Staff Infection

No, I don't have one. I contemplated ending this post with that sentence, but I shall go on. Before I go on, though, I would first like to make a distinction between Staffing Agency Alpha and Staffing Agency Wewannatakeyourclient. I have been working with Staffing Agency Alpha since I graduated from college last May. Staffing Agency Alpha placed me with the temporary position that I have been working at over the past six or seven months and ultimately brought this wonderful permanent opportunity to me. Now I can continue with the story. About a day or two before Staffing Agency Alpha introduced to the job that I am taking, some dude from this other staffing agency called me, this is Staffing Agency Wewannatakeyourclient. And, yes, I am listening to David Bowie as I write this. So this dude from Wewannatakeyourclient calls, emails, and texts me. I think I got the message. Eventually I got back to this guy and I listened to what he had to say. The opportunity he had lined up was a solid one, so I pursued it and went to the interview. Despite this interview taking place before the one set up for me by Staffing Agency Alpha, I got an offer from the other job first. The offer was actually from the job that was at the top of my list to obtain, so of course I accepted it. Then today happened and what an afternoon I had.

I got contacted today by Wewannatakeyourclient about going in for a second interview. I politely told them I have already been offered and accepted a different job. That was not good enough, I was continuously pestered with phone calls and text messages. I know I accepted a job with a longer commute and all, but how many times do you want me to tell you no? I told Wewannatakeyourclient I had already made my decision via text and then on the phone. Maybe I should send them an email, too, just to complete the trifecta. Seriously, though, these guys would not quit.

When I was on the phone with them, I told this dude that I already signed a contract with the company who's position I accepted. This guy told me that the signed document was not legally binding or something and I could still change my mind if I wanted to go after the opportunity through their agency. Yeah man, I'll see you there. If I had any doubt, then I would not have accepted the offer I received. Just the thought of calling the people I just told I would take the position that I was going to take another one instead makes me sick. Thinking about it aggravates me. Eventually I got this text message, which upon lots of consideration I did not even respond to.

This text kind of amused and pissed me off at the same time. I had many different not so nice responses lined up in my head because I'm an asshole when people bother me, and just in general to be fair. I'm really tempted to text this guy in three week about how I wish I had explored this opportunity and I'm thinking about what could have been. Waiting for his response and then texting back "SYKE!" regardless of what his response is. The temptation is amazingly high, but I think I can control myself.

I just cannot believe how inconsiderate these two guys I was talking to at Wewannatakeyourclient were regarding my decision. They wouldn't accept that I had made up my mind. The other thing they neglected to take into account is the actual job itself. The job that they had lined up for me is not the same as the one I accepted. The one I accepted is a more advanced role from the start with better potential for growth and advancement with a much larger and still growing company. It's not like I was choosing between two exact same jobs, one which is about 15 minutes away and one which is about 45 minutes away. I chose the job that's further away because it's simply better. Those clowns at Wewannatakeyourclient just wanted the commission from me taking the job that they set me up with. Damn, it pisses me off thinking about this, but at the same time I'm really glad this all happened because it's also extremely amusing.

Those clowns at Wewannatakeyourclient also pulled the "I'm their number one choice for the job" card. Well guess what, ass clown, I'm also the number one choice for the job I accepted. I'm honored to have a choice in all this matter, but I made a decision and these guys apparently just could not accept it. I was also tempted to tell these guys that me getting this job was more beneficial to them than me because they would get whatever commission type payout for it while I would find myself at a job that is not my first choice in a role that is not nearly as interesting as the one I'm going to have.

What about my commission?!

Going back to that last text message I received from one of the guys at Wewannatakeyourclient, look at that last line again. "Thinking about what could have been..." Really, dude? Really? What is this job, my girlfriend? Wow, I'm so tempted to text this guy three months from now just to be a huge dick. Here's a sample of the things I wanted to respond to that text with:

Yeah, I'll see you there (which would have been funny because this guy is unaware of my type of humor)
Sign me up! (again, he doesn't know my humor)
How much money would you/your staffing agency get out of this?
That's pathetic
Really?
How many times do you want me to say no?
Where all da white women at?
I can clearly see you care about my decision
Have you ever heard of fluoridation?

I haven't felt so compelled to write about a certain situation in my life since the loose-leaf book post. Good memories right there. Can't believe that was two summers ago now. Anyway, I'm excited for this new chapter in my life. I've got one big thing to cross of my to do list, get a good job. I'm excited for this new job and what lies next in life.

Good Friday: A New Beginning

Wow, this has been a hectic week, a week in which much progress has been made. And by progress, I mean that I have finally obtained a legitimate job. I officially accepted a job yesterday, a salary job, too. No more hourly wages for me, thankfully. I think I've done my time, so now it's about time to flourish. I believe I mentioned it before, but I'm a late bloomer. I didn't have any internships during college, I worked at a movie theater, which you would probably know if you read this blog. If not, then go check out the "Summer Job Chronicles" in which I give a little insight into what that job at the movies was like. I do have to admit that I did have some fun at that place. But anyways, I've been a late bloomer in my estimation in multiple aspects of life. But I'd rather bloom late than rot, so I'm not complaining.

This past week I've spent a large quantity of time preparing and going for interviews. I have to say that it's actually been a good experience. I was actually getting to the point where I was enjoying getting interviewed. It was kind of fun. All of this culminated with a job offer last night, which I have accepted. Hooray for salaried employment! I won't be starting this job for another two weeks, but I am so happy that the search is finally over and I can focus on some other aspects of life/just chill out a bit.

Sir Alex Ferguson?

Now that I come to think about it, I don't really have that much to say right now besides what I've already told you. So let's talk about Dead Space 3 then. While I have yet to complete the game, I don't see anything wrong with it. I think it's fun and that's really what I want out of a video game. The only thing I don't like is that the death scenes have been toned down to a very boring level. The death scenes in Dead Space, especially the first one, were very entertaining, and Isaac's head usually fell off. In Dead Space 3 you merely see Isaac's body get smacked around until it lies motionless on the ground. Not very interesting. And for those people shitting on the story, I don't think it's much different from those told in the first two games. Of course the story is bizarre, it's a video game based in a fictional universe with fictional characters battling against a fictional marker that has some fictional religious group fixated on its powers. As for Isaac's ability to understand things about the marker that no one else understands, I'm rather certain that at some point in the second game players are notified that the marker from the first game like imprinted something on his brain. That's how he was able to unknowingly construct the marker on the Sprawl. I think that pretty much sums up why he can figure out/read some things that other people cannot that pertain to the marker.

Another big plus to this game is you can use a shotgun. In Dead Space almost all of the enemies run at you and get in your face. What better weapon to defend yourself from this type of attack than a shotgun? Is it a frickin' 12 gauge? I don't know, but it sure does pack one hell of a punch. And who doesn't like shotgunning baddies in a video game? I honestly do not understand the complaints about this game. Some people say that it's not scary anymore. While it is definitely not as scary as the first game for sure, what do you expect the game makers to do, make the same game again? I think that if they stuck to the exact same style as the first game people would complain that it's just the same game. It's one of those situations where there are always going to be angry people. Well, that actually sums up every situation, so I'll just go fist myself.

