Give me the Crowbar, not the Monkey Wrench

Now that I'm a quarter of a century old, I decided this is a good time to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. Up to this point I've been lollygagging along with very limited direction. Everything has been very standard: graduate high school, graduate college, obtain a job, move out of my parents house. That brings me to where I am today: a 25 year old operating in a peon position at a multi-million dollar company. Now for the last year and a half I've been either slowly or rapidly (I can't really tell right now) growing more unhappy each day. This all stems from one area of my job that I don't like at all.

What I've been seriously contemplating since sometime in July (of 2014) is moving to Southern California. This are of the country is very appealing to me because of the phenomenal weather, plus I've been out there before and it's definitely a place I could get used to. I think now is the time to do this since my Dad is currently out there on work and my Mom is going to join him at some point in 2015 (I think). What a great opportunity this is to have some help getting settled in to a new place. I've already squandered a few opportunities to move my life out west, such as the $17,000 annual scholarship I was offered by a college in Southern California to run track. At that time I wasn't ready to make such a move because I didn't want to part with my friends and I thought I had a good thing going with a girl from back home. Looking back I wish I had applied heavily to schools in Southern California and chose to attend one. That's all in the past and now I'm ready to go. I hate the weather in the northeast and I'm not attached to the region or any of it's cities one bit. The only thing I'd miss are my friends, but I don't see most of them that often anyway, but mostly I'm such a weirdo that I don't fit in with the typical crowd. I don't really enjoy drinking alcohol, I go out with my friends more as a function of being a friend and I want to support the happiness and well being of my friends because I do care about them. I'm kind of a loner/family guy and I'm ok with that.

Recently a monkey wrench or two have been thrown into my very loose hope to leave this dreadful (my opinion, I realize that some people really like it in the northeast) area. I'm just saying there's a reason Dante wrote about harsh cold in the layers of hell. For one, I feel like there's actually a conscious effort occurring at work to make my job suck less. One day last week I'm pretty sure some of my coworkers thought I was having a mental breakdown or something. I wasn't, it was actually just a normal day, I was just expressing my displeasure a hell of a lot more than usual. My friend at work told me some people were asking if I was ok and later on that day my boss asked me the same thing. Then the following day the VP had me come to her office and pretty much asked me the same thing as everyone else. I've shared ways to improve the problem that we face in my department and I truly believe that there will be an effort to make things better. However, I think part of me doesn't want this to get fixed because it would make leaving the company easier. As I stated before, my work happiness has been on a decline for quite some time now, dating back to October of 2013. I still remember the day it started. It was game one of the ALDS between the Boston Red Sox and the Tampa Bay Rays. It was the day I first heard The One Man Thrill Ride on WEEI. In short it's been a while since I was truly comfortable at work.

What I feel like at work

What's so bad about my job? Well, it all stems around one problem that has been plaguing my department since I've been there. The 1,000 plus unread email I have and countless voice mails I haven't listened to are a big factor, too. I don't think this was intentional, but basically any customer issue that has to do with accounting/finance gets funneled to me. The problem here is that it's absolutely ridiculous for one person to manage this for a multi-million dollar company. Especially when that's not really my job either, I have other shit to do. I've developed a new policy for answering my phone: I always answer if one of my coworkers is calling, but if it's an outside number I don't answer it unless I'm not in the middle of something, which is never. Currently my voice mail inbox is full with messages I haven't heard. I'd probably need to allocate an entire day or week to sort just the voice mail out. So... f*ck that, I'm not customer service.

Anyways, I'm getting a bit of topic here. I'm not very happy with my current employment situation, but the simple effort to make things less miserable certainly make me at least a little reluctant to leave. However, when I think about it, I should do what makes me happy and that always has me leaning toward making a change. At least we live in a wonderful world of technology today and I take full advantage of this by looking at the job market on a daily basis while I'm at work. Going to work to look for a job, it's a thing of beauty.

