Give me the Crowbar, not the Monkey Wrench

Now that I'm a quarter of a century old, I decided this is a good time to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. Up to this point I've been lollygagging along with very limited direction. Everything has been very standard: graduate high school, graduate college, obtain a job, move out of my parents house. That brings me to where I am today: a 25 year old operating in a peon position at a multi-million dollar company. Now for the last year and a half I've been either slowly or rapidly (I can't really tell right now) growing more unhappy each day. This all stems from one area of my job that I don't like at all.

What I've been seriously contemplating since sometime in July (of 2014) is moving to Southern California. This are of the country is very appealing to me because of the phenomenal weather, plus I've been out there before and it's definitely a place I could get used to. I think now is the time to do this since my Dad is currently out there on work and my Mom is going to join him at some point in 2015 (I think). What a great opportunity this is to have some help getting settled in to a new place. I've already squandered a few opportunities to move my life out west, such as the $17,000 annual scholarship I was offered by a college in Southern California to run track. At that time I wasn't ready to make such a move because I didn't want to part with my friends and I thought I had a good thing going with a girl from back home. Looking back I wish I had applied heavily to schools in Southern California and chose to attend one. That's all in the past and now I'm ready to go. I hate the weather in the northeast and I'm not attached to the region or any of it's cities one bit. The only thing I'd miss are my friends, but I don't see most of them that often anyway, but mostly I'm such a weirdo that I don't fit in with the typical crowd. I don't really enjoy drinking alcohol, I go out with my friends more as a function of being a friend and I want to support the happiness and well being of my friends because I do care about them. I'm kind of a loner/family guy and I'm ok with that.

Recently a monkey wrench or two have been thrown into my very loose hope to leave this dreadful (my opinion, I realize that some people really like it in the northeast) area. I'm just saying there's a reason Dante wrote about harsh cold in the layers of hell. For one, I feel like there's actually a conscious effort occurring at work to make my job suck less. One day last week I'm pretty sure some of my coworkers thought I was having a mental breakdown or something. I wasn't, it was actually just a normal day, I was just expressing my displeasure a hell of a lot more than usual. My friend at work told me some people were asking if I was ok and later on that day my boss asked me the same thing. Then the following day the VP had me come to her office and pretty much asked me the same thing as everyone else. I've shared ways to improve the problem that we face in my department and I truly believe that there will be an effort to make things better. However, I think part of me doesn't want this to get fixed because it would make leaving the company easier. As I stated before, my work happiness has been on a decline for quite some time now, dating back to October of 2013. I still remember the day it started. It was game one of the ALDS between the Boston Red Sox and the Tampa Bay Rays. It was the day I first heard The One Man Thrill Ride on WEEI. In short it's been a while since I was truly comfortable at work.

What I feel like at work

What's so bad about my job? Well, it all stems around one problem that has been plaguing my department since I've been there. The 1,000 plus unread email I have and countless voice mails I haven't listened to are a big factor, too. I don't think this was intentional, but basically any customer issue that has to do with accounting/finance gets funneled to me. The problem here is that it's absolutely ridiculous for one person to manage this for a multi-million dollar company. Especially when that's not really my job either, I have other shit to do. I've developed a new policy for answering my phone: I always answer if one of my coworkers is calling, but if it's an outside number I don't answer it unless I'm not in the middle of something, which is never. Currently my voice mail inbox is full with messages I haven't heard. I'd probably need to allocate an entire day or week to sort just the voice mail out. So... f*ck that, I'm not customer service.

Anyways, I'm getting a bit of topic here. I'm not very happy with my current employment situation, but the simple effort to make things less miserable certainly make me at least a little reluctant to leave. However, when I think about it, I should do what makes me happy and that always has me leaning toward making a change. At least we live in a wonderful world of technology today and I take full advantage of this by looking at the job market on a daily basis while I'm at work. Going to work to look for a job, it's a thing of beauty.

 The other side of the work conundrum is finding a job across the country. If I want to move to Southern California, I kind of need a job. I've sent my resume to a few job postings in California and haven't heard a thing. It could be that they don't like me as a candidate or it could be that the hiring people are thinking what in the heck is this guy from way out east doing applying to this job? Although, if I made up my mind and decided, screw all this, I'm moving, and just quit my job and picked a date to pack up my shit and move to the other coast I could always use an agency to help me find a job. I did that here and I landed myself a job.