Heskey?

Since I don't have much more to say, I'll keep this short. I'm happy to finally have found a job that looks like it will be a good fit for me and a good start for my career. I'll do my best to come up with something to write about soon. Until then I hope you enjoyed the two random pictures.

Good Friday: Super Bowl Commentary and Other Stuff

I couldn't do it, I caved and watched the Super Bowl this past weekend. Damn it, I'm just like every other brainwashed person in this country I guess. You have to watch the Super Bowl or else you're like un-American or something. It's complete horseshit. Anyways, I did watch, and despite the scenario that I laid out in a previous post not coming true to any extent, I was surprisingly satisfied with the game... for the most part at least. I don't know why, but I just could not root for the 49ers. There's just something I really do not like about that team. Mainly Jim Harbough, the coach, and that fudge packer Kaepernick. I don't like Harbough because he's always yelling and screaming, especially when anything doesn't go his way. Some one should tell him to shut the f**k up, it's not like there's ever going to be a game where nothing goes against your team. Also, they should allow the punter on the opposing team to run up to him and give him a nice, powerful kick to the nuts every time he doesn't like a call. Or the refs should throw him out of the game as soon as he gives them shit. And Kaepernick, I hate that guy not because of who he is or what he does. I hate the guy because everyone is on his nuts. He was sucking huge assholes in the beginning of the Super Bowl, and pretty much for the entire first half, but the commentators were still going on his nuts hard. I know it's stupid to not like someone because of all the praise they get, but it's really annoying when they keep stroking his dick when he's sucking big time. Oh yeah, and there's the whole thing where I despise running quarterbacks, too. Those dickless f**otts take all the skill out of the game. I imagine this is what goes on in their heads: Well, I suck huge ball sacks and can't make a throw, so I guess I'll be a huge f*g and run until someone is going to touch me, at which point I will slide like a huge turd or run out of bounds like a huge turd.

I'm also disgusted because I can't find a picture making fun of Kaepernick. That's how much everyone is on his nuts. In lieu of that photo, because apparently it does not exist, you get the one shown above. Back to the actual Super Bowl, though. I was thoroughly enjoying the game when the Ravens were romping the 49ers. Partly because I like domination and blowouts, but also because as I said before, I just could not bring myself to root for a team that is coached by Jim Harbough because the man disgusts me. I might not have mentioned that part before, but I really couldn't root for the 49ers. That's saying a lot, too, because I am not a fan of many of the people on the Ravens, insert Ray Lewis. But I don't want to talk about that guy. So I was enjoying the game until the "blackout" occurred. Since I'm a conspiracy kind of dude, I think that this blackout was an NFL conspiracy. I think the commissioner of the league, Roger Goodell, saw that the Ravens were going to rape the 49ers too hard after the second half kickoff was returned by a black dude for a touchdown. I'm going to revisit this kickoff return a little later, too. Goodell had to find some way to disrupt the rhythm of the game, attempt to change the momentum. So let's cut the power and everyone will be too concerned with making jokes about Bane entering the stadium and such to think that it was in fact the doing of the National Football League itself. Goodell knows that the broadcast of this game was in danger of losing viewers if the margin between the two sides was too great, and it's all about ratings. So f**k it, let's change the game because we have the power to do so. And thus the blackout was born and the 49ers got back into the game. I'm really glad they lost after that bullshit.

This is not true

This is more accurate

Back to that kickoff return. The return was a very captivating and exciting play, one certainly hard to do for sure. But let's not kid ourselves, the guy traveled 108 yards (after an initial ruling of 109) in 11 and some odd seconds. That's not as fast as most people believe. 108 yards is not even 100 meters, it's 98.7552 meters. Granted he did not run straight and had to avoid people, but Usain Bolt has run 100 meters in 9.58 seconds. That's fast as shit. I've seen people in high school run sub 11 second 100 meter races. Yes, the guy who returned the kickoff for a touchdown probably could too, but I don't believe that he has Olympic speed, otherwise why the hell wouldn't he be in the Olympics? Again, I'm not saying what he did wasn't impressive, but don't get overhyped on the speed.

Now I'm going to completely switch gears. No more Super Bowl talk, it's still the winter, so the weather still sucks. One thing I've noticed quite a bit lately is people leaving their cars running while they go into the post office or something. I've been thinking about what kind of car I should just get into and drive away with. You can't take that kind of risk with a piece of shit car, so what kind of car would be worth it? I'm open to suggestions. I'm just amazed at how many people I've seen doing it. Seriously though, I know it's cold, but it's not cold enough for me to leave my car in a public lot with the keys in the ignition. Maybe I'm wrong... I wonder how many people's cars get stolen each year in this situation. That's a statistic I would enjoy seeing, even if it's probably made up.

Another thing that has recently perplexed me are these emails that Facebook sends me every once in a while. I get these emails from Facebook telling me that people have posted statuses, pictures, or some other shit. Then at the bottom it tells me stuff like that the person that posted a status commented on their status. Basically the email is attempting to tell me that I am missing all of this. If I cared I would look at these statuses and pictures on Facebook. But the truth is that I don't. I just think this whole thing is funny. Does anyone else get these emails? Or is Facebook actually monitored to the extent that it knows I don't look at it practically ever. I do look at Facebook, but not to see what other people are doing. I don't like the "I saw it on Facebook effect," and I'm not interested in seeing what most of the people I'm allegedly friends with on it are doing. For the most part the people I care about knowing what's going on in their lives I speak to or have some sort of regular communication, so I don't need to stalk them on Facebook. While I'm talking about Facebook I might as well mention that the whole experience of Facebook is getting very stale in my opinion. This has nothing to do with my past bitchings about the site. I am genuinely bored with it. Facebook, in my opinion, does not have the friendly atmosphere it used to. It doesn't strike me as the place to go to keep in touch with friends anymore. Hell, they even changed it to a "timeline." That's all it is now. I don't want Facebook to keep track of my life in a timeline. I liked it better to stay in touch with my friends, but I really think it's moving away from that.

Of course I do absolutely nothing to change this, I hardly ever use the thing anymore. I pretty much just respond to the one post or fewer that is posted on my timeline each month. That's about it. Twitter to some extent is also getting stale for me, mainly because of the people I follow that I actually know. I think most of them use it just to stroke themselves. Believe me, they are so out there. That's a joke because I see a lot of this #weouthere shit. You're out where? You put me in a quandary, social media, a quandary.

Finally, I've started Dead Space 3. I've been excited about this game since I heard it was in the making about a year ago because I really enjoyed the first two games. I've only finished the prologue and the first few chapters, but it's really different so far. It's not bad, but different. I don't really like that there are lots of automatic weapons, I think it makes the game less about dismemberment, which is what makes these games so totally awesome! There are also these new necromorphs that have pick axes and come at you flailing them. That's cool and all, especially because a lot of the game is supposed to take place on some frozen planet, but I don't understand why you fight some of these guys in the first chapter that takes place in a human city. Were people mining in the city? I haven't played enough of the game yet to have a real opinion on it. I just hope it's fun. My addiction for Fifa Ultimate team is really distracting me too.

