Summer Job Chronicles: Is this what I ordered?

In my time working at the movie theater, I have noticed a strange pronunciation of a commonly used word at a theater. The word I am speaking of is popcorn. For some reason, the people around here say pupcorn. I have no idea where this pronunciation of the word came from but it is funny. "Uhhh, yeah, can I have a medium pupcorn?" I always respond to this question by asking if they would like any butter on their POPcorn, strongly emphasizing the POP part of the word. So far though, I don't think anyone has really noticed, at least I have not seen any indication, but they probably just don't care. We sell popcorn, a food made from POPping seeds, not PUPping seeds.

Maybe this is what they really want

I guess we really do learn something everyday. I just did a simple search for pupcorn and I found the picture that I displayed above. Apparently there is a product called pup corn, and who would have guessed, it's for dogs! I'm surprised that we don't get complaints from customers who clearly want this product and we serve them popcorn. That's almost like asking for Coke and getting Pepsi without being warned. Now I feel like a jackass. I guess I could suggest adding this product to our inventory, besides, it is what the people want.

I'm guessing this pronunciation resulted just from the fact that I live in New England and people around here just have weird accents. Especially those directly in my area, they don't like to use the letter "r" in words that it belongs in and then add an "r" on words it has no business in. Can you guess where I''m from?!?!

On a side note, it's time for another plug for the new blog project Retentive Gibberish. I know I just mentioned it in the previous post, but I don't want it to become a complete failure as some previous projects. One that comes to mind was the super friends group, I can't recall the actual name of it, but it was started by fellow blogger Chase Robertson back when we were entering freshman year of college as private Facebook group to keep us all in touch. Let's just say it didn't get much attention and fizzled out rather quickly. I'm not surprised at this result looking back now because I don't think Facebook was made to keep things private. Anyways check it out! There should be solid posts up there soon!

Sweet Myspace reference. Apparently you can't have more than 8 friends.

Speaking of failed projects, that kind of sums up summer and my failure to do much of anything worth noting. Or maybe I'm successful in having done nothing out of the ordinary. But who really cares when there's so much to learn about pupcorn! Also, if you can't tell already, nothing fun has happened at work lately, at least not comparable to the mysterious disappearance of a doll's glasses and the major inconvenience of not accepting credit cards for a few days. So I hope you're pleased with this piece of crap about strange ways of pronouncing common items.

Thought Provoking Ideology

I thoroughly enjoy listening to the vast array of thoughts and ideas provided by one of my suite-mates at school. I'm not surprised he has deep thoughts considering how much he enjoys philosophy. He practically creates his own philosophy which I happen to find quite interesting. I can also say that his philosophy is consistent because I've heard him use the same ideas more than once in arguments, so he does have some sort of method. Whenever he starts off on one of his tangents I always shut up because I'm intrigued to hear what he has to say.  He covers the abstract idea of love, why men and women carry the roles that they do, and why a man should never hit a woman. Although, I think he'd have a very tough time explaining that last one to Nicolas Cage. Also, always remember the Titanic (the movie that is).

One day last school year in the fall semester, my philosophical suite-mate was "droppin' knowledge" on us and I think we should all share this knowledge and reflect upon it.

Girls are like locks, guys are like keys.
A lock that can be opened by any key is garbage, but a key that can open any lock;
Now that's one hell of a key.

You're not Jewish, are you?

I interpret this in one of two ways, the nice way, and the not-so-nice way. The nice interpretation is that a girl who sleeps with any guy is a waste of time, but a guy that can sleep with any girl is the man. Or the not-so-nice interpretation: it is not acceptable for a girl to be a whore, but guys can do whatever the hell they want and it is just fine. What do YOU think?

Arrival of a New Era!

Fiction has become fact! The highly anticipated masterpiece that is world peace has been engineered! Well, actually it hasn't, but I think we can all help achieve this goal by abiding by the wise words of Gandhi: Be the change you want to see in the world. After all, we have all been schooled on how well that worked for Hitler!