Excuse me while I pry away at this problem

Friends are the biggest road block in my master plan to move. I have a few very good friends that I've had some great times with, times I won't forget anytime soon. I'm such a weirdo, though, that I don't exactly fit the mold of a person my age. Most people my age have one common interest: drinking alcohol. Sure I have an alcoholic beverage every now and then, but there's no consistency and I could easily give it up in an instant. I'm just not interested. It's the way I'm wired or something. For most of my life I've been what I'll refer to as an athlete, though not a very good one. I really miss running track and playing baseball and soccer. On many occasions I've seriously considered returning to competing in track, but the problem is the lack of facilities and time to properly train. It would be a dream come true to earn a living by playing a sport, but that has pretty much passed me by. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I'd rather use my spare time to train and better myself physically than go out drinking. It's only fitting that my best friend shares this same passion for bettering himself physically. We used to workout together for some time until I moved out of our hometown earlier in 2014. Not many people share this type of passion because let's face it, it's hard to stay in good physical shape. I workout on my own now, for the most part. Let's not get too far off the point here. Despite the friends I've garnered in my time in the northeast, I don't really see them all that often and again we live in this wonderful age of technology. As long as there is an effort made, you can stay in touch with relative ease.

The people I've discussed a potential relocation the most with are my parents. I'm not sure if my Dad is for or against me moving, but my Mom seems to really understand that I'm not particularly happy with where I'm at. I would love to live somewhere winter doesn't really exist, except as the name of a certain time of year. I want to live in a place where I can go outside in shorts and a t-shirt and be comfortably warm almost year round. This is all simply a personal preference of mine. Southern California is not for everyone, but I believe it's a place for someone like me. All I ask is for people to see this from my point of view when considering the decision that racks my brain daily. I envision making this move solo. Most of my friends don't want to leave the area we currently live in, and that's fine, that's their preference. I think it would be easier to make this move on my own. The exception I would make is if I had a girlfriend who shared the passion to move with me. My sister basically did this when she decided to move across the country and she's been happy ever since! Maybe I should take a page from her book and just buy a plane ticket and then tell everyone. I guess I'd have to quit my job, too, but my sister decided all on her own that she was moving and I respect that decision. She knew what she wanted to do and stuck with it. Granted she was moving to go live with her boyfriend, but she did what she thought was best for her. That's what I want to do with myself. I don't like those "where do you see yourself in five years?" questions, but when I think about that now, I just think that I don't want to be here.

You know what the funny thing is? Despite all the desire I show about wanting to move, I'll probably still be living in the northeast in five years and working at the same job. I'll admit, I would find that a bit funny myself. If my uncertainty about what I'm doing with my life was hate, I'd be the number one Sith Lord. Honestly, I have no idea what's going on. Currently everyday is like the last one, same shit different day. Am the only one who would love to go live elsewhere not only for my desire of better weather, but also for different culture? Maybe it's because of how I grew up. As a young child my family and I were some kind of nomads. We didn't live in any one particular place for an extended amount of time. Two or three years in one place, then two or three years in another place which included a stint in Brazil. At the time I didn't really notice the difference in cultures, I was too young. But looking back at those days in Brazil, it was quite the experience. There was a period of time, probably an entire year, that I almost never wore shoes. I was a little second grader running around with my sister outside in the sun barefoot taking in the nature that surrounded us. I feel like I've spent long enough in the northeast and I'm ready for change.

Misdirection

Every day I when I wake up my first thought is "f*ck." Then I lay in my bad for a few minutes and think "f*ck." Why are my my first thoughts this wonderful obscenity? Well, I've about had it with my job at this point and to make matters worse from a personal standpoint, the damn weather is beginning to change for the worse. I f*cking hate the winter and its cold weather and shitty snow. That's beside the point, for now at least. Over the past year I've become increasingly unhappy with my job and all the shit that doesn't work, most of which I'm beginning to think will never work correctly. I think my boss summed it up best when he said that we were the funnel for all the bad things. He couldn't be more correct

Part of my problem is that I don't really know what I want to do. Eventually I would like to find a new job, but I'm almost certain I do not want to live in the area I currently live. As a young, stupid adult, I think I'd like to experience living in a new place with what I consider nice weather. Also, who the heck is Derek Jeter?

I often do this thing where I like to change the subject of what I'm writing about with little warning. So how lame is it that Netflix has delayed the release of season 2 of Arrow until October (was originally scheduled to be released in September)? Now they're forcing me to watch it on streams that might be frowned upon, but honestly, what am I supposed to do?

Stephen Amell, he's so hot right now. If you haven't watched Arrow yet, the picture above should give you plenty of reason to... whether you're a girl or a guy. In honor of Stephen Amell and the return of Arrow, I'm considering watching the premiere without my shirt. I feel that would only be fitting and encourage you to do the same, again, whether you're a girl or a guy. And of course you're welcome to come watch it with me... without your shirt of course.

