Super Bowl Thoughts

Like most of the Super Bowl viewing audience, I was disappointed by the Super Bowl this year. That part where the Broncos scored one touchdown really put a damper on what was otherwise a terrific game. I would have been elated if the Seattle Seahawks won the game 60-0, but I guess I'll take the 43-7 walloping they rained down on Peyton Manning and company. Couldn't the Seahawks at least have reached 50 points? Is that too much to ask?

I'm not a typical sports fan when it comes to the definition of a "good" game, or race, or whatever kind of competition you're watching. Personally, I think it's unfair to call last weekend's Super Bowl game bad or boring, or whatever other negative adjective you'd like to use to describe it. Why, Toninho, why shouldn't we be upset the championship game of our beloved National Football League was a blowout? Well, I don't think it's right to call a game of athletic competition bad just because one team pounds the other. If one team is decisively better than another on a given day, then the score should reflect that. Athletic competition should not exist to entertain the masses, though it might in some cases. Not every game or race is going to be close, and just because the championship game is one of those does not make it "bad." If the game had ended 2-0 with no scoring after the safety on the first play of the game, it must have been "good," right? Because it was a close game, right? No, that's just f*cking stupid.

From my point of view, if you are on the team that is dominating a game, there is no reason to let up. While I was just a mediocre track runner, if I was way ahead in a race I would never slow down, I always wanted to beat my competition by the biggest margin that I could muster. Never once did I think of slowing down to make it a closer race, that's against everything that is athletic competition.

I'm cut from a different cloth, I love blowouts. I don't mind close, intense games, but I love blowouts, especially if I'm rooting for one team in particular. I love looking at a team that has the life sucked out of them and then seeing their dejected fans in the stands. It's amazing. Domination is king for me as far as athletics are concerned. There can definitely be "bad" games, but a blowout is not the definition of a bad game and just because a game is close does not mean that it's good.

I really am bummed out that Denver scored, I was pulling hard for that shutout. Also, Denver only scored because of a lame penalty called on an unsuccessful third down play. I'm sure most people will disagree with me, but that's fine. I'm only saying that I can enjoy a sporting event that is lopsided and in many instances I prefer it, especially when I want a particular team to win.

The Super Bowl was very entertaining and I had a great time watching it. I miss the 2007 season when the Patriots were constantly shitting on people and everyone was accusing them of running up the score. If the opposing defenses could stop them, they wouldn't have lost by so much. It's not their fault if the other teams couldn't stop them. I enjoyed listening to those ass clowns complain about the Patriots going for it on fourth down when they already had an insurmountable lead. Wouldn't it be more automatic to kick a field goal? If the Patriots beat up on a team they're running up the score, but if Peyton manning beats up on a team, he's a national hero. It's just plain f*cking stupid and another reason why it sucks that the Broncos scored.

I miss these days

The Ideal Super Bowl - Volume 2

Last year I proved what a sick f*ck I am while describing what I would like to see happen in the Super Bowl between the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens. I am very happy to announce that regardless of what happens this year in the Super Bowl, that ass-turd Colin Kaepernick and that detestable shit-f*ck Jim Harbaugh will not host the trophy and declare themselves "world champions" of the United States' National Football League. Without beating around the bush, I declare that I would like to see the Seattle Seahawks humiliate the Denver Broncos. I don't want that goober Peyton Manning winning another Super Bowl. Further more, I hope that Richard Sherman has a monster game just to piss off all the recent people that are hating on him for what is an early leader for my favorite moment in sports for 2014.

I wish more players did interviews like the one Sherman did after the NFC Championship game. All the people who didn't like it can go pound sand. That's the pure emotion that Sherman was feeling and he gets fined for it. What a bunch of bullshit. I hope Sherman gets multiple interceptions and throws up the choke sign to Manning just like he did to Kaepernick. Then next week we can listen to a bunch of analysts, experts, and talk show host bitch about it. If they don't like this kind of stuff, they shouldn't even watch the games. If they think that's wrong, I wonder what they think of all the shit talking going on during the game.

Ideally I want to see a huge blizzard hit the Super Bowl this year just because the Super Bowl is being played outside for the first time that I can remember in my insignificant existence. I have beef with the National Football League so it would bring me much joy if anything that could go wrong did go wrong at the big event.