No reason to be sad though, while world peace is still at large, my friends and I have brought you the next best thing: a conjoined blog! Check out Retentive Gibberish for the best stuff on the web! This is the beginning of a wonderfully compiled symphony, so take a break from porn, give the hand a rest, and allow us to entertain you.

The Time Has Come

I came across my high school yearbook the other day and merely tossed it aside, but then I decided to take a glance at what was once my life. My initial thoughts on high school mainly consisted of how I was glad I won't have to go through that experience again. I don't think I could handle the six hour days of monotony. Sitting in various classrooms five days each week forced to do busy work or risk the label of a slacker who will not succeed in life. But then I remembered all the good times that occurred within the walls of that failing building that gracious enough to provide me with secondary education.

Personally, each year of high school was better than the last, ending with a senior year that was by far my favorite of the four years. I always need a little time to get adjusted to new settings, but I'm probably mostly going to relate to senior year here because it was great! Maybe at some point I will come back to the whole high school thing and create a timeline of some sort to document what I can remember from that time in my life, but no promises. Anyways, one of the first thoughts that comes to mind when reminiscing about high school is all the people I met. Some were great and I still keep in touch with them, while others I could care less that I haven't spoken to them since graduation.

The first thing I noticed when beginning the journey through the year book was obviously the cover. The title of the book reads: The Time Has Come. I think that means that the time has come to graduate, but we all know that it really means the time has come to get the hell out of this shitty place and go on to better, much more meaningful things. Well, at least that's what it's supposed to mean, but I'm quite certain that where I went to high school, those years were the highlight of many of my classmates lives. I know it sounds very sad, but it's true. My high school is a classic example of the big fish in a small pond saying. But enough with the negatives, at least for now. I just think the title of our yearbook is comical. The next thing I noticed was the messages from classmates who signed my yearbook. Thankfully I can say that people only had good things to say to me, unless they were lying of course, but I'll never know, so I don't give a shit. It's funny to read the messages and comments now because it puts me back to that time of my life.

There are lots of comments that revolve around the fact that my family was moving out to California for a while. In the end, I only ended up actually going there for two winter breaks, but I guess that means I barely ever came back to my hometown for about eight or nine months for those first two years away at college. Now I'm back home writing this stupid shit. Some other comments mention seeing me in the Olympics someday. Those are classic because I'm not really that good at track, I just ran against a bunch of people who were much worse than me. Don't get me wrong, I had a phenomenal time doing it, but there are just lots of other athletes who are much better than me. Other comments remind me of all the good times we had in high school, such as the nonstop fun my friends and I had in "economics" senior year. There are also some about physics class, I remember spending countless hours trying to do that stuff. My advice for anyone taking advanced physics courses: don't forget to divide by the mass of the earth! (inside joke)

I had one person give me their phone number........it was from a guy, and no he is not gay, at least as far as I know..... I just think that is funny on many different levels and deserves to be shared with the plethora of readers I have. I proceeded onto the pages at the beginning of the yearbook dedicated to the seniors. My favorite part of the biographies to look at is the future ambitions section. Most of my classmates wrote serious things about being happy and successful. My future ambition was a complete joke. Obviously everyone wants happiness, success, and all those wonderful things, but what else do you want? One person did say that they had no goals in life, I give that ambition props because it's funny! Oh yeah, I almost forgot, one of the best things about looking through yearbooks is laughing at all the hideous photos that are in it! Some people take horrible pictures and I love it! I also didn't realize how many people in my graduating class I don't know. I guess I just won't feel as bad if I laugh at them.