Speaking of shirts, one of my favorite posts of all time is about loose-leaf books, go look it up if you haven't seen this email I got from some dude on eBay. The week I was on vacation to the very beautiful Hilton Head, South Carolina, I received a strange email, this time at work and not to my personal email. I'm contemplating posting that email here, but I'm not sure how appropriate that is, but then again I don't really give a shit. It's bad when I would be happy if I was fired from my job. So, here it is:

While I was reading this, I was wondering which grade this person dropped out of school (feel free to offer your best guess) because they do not know how to form a complete sentence. The lack of punctuation and run on sentences is down right appalling. My brain hurt attempting to read this utter piece of garbage. Needless to say, these people hate me, along with a whole bunch of out other customers because I'm apparently responsible for managing the finances for every single customer of a multi-million dollar company. That's ok, though, if they don't want to speak to me that's fine. They can just go speak to nobody. Of course I haven't responded, but if I did, I think the only appropriate response would be "what?"

Well, my bed time is rapidly approaching so I'll abruptly end right about... here?

What the Hell have I seen?

This past Tuesday I watched the great debacle that was the World Cup semifinal between Brazil and Germany, a game in which the Germans absolutely butt-plunged Brazil by an outrageous score of 7-1. I'm a Brazil fan since the Brazilian nation team is the team of my childhood, the first team I ever followed beginning with the 1998 World Cup. And of course, my favorite athlete, Ronald, R9, Il Fenomeno, was a major component of that '98 team. While I agree without hesitation that Brazil's squad is nothing compared to what it 15 to 20 years ago, I still did not expect the ridiculous shellacking in this 2014 World Cup semifinal in Brazil! This might be the strangest game I've ever seen and it was sloppy as shit. And in my opinion, despite the score, Germany did not look all that good.

However, the most ridiculous thing about this game did not actually occur in the game. What I'm utterly flabbergasted about is the resulting Miroslav Klose's man of the match card in Fifa 14's Ultimate Team.

 

Please take a good hard look at the Klose card. 90 pace and 94 dribbling and 99 heading! What is this guy, Superman? Even Rooney has never been that overrated. I think I could smoke Klose in a foot race. Hell he was never fast enough at any point in his career to warrant that pace. And 94 dribbling? Pair that with the 90 pace and this guy is like Messi with an unstoppable header. As shocked as I was with the 7-1 mauling of Brazil, this man of the match card shocked me more.

I had Klose in Ultimate Team on Fifa 13 and he was either an 82 or 83 overall, which also shows how obscene his jump in quality is. I don't care if he's now the all time leading World Cup goal scorer now, that rating is completely ridiculous. If Klose is a 90 overall given what he's accomplished, then Messi should a 167 overall because of all the goals he's put past helpless goalies over the past few years.

Going back to real life, let us look ahead to the final between Argentina and Germany. The two semifinals leading up to this final have really deflated my interest in the tournament this year. Mostly the Germany and Brazil game accounted for the decimation of my interest, and this doesn't stem from Brazil losing the game. Germany has an extremely talented team so I knew that they were entirely capable of beating this installment of Brazil. It's just the way that the game played out, it's like the game was some ill fantasy. After the Germans scored a few scrappy, crappy goals the game turned into one big shit storm that saw the Germans score ugly goal after ugly goal. Kroos' goal and much later on Schurrle's goal were nice, but the rest were scrappy crappy from what I remember. Please forgive me if I am mistaken, but regardless, the game was complete shit.

Judging from the articles online and the user comments on them, it looks like a great deal of people wanted Brazil to lose. So good for them, they got what they wanted. What I don't understand is that these people were calling Brazil thugs and stuff like that for playing rough. I don't get that because in my estimation Columbia played just as dirty. And I'm not saying that just because that ass clown Zuniga almost paralyzed Neymar. I'll give Zuniga a little credit though, he didn't bite Neymar because he knew that would get him a suspension. Cracking vertebra, well, that's ok with Fifa. Luis Suarez, please take note. And f**k James Rodriguez. Or as I'm going to refer to that guy, Hummus Rodriguez. F**k him. I've never heard of the guy before this World Cup and the attention around him has already pissed me off, so f**k him.

I'm not done yet, f**k Hummus Rodriguez. I almost hope that someone breaks his leg, but that might be too harsh. I don't know what it is, but that guy kind of pisses me off, but I'll digress... for now. But seriously, f**k him.

Anyways, back to the final between Argentina and Germany. I can't decide who to root for, so I'm not going to waste my time trying to think of reasons to vote for one or the other. What I can do for sure is enjoy the misery of whichever of these two teams loses and I guess I can make that worth my while. With that I bid you a good night. Until next time...

Super Bowl Thoughts

Like most of the Super Bowl viewing audience, I was disappointed by the Super Bowl this year. That part where the Broncos scored one touchdown really put a damper on what was otherwise a terrific game. I would have been elated if the Seattle Seahawks won the game 60-0, but I guess I'll take the 43-7 walloping they rained down on Peyton Manning and company. Couldn't the Seahawks at least have reached 50 points? Is that too much to ask?