Have to love these games

One thing that has really jumped out at me that is different in Dead Space 3 is the amount of ammo you get. You have tons more ammo than in either of the first two games. That right there shows you that this game is more action oriented than ammo conservation and strategy. I really liked strategically dismembering enemies to kill them with their own body parts, too... You can still do that, but it's much harder, at least I think so, because the enemies get on you so quick.

I have just one more incredibly random interjection before signing off on this post. When I was at work the other day I stumbled across this invoice that I have pictured below. Go ahead, take a look.

Yes, that's correct, those are brass nipples. I've heard of brass knuckles before, but never brass nipples. I can only imagine what those are used for. Brass knuckles are used to kick someones ass with your hands. Does this mean that brass nipples are to kick someones ass with your nipples? That wasn't all, though. There was also one for black nipples.

I'll leave you with that. As always, be champions.

Winter, You're a Jerk

Now that I've worked through a portion of the winter, I have no idea why the hell people live in places with a real winter, places where changes of season actually occur. I really don't like it. It's only February and I'm sick of warming my car up in the morning, shoveling all the f**kin' snow out of the driveway early so I can get to work, uncovering my car from beneath the snow, and all the other shit you have to do because of the weather. I miss the days of the summer when the weather was pleasant and warm. I don't like putting on seventeen layers of clothing just to go outside and still feel cold. I also hate getting sick. And I don't think it's a coincidence that I only get sick during the winter or the transition season, fall and spring, both of which share a border with winter, that sick bastard. Basically, I don't like the winter and I have no idea why people put up with it's shit.

The last four years of my life at college I didn't have to do shit when it snowed. The school had people that took care of that and I had heat blasting into my dorm room, especially senior year, damn did that heat get pumped. I would sleep with no shirt on every night during the winter and still need only one blanket. I think at some point I would very much like to get the hell out of here and go somewhere warmer, but I don't think that is very feasible at this point in time. Someday, though, someday. Watch, I'll probably live in this shit for the rest of my life. I remember when I was in high school and I was getting some really good results in track, my sister, who was out at college in Southern California, told her friends about what I was doing in indoor track, to which they asked her what indoor track was. That sounds like a great place to live. That's also how I came to realize how I was in the top 100 in the nation in the 55m hurdles in high school, because so much of the country doesn't even participate in indoor track.

Since I'm talking about track, I did finally make a return to the sport in December. I ran the 400m at a ridiculously good track in December and surprisingly was only .42 seconds off my best time. Running this race made me come to a realization about track. After the race I felt like absolute garbage and threw up shortly after crossing the finish line. Maybe about five or six minutes later. Good thing they have garbage cans on the infield. This is not the first time I've thrown up after a race and I've done it at practice on multiple of occasions. I think I can actually relate my desire to run track to an alcoholic. On multiple occasions I've heard people claim that they were never going to drink again when they felt like shit the next day. But everyone knows that in a few days they'll be back at it just as hard. I think that track is like this. I felt like shit once the race was done and there are thoughts running through my head like "I'm never doing this again." I could easily retire now, too, since I'm not part of a team or anything. But a few days later I get that urge to run and compete again. Every weekend during the track season is pretty much like that. After racing you wonder why the hell you do this, during training, too, but if you're dedicated to it, you just can't get away from it. Just like an alcoholic can't stay away from alcohol. I think it makes perfect sense, and this way more people can relate to the life a runner, or athlete in general since if you want to have success in any sport, you have to put in the time, effort, and a certain amount of puke.

But seriously, f**k winter. It's cold all the time, it gets dark at like 4, it's cold all the time, you have to wear a ton of clothes, it's cold all the time, I always get sick, it's cold all the time. That's like twelve thousand reasons why the winter sucks right there. Did I mention that it's always cold during the winter? A week or so ago, when I was at the post office for work, I was talking to one of the people who works there that I have come to know on a very superficial basis. I was telling him how I liked last winter because it was very mild and warm compared to most others. He was telling me something about how that kind of a winter is bad for the ecosystem. I hear that, but seriously, f**k that. I'm sure the ecosystem can adapt to warmer weather. I think there's something that a guy named Darwin spoke about called survival of the fittest or something. I think the ecosystem can adapt just fine to warmer weather. Maybe the reservoirs won't have as much melted snow in them, but I think that's because of a lack of precipitation, right? It doesn't matter if it's rain or snow filling the reservoirs, does it? If there's no rain then there wouldn't have been snow, right? Right? I think I want to do that one more time... right? I'm probably wrong because I'm not a scientist or something, but I think precipitation can take more than one form. That's not important, though, what I'm saying is that warm is better, no matter what the effects of the warm weather are. Doesn't the winter have some really bad effects on living things? I know it pisses me off.

Just in case you didn't notice, I don't like the winter. I've been belaboring that point for some time now, but I'll recap. I don't like the winter, it's cold, gets dark early, it's cold, I tend to get sick, it's cold, and it sucks. I'm right, right? I realize that some people like the winter because they like skiing or snowboarding or pelting snowballs at people, but I just see all these activities as cruel punishment to yourself. I don't want to do much of anything that involves staying out in the freezing cold for extended periods of time. Sounds like some type of Chinese punishment to me. Damn Chinese water torture. I apologize if that was uncalled for, maybe I should just say that it sounds like some kind of punishment to me. The most fun I had in the snow was probably that time during sophomore year of high school when two very good friends of mine and I built a snowman in the middle of the street outside my house. My dad told us we couldn't leave it there, so we proceeded to beat the snowman with a wooden baseball bat (that was more like a club) until it was no more. Now that was fun, mostly because we went inside where it was warm after.

I could probably sit here and think of more reasons why the winter sucks, such as the constant cold. I might have mentioned that before, though. Plain and simple, winter sucks.

More Like Super Crap

The end of January/the beginning of February is upon us, meaning that a horrid event is upon us: the Super Bowl. Over the past few years I have really developed a dislike for the Super Bowl. This dislike started during the first Super Bowl between the Patriots and the Giants, after the 2007/2008 season. That year the Patriots had won 18 of 18 games going into the Super Bowl to play a Giants team that I don't think deserved to be in the "Super Bowl." That team was anything but super. Of course they won, then were crowned "world champions" because that makes so much sense. Since that moment I've developed my doubts about the American structure of sports leagues. For the most part I dislike postseason play and the championship game/series structure. I think this structure only gives the illusion of fairness because it allows for more variety of champions. The team that wins the most does not always win the championship. I just think that's stupid, but hey, I'm stupid too.

I haven't made up my mind yet, but I am certainly leaning toward not watching the Super Bowl this year. Why? I think the match up sucks. I would not watch a San Francisco 49ers versus Baltimore Ravens game on a regular Sunday, so I've decided that Super Bowl Sunday is no different. I don't care if it's the Super Bowl. The only reason that game means more than a regular season game is because some ass clowns decided it is. I also just see it as a match up between two of the dirtiest defenses in the league.