 The other side of the work conundrum is finding a job across the country. If I want to move to Southern California, I kind of need a job. I've sent my resume to a few job postings in California and haven't heard a thing. It could be that they don't like me as a candidate or it could be that the hiring people are thinking what in the heck is this guy from way out east doing applying to this job? Although, if I made up my mind and decided, screw all this, I'm moving, and just quit my job and picked a date to pack up my shit and move to the other coast I could always use an agency to help me find a job. I did that here and I landed myself a job.

Excuse me while I pry away at this problem

Friends are the biggest road block in my master plan to move. I have a few very good friends that I've had some great times with, times I won't forget anytime soon. I'm such a weirdo, though, that I don't exactly fit the mold of a person my age. Most people my age have one common interest: drinking alcohol. Sure I have an alcoholic beverage every now and then, but there's no consistency and I could easily give it up in an instant. I'm just not interested. It's the way I'm wired or something. For most of my life I've been what I'll refer to as an athlete, though not a very good one. I really miss running track and playing baseball and soccer. On many occasions I've seriously considered returning to competing in track, but the problem is the lack of facilities and time to properly train. It would be a dream come true to earn a living by playing a sport, but that has pretty much passed me by. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I'd rather use my spare time to train and better myself physically than go out drinking. It's only fitting that my best friend shares this same passion for bettering himself physically. We used to workout together for some time until I moved out of our hometown earlier in 2014. Not many people share this type of passion because let's face it, it's hard to stay in good physical shape. I workout on my own now, for the most part. Let's not get too far off the point here. Despite the friends I've garnered in my time in the northeast, I don't really see them all that often and again we live in this wonderful age of technology. As long as there is an effort made, you can stay in touch with relative ease.

The people I've discussed a potential relocation the most with are my parents. I'm not sure if my Dad is for or against me moving, but my Mom seems to really understand that I'm not particularly happy with where I'm at. I would love to live somewhere winter doesn't really exist, except as the name of a certain time of year. I want to live in a place where I can go outside in shorts and a t-shirt and be comfortably warm almost year round. This is all simply a personal preference of mine. Southern California is not for everyone, but I believe it's a place for someone like me. All I ask is for people to see this from my point of view when considering the decision that racks my brain daily. I envision making this move solo. Most of my friends don't want to leave the area we currently live in, and that's fine, that's their preference. I think it would be easier to make this move on my own. The exception I would make is if I had a girlfriend who shared the passion to move with me. My sister basically did this when she decided to move across the country and she's been happy ever since! Maybe I should take a page from her book and just buy a plane ticket and then tell everyone. I guess I'd have to quit my job, too, but my sister decided all on her own that she was moving and I respect that decision. She knew what she wanted to do and stuck with it. Granted she was moving to go live with her boyfriend, but she did what she thought was best for her. That's what I want to do with myself. I don't like those "where do you see yourself in five years?" questions, but when I think about that now, I just think that I don't want to be here.

You know what the funny thing is? Despite all the desire I show about wanting to move, I'll probably still be living in the northeast in five years and working at the same job. I'll admit, I would find that a bit funny myself. If my uncertainty about what I'm doing with my life was hate, I'd be the number one Sith Lord. Honestly, I have no idea what's going on. Currently everyday is like the last one, same shit different day. Am the only one who would love to go live elsewhere not only for my desire of better weather, but also for different culture? Maybe it's because of how I grew up. As a young child my family and I were some kind of nomads. We didn't live in any one particular place for an extended amount of time. Two or three years in one place, then two or three years in another place which included a stint in Brazil. At the time I didn't really notice the difference in cultures, I was too young. But looking back at those days in Brazil, it was quite the experience. There was a period of time, probably an entire year, that I almost never wore shoes. I was a little second grader running around with my sister outside in the sun barefoot taking in the nature that surrounded us. I feel like I've spent long enough in the northeast and I'm ready for change.