I'm not a typical sports fan when it comes to the definition of a "good" game, or race, or whatever kind of competition you're watching. Personally, I think it's unfair to call last weekend's Super Bowl game bad or boring, or whatever other negative adjective you'd like to use to describe it. Why, Toninho, why shouldn't we be upset the championship game of our beloved National Football League was a blowout? Well, I don't think it's right to call a game of athletic competition bad just because one team pounds the other. If one team is decisively better than another on a given day, then the score should reflect that. Athletic competition should not exist to entertain the masses, though it might in some cases. Not every game or race is going to be close, and just because the championship game is one of those does not make it "bad." If the game had ended 2-0 with no scoring after the safety on the first play of the game, it must have been "good," right? Because it was a close game, right? No, that's just f*cking stupid.

From my point of view, if you are on the team that is dominating a game, there is no reason to let up. While I was just a mediocre track runner, if I was way ahead in a race I would never slow down, I always wanted to beat my competition by the biggest margin that I could muster. Never once did I think of slowing down to make it a closer race, that's against everything that is athletic competition.

I'm cut from a different cloth, I love blowouts. I don't mind close, intense games, but I love blowouts, especially if I'm rooting for one team in particular. I love looking at a team that has the life sucked out of them and then seeing their dejected fans in the stands. It's amazing. Domination is king for me as far as athletics are concerned. There can definitely be "bad" games, but a blowout is not the definition of a bad game and just because a game is close does not mean that it's good.

I really am bummed out that Denver scored, I was pulling hard for that shutout. Also, Denver only scored because of a lame penalty called on an unsuccessful third down play. I'm sure most people will disagree with me, but that's fine. I'm only saying that I can enjoy a sporting event that is lopsided and in many instances I prefer it, especially when I want a particular team to win.

The Super Bowl was very entertaining and I had a great time watching it. I miss the 2007 season when the Patriots were constantly shitting on people and everyone was accusing them of running up the score. If the opposing defenses could stop them, they wouldn't have lost by so much. It's not their fault if the other teams couldn't stop them. I enjoyed listening to those ass clowns complain about the Patriots going for it on fourth down when they already had an insurmountable lead. Wouldn't it be more automatic to kick a field goal? If the Patriots beat up on a team they're running up the score, but if Peyton manning beats up on a team, he's a national hero. It's just plain f*cking stupid and another reason why it sucks that the Broncos scored.

I miss these days

The Ideal Super Bowl - Volume 2

Last year I proved what a sick f*ck I am while describing what I would like to see happen in the Super Bowl between the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens. I am very happy to announce that regardless of what happens this year in the Super Bowl, that ass-turd Colin Kaepernick and that detestable shit-f*ck Jim Harbaugh will not host the trophy and declare themselves "world champions" of the United States' National Football League. Without beating around the bush, I declare that I would like to see the Seattle Seahawks humiliate the Denver Broncos. I don't want that goober Peyton Manning winning another Super Bowl. Further more, I hope that Richard Sherman has a monster game just to piss off all the recent people that are hating on him for what is an early leader for my favorite moment in sports for 2014.

I wish more players did interviews like the one Sherman did after the NFC Championship game. All the people who didn't like it can go pound sand. That's the pure emotion that Sherman was feeling and he gets fined for it. What a bunch of bullshit. I hope Sherman gets multiple interceptions and throws up the choke sign to Manning just like he did to Kaepernick. Then next week we can listen to a bunch of analysts, experts, and talk show host bitch about it. If they don't like this kind of stuff, they shouldn't even watch the games. If they think that's wrong, I wonder what they think of all the shit talking going on during the game.

Ideally I want to see a huge blizzard hit the Super Bowl this year just because the Super Bowl is being played outside for the first time that I can remember in my insignificant existence. I have beef with the National Football League so it would bring me much joy if anything that could go wrong did go wrong at the big event.

The blocked out word is "nerd"

So the stage is set with a little bit of bad weather. On the Broncos first drive Manning drops back and throws one of his signature wobbly-duck passes down field which is picked off by Sherman. Peyton Manning looks on dumb founded and wonders why his gloves didn't help him throw a better pass so he tugs on them. Seahawks score and never looks back. Manning throws another pick and some people start talking about spy-gate. This Super Bowl match up does not lend itself nearly as well to making a ridiculous story as last year. Basically I want to see a bad game from Manning and a great game from Sherman resulting in a Seahawks victory. I don't really give a shit about how it happens.