This image should be enough to dislike the Super Bowl and what it stands for

When thinking about this year's Super Bowl match up, there is only one highly improbable, and probably impossible, scenario that I would enjoy to see unfold. I will describe that scenario here:

On the 49ers first offensive play, Colin Kaepernick drops back to throw a pass. He doesn't see any throw he can make, so he decides to be a piece of shit and run. However, he's forgotten that he's playing against a bunch of criminals, mainly Ray Lewis. Ray Lewis gets to Kaepernick and does something that I cannot describe, but it's absolutely horrible. The hit/tackle/stab or whatever you want to call it on Kaepernick is so horrible that Kaepernick cannot continue to play in the game, which means Alex Smith must come in. But before that happens, 49ers coach, Jim Harbaugh, gets so mad about the hit that he raises his blood pressure so high that his insides explode, something that asshole deserves.

Meanwhile, while Kaepernick is writhing on the ground in pain as punishment for being a punk-ass running QB and Jim Harbaugh is dying, Ray Lewis is getting arrested by the police for his extremely illegal hit on the pansy. Ray Lewis goes to jail, Kaepernick is out of the game, and Harbaugh suffers the consequences for all his yelling and assholeness. Everyone gets what they deserve, in my estimation at least. Then Alex Smith comes into the game and the 49ers blowout the Ravens.

Of course none of this will happen, and yes, it does sound a bit mean. But I would very much like to see a mockery made of this game. Or hear that it turned into a mockery because I'm most likely not going to watch it. I was just beginning to come around on football, too, but as I started to watch the game again, I just find myself finding more reasons to dislike the game of football. I'm going to stick with baseball and soccer, two sports that I can respect. And it's not just football, I don't like basketball either. I have no opinion on hockey other than it is a rip off of soccer played on ice.




I also realize that my scenario for the Super Bowl is mean and obscene, but so is the sport. I also find it comical that a sport based on hitting and tackling people has rules. They should just get rid of the rules and let them all injure each other. And I haven't even mentioned all the great personalities and figures in football that make outstanding role models for young people. Hint, that was sarcasm. Go ahead and call me whatever you want because I like soccer. At least in the foreign soccer leagues if you were to win every game on your schedule you would be league champions...

The Super Bowl sucks, but the temperatures aren't in the 40s in my house anymore! Man, the beginning of last week was miserable with no heat, but that problem is taken care of and Dead Space 3 comes out a week from Tuesday! If was rich and had lots of excess money I would buy one of those machines that lets you record game play footage and make videos of my first play through of Dead Space 3, but I don't so I won't. Just thought I would let you know, though.

I wonder if anyone else feels the same way about football and the structure of American sports.

2013 and My "Job"

Happy new year! I do realize that the new year has been around for about two and a half weeks at this point, but I hope you will take my bidding kindly. I don't make new year's resolutions or any of that crap, but I do have one goal in mind: get a decent job that doesn't make me want to shoot myself in the face. My current temporary job that has lasted six months now is really starting to bore me. When I actually sat around and thought about it, my job is a joke, for lack of a more descriptively captivating piece of the English language. Allow me to describe why my job is easily classified as a joke.

Let me start with how I got this job. I got my temporary employment via an agency. This agency set me up with a few interviews, but apparently the people I interviewed with didn't like the cut of my slacks or something and decided against employing me. The job I eventually got required no interview. That should have been a big red flag in my face. I did think it was very odd at the time and I was very skeptical, but I'm a stupid asshole so I accepted the "assignment" anyways. Also, let me randomly interject about how temporary positions are called "assignments." An assignment sounds like I'm set out to kill a target or something. But anyways, no interview! I could be a huge turd, waste of life, money stealing, woman impersonating, sleazy pedophile, shithead. That's also probably why the position was originally only supposed to last about a month, that and the owner was selling the company. But here I am six months into the temporary position.

My boss, the person who has power over what I ultimately do each day, even told me that when she was looking at my resume she thought I was overqualified for the position and was fearful that I might get bored. All that was on my resume at that point was basically that I graduated from college and worked at a movie theater. Really impressive stuff right there. Well, she wasn't wrong, I'm bored as shit each and every day. My recurring easy tasks don't take much brainpower to complete and I always feel under stimulated.

Another really bad sign is that the people at the local post office know me. Yes, one of my tasks is going to the post office every day, and I've done it long enough that they know me. Essentially my job makes me feel like I work in a copy center. I might have mentioned that in another post, but it is entirely accurate. All I really do now is scan and copy things so other people can see them. I definitely went to college for this! And apparently I've assumed the role of "office manager," something that I never wanted. When we're running low on supplies they tell me, I should start replying "great, tell someone who cares." People always ask me if we have certain things, to which I think "I don't f**king know, I've been scanning shit for the past three hours." I don't take inventory of what office supplies we have because I don't give a shit. That's not a responsibility I think I should have. I guess this is all I deserve since I can't seem to get another job. I don't have an inside connect to any sweet jobs, I didn't have a ridiculously high GPA, and I'm not a huge suck up or involved in twelve million organizations. I'll just go fist myself.

Did I mention I make shit for money, too? There is no way in hell that I could live on my own with this job. I would go broke relatively quickly and possibly end up on the streets smoking crack or something. My job title ends with the word "clerk," never a good sign. I also thought of all these reasons why my job is a joke while at work. So that gives you an abbreviated description on why my main goal for the new year is to find a new job. That has actually been my goal for the past five months or so.

That all sounded really negative, but I'm really excited for 2013! I'm happy 2012 is over, that year unfortunately had a lot of stuff happen that I was not happy about and would like to forget quickly. I did not really enjoy 2012 and I'm relieved that it is now behind me. The last month or two have been great since all my friends who are still in college were back around town for winter break. Now that they've gone back to school, I'll have more time to look for that new job and keep the happy trend going!

I'm also planning on changing the course of this blog, but only slightly. When I say that, I mean that I'm not going to spend much time on telling stories anymore. I think I'm going to focus mainly on my thoughts and ideas which may briefly shed light on a story of mine, but I'm no longer going to have entire posts dedicated to some shit that happened to me. For example, I'm not going to write a post about my New Year's eve celebration. I went into the city and it was a good time, that's all I have to say about that in reality. Posts will follow more closely what you have read in this one, I think my job is a joke, here is why. I really like ideas and opinions, I think they are far more interesting than the stupid stories I have told here in the past. If something noteworthy happens, then I might, but don't get your hopes up, it's my life we're speaking of. My life and noteworthy events usually don't go together.

One other thing, I hate Fun. I would much rather be miserable and loathing everything for every reason you can think of. Or if you are clever you might have noticed that the Fun I don't like has a capital "F." I don't like the band Fun. I have no definitive reason why, I just don't like them. So don't tell me that tonight we're young, you can just eat my asshole. Go listen to Foster the People or something.

Well, I'm done for now. Hope you're having a good start to 2013!

Good Friday!

I've decided upon proactive action instead of procrastination, which I usually choose, but alas, my dreams of creating a new, and most likely boring, segment for the critically acclaimed blog I have created that barely anyone reads begins to flow from my most creative fingertips through to your brain. I cannot promise the frequency of updates for this new segment, "Good Friday," but I can promise that it is very real, in a legal and binding way. Fridays, better than good in my estimation, reign high among the other days of the week since it marks the end of the work week. However, I will not name the segment "Great Friday" because that name does not sound like the Friday that Christians have named "Good Friday," a day which has the power to make meat forbidden. What a bunch of loonies if you ask me. Go ahead, eat your meat laddies, and read Sycophantic Laughter to support a strange f**k!