Then came the class celebrities, those are always fun to look at. I still remember when my dad was looking at this part and he came across the best dressed section. He looked at it and said to me, "best dressed, do they vote for whoever dresses most like a gang member?" Besides that, I don't have much to say about this section, it's mostly a popularity contest, but then again, what isn't in high school? I actually don't have much else to say about the yearbook in general. Although it is funny to experience the affinity for the shitty high school football program that we have. I still have no idea why everyone cares so much if our team beats our rival each Thanksgiving, it's not like it actually means anything. I should be ashamed to say that, after all, it is the highlight of some people's lives. Shame on me.

The rest of the book is filled with pictures captioned with very generic, unimaginative phrases. The sports section highlights what is the pinnacle of most student's athletic careers, culminating in the glory of participating on the varsity squad. I guess the rest of the yearbook just flat out bores me until I get to the end to read the last few messages written by friends. Looking back on my high school years, it was the people that surrounded me that defined my experience. I did have a lot of great friends and was fortunate enough to meet many great people. While I did come in contact with many sleazeballs and sketchy people, I have to say that at least 25% of the people I went to school with were great! I'm also probably never going to a class reunion, simply because I don't really care. I'm in contact with the important people and I'm not interested in which of my classmates are getting married to each other. I don't even understand why reunions are even necessary anymore with today's social media and the fact that practically everyone goes to the same state college. But then again, I don't understand a lot of things. What goes around comes around. Holy shit this blog post is dragging on, I do understand why no one reads my crap!

Exciting Developments!

I'm uber-excited about the prospect of starting a joined blog with my good friend Chase Robertson!!! We also plan on attempting to get some other friends involved in this project and have merry blog adventures!With multiple people contributing to one mother blog the possibilities are endless! I'm getting excited thinking about the diversity we can encompass together!! I grow tired about not really knowing what's going on in my good friend's lives, but this blog can be the final solution! #GetAtMe

I don't understand why blogging isn't more popular. Or maybe it is and I'm just too stupid to know, but I'm certainly new to the whole blogging thing. Even though I know that barely anyone reads all the crap I write, I still think it is absolutely (as Barry Feinstein would say) worth it. I find it very satisfying to state my opinions, share my ideas, and bitch about things no one else cares about! Hopefully if this joined blog becomes reality, my friends and I can garner some hits. Hell, maybe we'll get famous!!!

Another thing I'm excited about is Batman! As a young child growing up, trying to find my place in the world, I was an avid Batman fan. By far Batman was and still is my favorite superhero. Batman is so awesome because he beats the shit out of people using his bare hands! Also, the Batman animated series that was on in the nineties was amazing! I loved that show and really hope that I get a chance to watch some, if not all of it, again sometime soon. More specifically, I am ecstatic about the sequel to the video game Batman Arkham Asylum coming out this October! The new installment is called Batman Arkham City and the early trailers I have seen look magnificent!! Beating thugs to a pulp as the caped crusader never gets stale!



But wait, there's even more Batman excitement! The next Christopher Nolan Batman film is scheduled for release on July 20, 2012. That's only a little over one year from now! I enjoyed Nolan's first two Batman films, and I see no reason to suspect that this one will be any different. Nolan's depictions of Gotham City and Batman have been a breath of fresh air compared to the not so great films released in the nineties. I still enjoyed those films as a young boy, but I do realize now that they were not actually very good movies. However, I didn't give a shit at the time and that's great because I loved Batman all the same!

This show was soooo good!!

Another exciting event that should be taking place within the next year is graduation. Pending any issues that I really hope do not arise, I should finish earning a bachelor's degree at the end of next school year. This is a perplexing situation because it's great to graduate, but then what do I do next? Going through life has been straight forward, after each school year there is always another one a few months away. This could be the case if I decide to stay on for some graduate schooling, but who knows what's going to happen at this point in time. I am very intrigued about going into the "real world." I guess schooling is just some huge fantasy land or something. I'm rather certain I have never attended Hogwarts though. Maybe I'm just delusional, but at least I'm happy!