Of course now that Super Bowl Sunday is here, it has to be abnormally warm, so I guess there won't be a blizzard like I hoped. Not only would the blizzard have been great for the game, it also would have been amazing if Bruno Mars had to play the halftime show in shitty, freezing weather. I would have found this immensely satisfying because I don't like halftime shows, especially Super Bowl halftime shows. Super Bowl halftime shows are way too long and are horrible. If I wanted to see a concert I would have tuned into a concert or bought tickets to a concert. I'm watching the Super Bowl for the game, which brings up another point. I don't like it when people say they only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. Again, if you want to watch commercials that's fine, but you can do that whenever the hell you want. Just turn on your t.v. anytime and you can watch commercials. You'll see the same shit as when you're watching the Super Bowl.

I'm done for now, I need to get this piece of crap posted before the Super Bowl actually happens.

Living for Recorded Messages

Well, I completely forgot to recognize the anniversary of this blog last November sometime shortly after Thanksgiving. That was high on the blog priority list, but let's be serious, this blog isn't of much importance considering how riveting my life is. You know what I did today? Well, whether you want to hear about it or not, here it is. Today I went to work, where I've been getting raped by phone calls for the past three months roughly. I haven't had an ass-pounding like this since I entered the work force. When I got back from lunch today I had either 6 or 7 voice mails. My first thought was "well this sucks big fat balls." I guess I better listen to them. So in a methodically genius fashion I began listening to a message, figuring out how I could help the message leaver, and then giving them a call back. I did this for 4 or 5 messages. I'm sitting there thinking, "yeah, I'm making a good dent in this shit." Then I look back at the total messages I have.... there are 8. How the shit did that happen? Apparently while I was listening and responding to the other 4 or 5 messages I received like 5 or 6 more.

That adequately sums up my job right now. I have all these people who all want things from me and they all want it right now.One guy even called me "ineffective." The same guy also never responded to the email I sent him roughly one month ago. My coworkers who work in the cubicles near me must think I'm psycho by now because there is no way in hell they don't hear me swearing under my breath all the time. I'm just one day closer to walking into work with a shotgun. That last part was sarcasm.

At this point my life has become one predictable cycle. I get up and go to work for the majority of the week (5 days for those who wonder), come home and go to the gym and then end the night by chilling out and playing video games/other leisurely activity, then watch Netflix and go to bed. The weekends mostly consist of going hanging out with my friends on one or two of the days/nights and more of me chilling and wishing that the weekend lasted a little longer. What I really need is an enema. That was some more sarcasm.

Remember when the world was supposed to end more than a year ago? I guess that didn't happen.There's always next year. Can you imagine if there was an apocalypse and the world actually ended? Movies have been made about huge natural disasters where some group of people go on a ridiculous journey to save the world. It's good for entertainment, but I can't help but think that a real apocalypse would be too much for any thing on earth to handle. I'd like to think that if the world was coming to an end... actually I don't care to think about that, but some days you just can't get rid of a bomb. And sometimes the bomb looks like a garbage disposal... because it is big bomb. I digress. At this point I'm going to make no effort, as usual, to segue into the next topic: football and the National Football League.

There's something about the National Football League. I don't like it, but I watch it. The league itself bothers me, and to further make fun of it, I will always refer to it as the National Football League, not the NFL. The main reason I don't like the National Football League is because it is so far up its own ass. The league thinks its the greatest thing ever, when in reality the hype is not justified for the product on the field. Football players are basically glorified gladiators of the modern time. Also, I have a hard time taking a league seriously where the majority of the players are thugs/criminals and dead beat dads. I have no problem if a person is a football fan or if a person's favorite sport is football. That's just fine, but I don't like that football and the National Football League is made out to be the pinnacle of all things in existence. The game itself is dumb. Again, there's something about it though because I still watch it despite all my complaints. Why do I say the game itself is dumb? Well, I believe that it's overly complicated for no good reason. In fact, I can't even do my bitching self justice about this right now. I'm going to have to plan this one out a bit, and by plan out, I mean that I'm going to scribble some things down in no particular fashion and put together one disjointed blog post about it in the future. That means we could see this next week or we could see it in five years. I just don't know. One more thing before I close the door on this topic for now, there is what appears to be homosexual action on every play in the National Football League.

This is clearly not homosexual

I wish I had more time to regale you with my bull shit, but it's just about bed time. Catch you later!

Finally Finished, As in the Post is Finally Finished

Last weekend I was watching Baseball Tonight before the Sunday Night Baseball game on ESPN. One of the analysts on Baseball Tonight is former pitcher Mark Mulder. He was decently nasty back in his glory days when he was part of the three-headed monster that was the Oakland Athletics' starting rotation. While I was looking at his name, I couldn't help but think what if his last name wasn't Mulder, but Murder. Mark Murder. That would be a hell of a name. Imagine if your team had to face Barry Zito, Tim Hudson, and then the dagger, Mark Murder.

I've also been around long enough to realize that there are almost an infinite number of ways that you can categorize people. I think birthdays are an interesting way to put people into different categories. In terms of what type of birthday person you are, there are only two distinct categories, or at least only two that are worthy of mention. You are either one of those people that feels the need to let other people know that it is your birthday, or you don't feel this need.