Honestly I have yet to put in much thought for "Good Friday," but I do think that I will keep tabs of things that bother me, no matter how much or how little. I don't feel like bullshitting you, so let's dive right in. Most things I have found bothersome lately revolve around work. My "work," or as I like to call it, "the somewhat degrading shit that I'm asked to do," forces me to notice all the little things that bother me. Why? Simply because I'm rather certain I could perform most of my tasks even if I were brain dead. I've been attempting to get estimates for fixing some damage that has been sustained by one of our trucks, but apparently I'd have better luck talking Satan into letting me out of hell when I die. One of the collision repair people I was speaking with on the phone sounded very nice and pleasant. Now that we have been communicating via email, I must say I cannot stand the way this woman converses via electronic mail. All the emails she sends me are one to three sentences and always end with like seventeen question marks. Is that necessary??????????????? Lady, I get it, you have a question. One question mark would suffice. This did not happen in one email, but each and every one that this woman sent me. I know it's f**king stupid, but it bothers me.

With the recent sale of the company that I work with to one that is 3,000 miles away, I've also felt like my role has been reduced to that of the copy room worker in the high school. I make copies of things and then scan them. Given my extensive use of the copy/scanning machine, that thing bothers me, too. Sometimes I have to scan like 1,923,329,854,387,493 documents and of course they are not all the size of normal paper. So instead of just feeding them through the top of the machine so it can do all the work itself, I have to put each one in one at a time. Put the paper in, shut the lid, pres the scan/copy button, take the paper out, don't mix up the paper so shit gets f**ked, and then repeat another 12,439,476,809,914 times. I find myself hating staples because they make my life harder and you don't even want to know how many paper clips I've put through intense labor. And I thought Mexicans got paid shit for the work they performed. Also, remember, I'm not racist, I'm funny. But, yeah, some companies use the strangest size paper for invoices/statements that I have to keep rotating pages and practically make a puzzle to fit the damn things on the correct part of the screen. Damn, I need a new job.

I'm also deeply unsettled by the thought that every time we need something in the office people come tell me about it. I don't want to be an "office manager." I did not go to college, and graduate, so I could order shit from Office Depot. I could have done that when I was eight. F**k my asshole. And don't even get me started on the number of piles of paper I have building up everywhere in my office. Good Joe, my office, inundated with paper, makes it hard for me to find space to actually do anything. I understand why so many companies want to go paperless, I wouldn't even be surprised if the real reason had nothing to do with saving the environment by saving paper, but rather to keep from creating mile high piles of paper. Whenever I need anything I have to go looking through the various piles I have on my desk. Wrong pile, wrong pile, wrong pile, oh here it is!

At least it is Friday though! I'm done bitching about work for now. Basically I want/need a new job as soon as possible. I'm not cut out for this type of job, I need something more stimulating with room for growth and advancement. Hopefully one day. Instead I will turn my attention over to a little social experiment I inadvertently started the other day. I noticed sometime this past Tuesday that I had not sent or received a text message for a while. I looked back in my text log and my last text conversation was from Sunday night. So I decided to see how long I could go without texting anyone or getting a text from anyone. I made it all the way until Wednesday afternoon. I went from sometime Sunday night to sometime Wednesday afternoon without a single text sent or received. I am fairly certain that is my longest stretch in quite some time. I felt like I was back in the nineties or early 2000s when I had to call my friends, or just not speak to them at all. Two plus days with texting though, I don't think most people my age could do that. Go ahead, give it a shot. Speaking of texting, what's up with people not responding to texts? Notice I used one question mark there. Actually, let me clarify. I understand not getting a text back if I send out a general message or something that is not a question. However, if I text a question I expect a response, even if the response is "f**k off asshole." That's a valid response. Sometimes I text my friends a question and they don't respond. What the f**k is that? I think that's like asking someone face-to-face a question and them just blatantly ignoring them. I've never asked anyone to go on a suicide bombing mission or suck my d or anything like that. Tell me to f**k off if you don't want to talk to me, I'm down with that.

Another note on texting, for those who have iPhones at least. I've noticed that iPhones grant users to turn on this setting that allows people who have sent you texts to see that the text they have sent you has been read. I  would never turn that setting on. What if I was ignoring someone? I would read their text and I wouldn't want them to know about it. I'm waiting for that moment when I ask someone a question in a text message, see they have read it, and not get a response. I can't understand why anyone would want that function on, but there sure as hell are people who use it. I guess iMessage already tells you when a message is delivered to other iMessage users, so you can already tell when some people are ignoring you anyway. So why not go one step further and let them know that you've read it and you still don't give a shit. You know what, burning bridges actually brings up a lot things that I never would have thought of before, so maybe I should be glad that this happens. Though I do find it quite strange because there a few people I used to have very good friendships with that have become very flaky, for lack of a better term. Dodgy or no response to text messages, hanging out with a completely different crowd and simply not really being my friend anymore. What can I really expect, though. I've graduated from high school, I've graduated from college, I should expect I would meet a decent amount of fickle people in my time. How the hell did I get here from discussing texting?

In other news, I think I'm finally going to tackle it. What is it? Hardcore mode on Dead Space 2! Dead Space and Dead Space 2 are two of my favorite video games of all time and I think I want to attempt beating Dead Space 2 on Hardcore mode! What is hardcore mode? Well, hardcore mode is a difficulty setting in Dead Space 2 that grants the player 0 checkpoints and only 3 f**king saves! You die and you go back to your last save, or the beginning of the game if you haven't saved yet. How excruciatingly daunting and cruel! Can I also add that the marketing campaign for Dead Space 2 was fantastic. I loved the trailer with Smashing Pumpkins' "Bullet with Butterfly Wings!" So good! Watch it below!




Who knows if I'll ever actually complete the task, but I know that the reward for doing so, the hand cannon, is so worth it! So I'm sure as hell going to try! I don't know why I enjoy the Dead Space series so much, but I do know that I like f**ked up stuff, and if there is one thing that is certain, Dead Space is f**ked up. I like things that are f**ked up in two different senses. There's Dead Space f**ked up where mauled people for some reason amuses me, and then there's f**ked up in the sense of making fun of people to the extent where it's considered f**ked up. Those are the senses of the phrase that tend to interest me. Dismembering necromorphs and then killing them with their own body parts is just amazingly fun!

Happy Friday everyone and have a great weekend! Be champions, my friends.

The Things I Say: Video Game Edition

Recently I have not played video games much with other far less important things taking over my life, mainly work. However, I have been playing console video games since I got the original Xbox back in sixth grade and the memories of gaming have certainly stacked up since then. My fondest video game memories mostly revolve around me getting pissed and swearing and wetting myself into a fit of rage over something that has no real impact on my life or anything in reality. No matter how mad I get or how many f-bombs I drop, I still come back for more. I don't know what it is about video games, but they sure piss me off. I think video games piss me off because I play them to have fun, but I don't like losing or dying. I find it extremely difficult to find the medium between winning and losing in video games. I also think that's why I enjoy them so much. As I mentioned, I don't play video games as much as I used to and as a result I haven't gone on a hell-bent rampage over a video game in quite some time. That's probably good news for my blood pressure, but I also think it is healthy to let of some steam every once in a while.