2012 is also the year for the next Summer Olympics! As a track runner, I'm extremely excited about the summer games! I love watching the fastest people in the world go at it! Usain Bolt will be back to defend his titles and look to break his own world records. I hope to see the United States continue its dominance in the 400 hurdles. It should be quite a show to watch! I am also glad that it is in London because at least the time difference isn't too great. I know there won't be any events going off at ludicrous times.

There is actually quite a bit to look forward to and I didn't even mention Mad Libs! Hopefully one of the sections in the joint blog can be a best of Mad Libs! Anyways, the near future holds many things to get excited about, I hope you share my enthusiasm!

Is there an Echo on this Wall?

I just got home from work about an hour ago. It's July 1, at least when I started penning this, and I have come to realize I have not seen any of my friends in about two weeks. Recently my life has been consumed with class and work. Apparently this is what happens when you grow up. I've thought about Never, Never Land, but decided that would be an awful idea because Justin Bieber taught me to never say never. He might be Canadian, but I don't think he would lie to me. Did I mention I saw a guy lick a dollar bill today... multiple times.




I find it rather amusing that in the current culture I am surrounded by, one driven and dependent on technology that keeps people connected, I manage to see very little of the people I would like to. We have the ability to call, text, instant message, and Facebook people. Calls and texts are easily avoidable because the receiver does not have to answer or reply if they don't desire to. I can understand when people don't respond to me because I'm a huge jackass. However, I do know that everyone that I am linked to via cellular phone looks at their phone on a regular basis throughout a day, so I know you get my messages!! I also don't understand what goes on in public bathrooms. Why is there always toilet paper and paper towels everywhere?? Is the floor so repulsive that it must be covered? Just because the floor is white doesn't mean that it's racist... and the paper towels are white, too!!! Instant messaging is a bit outdated now. AIM was so middle school, so I won't rant about acting like an asshole through that medium. Facebook is different though, as much as I hate it, it brings me endless amusement. Facebook is a paradox in my life, I hate it and would love to end my profile's life, but it is an infinite source of hilarity!

In the context of this article, Facebook makes me laugh when you try to use it as a tool to "connect" with people. People are on Facebook twenty-four hours per day, seven days per week. Many people are addicted to it, but the world continues to raise money in an attempt to cure diseases and keep people drug free. What about a cure for Facebook! Anyways, I digest for now. What I wanted to say in the first place, I find it absolutely comical when you write on someone's wall and there is a long delay in response. Typically this response comes after the relevant period of the message you sent. For example:

Me posting on friend's wall: "Hey man! How's it going? Want to hang out this weekend?"
Friend's response on Monday (after the weekend, for those of you who don't get it): "sorry bro, ive been real busy and didnt see this until now but well def need to hang out soon! pce"

Any response like this in a similar situation is bullshit. I know that practically everyone checks their Facebook religiously and many have Facebook connected to their phones. There is no way in hell that someone doesn't see the message until right after it's offer/relevance has expired. I love it though! I cannot explain why, but it's awesome! It's probably because no one is ever too busy for Facebook. When someone tells me they didn't check Facebook for more than one day, I automatically know they are lying. There are some people who don't give a shit, but that's a different story, I know who you are. If you are one of those people who writes statuses that include song lyrics, bitching about life, showing everyone how much of a sports expert you are, or updating everyone about what you do everyday, then you are on Facebook everyday. These are the people that are lying when it comes to the "I was too busy to check Facebook" response. I call bullshit, and you pick up the cards. Is it really that hard to find the theater your movie is playing in? I especially think this is hilarious if it occurs during the school year. My friends are almost exclusively in college now and we all know that college students live on Facebook whether in class or dorm.

This all goes back to my musings on the summer time. The over-hype part of the summer is officially over. Thinking about all the awesome, uber-cool things we can do this summer ended a while ago. We are currently in the phase where nothing happens. Recently my summer has consisted of the following: hanging out by myself, cleaning up other people's shit, getting extremely pissed at video games, hanging out by myself, trying to understand tax, hanging out by myself...