What's in my glove?

If you're like me, then you could really care less about the actual day you were born when it comes around each year. After this year, I would be perfectly content not having another birthday ever again and staying at the same age for the rest of time. While that is unlikely to happen, I can still think about it. But not everyone is so apathetic like me. I find it amusing when people have to let you know it's their birthday. When people tell me, I don't really know what to say except "happy birthday." I'm not going to tell them that we are blessed that they were put on this earth however many years ago. It's nice to celebrate milestones in life with friends, but I could give a rat's ass if anyone else knew it was birthday. I'd absolutely wish Mark Murder a most happy birthday though.

I find it funny when you ask someone how they're doing and they tell you it's their birthday. People who want you to know it's their birthday are generally people who like attention. Having everyone wish you a happy birthday is a good way to generate attention. Another way to generate attention is to walk into work with a shotgun. Generating attention has become a huge part of life for people around my age. With all the different forms of social networking it feels like all most people do now a days is try to get attention. I wonder if anyone has been wished a happy birthday on every social networking site in existence. I'd count it even if these wishes weren't all on the same birthday. For instance, say you had a MySpace back in the day and were wished a happy birthday on it, but you no longer have one, but you had a happy birthday wished on some other social networking platform. I'd be very interested to know if anyone has accomplished that feat.

In my own classic fashion, I'll pick up penning this post more than 2 months after I started it. I'm not going to bother to read what I had previously written in September, I wouldn't want to attempt to make a cohesive piece here. I also don't really give a rats ass to be honest. Who knows what I was rambling on about, something about Mark Murder, which is a sweet name, and birthdays. I would also like to point out that I found out some dirt on one of my former friends last weekend, but that's all I'm going to say about that. I just wanted to make note of it in somewhere to serve as a reminder when I happen to come back to this post and read somewhere in the future.

If you remember my series of posts about the things that one of my college roommates said, that means you've read my blog before. If you haven't seen this series, I suggest checking it out, it will only waste a few moments of your life. Why, you may ask am I bringing this up? Well, I was thinking of reviving this series with a new segment about the conversations I overhear from two of my coworkers who have cubicles next to mine. To put it simply, it sounds like Access Hollywood mixed with stories about lame experiences with guys and how to deal with relationships, in a very poor fashion if you ask me. I'm still contemplating this, but all of the lines would essentially boil down to "I'm dying," "I can't breathe," "is this real life,"she's so crazy," etc. It's quite repetitive and they don't give me much material to work with. Who knows, though, might come to fruition, but probably not.

I've fallen out of rhythm with posts lately, I have no idea if I'll get back into blogging on a more consistent basis. Regardless, 2013 has been a really good year. That's probably part of the reason I haven't been on Blogger as much. I'm sure I'll find something to write on here. To be fair, last year I had tons of time to think about random things at work and was able to generate list after list of things I wanted to write about. I just need to get some topics going and I can start churning out some garbage just like in the summer of 2011! Also, the weather is going to start really sucking big fat ass holes soon, so that should automatically lend more time to me writing incessantly about nonsense. I've noticed that I haven't really been writing about much of anything since I placed my fingers at the keyboard to finish this post. I'd like to think that I would be really good at performing filibusters in blog form. I can keep going on about nothing in particular with the best of them. Or at least I think, I can't actually say that I read many blogs, but I would guess that they have way more of a sense of direction, but a whole lot less awesomeness.

Well, I'm done for now. I don't know what's next for this blog, but don't expect anything innovative. Catch you later.

Do You Know the Ice Cream Man?

What a great time of year we have upon us. European soccer leagues have started up and the baseball season is coming down to the wire. I'm really glad NBC got the rights to the English Premier League, now I only have to stream La Liga and the Serie A, but mostly La Liga. At this time I find myself sitting in my parents' living room, watching baseball, and blogging. This makes me contemplate, but not answer, the question "how did I get here?" The events of my life have all led me to this point, but that's not what I'm interested in discussing at this particular moment. Recently I've been thinking about the ice cream man. If my memory serves me somewhat accurately, I don't remember the ice cream man coming into my neighborhood during my time in middle school and all the way through the high school years. All of sudden, I find myself hearing the classic ice cream truck music quite frequently in my neighborhood. That got me thinking about the ice cream truck, the driver, and the ice cream dealing via truck business in general.

Now that I've gone through college and multiple business classes, I realize that there must be a method of some sort that goes into deciding an ice cream truck's route. The first thing that I would like to know about the ice cream truck business is who the hell is the owner? I wouldn't peg the people driving the trucks to be the owners, but who knows. That's kind of beside the point, though. Do ice cream truckers or whoever is in charge go through intense neighborhood analysis to pinpoint where they have the best chances of selling the most ice cream? And if so, what does this analysis consist of? Do they study school enrollment data to find which neighborhoods have the most kids that tend to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck with their parents' money?