When I did spend a decently good portion of free time playing video games, the things I remember most usually revolve around me getting pissed. I have come to notice that when I get pissed at video games I tend to use select phrases to describe how I'm feeling. What I notice is that most of the expressions/phrases I use could be stuck straight into a porno, gay or straight. I have no idea why, but I'm going to share these expressions/phrases with you and describe the situations that I use them in. I whole-heartily hope you enjoy reading about my misery, because I sure as hell know I'm going to enjoy writing it.

The list and description of these horrible things I say, but mostly yell, at video games is in no particular order. Some I use more often than others, some are really offensive, I've uttered all of them multiple times, and nobody should take them seriously at all. Actually you can if you'd like, I don't really mind. I will start with one of my, if not most controversial, than certainly high ranking on the controversy list, angry video game outbursts:

This is worse than having cancer!

I'm behind the curve and below average social status (I might dedicate a post to this at some point) so it makes sense that I did not join the ranks of next-gen gamers until I was a sophomore in college when I finally purchased and Xbox 360. I got it just in time to go back to school for second semester and it was totally worth buying. My Xbox 360 was the third in our suite and now we could play Halo 3 and include everyone we lived with! Yes, it was amazingly fun, and yes, we played way more Halo 3 than we should have, but damn it was fun! This was also my first taste of playing online multiplayer games online since I played Red Faction online back in eighth grade on a computer. We played so much Halo 3 online that of course there were many, many moments that pissed me off immensely. When things weren't going my way and I was getting my ass kicked badly, for some reason I started saying "this is worse than having cancer!" I have no idea why I started saying that, but I did. That phrase was kind of a joke in itself because obviously no video game torture is worse than cancer. Or is it? That's up to you to decide.

I would typically start uttering this simply awful phrase when other shitf**ks online would start camping near elevator exits with the sword, when I would empty an entire assault rifle clip into someone just to have them continue prancing toward me and blowing my brains out with one shot from a shotgun while I was reloading, when I continuously got run over a vehicle, or when the map Valhalla was selected in matchmaking. I still hate that map to this day despite not playing Halo 3 since who the hell knows when.

Halo 3 will always have a special place with me because of the fond memories I have playing it with a such a great group of people. Well, most of them were great #insidejoke. Who was that person we said perfectly fit the term assclown? #insidejokeagain Halo 3 is also the only game that I have ever uttered the phrase "this is worse than having cancer," and I have never stopped myself from doing so in another video game. The thought of saying that has just never crossed my mind except when playing Halo 3. That means that Halo 3 pissed me off to levels before unknown to me that I have been unable to reach since then. I don't know if I'll ever play Halo 3 again, but I sure as hell will never forget it. Damn, I hated Valhalla so much. How great was the Spartan Laser, though? Really enjoyed that gun.

One last note about Halo 3 and how it will forever live on in my memory. Just to add on to the Halo 3 legacy, this one time when we were playing a game online we saw this guy on the other team with the gamertag Benedict Arnold. By the way, one of the best things about playing games online is seeing other people's gamertags. So anyway, there's this guy on the opposing team with the gamertag Benedict Arnold and he starts killing the other players on his team. So on the kill feed at the bottom of the screen I kept seeing Benedict Arnold betrayed so-and-so, Benedict Arnold betrayed so-and-so, Benedict Arnold betrayed so-and-so, until his teammates finally kicked him from the game! I need say no more, that was a classic moment in my video game history and another instance of Halo 3 that I will not forget.

And by the way, I did get Halo 4 and it is amazing! I am really enjoying the first Halo not made by Bungie. Congratulations 343 Studios, you did a great job, at least as far as I can tell right now. I have heard that there is a remake of the map Valhalla though I have not played it yet. But I have really enjoyed the online multiplayer gameplay, the Promethean weaponry is crazy! I'm nicknaming all the Promethean weapons the "raper" since that is exactly what they do to opposing players! And yes, it is amazing!

Constant Ass-rape

If you have been reading my blog for a decent amount of time, then you probably already have heard me refer to "constant ass-rape." I mainly use this combination of words when describing how I feel playing Fifa. Now let me first say that I have not felt the constant ass-rape nearly as painstaking in Fifa 13 as I have in Fifas 10-12. In Fifa 10-12 I always felt that when I had possession the computer operated team was relentlessly on a hellbent rampage after the ball carrier and constantly raping my players to win possession back. The player or position of the player did not matter, hell, I think the computer's attackers were far superior at stealing the ball from me than my defenders were at stealing the ball from them. My defenders felt like the imperial storm troopers. They were there, but they didn't do their job very well.

When I would play Fifa 10-12 I would constantly bitch and moan about how my players were always getting raped and barely ever received a foul for putting up with any of it. While Fifa 13 has certainly made defense better and my players are not always getting molested whenever in possession, I still very, very rarely get a foul call. I think all the referees in the game are racist against me.

Mainly I use "constant ass-rape" in reference to Fifa, but sometimes it's a good way to describe Call of Duty. I've been in some absolute f**k fests in Call of Duty. The games where I keep dying multiple times in a row because there is practically unlimited enemy air support lighting up the ground beneath it with heavy duty artillery really pisses me off. These situations I also call a constant ass-rape just because I can't f**king do anything. I die, respawn, get killed by some asshole using a f**king flying killing machine that is basically the harbinger of death, respawn, get killed by the harbinger of death again, and the cycle continues until the game decides that enough time has passed and the harbinger of death has to go away. The only problem is that it comes back. I trust that you are intelligent enough to know what happens when it comes back. But if not, a constant ass-rape.

Fu**ing F*gs

I yell/say this phrase in many volumes, tones, and levels of anger. First I would like to point out my use of the word f*g. I will always pen this word f*g in this blog because I'm an asshole, but I say it not in an offense way to people who swing the other way, you know, the crooked folk. I'm not a homophobe or anything, homosexual people do not bother me. I use the word f*g to describe those I do not like for an infinite amount of reasons. For video game purposes, a f*g is anyone who kills me in an online multiplayer game. I don't care if the person is better than me, if he or she started shooting me way before I shot at them, or any reason whatsoever, if they kill me, then they are a f*g. There is no reasoning with me, you'll just have to accept it. I hate dying in video games and they made me die, the f*gs. The same goes for anyone who scores a goal on me in Fifa, they are a f*g. Of course this only pertains to the unknown people I play online, occasionally a friend might score a goal on me or kill me, but they really have to piss me off in some way to make me give them the label. Whenever someone kills me or scores on me that I do not know, which is most of the time, I always tend to think of some fat kid with an increasingly expanding gut who is guzzling soda while downing Doritos and spends about 16 hours each day gaming. Damn, f*gs.

I'm Getting My Asshole Plowed!