Currently a typical hangout

The summer hasn't been terrible though. Work isn't bad because all the people I work with are real chill and movie-goers are sure entertaining to watch and interact with! Why are so many people against Twitter?  I've kept myself entertained by avidly watching developments in the soccer world. I enjoy seeing who transfers to what team and how that will affect the rest of the leagues. Speaking of soccer, Bolivia managed to tie Argentina 1-1 today in an early Copa America game. Argentina and Barcelona superstar, Lionel Messi, said Argentina was surprised by Bolivia's shitty goal. What an asshole, I can't help but hope that he and Argentina fail to win the competition. While I am a huge supporter of Brazil in soccer, all biases aside, Lionel Messi is not the messiah everyone thinks he is. Bolivia's goal was probably just about as shitty as the majority of his goals. We all know that if Lionel Messi scored the exact same goal, it would be amazing; a true stroke of genius. You can decide for yourself:



I think that my fiends and other people must have the same issues I have with getting people to do things. The first problem is always getting people to respond, and it is definitely bullshit if no response is ever received for a question. "Well, there's a question mark at the end of the sentence............. I'm not going to respond." Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm such a jackass that people see I've contacted them and they think, "oh shit!! what the hell does this asshole want?? No matter what, I'm not responding for a while, I'll just tell him I'm busy. It's flawless!!"

Never forget: never say never!! Canada was good for something! Go get that Bieber FEVER!!

Summer Job Chronicles: Dylan!!!!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

My other fellow ushers and I were going about our own business cleaning the theater that had just finished a showing of the highly anticipated, and from what I've heard, very lackluster, Cars 2. This lady was still in the theater frantically looking for something. I continued sweeping up the garbage and spilled popcorn all over the floor by a bunch of little bastards while the other two ushers went to assist the crazed lady. It turns out she was looking for her daughter's doll's glasses. Not real glasses that belonged to one of them, but the doll's glasses and having a cow over it.

I have no idea if the doll's glasses were found, I can only hope she has contacts at home. Anyways, while searching, Dylan, the crazed lady's son decides this is a good time to run away. So the little bastard runs out of the theater into the lobby. So lady, daughter, and doll pursue. My coworkers and I don't think much of this because the lobby at our theater is not very large so it won't be that hard to find delinquent Dylan. However, when we are exiting the theater, this fat cow just outside the door looks at us and asks us if there is a little child in the theater.

We politely tell her that there is no one else in the theater. She proceeds to tell us that a mother is looking for her child, as if we can't hear her cries coming from the back of the lobby: DYLANNNNN!!!!!!!! I don't know why the crazy lady/mother was looking for her son out the emergency exits door, as I highly doubt the child could even open those doors. Apparently the fat cow thought we were unconcerned and instantly went to bitch mode: "You guys could at least pretend you care. That mother is looking for her child," said in an annoyingly condescending tone. I was thinking about how SHE could help out, too, instead of sitting her fat cow ass right there and bitching at us. So we split up and headed in different directions in the theater to look for the little fuck. I think about thirty seconds later Dylan ran over to his mother. Who knew the kid had been running around the theater! I thought we was half way to Timbuktu!

I found out the next day that the Dylan had apparently ran into the bathroom and went up to some guy who brought him out to his crazed mother. I sure hope that this event didn't distract them from finding the doll's glasses. We should also look at the silver lining in situations such as these. There are always important lessons to learn. In this case, perhaps Dylan is bi-curious.

Summer Job Chronicles: Days Without the Internet (Chapter 1)

On Wednesday June 22, 2011, I went to work expecting a normal monotonous day of work at the local theater. It was to my surprise that the internet at the theater was down and had been so since sometime on Monday. The major concern here: no cards allowed, whether credit or debit. At first I felt a little bad for customers for the inconvenience they faced when they were forced to make the minute trek to the nearby CVS to get money out of the ATM. But as time wore on, I couldn't help but find pleasure in watching the disappointment in these miserable pricks when I told them we could not accept cards. Apparently most people cannot read either as customer after customer failed to notice the sign on the window in front of them that read something about the system not currently working and we were sorry for majorly inconveniencing their lives. Here are some of my favorite reactions, the dialogue might not be exactly right, but it conveys the gist of each situation.