I found this when I searched for "ice cream man"

Another method could be taking surveys of people, children included, in neighborhoods with questions like "on a scale of 1-11, how likely would you be to purchase ice cream from the ice cream man?" I would think they would do that without portraying the ice cream man shown above. That would just be bad marketing material, unless you thought the children were really fu*ked up or something. When you think about it, there's got to be some type of plan. Everything that we use has some type of plan behind it, no matter how strange it seems. Everything also must be manufactured and people must work in those manufacturing plants. Chase has mentioned to me that there have to be people that work in a dildo factory. He's absolutely correct. People own dildos, dildos must be produced, people must work in a dildo factory. It's quite sound logic.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately is pop stars. Pop stars have been on my mind against my will because of where I sit at work. My cubicle happens to be placed near two young ladies who, in my humble opinion, love pop news and gossip. I hear about all sorts of stuff that I could give less than a shit about, like Kanye West's new baby and how inappropriately Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus act. While I might dislike these people, and that's why I like the movie God, Bless America, it's not completely their fault. I blame the population of our country as well as the award shows/big television channels. I don't care what Justin Bieber, Kanye West, or Miley Cyrus is doing, has done, or will do. If everyone felt that way, then no one would know what they're doing and they wouldn't be such a distraction. Unfortunately, America not only loves war, but the people of our country also love celebrities. It's hard to tell which infatuation is worse sometimes. Miley Cyrus twerkin' it at whatever award show was on last weekend will always cause more stir and reaction than if she was a nice, young, respectable woman. I know it's backwards, but it's true. Who wants to talk about what a nice person someone is when we can be appalled at how a young woman performs a disturbing "dance" while scantily clad? However, I have to say the photo that surfaced of Will Smith's family from the event is great!

Hey, this will sell!

 I could be horribly wrong, but I would say that society shapes celebrities into crazy people. Kind of similar to the way that Gotham City and Batman shaped some poor, lonely souls into villains. No one should be surprised when a child star becomes a demented human being anymore. We should be surprised when they become a respectable person. Yes, what people like Miley Cyrus did at the award show is stupid, but we can't deny that millions of people don't love to talk about it. That's the way it is, and in all certainty the way it will stay.

Gong back to the question about how did I get here, I'm actually more concerned about where I will go from here. What has happened has happened and there's no changing that now. But where we go is entirely up to us. I'm very close to or at the point where I'm ready to move out of my parents house. I have a good job and I have the ability to live on my own now, but there's one problem: I don't want to live alone. When I move out, I don't want to get a place just for myself. I want to live with some friends, but right now I don't have any friends to get a place with. So for the meantime I'll continue living with my parents and in all likelihood continue to stunt my social growth. If you ask me where I see myself in five years, my answer would be alive. If you asked me to describe myself in one word, that one word would be undefined. If you wanted to know where my life is taking me, I'd say to the future. Basically I have no idea what's going on or what's going to happen, and to honest, I don't think I would want it any other way.

 Remember when I was discussing the ice cream man? That was a few paragraphs ago, but those guys are probably doing some intense research right now. You know with the ice cream selling season coming to an end, they need to find out which neighborhoods to roam next year. Can I also point out that I saw a great commercial for Diablo 3 today? The narrator of the commercial told me to grab some friends and go to hell. That made me laugh. I also recently found out that I was completely wrong about the writers of the show Heroes. After watching all the seasons of Heroes on Netflix, I was disappointed to find that the show had been canceled without the story getting wrapped up. Watching the show, I had thought that the writers had a story in mind with an endgame and eventually the show would reach this final conclusion and the show would come to an end. I thought when the series got canceled that the writers weren't allowed to finish their story, but upon doing some research (research consisted of some Google searches) that the writers were just making the whole thing up as they went along. No wonder the first season was so much better than all that followed. Of course this would mean that all the online sources I read were correct, but they're probably at least a little accurate. Regardless, I can kind of see why the show got canceled now. Those clowns probably didn't know where the hell they wanted the story to go and it was just living off how amazingly good the first season was.

I also can't decide what's more annoying, writing the opening of a blog post, or the closing of the blog post. I'm about ready to end this post, but I don't quite know how. A lot of that has to do with how disjointed my posts are. They always consist of random things that don't really have any business being together. So I guess this is as good a way as any to end it. I should really come up with my own sign off, maybe next time...