The blocked out word is "nerd"

So the stage is set with a little bit of bad weather. On the Broncos first drive Manning drops back and throws one of his signature wobbly-duck passes down field which is picked off by Sherman. Peyton Manning looks on dumb founded and wonders why his gloves didn't help him throw a better pass so he tugs on them. Seahawks score and never looks back. Manning throws another pick and some people start talking about spy-gate. This Super Bowl match up does not lend itself nearly as well to making a ridiculous story as last year. Basically I want to see a bad game from Manning and a great game from Sherman resulting in a Seahawks victory. I don't really give a shit about how it happens.

Of course now that Super Bowl Sunday is here, it has to be abnormally warm, so I guess there won't be a blizzard like I hoped. Not only would the blizzard have been great for the game, it also would have been amazing if Bruno Mars had to play the halftime show in shitty, freezing weather. I would have found this immensely satisfying because I don't like halftime shows, especially Super Bowl halftime shows. Super Bowl halftime shows are way too long and are horrible. If I wanted to see a concert I would have tuned into a concert or bought tickets to a concert. I'm watching the Super Bowl for the game, which brings up another point. I don't like it when people say they only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. Again, if you want to watch commercials that's fine, but you can do that whenever the hell you want. Just turn on your t.v. anytime and you can watch commercials. You'll see the same shit as when you're watching the Super Bowl.

I'm done for now, I need to get this piece of crap posted before the Super Bowl actually happens.

Living for Recorded Messages

Well, I completely forgot to recognize the anniversary of this blog last November sometime shortly after Thanksgiving. That was high on the blog priority list, but let's be serious, this blog isn't of much importance considering how riveting my life is. You know what I did today? Well, whether you want to hear about it or not, here it is. Today I went to work, where I've been getting raped by phone calls for the past three months roughly. I haven't had an ass-pounding like this since I entered the work force. When I got back from lunch today I had either 6 or 7 voice mails. My first thought was "well this sucks big fat balls." I guess I better listen to them. So in a methodically genius fashion I began listening to a message, figuring out how I could help the message leaver, and then giving them a call back. I did this for 4 or 5 messages. I'm sitting there thinking, "yeah, I'm making a good dent in this shit." Then I look back at the total messages I have.... there are 8. How the shit did that happen? Apparently while I was listening and responding to the other 4 or 5 messages I received like 5 or 6 more.

That adequately sums up my job right now. I have all these people who all want things from me and they all want it right now.One guy even called me "ineffective." The same guy also never responded to the email I sent him roughly one month ago. My coworkers who work in the cubicles near me must think I'm psycho by now because there is no way in hell they don't hear me swearing under my breath all the time. I'm just one day closer to walking into work with a shotgun. That last part was sarcasm.

At this point my life has become one predictable cycle. I get up and go to work for the majority of the week (5 days for those who wonder), come home and go to the gym and then end the night by chilling out and playing video games/other leisurely activity, then watch Netflix and go to bed. The weekends mostly consist of going hanging out with my friends on one or two of the days/nights and more of me chilling and wishing that the weekend lasted a little longer. What I really need is an enema. That was some more sarcasm.

Remember when the world was supposed to end more than a year ago? I guess that didn't happen.There's always next year. Can you imagine if there was an apocalypse and the world actually ended? Movies have been made about huge natural disasters where some group of people go on a ridiculous journey to save the world. It's good for entertainment, but I can't help but think that a real apocalypse would be too much for any thing on earth to handle. I'd like to think that if the world was coming to an end... actually I don't care to think about that, but some days you just can't get rid of a bomb. And sometimes the bomb looks like a garbage disposal... because it is big bomb. I digress. At this point I'm going to make no effort, as usual, to segue into the next topic: football and the National Football League.