Reaction 1

Customer hands me credit card.
Me: "Sorry, but our credit card system is down. We can only accept cash at the moment."
Customer: "Oh great! Now we're going to be late for the movie." (walks away angrily)
I think to myself about how this wouldn't happen if you didn't show up to buy the tickets at the movie start time.


Reaction 2

Customer hands me credit card.
Me: "Sorry, but our credit card system is down. We can only accept cash right now, sorry for the inconvenience."
Customer: "Yes, this is very INCONVENIENT." (now I have to walk my fat ass all the way to CVS to get paper money, what is the world coming to!)

Reaction 3

Customer hands me credit card (notice the trend here)
Me: "I'm sorry, but our credit card system is down. We can only accept cash right now, sorry for the inconvenience."
Customer: "Really." (with a very surprised expression)
Me: "Yeah, it has been down since Monday."
Customer: "Yeah? YOU should probably FIX that." (what a fantastic idea!)

Reaction 4 (By far the best one I witnessed)

Customer hands me credit card.
Me: "Sorry, but our credit card system is down. We can only accept cash right now, sorry for the inconvenience."
Customer: "You mean I can't use my card?" (as if I can do some voodoo gypsy magic to make his credit card the one exception to all the other credit cards I have denied today)
Me: "No, our credit card system is down."
Customer pulls out twenty dollar bill and hands it to me. He also asks if a manager is around to speak to. As I get his change I tell him my manager is inside.
Me: "Thank you. Your change is $2.50. Enjoy the show."
Customer: (to child) "I'm not sure we'll have enough for a drink now, we'll have to see the prices when we get inside." (I'm thinking about what this guy could be on, what movie theater sells a drink for $2.50. At this point I knew I had to listen in on what happened inside the theater."
Customer: (to me) "We should be able to get in for free if you're not taking credit cards." (yeah man, that makes sense.)

I was able to listen in on the conversation this particular customer had with my manager, and it was classic! He was going on about how no one carried cash on them these days (even though he had a twenty dollar bill to pay for the movie tickets) and that this whole situation was absurd. Did this guy really think that a system heavily dependent on the internet would never experience technical difficulties? He proceeded to get the name of our general manager so he could further press his absolutely pathetic argument. He also went on to ask my manager if he could give us his credit card number and his license number so we could charge the drink to him later. Of course our management did not let this happen. But reflecting on the situation later, we decided we should have taken his card number and taught him a lesson!

So what can I take away from this experience? Apparently absolutely no one carries cash on them, except for the majority of people who originally intended to pay for their tickets with cash. If the credit card system doesn't work, then no one should have to pay for tickets. Walking to the CVS next door is a marathon and most importantly, it is perfectly acceptable to be rude to the bearer of bad news.  Although, I have to say, I'm glad that this happened today because it is just plain funny to see people get riled up over something like this. It is priceless!! I can't wait for someone to tell me I suck again! That was a great experience I had last year when I told these two assholes that The Last Airbender was sold out. They should have been thanking me for saving them from watching a piece of shit movie! But the best part is that this is only the beginning! There are so many more hours to work! So many more assholes to encounter!

When I was your age......

I always get a good laugh when adults tell me about how things were back when they were growing up. Sometimes you get the classic, "back when I was your age, gas was three cents per gallon." The way these statements are communicated makes it seem like they thought nothing was ever going to change. I'm very curious about what the future holds when it's my time to tell the world's youth about when I was growing up. "When I was your age, I had to text my friends," as if that is so inconvenient compared to whatever people will be doing in the future. Maybe people will be able to send messages from their brains to other people's brains or something.