When I'm getting absolute peppered by enemy opposition I describe this as "getting my asshole plowed." I think I adopted this phrase for this situation because of the endless penetration from seemingly each and every angle. This could be in an online game such as Halo or Call of Duty, or in the actual campaign of a game such as Borderlands. The enemies' relentless blasting can sometimes become unbearable, but without the struggle how can there be any fun? Of course there are instances in games such as the Dead Space series where you might actually get your asshole plowed by a necromorph that sneaks up behind you and cornholes you. So if you ever find yourself in my vicinity and here me talking about getting my asshole plowed, I can assure you there is no gay sex going on, I'm just getting peppered or cornholed in a video game. By the way, the word cornhole needs to come back, it's a great word.

I'm coming for your butt hole!

Another spin of this phrase is "this guy is raking my butt hole!" I say this when there's that one f**ker who keeps killing me over, and over, and over again. This makes me so mad! I'm not quite sure why I use the word "rake," but for some reason I like that word. I also prefer the phrase "rake over the coals" as opposed to "throw under the bus." Maybe it's because more people refer to getting "thrown under the bus" by people who rat them out or something. I prefer "so-and-so raked me over the coals." I guess I just find it more original, though it means essentially the same thing. I like the imagery, too. Getting thrown over hot coals sounds like a very slow and painful means of torture while the train would probably end you almost instantly, in most cases I would think at least.

Get F**ked!

I tend to yell "get f**ked" when I get excited because I'm going on a mini rampage in an online multiplayer game or I finally killed that f**ker who has been plowing and or raking my asshole! I use the word "mini" to describe any kind of rampage I go on in an online multiplayer game because I suck and what I think is raping the other team is nothing to those people who play 16 hours each day. I would also like to point out how great the word "rape" is in video gaming. If anyone is wondering why people say they are getting raped or are raping in video games, I think it's because no one likes to get raped. No one likes to get dominated in a video game either, therefore he or she is getting raped. On the other hand, the person enjoying it is the enjoying it, thus they are the raper. They are bringing the pain. I realize this sounds horrible, but it's the best explanation I can come up with. Anyways, when I'm killing people online I like to say or shout "get f**ked!" I know that Chase can attest to this given our conversations over Xbox Live. This is one of my favorite video game sayings because it means I have gone and done good!

I had written a few other phrases down, but I'm going to end this here. I hope you have gained some insight into why I say or yell things at my television set whilst playing video games. I'm not crazy or really angry for that matter, it's a temporary feeling of rage and nothing to worry about. Sure I've made some holes in walls over the years, but that's about it. I've only hurt myself in minor ways. Finding that medium between a challenge and fun is very difficult. It's like medicine, it's not a science. Thank you, Dr. Spaceman.

I'm considering doing a series about the things that I say in given situations under certain constraints and what not. This is the first, and possibly last, installment of the series! I'm also thinking of taking up Chase's idea in starting another series entitled "Good Friday." I wrote a post back in 2011 about Good Friday, the Christian thing, when I was in the dining hall at school and some crazy girl in front of me told her friend on chicken nugget Friday that if she ate any meat she would go to hell. Chase told me it would be funny if I had tagged it "Good Friday" and it had nothing to do with the holiday, but rather it was a series of posts with that title. I like that idea, so maybe I'll do a Good Friday series where I will discuss who knows what. So many possibilities and just one piece of crap to make it all happen.

I wish all my readers the best! I don't know where I would be without all of you. Get it? Because barely anyone reads this. The explain the joke joke! It's hilarious! And as always, be champions.

2 Year Anniversary!

Holy shit! Two years ago today I created Sycophantic Laughter! When I started this blog I had no idea what I really wanted to do with it or where it would take me. I never really thought about the longevity of the blog, so now that it is two years old, and I've updated it with some regularity over the span of those two years, there is actually some information here that might be mildly entertaining. I still find entertainment in it, and that's all that really matters to me anyway, so I'm satisfied. For as long as this blog continues, I think I will use November 28th, the anniversary, as a day to blog about the year that has passed, a reflection of some sort. I'll start with some of the larger topics. A year ago at this time I was still in undergraduate college beginning to think about final exams coming up very soon as I returned to school from Thanksgiving break. Today I'm in jail attempting to avoid dropping the soap in the shower. I have just begun to serve my five year sentence at the local pound-me-in-the-ass prison. Actually, I'm working full time for lowly wages and I'm desperately searching for another job with much more room for growth and advancement that is not located in the young adult wasteland that I currently find myself in.

This also marks the first year since eighth grade that I have not been part of a school's track team. I'm planning on running at a mini meet or two, maybe all three, in December. Then I'll evaluate where I am in terms of track shape and consider joining a track club. I would really like to continue running track for a little while longer while I'm still capable. I also miss the adrenaline rush of hearing the starter call "runners to your mark!" What a rush that is, there's nothing like it. That adrenaline rush of knowing it's time to race, let's see what all this practice has been for, rivals no other feeling I have yet had in my life. Track has had an extremely large impact on my life and I hope to continue to compete in some capacity for a bit longer. I also have the insatiable desire to perform better than I have before and beat all my personal bests.

Hooray for 2 years of bitching and nonsense!

I also recall on Thanksgiving one year ago (2011 for all you dumb asses out there) my uncle asking me if I had a girlfriend, to which I replied the negative. Then he asked me if there were any potentials, to which I said yes, because there was one. Over the course of the year that one has lowered to none. Then just the other day I saw one of my friends from high school that I've only seen sparingly since he went off to college the year before I did. One of the first things he asked me was if I was seeing anyone. I'm absolutely not! In fact, I've gone blind! He told me he wasn't having any luck either, and that all girls are crazy. I think it's funny how generalizations get thrown around when speaking about girlfriend/boyfriend relationships. Girls tend to say that all guys are the same and, in my experience, boys tend to say that girls are crazy. I disagree with both statements. I look at individuals. There are some boys and girls that I like, and there are also some boys and girls that I most certainly do not like. Of course people can change how I perceive them based on their actions toward me or just in general. This doesn't happen often though, for the most part once I get a certain reading on a person, that reading does not usually change. Even people that I like piss me off immensely from time to time, but that's no reason to completely change your feelings on them.

What I'm saying is I don't consider myself a profiler, just because I think one girl is a crazy bitch does not mean that I think all of them are. Even when I've had failed relationship stuff happen. I actually still speak occasionally to a girl that I once got close to even though I haven't physically seen her in about 3 years now. The funny part about this section of my life over the past year has to do with the girl that I had in consideration for a girl friend. During my junior year of school, mainly the second semester (2011 again if you have trouble following), I spent a great deal of time thinking about how to tell this girl that I did not want to date her without hurting her feelings. All I can say is that the tables turned a bit, but as the old, wise Rafiki said, it's all in the past.

Now I'm going to perform a complete 180 and talk about something I started almost a year ago, a blog post about how life is like Mario Party. I've mentioned this piece of work in various other posts over the past year, but still have not finished it. I have actually only sat down to contribute to this piece just once. In one sitting early last December I poured some thought into this work. Whether I finish this piece or not, I'm going to continue mentioning it just so you remember and keep the hype up (but there really is about zero hype). I think I'm going to Duke Nukem Forever it, and by that I mean I'll keep talking about it for years upon years, and maybe ten years from now I'll release it when the hype is about to boil over and everyone will be severely disappointed by the piece of shit that I took so long to put out! How do you like them apples?!