There's something about the National Football League. I don't like it, but I watch it. The league itself bothers me, and to further make fun of it, I will always refer to it as the National Football League, not the NFL. The main reason I don't like the National Football League is because it is so far up its own ass. The league thinks its the greatest thing ever, when in reality the hype is not justified for the product on the field. Football players are basically glorified gladiators of the modern time. Also, I have a hard time taking a league seriously where the majority of the players are thugs/criminals and dead beat dads. I have no problem if a person is a football fan or if a person's favorite sport is football. That's just fine, but I don't like that football and the National Football League is made out to be the pinnacle of all things in existence. The game itself is dumb. Again, there's something about it though because I still watch it despite all my complaints. Why do I say the game itself is dumb? Well, I believe that it's overly complicated for no good reason. In fact, I can't even do my bitching self justice about this right now. I'm going to have to plan this one out a bit, and by plan out, I mean that I'm going to scribble some things down in no particular fashion and put together one disjointed blog post about it in the future. That means we could see this next week or we could see it in five years. I just don't know. One more thing before I close the door on this topic for now, there is what appears to be homosexual action on every play in the National Football League.

This is clearly not homosexual

I wish I had more time to regale you with my bull shit, but it's just about bed time. Catch you later!

Finally Finished, As in the Post is Finally Finished

Last weekend I was watching Baseball Tonight before the Sunday Night Baseball game on ESPN. One of the analysts on Baseball Tonight is former pitcher Mark Mulder. He was decently nasty back in his glory days when he was part of the three-headed monster that was the Oakland Athletics' starting rotation. While I was looking at his name, I couldn't help but think what if his last name wasn't Mulder, but Murder. Mark Murder. That would be a hell of a name. Imagine if your team had to face Barry Zito, Tim Hudson, and then the dagger, Mark Murder.

I've also been around long enough to realize that there are almost an infinite number of ways that you can categorize people. I think birthdays are an interesting way to put people into different categories. In terms of what type of birthday person you are, there are only two distinct categories, or at least only two that are worthy of mention. You are either one of those people that feels the need to let other people know that it is your birthday, or you don't feel this need.

What's in my glove?

If you're like me, then you could really care less about the actual day you were born when it comes around each year. After this year, I would be perfectly content not having another birthday ever again and staying at the same age for the rest of time. While that is unlikely to happen, I can still think about it. But not everyone is so apathetic like me. I find it amusing when people have to let you know it's their birthday. When people tell me, I don't really know what to say except "happy birthday." I'm not going to tell them that we are blessed that they were put on this earth however many years ago. It's nice to celebrate milestones in life with friends, but I could give a rat's ass if anyone else knew it was birthday. I'd absolutely wish Mark Murder a most happy birthday though.

I find it funny when you ask someone how they're doing and they tell you it's their birthday. People who want you to know it's their birthday are generally people who like attention. Having everyone wish you a happy birthday is a good way to generate attention. Another way to generate attention is to walk into work with a shotgun. Generating attention has become a huge part of life for people around my age. With all the different forms of social networking it feels like all most people do now a days is try to get attention. I wonder if anyone has been wished a happy birthday on every social networking site in existence. I'd count it even if these wishes weren't all on the same birthday. For instance, say you had a MySpace back in the day and were wished a happy birthday on it, but you no longer have one, but you had a happy birthday wished on some other social networking platform. I'd be very interested to know if anyone has accomplished that feat.

In my own classic fashion, I'll pick up penning this post more than 2 months after I started it. I'm not going to bother to read what I had previously written in September, I wouldn't want to attempt to make a cohesive piece here. I also don't really give a rats ass to be honest. Who knows what I was rambling on about, something about Mark Murder, which is a sweet name, and birthdays. I would also like to point out that I found out some dirt on one of my former friends last weekend, but that's all I'm going to say about that. I just wanted to make note of it in somewhere to serve as a reminder when I happen to come back to this post and read somewhere in the future.

If you remember my series of posts about the things that one of my college roommates said, that means you've read my blog before. If you haven't seen this series, I suggest checking it out, it will only waste a few moments of your life. Why, you may ask am I bringing this up? Well, I was thinking of reviving this series with a new segment about the conversations I overhear from two of my coworkers who have cubicles next to mine. To put it simply, it sounds like Access Hollywood mixed with stories about lame experiences with guys and how to deal with relationships, in a very poor fashion if you ask me. I'm still contemplating this, but all of the lines would essentially boil down to "I'm dying," "I can't breathe," "is this real life,"she's so crazy," etc. It's quite repetitive and they don't give me much material to work with. Who knows, though, might come to fruition, but probably not.