It's Not All Bad

Now that the new job feeling has worn off, life has gone back to what it has been for the last few years: a seemingly endless attempt to find things to do with people who never seem to have the time to do anything. Seriously, though, I can't find people to do much of anything except have a few drinks on the weekends. It's really lame. I've just gotten used to telling myself, "f*ck it, I'll just go fist myself then." Short story short, I'm really bored most of the time. My coworkers often ask me if I did anything fun over the weekend. Well, if fisting myself is fun, then I have a blast every weekend! But, hey, it's not all bad. I'm going to see Dave Chappelle perform live in September!!! Talk about things I never thought I'd get the chance to do! Going to a comedy festival headlined by Chappelle and Flight of the Conchords is most definitely going to be a great time! Can't wait for that date!

I've also been thinking about that sleazeball from the other temp agency and that text he sent me. Now that it has been more than 3 months, I can honestly say that I made the right decision. This time he can go fist himself. Enough about that, I think I'm going to start covering current events of my choice. Such as what happened in this video below:




When I first saw this video on the news I didn't really register how hilarious it was. Then while I was driving into work that morning and I heard the sound clip again and thought about it... well let's just say this made my day. I can't believe that there are people out there who claim this offends them. What a bunch of garbage. This is just straight up funny. If I was Asian and I had the exact same personality, I would laugh. Moreover, I wonder how the guy who submitted this to news reacted when they actually put it on live television. If it was me, I don't think I would be able to stop hysterically laughing for several moments. Aren't there people who screen this stuff? I'm glad it got through, though. It certainly put a smile on my face for the day, and that alone makes it worth it in my eyes. Go ahead and insert another Asian joke now. Regarding eyes, just in case you didn't quite get it.

See, it's not all that bad. There are things to smile about in life, including, but not limited to harmless things that "offend" people. And going to see Dave Chappelle! I really did think Chappelle would be on the list of things I would unfortunately never see, along with seeing Rage Against the Machine in concert, seeing George Carlin perform stand-up, and watching R9, Il Fenomeno play soccer live.

Well, I have nothing left. I could sit here and bitch about shit for paragraph after paragraph, hour after hour, but I don't feel like it right now. Keeping this one short, going to see Chappelle soon!

10 Minute Post

Usually I spend hour upon hour writing a blog post, as evidenced by the large number of absolute pieces of garbage displayed on this blog. Tonight, however, I'm going to see what I can slap together in ten minutes or so. At this point you should be expecting a real piece of shit! I haven't even remotely thought about what I am going to write about either. With that said, I'll let the words flow straight from the top of my dome, but not as I rock, rock, rock the microphone.

I wouldn't have blamed you if you thought microphone was going to be the last word in this post, but I would think you a bit retarded since you can clearly see that there is more content right below that word. I don't even know if I should spend time looking for pictures, which can sometimes be time consuming, but f*ck it, of course I'm going to look for pictures. I'll also add that this will probably be longer than ten minutes, but I'm not going to change the title because I'm a stubborn f*ck sometimes. Take right now for instance. Please commend me for going two paragraphs now and still not really saying anything.

Currently I'm working on my patience. I was hoping by now someone would have stumbled upon my blog thus propelling me to stardom and a random life full of doing who knows what. I didn't seriously think any one would discover me here, but you never know what's going to happen. You know how quickly things can change. At this point it has been about seven minutes since I started the post, and I can confirm that it will most definitely be more than ten minutes, but I will also confirm again that I will not change the title. Maybe I'll make this post ridiculously long and people will look at it, not read it, and think "holy shit, this guy wrote all this garbage in ten minutes? That Toninho is a real piece of shit!" I'm going to look for a picture now, be right back.

Ten minutes have already elapsed, but I'll continue using my free time to do this. I should really make a post about all the things I could be doing instead of writing a post. Maybe that would help me have a life or something, but that's a pondering for another time. You know, I got in a solid three paragraphs in ten minutes, that's not bad. I wonder how much time I've spent blogging in comparison to the amount of time I spent writing papers for school in my whole career as a student? I plan on overtaking the student paper writing mark with continued writing for this blog. It's good to have goals, and this is one that I won't know if I achieve or not, so I'll always be working toward it. Sound like a solid plan to me.

I realized something this weekend, well, actually I have been noticing for the past few years that it is getting harder and harder to find people to do things. I almost completely fail at making plans, but that doesn't stop me from continuing to try only to get the same negative responses or no response at all. Could be in a worse place though. I remember a year ago I was not very happy at all. That was when I was unemployed and I didn't have much to do. I felt like a waste of space, but luckily things have gone in my favor over the course of the year. Now I'm a cog in the great work machine of the United States of America. Last summer was not so much fun getting rejection after rejection for jobs, but I did my time and now I have an adult job! At least I think I do.

I think I mentioned this before, but my only complaint now is that I'm getting bored. Most of my friends are busy or busy ignoring me, and life has settled into one giant routine. I'll just go fist myself for now. And would you look at the time. Seems I'm out of time thanks to the aforementioned routine. I'll still go fist myself, though.