One thing I'm glad that has changed in my life over the last year is that I'm out of school. You have no idea how happy I was to graduate. I couldn't wait to get the f**k out of there. I know that I would not have felt this way had I been able to live with the same group of guys I did sophomore year, but damn the end of senior year dragged on like a cancerous tumor killing me from the inside. If there is one thing that is for certain, I was not happy at all during the last stages of senior year. I'm very happy to have peace and quiet at night for sure.

I think I'll also take this time to look into the future. I hope to get the chance to make Fagula with my friends. Fagula would be a short film about gay Dracula, who would say "I vant to suck your dick." I also want to create my own series of creative stories. The main villain, while I don't know what his name or motive would be yet, would say "suck my clock" a lot.

Honestly I don't really know what else to say now. My life has changed immensely over the past year, much of if for the better, but I can only sum it all up in the vagueness that I just told you. I guess there are multiple layers and I have presented some for your entertainment, torture, or however you feel when you read my crap. I am happy to report that the week leading up to this two year anniversary was amazingly great. I spent the weekend hanging out with some friends that I don't see with much regularity anymore and I was highly amused at how surprised these people were that I came out drinking with them. I think they were all pleasantly surprised. I had a great time, too, and I'm looking forward to what the future holds...

Toninho or Mark?

Today marks the passing of another monotonous day filled with mundane tasks, some which are quite menial. Thus is my life at my temporary assignment. I get really bored at work all the time which prompts me to think some very strange thoughts and conduct some social experiments that are probably only amusing to myself. I have been at this job for about five months, but it was originally only supposed to be an assignment lasting a few weeks. The main point is that I have been there for almost half of a year now. The reason that I am bringing this up is because one of the people that works at my place of employment calls me Mark. I realize that sounds a lot like my actual first name, but there is a sign outside my office that says you have to check in with Toninho (it doesn't say Toninho, it has my real name, but it would be funny if it said Toninho) if you are a visitor or you're delivering some shit. So I'm not going to say anything. I'm going to let this continue until she either realizes that my name is not Mark or I move on to another job, whichever comes first. I'll take bets now on which will come first.

During the hours of the day when I lack much to do I get to thinking ludicrous thoughts. I've been contemplating penning a book titled There and Black Again, a title playing off good old Bilbo Baggins' There and Back Again. My tale would not concern a Hobbit, though, rather it would be about the adventures of a black man in the wonderful United States of America. This story would paint an astonishingly bright picture of a black male in our current world dealing with economics, successes, failures, triumphs and downfalls, but mostly stereotypes and racism. I'll give a brief synopsis here of this tale that I will never actually write, but I'll certainly think about it very hard. The main character would be named Lamichael, who was raised in hood with his younger sister Shaniqua by their single mother, Lafonda. After a rough childhood, Lamichael excels on the football field and manages to get a free ride to Arizona State University where he neglects attending class and leaves for the NFL after his second year (but he was still at freshman standing). He makes it in the NFL garnering a lucrative contract with the Oakland Raiders (welcome to Oakland, bitch!). However, this is when tragedy strikes, Lamichael's career is ended after four years when he tears his ACL.

Depressed about losing his athlete status and ability to support his little sister and mother, Lamichael tweets nonstop, thinking people care about what he has to say. Lamichael gets into recreational drugs and begins drinking in an effort to drown out the pain of his lost career and his sister turning into a whore. The recreational drugs and alcohol lead Lamichael into harder drugs and he's addicted. Lamichael uses all his money on drugs, alcohol, and helping Tyler Perry create more shit until one day Lamichael is back to the hood with nothing. Nothing to show for his once wonderful football career. There and black again.

In other news, I was proposed to today. I brought a Sobe beverage to work today for consumption during lunch. When I opened the plastic bottle and glanced at the cap, it read "MARRY ME?" I pondered the question for a little while before coming to the conclusion that this could never work. I respect the bottle cap's straight forward question and enthusiasm, but I think we are two incompatible pieces of this world. I declined respectfully and will remember the day for all of eternity. In the end I took my happiness into account as the largest factor in this matter, and I think I can do much better. Speaking of love (well, sort of), a few posts ago I shit on Green Day for the release of their song "Oh Love." I ripped the song and said that it sounds like modern Green Day so I wasn't really surprised. I am happy to say that most of Green Day's new music from the albums Uno! and Dos! is actually pretty good and reminiscent of what Green Day used to sound like. Hooray for Green Day for making fun, catchy music again! I like this type of Green Day much better than the Green Day that produced very political music during the 2000s. The explicit, unedited versions of both albums are the way to go, I don't like edited music, f**k that shit.

While I'm on the subject of music, how about Fifa soundtracks? I think they are fabulous and Fifa is my favorite way to discover new music. Go listen to The Naked and Famous and Youngblood Hawke now, both brought to my attention by Fifa 13, which is a great game by the way. I'm still struggling to decide if I should purchase Black Ops 2 or not, but I must say there have been some very good games coming out lately.

I am aware that Halloween has passed, but going off what I have mentioned about Halloween over the past year, I found a video that backs up my thoughts. How fitting that this video should come to me courtesy of 30 Rock, a truly spectacular show which I consider my favorite at the moment. Feel free to view the video below.

You know what's coming up that I find exciting? Sycophantic Laughter will turn two years old in less than two weeks! I can't believe that I've had this blog going for that long and managed to garner so many readers! Get it because not many people actually read any of this? Just got to keep sucking until you suckceed. Maybe one day one person will stumble on this blog and get some marginal entertainment, but probably not. Now that I think about it, this blog is basically what I've gone through in my "adult" life since I created it shortly after my 21st birthday. A birthday that we can agree marks adulthood since by this age you can drive, vote, buy cigarettes, buy porn, gamble, and drink legally. I would like to thank all my friends that are still with me at this point, they are all important to me. Recently I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to take a Dennis Eckersley approach to people that fail to add any value to my life, "f**k 'em."

One last random interjection that has nothing to do with anything else I've written of in this post. Let's talk about Twitter. Twitter is a social media site that doesn't really bother me because the whole thing is basically bullshit. By that I mean that it's just a status update machine, because we really needed one of those. I like Twitter though because it limits the amount of pointless stupid status updates on Facebook, something that seriously needed combating. Also, most of the accounts I follow are run by people I don't know, so I don't see as much useless shit that I don't understand or care about. What I do notice about Twitter, in regards to people that I follow that I actually know, is that most of the communication on Twitter goes back and forth between people that see each other every day. Most of the people I know on Twitter tweet things that pertain almost exclusively to the people they live with at school or see all the time, and then the people that these tweets pertain to are usually the only ones who respond, favorite, or retweet the tweet. So, in my opinion, I think that's useless. Why not just talk to them or text them? Just an observation of mine. I think Twitter makes people feel like they have a voice, so hopefully that helps them sleep at night. I know it helps me sleep.

Yeah, f**k 'em

Lucky you, I'm done now. Thank you for spending, maybe even wasting, a few moments reading. Be champions.