I've fallen out of rhythm with posts lately, I have no idea if I'll get back into blogging on a more consistent basis. Regardless, 2013 has been a really good year. That's probably part of the reason I haven't been on Blogger as much. I'm sure I'll find something to write on here. To be fair, last year I had tons of time to think about random things at work and was able to generate list after list of things I wanted to write about. I just need to get some topics going and I can start churning out some garbage just like in the summer of 2011! Also, the weather is going to start really sucking big fat ass holes soon, so that should automatically lend more time to me writing incessantly about nonsense. I've noticed that I haven't really been writing about much of anything since I placed my fingers at the keyboard to finish this post. I'd like to think that I would be really good at performing filibusters in blog form. I can keep going on about nothing in particular with the best of them. Or at least I think, I can't actually say that I read many blogs, but I would guess that they have way more of a sense of direction, but a whole lot less awesomeness.

Well, I'm done for now. I don't know what's next for this blog, but don't expect anything innovative. Catch you later.

Do You Know the Ice Cream Man?

What a great time of year we have upon us. European soccer leagues have started up and the baseball season is coming down to the wire. I'm really glad NBC got the rights to the English Premier League, now I only have to stream La Liga and the Serie A, but mostly La Liga. At this time I find myself sitting in my parents' living room, watching baseball, and blogging. This makes me contemplate, but not answer, the question "how did I get here?" The events of my life have all led me to this point, but that's not what I'm interested in discussing at this particular moment. Recently I've been thinking about the ice cream man. If my memory serves me somewhat accurately, I don't remember the ice cream man coming into my neighborhood during my time in middle school and all the way through the high school years. All of sudden, I find myself hearing the classic ice cream truck music quite frequently in my neighborhood. That got me thinking about the ice cream truck, the driver, and the ice cream dealing via truck business in general.

Now that I've gone through college and multiple business classes, I realize that there must be a method of some sort that goes into deciding an ice cream truck's route. The first thing that I would like to know about the ice cream truck business is who the hell is the owner? I wouldn't peg the people driving the trucks to be the owners, but who knows. That's kind of beside the point, though. Do ice cream truckers or whoever is in charge go through intense neighborhood analysis to pinpoint where they have the best chances of selling the most ice cream? And if so, what does this analysis consist of? Do they study school enrollment data to find which neighborhoods have the most kids that tend to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck with their parents' money?

I found this when I searched for "ice cream man"

Another method could be taking surveys of people, children included, in neighborhoods with questions like "on a scale of 1-11, how likely would you be to purchase ice cream from the ice cream man?" I would think they would do that without portraying the ice cream man shown above. That would just be bad marketing material, unless you thought the children were really fu*ked up or something. When you think about it, there's got to be some type of plan. Everything that we use has some type of plan behind it, no matter how strange it seems. Everything also must be manufactured and people must work in those manufacturing plants. Chase has mentioned to me that there have to be people that work in a dildo factory. He's absolutely correct. People own dildos, dildos must be produced, people must work in a dildo factory. It's quite sound logic.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately is pop stars. Pop stars have been on my mind against my will because of where I sit at work. My cubicle happens to be placed near two young ladies who, in my humble opinion, love pop news and gossip. I hear about all sorts of stuff that I could give less than a shit about, like Kanye West's new baby and how inappropriately Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus act. While I might dislike these people, and that's why I like the movie God, Bless America, it's not completely their fault. I blame the population of our country as well as the award shows/big television channels. I don't care what Justin Bieber, Kanye West, or Miley Cyrus is doing, has done, or will do. If everyone felt that way, then no one would know what they're doing and they wouldn't be such a distraction. Unfortunately, America not only loves war, but the people of our country also love celebrities. It's hard to tell which infatuation is worse sometimes. Miley Cyrus twerkin' it at whatever award show was on last weekend will always cause more stir and reaction than if she was a nice, young, respectable woman. I know it's backwards, but it's true. Who wants to talk about what a nice person someone is when we can be appalled at how a young woman performs a disturbing "dance" while scantily clad? However, I have to say the photo that surfaced of Will Smith's family from the event is great!