I had to use books to do research!

Another one of my favorites is when teachers or professors are talking about research for a paper and they tell us about how much easier we have it now because we can look up sources online. "When I wrote my thesis, I had to look everything up in books at the library," (said in an obnoxiously annoying teacher voice). I guess they're right though, you don't need to know how to read or sift through information to find sources on the internet.

I notice that most of the changes between different times in history result because of technology. I also notice that most interpretations of the future whether through literature, film, or whatever medium, have extremely bleak outlooks. Hopefully I won't be saying, "when I was your age I didn't have machines from the future trying to kill me." Because with the current advancement in technology, how long is it until machines become self-aware like SkyNet from The Terminator series? It could happen! Or maybe it will be like Orwell's 1984 and we'll all be watched by cameras at all times.

Hopefully none of these views of the future come true, but if they do I hope we get a hybrid! If the future is going to be bleak let's hope that it's at least intriguing! For example, machines become self-aware, think for themselves, and realize that they can take over the human race. Meanwhile, a company finds a deadly alien species in the depths of space that could be the perfect weapon and sends an unknowing crew to bring it back to earth. A planet-cracking ship finds a marker that turns people into hideous necromorphs, but the church insists it is good. People are trying to water grass with Gatorade (yay for electrolytes!), a man named Randall Flagg is gathering sketchy people in Las Vegas, and some scientist/doctor has found a way to recreate Dinosaurs.The government has become extremely oppressive and monitors everything that happens everywhere, but the surveillance crew thinks that they're watching a reality t.v. show and get overthrown by a guy wearing a Guy Fox mask, thus creating world-wide anarchy in a world rife with battles among humans, machines, necromorphs, and aliens.

It's Summer Time!!

Woohoo! It's finally summer! The weather is great again and the constant ass-rape of "knowing" random shit subsides for a few months! However, my favorite part about summer is hyping up all the awesome things my friends and I will do that most likely will never happen! I've been around for long enough to know that sweet plans rarely ever come to fruition, but that's ok because it sure beats talking about debits and credits and who the hell Meternich or Bronfrenbrenner was/is respectively!

Summer is all about hype, we're going to do this and we're going to do that, but what it boils down to is quite simple. I am going to see the same people all summer and most likely do just about the same things with them over and over again, but I wouldn't trade it for anything because my friends are awesome!

Another thing I love about summer is sunscreen, not because I use it (because I usually don't), but because so many people are paranoid to not use it! I always get a great laugh when I see someone applying SPF 3000, but if they believe there's a benefit, then why the hell not! So go on, lather it up and get it all over your body! Lifeguards also make summer great. I have never actually seen a lifeguard do anything except sit around and catch sun rays all day and yell at people for going too far out in the ocean. They literally get paid to cast their aura over the pool or beach that they are "watching over." I have nothing against lifeguards, in fact, one of my very good friends is a lifeguard and we joke about his job all the time.

Is that guy going past the buoy?

Actually, when I think about it, most summer jobs can justly be labeled comical. It's not just lifeguards, they just stick out in my mind because they have a strong connection with summer (and they barely do anything, no offense intended). My summer job for example, I work at a movie theater (because I'm not one of the chosen ones to work as a promise filled intern!) and spend most of my time dealing with morons and their ridiculous questions. I find it entertaining when I'm asked why the screen looks like shit while I'm standing at concessions. Do I look like I know? At least I can laugh about these instances to myself and later! I won't have the opportunity to serve dumb-asses my whole life, right? Guess we'll find out! Basically, summer jobs suck ass but that's also why they're great! Summer jobs are a guiding light because of the great message they send to youth: go to college so you don't have to do this stupid shit   for the rest of your life, asshole!

Well, it's only June 3rd, so there's still time to hype up the summer! I'm ecstatic for ideas falling by the wayside and filling out Mad Libs all summer!