemplating his next political poster.
     Sifting through a pocket full of shells,
     His mind filling with loud yells
Until he pulled the trigger on his super soaker.

He has smiled in his life

There one was a man named Pat,
He had a lot of trouble with his fat.
     The folds of his rapidly expanding belly
     Produced odors oh so smelly
But no one could move him from where he sat.

Timmy went to the gym to get buff
In an effort to score all the muff.
     He lifted the bar with all his might
     But it collapsed on his chest without a fight.
Who knew getting a girl would be so tough?

I'm sure you've heard of this thing called religion.
It has people eating from its hand like pigeons.
     You have the freedom to choose what dogma to believe in,
     Or else risk being considered a heathen.
So tell me, what will be your decision?

John Terry isn't very kind to every race,
But he should be careful because he lacks their pace.
     Better go hide your wife
     Or else he's going to ruin your life.
Hard to say he's not a disgrace.

Alec Baldwin plays the best business man.
Anyone else should be considered a backup plan.
     Reaganing as Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock,
     Who wouldn't want to be in his socks?
I can honestly say I'm a big fan.

So there are some of my pathetic efforts to make limericks. Maybe I'll come up with more some other time, maybe I won't, but you can't say I never gave you any poetry on Sycophantic Laughter. On an unrelated note, I apologize to anyone who may have read any of my postings from June until around this point because some of them might have been somewhat depressing, pessimistic, and sort of unhappy. I think everyone goes through those types of phases in life, though. No need to fear though,  I'm clearly back as evidenced by my previous post about the Olympics where I mentioned things that irk me. And since I brought that up, let's talk about how South Africa's 4x400 relay team was allowed to get into the finals despite not even finishing half of the race. I'll tell you why this happened, because that guy they refer to as "Blade Runner," or "replicant" (as I like to refer to his not so human self), is on the team. That's all I'm going to say about that. The good news is that Usain Bolt has won both the 100m and 200m sprints for the second consecutive Olympics, a feat he stands alone to have accomplished. My favorite quote from the 2012 Olympics also belongs to Bolt who said "I'm here to cement my legend status." Well done, Usain, you have accomplished that goal.

I don't know how anyone can dislike Usain Bolt. He has become one of my favorite athletes since I first found out who he was during the 2008 Olympics. From his mannerisms to the way he speaks and how he dominates when he competes, I think he's likable guy. Maybe only Carl Lewis is the only one who's not a huge fan, but I think he's just envious of how good Mr. Bolt is. Bolt is a legend and he knows it, yet I don't think he flaunts his greatness in a disrespectful manner. He carries himself in a way I've never seen, he's definitely cocky, but only because he does know that he's the best. No one has run the 100m or 200m faster than him, so I think he has earned the right to celebrate the way he does and say that he is going to win.

I can't get enough of this guy!

I'm glad track has such an exciting and fun person. Every sport could use a Usain Bolt. He easily makes my list of favorite people. Maybe that's a good idea for a future post, I'll make a list of my favorite people, famous people that is. I am not getting into this with people I know personally, it would be like the MySpace top friends all over again. I'll begin doing some brainstorming on that topic, and maybe one day there will be a post about it that no one will read. Back to the Olympics, though. Since swimming has so many events, like I was referring to in the post before this one, I think that 100m walk like Bernie race should be included, along with other events such as the hot dog eating contest, tether ball (thanks 30 Rock!), and wiffle ball. There are probably some other events that should be added, too, but I don't feel like taking the time to think about that right now. Mainly the walk like Bernie race should be an Olympic event and why not, synchronized diving is already there.

I hope you enjoyed my terrible poetry, and no, beer pong should not be an Olympic sport nor would you win the gold medal.