Hey, this will sell!

 I could be horribly wrong, but I would say that society shapes celebrities into crazy people. Kind of similar to the way that Gotham City and Batman shaped some poor, lonely souls into villains. No one should be surprised when a child star becomes a demented human being anymore. We should be surprised when they become a respectable person. Yes, what people like Miley Cyrus did at the award show is stupid, but we can't deny that millions of people don't love to talk about it. That's the way it is, and in all certainty the way it will stay.

Gong back to the question about how did I get here, I'm actually more concerned about where I will go from here. What has happened has happened and there's no changing that now. But where we go is entirely up to us. I'm very close to or at the point where I'm ready to move out of my parents house. I have a good job and I have the ability to live on my own now, but there's one problem: I don't want to live alone. When I move out, I don't want to get a place just for myself. I want to live with some friends, but right now I don't have any friends to get a place with. So for the meantime I'll continue living with my parents and in all likelihood continue to stunt my social growth. If you ask me where I see myself in five years, my answer would be alive. If you asked me to describe myself in one word, that one word would be undefined. If you wanted to know where my life is taking me, I'd say to the future. Basically I have no idea what's going on or what's going to happen, and to honest, I don't think I would want it any other way.

 Remember when I was discussing the ice cream man? That was a few paragraphs ago, but those guys are probably doing some intense research right now. You know with the ice cream selling season coming to an end, they need to find out which neighborhoods to roam next year. Can I also point out that I saw a great commercial for Diablo 3 today? The narrator of the commercial told me to grab some friends and go to hell. That made me laugh. I also recently found out that I was completely wrong about the writers of the show Heroes. After watching all the seasons of Heroes on Netflix, I was disappointed to find that the show had been canceled without the story getting wrapped up. Watching the show, I had thought that the writers had a story in mind with an endgame and eventually the show would reach this final conclusion and the show would come to an end. I thought when the series got canceled that the writers weren't allowed to finish their story, but upon doing some research (research consisted of some Google searches) that the writers were just making the whole thing up as they went along. No wonder the first season was so much better than all that followed. Of course this would mean that all the online sources I read were correct, but they're probably at least a little accurate. Regardless, I can kind of see why the show got canceled now. Those clowns probably didn't know where the hell they wanted the story to go and it was just living off how amazingly good the first season was.

I also can't decide what's more annoying, writing the opening of a blog post, or the closing of the blog post. I'm about ready to end this post, but I don't quite know how. A lot of that has to do with how disjointed my posts are. They always consist of random things that don't really have any business being together. So I guess this is as good a way as any to end it. I should really come up with my own sign off, maybe next time...

It's Not All Bad

Now that the new job feeling has worn off, life has gone back to what it has been for the last few years: a seemingly endless attempt to find things to do with people who never seem to have the time to do anything. Seriously, though, I can't find people to do much of anything except have a few drinks on the weekends. It's really lame. I've just gotten used to telling myself, "f*ck it, I'll just go fist myself then." Short story short, I'm really bored most of the time. My coworkers often ask me if I did anything fun over the weekend. Well, if fisting myself is fun, then I have a blast every weekend! But, hey, it's not all bad. I'm going to see Dave Chappelle perform live in September!!! Talk about things I never thought I'd get the chance to do! Going to a comedy festival headlined by Chappelle and Flight of the Conchords is most definitely going to be a great time! Can't wait for that date!

I've also been thinking about that sleazeball from the other temp agency and that text he sent me. Now that it has been more than 3 months, I can honestly say that I made the right decision. This time he can go fist himself. Enough about that, I think I'm going to start covering current events of my choice. Such as what happened in this video below:




When I first saw this video on the news I didn't really register how hilarious it was. Then while I was driving into work that morning and I heard the sound clip again and thought about it... well let's just say this made my day. I can't believe that there are people out there who claim this offends them. What a bunch of garbage. This is just straight up funny. If I was Asian and I had the exact same personality, I would laugh. Moreover, I wonder how the guy who submitted this to news reacted when they actually put it on live television. If it was me, I don't think I would be able to stop hysterically laughing for several moments. Aren't there people who screen this stuff? I'm glad it got through, though. It certainly put a smile on my face for the day, and that alone makes it worth it in my eyes. Go ahead and insert another Asian joke now. Regarding eyes, just in case you didn't quite get it.

See, it's not all that bad. There are things to smile about in life, including, but not limited to harmless things that "offend" people. And going to see Dave Chappelle! I really did think Chappelle would be on the list of things I would unfortunately never see, along with seeing Rage Against the Machine in concert, seeing George Carlin perform stand-up, and watching R9, Il Fenomeno play soccer live.

Well, I have nothing left. I could sit here and bitch about shit for paragraph after paragraph, hour after hour, but I don't feel like it right now. Keeping this one short, going to see Chappelle soon!

10 Minute Post

Usually I spend hour upon hour writing a blog post, as evidenced by the large number of absolute pieces of garbage displayed on this blog. Tonight, however, I'm going to see what I can slap together in ten minutes or so. At this point you should be expecting a real piece of shit! I haven't even remotely thought about what I am going to write about either. With that said, I'll let the words flow straight from the top of my dome, but not as I rock, rock, rock the microphone.

I wouldn't have blamed you if you thought microphone was going to be the last word in this post, but I would think you a bit retarded since you can clearly see that there is more content right below that word. I don't even know if I should spend time looking for pictures, which can sometimes be time consuming, but f*ck it, of course I'm going to look for pictures. I'll also add that this will probably be longer than ten minutes, but I'm not going to change the title because I'm a stubborn f*ck sometimes. Take right now for instance. Please commend me for going two paragraphs now and still not really saying anything.

Currently I'm working on my patience. I was hoping by now someone would have stumbled upon my blog thus propelling me to stardom and a random life full of doing who knows what. I didn't seriously think any one would discover me here, but you never know what's going to happen. You know how quickly things can change. At this point it has been about seven minutes since I started the post, and I can confirm that it will most definitely be more than ten minutes, but I will also confirm again that I will not change the title. Maybe I'll make this post ridiculously long and people will look at it, not read it, and think "holy shit, this guy wrote all this garbage in ten minutes? That Toninho is a real piece of shit!" I'm going to look for a picture now, be right back.

Ten minutes have already elapsed, but I'll continue using my free time to do this. I should really make a post about all the things I could be doing instead of writing a post. Maybe that would help me have a life or something, but that's a pondering for another time. You know, I got in a solid three paragraphs in ten minutes, that's not bad. I wonder how much time I've spent blogging in comparison to the amount of time I spent writing papers for school in my whole career as a student? I plan on overtaking the student paper writing mark with continued writing for this blog. It's good to have goals, and this is one that I won't know if I achieve or not, so I'll always be working toward it. Sound like a solid plan to me.

I realized something this weekend, well, actually I have been noticing for the past few years that it is getting harder and harder to find people to do things. I almost completely fail at making plans, but that doesn't stop me from continuing to try only to get the same negative responses or no response at all. Could be in a worse place though. I remember a year ago I was not very happy at all. That was when I was unemployed and I didn't have much to do. I felt like a waste of space, but luckily things have gone in my favor over the course of the year. Now I'm a cog in the great work machine of the United States of America. Last summer was not so much fun getting rejection after rejection for jobs, but I did my time and now I have an adult job! At least I think I do.

I think I mentioned this before, but my only complaint now is that I'm getting bored. Most of my friends are busy or busy ignoring me, and life has settled into one giant routine. I'll just go fist myself for now. And would you look at the time. Seems I'm out of time thanks to the aforementioned routine. I'll still go fist myself, though.

Where Am I Now?

Well, I'd say it's about time for an update on life. In particular, my life, especially since that's the only one I really have a qualified knowledge on. I'm now 23 years old and still alive. That's about it, I'll catch up with you next time here on Sycophantic Laughter. Feel free to stop reading at this point because it's probably not going to get any more interesting for you. I've been out of college for over a year now and I've been working full time since July 17th of the year two-thousand and twelve. I still live at home and I'm below average social status. I live one day to the next and most days seem like the last. Mix that in with a little bit of nothing and you've basically found the recipe for my life.

Apparently I still look young, I was asked last Friday if I was still in high school and one of my coworkers said she had shoes older than me. My youngness is only accentuated when I shave, getting rid of that facial hair makes me look a week or two younger. I haven't committed a felony, but I have been given a twenty dollar speeding ticket. I don't do drugs and I drink more alcohol than I did in college. I eat vegetables but I'm not fond of tomatoes. Potatoes are better than sweet potatoes and I like pop music but I dislike pop culture.

I still work out, but my days as an athlete are most likely numbered. I usually don't remember dreams, but at least I'm not getting chased by giant rats anymore. I don't have a girlfriend, but that seems to be a what lots of people are interested in. My love for the game of soccer has regrown exponentially since sophomore year of college; I'm super excited to see Jose Mourinho back in Premier League next year, right where he wants to be! I really like comedy and many things in life have become one overlapping giant joke to me. I tend to belittle anything I accomplish, but it's all in good humor.

Now I'm going to take a step back and reflect more on one of the things I've said about myself. Often when I see someone I haven't seen for a long time or I'm getting acquainted to new people, such as new coworkers, I'm asked if I have a girlfriend. I don't, but I don't blame any females I've met. Trust me, I probably wouldn't want to date anyone that would want to date a guy like me. I don't know what that means, but it sounds interesting. I also stole that idea from Woody Allen who said he wouldn't want to belong to a club who had a member like him. The same coworker that told me she had shoes older than me asked if I had a girlfriend because she has some daughters she said she would introduce me to. I thought that comment was really funny. Even earlier today when one of our interns came in, she introduced me and said I was available. But if I really wanted that kind of help, I'd just tweet at Kim from the band Matt & Kim. Apparently this is the time of life when people kind of expect you to be involved in some kind of relationship. I'm below average social status, though, so I wouldn't expect anything different from myself. I've given up on a few girls that have given up on me. I'm not keeping my options open or any bullshit like that. It simply hasn't worked out yet. As I see it, I don't know what I'm missing, and they don't know what they're missing, so I'd say it's even.

Kim is a wild woman

And now for something completely different. Can I first point out that I can no longer watch any news broadcast anymore without thinking about Monty Python? The news really is a bunch of randomly put together stories of varying severity and interest that can only be transitioned from one to another with the phrase "and now for something completely different." In this case, the completely different thing is planning a trip to Brazil next summer to go see some of the World Cup! I'm looking to make it happen, so I'll wish myself good luck because no one else should give a damn!

Polypeptide Isn't a Toothpaste

When I first pulled up the "enter your shit blog here" screen, I had no idea how I was going to start. Then I went to Goal.com, a website I check usually on a daily basis. One of the headline articles right now is "Italian Police Raid 18 Serie A Clubs." I find this quite comical because at this point I bank on there being some type of scandal after each season in the Serie A. Normally I would bet on a match-fixing scandal, but this one is about money laundering. The article points out that 18 first division teams are being investigated. There are 20 teams in the first division. I've said enough. It's too bad, really. When I was first getting into soccer in the late 90s, the Italian Serie A was my favorite league. This was mainly because Ronaldo, R9, was playing for Inter at the time. But the league used to be very good back then. It has kind of gone to shit since then. Oh well, I won't lose any sleep over it, and I'll continue banking on a scandal each summer. I'd even bet on it if I were a betting man.

Anyways, a word which is my favorite transition since I don't usually have a coherent blog structure, I can't believe it has been over eleven months since I've been working full time now. By sometime in mid July I'll have been working for an entire year. I think I've mentioned this before, but everything seems backwards to me.When I was young and had all the time in the world to do anything I didn't have money or mode of transportation. Now that I'm older and have money I barely have any time to do anything. Of course this is probably true for most people, but it really sucks. I want to go places and enjoy different cultures. That's what I'd like to do. And I think I will, once I have some vacation time built up. That way I'll have something to look forward to!

It's going to suck! And Ibra isn't in it anymore.

You know what I've noticed? As I've gotten older, I can't really say there are any people that I hate. All the things that have happened in my life have culminated to make me a bit apathetic. I could take it or leave it in most cases. I'm still fascinated by other personalities, too. There are some people who are just straight up bitches. It's not even their fault, it's just the way they are. Their tone is bitchy, they're always complaining, and they make it sound like everything is so much of a damn inconvenience on them. This kind of personality used to bother me, but I don't really give a shit any more. I don't even give a shit when angry customers are yelling at me on the phone at work. I understand where they're coming from and most of the time I can do very little to alleviate their frustration, so f*ck it, let them yell at me. When I was younger I used to get out of control when I got angry at things, but I've calmed down considerably. Only a few of my very good, closest friends have seen me get truly angry, and at those times I used to break things, put holes in my wall, and sometimes hurt myself. I've since patched all the holes in my wall and I haven't made another one since! Mostly because I don't give a shit anymore.

I'll admit I'm beginning to get a little restless, most days tend to feel relatively the same. I think I know what Trent Reznor meant when he penned the song "Everyday is Exactly the Same," for his band, Nine Inch Nails. I know there's more out there, I just need to do my time to make it to that point. Just like I did my time at a temporary job before getting a real one. Random interjection, I found out how much money the company I work for paid the temporary agency I used to work for to obtain my services. However, I will not disclose the amount here, but I know!

Well, it's about that time again. Time for me to cease this limited nonsense. Maybe I'll spark the motivation to write a longer post sometime, but that time is not now.

First Post in May This Is

Somehow there has never been a post on Sycophantic Laughter in the month of May since its birth in 2011. Probably due to the nature of the month which for the past few years has consisted of finals and the end of the school year. So here's to another first, a post in May! I'll start with a thought on Monster.com, not the site in general, but in my personal position on the site. I'll focus on myself since I'm a self-centered clown. I made a profile on Monster.com in an attempt to find a job. Since I've found a job I have neglected to update my profile on Monster to reflect my employment. Rather than updating it now, I'll just sit back and blog instead. Since I neglect to change my employment status on Monster.com I continue to receive emails from people about job opportunities that I don't want because my current position is better. Not only do I fail to update my profile, I also don't respond to any of the messages I have been sent. Basically I leave all these people hanging. I could just update my Monster.com profile, but I just don't really feel like it.

Also what's up with "looking springy?" I've heard multiple people at work comment on how other people's clothing looking "springy." No one has ever said that to me, should I be offended? I take it that looking "springy" simply equates to wearing colors and shades one would associate with the spring season. If you have any suggestions on "springy," please feel free to let me know. Another thing I need clarification on is the use of Instagram on Twitter. Twitter already has a picture function, but people feel the need to tweet pictures from Instagram. The Instagram pictures take way longer to open than twitpics, so just use twitpics for Joe's sake. The only reason I can think of to use Instagram pictures in Twitter is to get more people to look at your Instagram account. It's stupid.

You know what else is bullshit? The belief that the customer is always right. I call bullshit. If the customer tells the cashier to empty out the cash register and give all the money to them, then they're a robber. I've been told that stealing isn't right. Therefore the customer is not right. What if the customer told you to piss in the aisle or kill your coworkers? I guess we'd have to do it if we lived by "the customer is always right code." What are you going to tell your boss when you gave away all your inventory for free because a customer told you to? I guess the boss would be wrong because he or she isn't a customer anyway. There's some super sound logic right there!

Have you ever noticed that there are some pants that no matter what you do, whenever you sit down they make you look like you have a raging hard on? Mostly this happens with dress pants. But seriously, what's with that? People might start getting the wrong idea about you. Of course this doesn't pertain to women, but they have their own clothing problems which I am not privy to, at least for the most part.

I'm going to wrap up this completely disjointed post with something that really bothers me: people who are intolerant of soccer. Now that I commute to work I find myself listening to some sports talk radio because I like sports. One of the guys on the afternoon show is intolerant of soccer and even said he likes Nascar better. Thankfully one of the other guys in the booth correctly told him that Nascar wasn't even a sport. I thank this man. While I don't have the time now to discuss how much the intolerance of soccer in this country bothers me, I can at least point this out. Actually, that's about all I'm going to do right now because I am going to bed soon. And by bed I mean going to watch Netflix or something. So that's what I'm going to do. But first listen to this song by Marina and the Diamonds:

And look at this picture to go with something I was talking about before.